Negative experience of professionals and officials

[Flora]

I've a list of questions, some of them are so obvious (things that people raise often on the forum) others not so. I'm inerested for lots of reasons in your experiences of dealing with all agencies involved in your child/children ie..CAMHS, NHS, EDUCATION AUTHORITY, SCHOOLS, OUTREACH WORKERS...and any other I may have over looked.

 

 

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of your child?

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

 

Like I said, I know some of theses questions are really obvious, but I have experienced all of the above in one shape or form over the past week or so and wondered how many others had similar experiences.

 

Thanks if you take the time to respond.

 

Flora x

[rach04]

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

school do it all the while like they say he has lots of friends and this is a major meltdown trigger. My other son tells me that j has been sat on his own.

 

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

 

yes with senco and ep. senco is the worst and i come away doubting myself

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of your child?

 

eps are the worse. senco can be very sarcastic. consultant can be very cold at times like i moaning for nothing cause the school NEVER back me up.

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

 

all the time with the school, ive had a few with cafs but camhs proved them wrong

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

 

senco told me he could assure me that j showed no autistic traits even though i had got j dianosis the week before and for 4 years telling me that he had done rsas.

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

prove them wrong, fight your corner your the parent.

 

 

edited to put i was also diagnosed by the senco as having munchousen (sp) by proxy at one point . he wondered why i blew my top

Edited November 12, 2007 by rach04

[summertime]

wow I'm sure lots of members will have a lot to say to this one but can I just remind members to be a little discreet about any professionals ot organisations as naming them would breach the forum rules.

 

from my experience DD's school filled in CAMHS forms to say that she had no anxieties in school, despite the fact that they knew that when she was anxious she had stomach cramps and that she had been sent home several times because of these stomach cramps, yet still they didnt connect them.

 

because of the lack of evidence from school the CAMHS worker more or less accused me of making it all up even though on the first appointment DD was so anxious she cried through the whole session, surly she could tell that wasnt normal for a 13 year old

[Flora]

wow I'm sure lots of members will have a lot to say to this one but can I just remind members to be a little discreet about any professionals ot organisations as naming them would breach the forum rules.

 

Thanks for the reminder summertime, but you will see that it wasn't really necessary. I'm well aware of the forum rules and wouldn't dream of mentioning names or specific places.

 

flora

[Bard]

Thanks for the reminder summertime, but you will see that it wasn't really necessary. I'm well aware of the forum rules and wouldn't dream of mentioning names or specific places.

 

flora

 

It's a very emotive topic, let's hope that everyone else replying is as sensible of the rules as you are!

I haven't had any negative experiences, sadly I think it might well be that I'm a very experienced teacher who knows all the b*llsh*t, weasely tricks and I also have a temper that gets colder and meaner the angrier I get.

So I can't be lied to. threatened or brainwashed. And I'm very persistant and difficult to squash.

For example, the first meeting that I had with B's Head of year after the first 'incident' was supposed to be 5 or 10 minutes, 'Then we'll invite B in and discuss...blah blah'

I turned up with a big red file, and I finally let him, SENCO and Deputy Head go after an hour and 10 minutes.

B had read quietly outside the office for that time.

Relationships improved from that point on.

It's not that I'm better or different in any way at all. I just know how the machine works. And where to put the spanner.

[annie]

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

At a school meeting to supposedly discuss how to help my son, the SENCO told me that he 'didn't think my son had AS, all he needs is a kick up the bum'.

 

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

 

Oh yessss. School and SEN officer.

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of you child?

 

Yep. School and SEN officer.

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

 

I think the school and SEN officer tried, but it didn't work

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

 

Yes. Big time.......even in writing!

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

 

Involved IPSEA and my MP to get my son away from the school as soon as I could.

 

 

I think you already know the farce that we went through Flozza .

 

Annie

xx

[Annea]

I've a list of questions, some of them are so obvious (things that people raise often on the forum) others not so. I'm inerested for lots of reasons in your experiences of dealing with all agencies involved in your child/children ie..CAMHS, NHS, EDUCATION AUTHORITY, SCHOOLS, OUTREACH WORKERS...and any other I may have over looked.

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

YES- for the pst 4 years!

 

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

 

Yes I have experienced antagonism and inimidation during meetings.

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of your child?

 

YES - same as above

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

 

YES- I usually come out shaking my head thinking what went on there!

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

 

YES- I have also had professionals tell me something only to tell me that if I let anyone know they have said it, they will deny it.

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

 

 

I have learnt over the years to NOT have discussions over the phone, if a person rings me and asks me something non urgent about one of my children, I tell them to put it in writing, if it;s urgent, i always follow up the call with letter to say what was said and my answers.

I keep a diary of ALL incidents, no matter how minor, that way I can always back up my comments with something like "On the 25th October, Mrs X told me XYZ, I have it in my notes" It always seems more powerful to refer to a document even notes rather than guessing at dates and times.

