Tough Time

[Matt J]

Im having a bit of a tough time this week.

 

One of my friends, well my best friend has got himself a relationship with a guy he has met.

Now I dont heary anything from him. I havent for the whole week, used to chat to him everyday.

 

When I text him he no longer replies, when I call him he is always not able to talk, or it goes to voicemail and I have asked him when I can speak to him oh his own, he says he doesnt know when he will be able to.

 

I ask this, as his new bf is reading the emails i send him, my friend and I used to email as it was a way I could write down what was happening, and now he was on my friends MSN the other day, I dont know this person, and id rather talk to my friend one to one about things, as the guy hes now seeing overhears everything we talk about, inc my reading texts.

 

My friend says that 'we can be friends' but he doesnt seem to be doing anything to make me feel reasured.

 

I tried to call him at home ealier and I got talking to him Mum, while leaving a message for him, she said " Was I OK, I" said "not so bad, just needed to speak to him" , she said "he was out somewhere'. She then said she works with people who have Aspergers," I said 'oh really' She said "yes...he has told me your his friend and that you have Aspergers..Is he upseting your routine? I'll make sure he gets the message".

 

 

So I am not sure what is going on now, I cannot talk to my friend as his new bf seems to be 'stopping' him from talking to me, The friendship is between my friend and I, thats all, no one else I just need to know what is going on, as I am getting anxious about it all, as things were fine between us until this guy came onto the scene.

 

Im not sure what to do now, I just feel abandonded.

[Clare63]

Awwww Matt,

 

I am so sorry to hear that you feel let down by your friend, I am sure its not intentional and that perhaps his new relationship is taking up a lot of his time and attention. He sounds like he is very concious of any potential jealousy from his new partner and founded or not, its not very fair on you especially as you two already had a good friendship, hopefully things will settle down in a few weeks, new relationships can make people blinded to everything else going on around them.

 

I think its helpful that his Mum understands AS and I am sure she will be having a quiet word with him and remind him of the importance of other friendships.

 

Please don't feel lonely or abandoned, as you know we are a good bunch on here, always ready to listen, support and help.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

Thanks for that Clare,

 

I must say that I still not understand, him knowing I have AS, I dont understand why he cannot communicate, or say something, anything.

[Clare63]

Matt,

 

Sadly it probably has not crossed him mind, I would try not to take it personally. Some people in the throws of a new relationship and so called being in love can become very self obsorbed with themselves and their new partner that no one or nothing else matters. Funny old thing, that thing they call "love" does not last long, things will soon return to normal.

 

I just hope that a gentle reminder from his Mum that other friendships are important too, will jolt him back into reality.

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

I just feel my world has been turned upside down, I dont know where to turn, I understand somewhat he wants to 'be loved up' but I dont feel theres an excuse to ignore me, its making me frustrated as I have no one else that close to me. And what really gets me is he knows this!!

[pearl]

<'> Matt <'>

What a difficult situation. He isnt treating you well at all, but as others have said he's in an exciting new relationship & its blinding him to his other friendships. I'd cool it a little with him for a while till this first flush is over. Hard to do though I know.

[Matt J]

So.. what do I say to him... anything, nothing, ?

[Clare63]

ummm....

 

All this has certainly unsettled you I don't doubt that. It must be so hard as he is obviously a very close and understanding friend to you, like you say that's the bit that gets to you that he knows this, so why is he not calling or returning your texts ? I can only assume to being "loved up" !

 

Try not to beat yourself up about this, I am sure he'll come around soon espeacially as you are such good friends.

 

If there is something really bugging you right now and need to talk, but don't want to say on the forum, I am more than happy for you to pm me I can be a good listener.

 

Clare x x x

[pearl]

You could just leave it for a bit & see if he gets in touch, or text him & say, I know you are busy so please contact me when you've a bit more time? Then give it a week or so. I know how hard that is though when you are used to daily contact with someone.

