Anyone else have trouble with 'leaving'

[llisa32]

HIya - just wondered if this was a common problem and see what anyone else does about it.

 

J is absolutely awful at 'leaving' parties, playdates, playgrounds etc - infact anywhere he's having 'fun'

 

The tantrum he throws is more in line with a 4 year old even though he's now 8

 

He had a playdate at someone's house over xmas and despite me being told in the pm when I rang to check on him that his manners had been fantastic, and he and his friend had played really well together all day - he completely lost it at 'home' time.

 

As soon as my hubby turned up to pick him up he started racing around, refused to put shoes on etc - then just had a complete paddy and wouldn'ty let anyone else put his shoes on either - got completely red in the face. In the end the mum had to coax him into the porch with my hubby and shut the front door on em

 

He had a friend over to play today and when it was time for the friend to go home we had similar again - cept this time he ran off with his friends shoes! - I got them off him and hubby ushered kiddy out the door cos he was taking him home - j then tried to run out into the wet path after them - I grabbed hold and then had a 5 min session of him trying to kick and punch me.

 

I distracted him with something and 5 mins later he was fine! - when i just said to him why did u do that he said 'cos I didn't want him to leave'.

 

I keep explaining to him that all things have a beginning and end, and we've run through a zillion times how playdates work, what people do when it's time to go home etc, and we always give him a count down, but.....still we get a paddy.

 

Do other people experience this - does it get easier with age?

[Bard]

In a word, yes.

For which I am grateful. As the number of activities I had to leave with B on my shoulder, or in a hold from behind diminished I kept calm, used the 10 min warning, 5 min warning 3 min warning, 2, 1, time to go and eventually it got easier and easier. I didn't get visibly angry, and he was never allowed to stay beyond the countdown. Ever.

And now he complies gracefully and with only a token protest.

It is difficult, other parents and adults not in the know DON"T HELP the situation with their suggestions and accommodations, and you get embarrassed by observers. But it does get better and easier, and people with stroppy NT teens who swear and break rules are often envious. Especially if they haven't known us long!

 

PS Remember that B got his dx at 9? This was one of the areas of difference that was picked up. I'd used lots of strategies previously that worked with naughty, willful children, and they didn't work on B.

Edited January 12, 2008 by Bard

[oxgirl]

I think this is very common, Lisa and, like Bard says, gets easier if you are consistent. It's the changing from one activity to another that can be so hard for our children. It's much, much worse if the sudden change is unexpected, but can still cause problems even if warnings are given, as these can be ignored if they're engrossed in what they're doing. I always give Jay prior warning in advance of a change in what we're going to do, but he can still get a bit stroppy, although a lot better than when he was younger. I remember one occasion when I'd just said to him that we'd make some cakes in a sec when the doorbell rang and it was the neighbour wanting to come in for a chat. Well, Jay went absolutely ballistic 'cos he just wasn't prepared for the suddeness and unexpectedness of it, neither was I for that matter.

 

I'd suggest just keep doing what you're doing, give him a ten minute warning, show him on a watch if that helps, then a five minute warning and start tidying up and preparing to get shoes etc. and he will accept the routine of it in time.

 

~ Mel ~

[dooday24]

reece also has problems leaving anywhere kicking screaming ect

but also have trouble getting to partys usually fine wen hes been there a while

donnaxx

[rainbow queen]

i think it is a common problem

 

 

when my boy was alot younger i had some hair raising times over this..................to the point where i had to just lift him away from the situation and carry him over my back -found this was safest position as he would give me a good kicking and head butt me.

 

the looks i got -time and time again..............this was before i got dx so i never knew what to say to people about it all...........so i ended up saying nothing and just carried on regardless.................

 

 

its still a problem now -but now i know a lot more so i can manage it better but of course theres situations where u are not always prepared and it still happens.............

 

every transtion my son does from things causes meltdowns

 

major ones are

going school

coming home

trying to get out of the house at weekends ect.....

leaving folks houses

ect ect

 

birthday parties with nightmare too