I always get more than one opinion on anything that has been said.

When in a meeting, if i feel like I am being bullied or coerced, I say so. This is easier said than done but always take a person of support to all meetings, there is power in numbers. Ask for ALL meetings to be officially minuted, if they refuse I ask why they do not wish the meeting to be minuted. We always take our own minues and ask the staff to sign them or to disagree then and their.

 

These things may make me sound a bit manic but I have had enough of being patronised and intimidated!

 

I hope that you get some results and hope that you find a way to cope that works for you.

 

Anne

[Clare63]

YES YES YES YES & YES....dealing with them badly at the moment.

 

Sorry not much help I know, but things still very raw here at the moment.

 

Thanks Flora, for opening such a interesting thread and I look forward to reading all the suggestions on how to deal with them.

 

Clare x x x

[onlycrazygal]

3 CAMHS DOCS FAILED TO DIAGNOSE,

SCHOOL COLLUDED WITH ESW,

PARENTING PARTNERSHIP COLLUDED WITH ESW,

ESW, THREATENED, BULLIED AND LIED,

SWORKER LIED THROUGHOUT ALL REPORTS.

SOLS FAILED TO DOCUMENT MY COMPLAINTS,

BARRISTER PURPOSELY GAVE ME WRONG ADVICE,

SOME FAILED THROUGH THEIR IGNORANCE, BUT

MOST LIED IN SPITE OF IT, TO PROTECT THEIR

OWN BACKSIDES AND THE FACT THE LA HAD

NO STRATEDGY, PROTOCOL OR PROVISION FOR

CHILDREN WITH ASD s

still ongoing unfortunately....

OCG

[Nic m]

Flora,

 

I can say yes to all of the above to the point i was accused of being a fictious parent! They did not come out and say it straight away but i knew what they were doing and at the sw planning meeting i managed to get them to say it.

I have to say though, i have have a mixed experience of professionals, GP is great, Consultant for bowels ok doesn't do much doesn't want to think beyond giving medicine. but supported me with the accusation and said in her opinion i was a good parent, so i will always be greatful for that.Old school and ed psych terrible, denied everything but have now got some of their lies minuted at this meeting!!!!!!!!

Sw who were involved because of this accusation have been ok, they are treading carefully as i worked for SW and they know i know the system but i feel they could have done more, but they have no concerns and have concluded that i have done nothing wrong but have kept the case open for monitoring!!!!! they have not been near since the meeting 7 weeks ago and have said they will close the case before christmas!!!!!!!!

What am i doing about this farce?

I have consulted a lawyer, and a childrens rights group, and as soon as SW close this case i am going to town with them because my child is still receiving no support, and i think they hope i will go away for fear of this slur on my parenting will stick, no chance.

I am preparing my case and am at present e-mailing everyone involved and cc-ing these to my friend to make sure they all know this is being monitored.

Both the lawyer and the childrens rights group have said i have a very good case but i have to wait until sw close the case.

I have also made sure the SW and his senior are aware this is going further.

I am looking for an independant advocate to speak up for my child, and there can then be no more suggestion of ficticious practice.

And once this is sorted if i can sue the backside off of anyone who has put me and my child through hell i will!!!!!!!

At times i have struggled with doing any of this but i feel that if i don't then they will continue to get away with this and to be honest i am so disgusted that some of these people are still in a job and have the potential to do this to others that i feel it is more important than ever.

I think what they forget when they do all of this is that this is our lives they are dealing with and our children's potential.

Good luck to all of you and stay strong if you are having to struggle. I have received a great deal of support and advice from this forum and it has helped me greatly.

I am fortunate that i have friends who are in the kind of jobs who can advise me well on these matters, and i do not give up quietly if i believe in something.

I agree about minutes and avoiding phone calls i struggled with this but it is best.

I now write letters or e-mail the person involved and always take someone with me.

Once this is done and dusted i will be asking for all records be amended or corrected.

Again good luck to you all and i shall also read with interest this post.

Nic

[Flora]

Thanks for the reminder summertime, but you will see that it wasn't really necessary. I'm well aware of the forum rules and wouldn't dream of mentioning names or specific places.

 

flora

 

I've added this 'edit' because I got up this morning and looked through the thread and realised that this particular response (above) to summertime's post could look like I was offended. I'm leaving it as it is so others can see how things in written form can come accross different tpo they were meant (sorry this is badly put it's early! ).

 

summertime... soo sorry if you read this wrong. It was meant purely at face value... at the time of writing it I was only trying to say that I wouldn't break the rules! <'> I could have worded it much better.

 

flora

[pumpkinpie]

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

Yes

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

Yes

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of your child?