[Clare63]

Matt,

 

What I was trying to say is that being "loved up" is a possible reason not an excuse.

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

Okay something weird has just happened:

 

I just had a missed call from his number, I called it back and a female answered (It wasn't his mother) I asked if Andrew was there, and got "No Andrew is not, I have stolen his phone so he wont be calling you back tonight pal"

 

[Clare63]

Oh my God.....what does that mean ????? think I would ring back again just to see who answers....very weird

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

Ahh it was someone taking the pee, I just called it back Andrew answers, and I can hear people in the Background, his bf I imagine " Just tell him to **** off". I said " Andrew your making things harder for me" (I can still hear people swearing about me so he was not alone there) I said " So whats happening, why all the silence" He said "of course you are still a friend" I replied well can you start acting like it, as your turing my world upside down" He replies " I'll give you a call tomorrow to talk about it"

 

Not that I believe this. Some friend huh

Edited December 29, 2007 by Matt J

[Clare63]

How awful for you, well lets hope he stays true to his word, the bf sounds a nasty piece of work !

[Matt J]

Well I duno whats going on there... he seems to be mixing with some rather dodgy people

[Clare63]

Yeah and obviuosly very jealous and ignorant ones too.

[Matt J]

Shame that, he can be fine on his own. Seems His man can do no wrong, Anyone who says different is jealous and doesn't understand him like he does - and it seems from my impression, And most importantly, if his bf tells him to jump, Andrew will ask how high.

 

Its called infatuation

and to an extent desperation

 

Other friends of mine have been in a situation like this and one of them, My others friend tried to warn him bout this one guy - 1st guy he fell for. Totally smitten - lived for him. Abandoned everyone. Friends, family. Told people who tried to warn be against him to f off

He ended up in hospital, looking back they told me Looking back, now as an outsider, that he was an evil, manipulative, take take take kind of guy and I can't believe they fell for him - or put up with it.

 

Sounds kinda whats happenng to this other one..

 

I do seem to pick em

[Clare63]

Shame that, he can be fine on his own. Seems His man can do no wrong, Anyone who says different is jealous and doesn't understand him like he does - and it seems from my impression, And most importantly, if his bf tells him to jump, Andrew will ask how high.

 

Its called infatuation

and to an extent desperation

 

Other friends of mine have been in a situation like this and one of them, My others friend tried to warn him bout this one guy - 1st guy he fell for. Totally smitten - lived for him. Abandoned everyone. Friends, family. Told people who tried to warn be against him to f off

He ended up in hospital, looking back they told me Looking back, now as an outsider, that he was an evil, manipulative, take take take kind of guy and I can't believe they fell for him - or put up with it.

 

Sounds kinda whats happenng to this other one..

 

I do seem to pick em

 

You seem to have summed it well, infatuation now that's a good word and probably describes it well, due to the infactuation your friend probably can't see what he is doing to you at the moment lets hope he sees reality real soon for both yours sake.

 

Hope you feel a little better about it all now and can perhaps put it into perspective, its no you its them.

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

Well It seems I am being taken for a plonker, one of my friends sent a text to my mate, saying basicly what I did, but my mate said that if Andrew communicatd with me, there wouldnt have been any need for him to get involved and all of this unneeded grief could have been avoided, and low and behold My mate got a reply, "Saying that he would contact my mate and that he wouldnt contact me tonight ( As he has asured me he would) now why could he of sent me on, well my mate asked him to contact me, and Andrew did text me saying " Its my holiday, your runing it, I will contact you soon".

 

Well I still doubt this will happen. Andrew's just feeding me false information,

 

Why couldnt he of said something ealier, why did I have to get someone else involved

 

[cmuir]

Hi

 

It's awful when a friendship can appear to be one-sided. Sometimes in life for unknown reasons people you thought were reliable and good friends turn out not to be. Sounds like he's met someone and feels he needs a bit of space to get to know this other person. That can happen, but your friend is wrong not to talk to you directly. Your situation sounds like it's getting a bit complicated with other people getting involved in the communication (or lack of!) chain eg texting, answering your friend's phone, etc. Is it possible you could send him a short letter saying how much you value your friendship and that you realise that he's in a relationship and whilst you appreciate he needs a bit of space, that you're still there for him and that maybe once or twice a week you could meet up?

 

Hope things work out for you.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[Clare63]

Awww Matt,

 

I am sorry to hear its all turned out to be such a mess and a muddle, Caroline's right with other people getting involved it all gets very complicated.

 

Just lie low and avoid getting hurt anymore.

 

Take care

 

Clare x x x

[tsmom]

Matt,

I can understand why you are so hurt,but i think you would be best to not contact him for a while.

Leave it a week then text a simple hi how ya doing?

As others have said loves a strange thing.The BF sounds a nasty piece of work with a bit of time and space yr friend will see that for himself.The more we tell people someones bad for them it often pushes them together.Also be careful not to say much to joint friends as other people can make things worse.

sorry this is happening to you its very hard but you have friends on here who understand and care yr not alone <'> <'>

[Matt J]

Firsty Happy New Year to everyone!

 

Secondly, I think the 'New Year Blues' have set in - Im currently by myself and within the last couple of hours have experienced: boredness, stomach pain, depression, anxiety, back to depression again.

 

Im just a complete wreck and I seem to be unknowingly seeking attention today, of which there is none, so its causing a circle of the above symtoms.

[Clare63]

Hi Matt,

 

Know what you mean about the New Year blues, it can be very flat, overwhelming and a huge dissappointment.

 

Chin up though you've come on here, have read around some of the funny posts, though you'll probably think its all a bit "old lady'ish" sense of humour !!!!! (oh my God hope none of the others read this )

 

Are you on your own all evening ? or is anyone esle coming back later ?

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

Here all evening by myself saidly, Im not expecting anyone, people have made some suggestions of "do something productive" and "do something to pre-occupy yourself - anything"

 

Easy to say on the spur of the moment but when you clearly dont have anything it becomes rather hard.

 

I just feeling like I bore people with all this stuff thats going on inside.

Edited January 1, 2008 by Matt J

[Bard]

You could help me compose a list of cruel and unusual insults for Clare63!

Old Ladyish indeed. I'll buzz you on my broomstick next time.

 

Seriously, Matt J, the longer you wonder and worry, the worse you will feel. Yours is not the next move. Hard as it may seem, you have to wait for your friend to get his balance back and his sense of proportion. And if you do nothing whilst you are waiting, then the worry turns into aches, pains and nausea.

I have no idea what you would like to do to occupy and distract yourself; watch a DVD, put on music, do a jigsaw, draw or paint, run. We all have different ways of channelling stress, and that's what you need to do.

 

I'm off to fit my broomstick with searchlights.

[Clare63]

Oh bum.... just wrote you a really long post back and the dam laptop went off line and I lost it grrrrrr...

 

I was waffling anyway, just trying to make you feel better, what I was saying was not to be hard on yourself, you have had a tough time lately what with all the business with your friend and his new BF and that this time of year (Christmas & New Year) can really make people feel down, think our expectations are hightened then we feel all let down and disappointed, usually by those closest to us.

 

I am sooooo cross I lost my other post, now I feel I have let you down

 

Clare x x x

[Matt J]

I have put the friend thing on hold, its just the boredness and stress and things that are getting me down.

Right this moment I dont have anything that jumps out at me to 'occupy' myself

[Clare63]

You could help me compose a list of cruel and unusual insults for Clare63!

Old Ladyish indeed. I'll buzz you on my broomstick next time.

 

Seriously, Matt J, the longer you wonder and worry, the worse you will feel. Yours is not the next move. Hard as it may seem, you have to wait for your friend to get his balance back and his sense of proportion. And if you do nothing whilst you are waiting, then the worry turns into aches, pains and nausea.