Yes

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

Yes

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

Yes

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

 

I havent always, I had to leave work because of the pressure and sometimes I just take her to school and go back to bed and hide.

Mostly I just look at her and think you deserve more from me and I love you too much to let the Bs grind us down. Being able to talk to other parents on this forum helps me see I am not going mad

 

[Lynden]

I think I may be in the minority - and I am aware that L is only young yet, but so far we haven't really had any battles with anyone involved in his care, and although he's only 4 he has been in the system and accessing services since he was 15 months - and we've also just done a huge move this year from a teeny NE village in Scotland to London.

 

We've had a ###### Phsyio, one hopeless GP and we were fobbed off by transport but in general I have to say so far we've been extremely lucky with those involved in the main or important aspects of his care.

 

I am aware that we may well have battles in the future however so am not complacent about things.

 

Lynne x

[pearl]

1) Have you ever had someone say one thing about your child when you know the exact opposite is true and have the professional reports to back it up?

 

No

 

2) Have you experienced antagonism during meetings and discussions about any aspect of your child ie health/education?

 

Yes, but rare

 

3) Have you ever felt 'threatened' in any way by the attitude of professionals/officials involved in any aspect of your child?

 

Yes, but again rare

 

4) Have you ever come away from a meeting/discussion/phone call feeling like they have tried to brain wash you?

 

No

 

5) Have you experienced bare faced lies from anyone involved in your child's education?

 

Not that I'm aware

 

6) If you have answered yes to any of the above how did you deal with it?

 

A bit like Bard did!

A social worker once got suspended after her unprofessional dealings with us, and was only allowed back under supervision & after retraining. And quite right too.

I've said it before though, reading some of your experiences, we have been mostly very lucky in the professionals we have encountered.

[baddad]

Hiya flozza -

 

Yes, all of the above at various points and in fairly hefty doses over the past (transition) year to boot...

 

How do i deal with it?

Lots of swearing, yelling, sniping, bitching, etc to the people I rely on to listen to me doing that (poor beggars!) then when i've calmed down I go through the lies/letters/documentation piecemeal and go back at them using exactly the same tactics...

It's soul destroying, frustrating and maddening and shouldn't be necessary, and looking to the long game I have no idea how effective any of it will be anyway, but I do know that I - like the rest of you - have to keep doing the do so i can feel comfortable that whatever the end result i've done my best - which is all any of us can do...

So big up to all who are fighting the fight, and big up 'em to those that make it a necessity!

As Clive Dunn used to say in dad's army, they don't like it, Mr Mainwaring......

 

L&P

 

'Grandad'

[Flora]

Thanks so much to everyone who's responded so far.

 

Keep them coming folks. I've a very good reason for doing this. Obviously as has already been said, no actual names or places please... just anonymous answers about anonymous people and places.

 

Many thanks

 

flozza XX

[LizK]

In general we have had good care from the medics, the EP, Early Years Team, Autism Outreach and school. My first HV made some less than helpful comments about how DSs developmental issues was down to me and we have gone to war with SALT and could answer yes to some of your points regarding them.

 

Lx

[palgem]

hi

yes to all

sometimes we come away from meetings wishing we had ranted and raved a bit more cause realy its the only way to get noticed ? we find mainly we r to passive on our recent visit to cahms they never even talked to ds how can they make a dicission to how he is without understanding him. because he sits quietly in the corner in these meetings and has no intention of engageing at any level with them how can they judge him , he is in his comfort zone not talking they fail to see the real ds and his clear frustration at the world that confronts him and surrounds him , all we get is ds is typical aspergers child , what is typical ? all the children we have met and their parents perceptions of there child vary so much there is no stereo typical child just varried shared behaivours that overlap , surely each case is as independant as each young person cleary are. all we seem to get is" average "perception in all they say comparing the average child the model comparing all children to which your child should match but they will never match they r indeviduals who need as much help as they require at a personal level to each ones personal need which varys so much becuase the don,t fit in to set perception

 

our lives r hard but made worse by being judged by an average person paid to save money not to help the people who need it our children . only by confronting these people to make a difference can we change their lives to make it easeir for them to live the lives in a normal "average "perception to which they r compared negative or not

 

sorry to waffle and ramble but readig the over lapping posts of angry parents only wanting what is rightfully required , but is so far over the horizon and out of reach of many , all we can do is our best unfortunately not always exceptable but saying nothing achieves very little, doing something can make a difference and every change we can make no matter how small slaps ignorence further in to touch and realy this is what we fight the most and lack of genuine understandig and duty of care our children deserve better ?

[mel]

yes to all. i have learnt now tho. when on the phone i inform them that the conversation is being taped. when called to the school or meetings i take a witness and a dictophone. im afraid i lie and tell them that all the above is necessary because im partially deaf. now i dont have as many problems as before i caught on. just probs with ignorant teachers.