I have no idea what you would like to do to occupy and distract yourself; watch a DVD, put on music, do a jigsaw, draw or paint, run. We all have different ways of channelling stress, and that's what you need to do.

 

I'm off to fit my broomstick with searchlights.

 

 

Whooooooooooooooops................ I was including myself in the "old lady'ish" thing Bard.

 

Sorry no intention to offend and anyway you weren't suppose to read that bit

 

Friends ????? (don't fancying being caught of the wrong side of your broomstick )

 

Clare x x x

[Tally]

People have made some suggestions of "do something productive" and "do something to pre-occupy yourself - anything." Easy to say on the spur of the moment but when you clearly dont have anything it becomes rather hard.

 

These are good suggestions, but not very easy to implement.

 

Can you think of some things to do?

Cleaning?

Make a cake?

Anything good on telly?

 

What kind of things do you like doing?

 

I try to get out every day. It's a bit late now, but maybe a suggestion for another day. You might be able to pop out for a short walk though. I find that some fresh air and sunlight helps me feel a bit better.

[Bard]

Whooooooooooooooops................ I was including myself in the "old lady'ish" thing Bard.

 

Sorry no intention to offend and anyway you weren't suppose to read that bit

 

Friends ????? (don't fancying being caught of the wrong side of your broomstick )

 

Clare x x x

 

I like being an old lady, you tend to be more confident about things, and realise that what worried and upset you three or four years ago is something that now you can hardly remember. Try it. Try and remember what you were really upset about in winter 2004. The younger you are, the less resistance you have stored up.

It's so hard being young, I see the worries and stress that my daughter goes through just having a life and I feel so sorry for her. And she's an average, happy teen with few major challenges or choices in her life. Everything is so real and raw.

I'm happy to be a lady of a certain age.

I know that doesn't help Matt, but I do sympathise with what you are going through, and that it's hard.

Edited January 1, 2008 by Bard

[Clare63]

I like being an old lady, you tend to be more confident about things, and realise that what worried and upset you three or four years ago is something that now you can hardly remember. Try it. Try and remember what you were really upset about in winter 2004. The younger you are, the less resistance you have stored up.

It's so hard being young, I see the worries and stress that my daughter goes through just having a life and I feel so sorry for her. And she's an average, happy teen with few major challenges or choices in her life. Everything is so real and raw.

I'm happy to be a lady of a certain age.

 

 

And you are a lovely wise old lady at that..... respect, I am not far behind you

 

Clare x x x

[Clare63]

Matt,

If you still want something to do and take your mind off things, have a game of one word association (see the thread) and see if you can stump me !!!

 

Clare x x x

[Bard]

And you are a lovely wise old lady at that..... respect, I am not far behind you

 

Clare x x x

 

Check my birthdate on my profile...are you sure?

[Clare63]

Check my birthdate on my profile...are you sure?

 

 

I'll go check............

[Clare63]

I'll go check............

 

 

Crikey

[Bard]

 

internet paranoia see, it's a secret!

[Bard]

Keep in touch Matt, there's lots of people who are willing to listen and not find it boring or unimportant.

<'>

[Matt J]

I just get the feeling people ignore me, i made a couple of calls today. left a couple of messages, yes its new year and all that, but its not rocket sience to reply, and they do tell me to call them.

 

People tell me to do things for myself...but its not easy... and they tell me only i can solve my problem...and i need to force myself, No one should have to face everything by themselves!

 

More and more this happens, the more I get the feeling, what a Waste of oxygen i am

[pearl]

And you are a lovely wise old lady at that..... respect, I am not far behind you

 

Clare x x x

 

Mere children, the pair of you. *Adjusts zimmer frame*

 

Happy new year Matt. If nothing else, maybe you could get involved in some of the idiotic threads on here & have a laugh.Have you tried Baddad's music thread?