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JsMum

Social Services, can they do this?

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I have had a really difficult time with J this morning and I couldnt go on any further and told SS that I couldnt keep going on like this, that I cant do it any more, and If I couldnt do it someone had to, Social Services manager said they couldnt take J just like that and that there must be other things to try first,

 

she commented on the fact J isnt on ADHD medication, I explained that he isnt suited to it, the trial was unsuccessful and he cant be considered others due to high anxieties, palpatations and hypos, the Mangager said well if he came into care he would be placed on medication straight away, I said that would be against my wishes, she then said that it wouldnt be up to me.

 

Could they do this, enforce him on medication that is actually not good for him?

 

I dont obvously want J to go into care but lately the support we have had isnt working, he has had 5 different people coming in on a evening in 10 days and he doesnt even know them who are telling him what to do, he is becoming stressed out and wound up and challenging.

 

He refused school today becoming physically destressed to the point of Vomiting nearly, I cant go on like this, so I said so and now I am totally panicing that if SS do eventually take him into there care then I will not have overall say what happens to his care and they will make distasterous long term mistakes and they wont look into his special overall needs.

 

I dont know what to do now if there is another incedent, I am soo stressed out that I dont know how much longer I can take, I dont think I can win either way, but the way life is at the moment its a concern because watching J just refuse school, not comply to the rules and get so challenging is taking its toll on me.

 

I have been to the GP last week, he has an appointment in Feb with CAHMS, there is no more I can do, the manager has left me to hang out and to dry while she trots off to see what provisions are in place now.

 

The problem is the J has the wrong type of support, the workers dont have any experience, training in the complex needs J has and I feel he isnt getting his needs met by social and health care, even if I where to place him on Medication there is still the need for services but all we are getting is family support,

 

I asked her does she have any awareness whats its like to raise a child like mine and she said yes these parents place there kids on medication and we dont have any more issues with them!!!!

 

I feel really helpless and no way forward, these multie agancy meetings are a waste of time, we dont come out with any more than we went in with.

 

The manager told me I should for now give in to him, and go and calm down and make myself a cup of Tea!!!!!

 

Any ideas on the way forward, I havent a clue any more.

 

JsMum

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J's mum,

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

The SS manager sounds particularly unhelpful - she is not qualified to discuss medication. :wacko: It's been said so many times before here - meds are useful alongside other strategies but shouldn't be a substitute for longer term support and strategies.

 

So sorry - I have no advice on the way forward. Just sending >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

K x

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Hi JsMum,

I think the social worker is simply trying to frighten you into keeping J at home. Medication is surely given by a doctor and your lads notes should clearly state that the medication isnt suitable/safe.

I am appalled but not surprised at the response you have been given, been there have the tshirt. Social service up and down the Country seem to be totally clueless at providing any kind of support for our youngsters. They seem to think that simply providing a carer will be the answer. The problem is the "carer" will be some poor soul on a minimum wage and absolutely no idea about autism.

In my own situation the only thing that gave results was a formal complaint. That is too time consuming for you at the moment and you need urgent help. Ring the NAS helpline and tell them exactly what is going on, they may be able to offer some advice. Try your GP now and tell it like it is, he may be able to push ss into action.

I dont know what else to suggest.

Try to be strong and I hope you get the help you desperately need

Lorainexxx

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>:D<<'> JsMum >:D<<'>

 

My heart goes out to you. It sounds as though SS are causing more problems than supporting you and your son.

 

I don't know if you've tried them before, but if I remember rightly a few members have found thatThe Princess Royal Trust for Carers are very helpful. Also, as Loraine has said, involve your GP because your wellbeing is important too.

 

Annie

xx

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I'm no expert but I have been involved with many children under ss care and as I see it if it was a voluntary agreement and he wasnt a ward of court then the ss wouldnt be able to go against your wishes with any medical decisions without it being agreed by a judge. If he became a ward of court he would be appointed a guardian who would then make those decisions for him. I agree that the social worker is just trying to scare you by using bullying tactics.

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>:D<<'> I'm so sorry.

I have no advice to give, I'm afraid. But I agree with the others about the SS manager - scare tactics and bullying :angry: . The NAS and the GP, like Loraine said, sound like the best options just now.

Chin up, hun. You're only human and you deserve some decent support. >:D<<'>

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JSMum,

 

How dam awful for you they are no support what so ever and how dare she say other parents put their kids on meds. I sort of having a bit of a problem with this at the mo too, the school suggested meds and so did the EP today.....for goodness sake have they got shares or something in the drugs company. What we and our children need is specialist support and understanding not to be fobbed off and made to feel like we are rubbish parents.

 

Personally I feel you'd be better off takling SS out of the loop for the time being and try to manage till you get your appointment, they are not helping and are just making you feel worse.

 

Clare x x x

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JsMum,

SS are just useless, we begged for help a few months ago and they did nothing, apparentely if they hit you it is ok, but if it is the other way round they can go into care!!! We get direct payments for Nick, it is great as l can employ someone for Nick that l think is suitable, and more importantly someone that Nick likes, you ought to ask your social worker about the scheme. Keep strong sending lots of >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hi J'smum i was having a think about this tonight and as with everything i think you should write a letter to this manager, again stating the situation and ask her to clarify in writing her suggestions and ask her in the letter if she is still of this opinion.

She will either have to agree or put it in writing that this is not what she meant.

This would be worth cc-ing to her line manager.

If you can write this in a pleasant way (i have to go over my letters about 10 times to remove the way i really feel) it will be difficult for her to not respond.

Ask for a written response and i am sure she will have to retract what she has said.

good luck

nic

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Hi AN update

 

Sent off the Letter of complaint reguarding the medication comment, and how let down I feel and that they are causing us to break up throw the wrong support so feeling a bit better, I have looked into a service that can offer respite and councilling for both me and J, took info for the GP to have a look throw and he is in aggreement that it would be very beneficial.

 

Gave social worker info too but already the decision from above her have already said " no " to it, no funding available, but they want to look at foster families respite, something already failed due to a number of reasons, so hence my searching for another service but there not interested.

 

Gp was very good we discussed medication for J and looking into Anti Anxiety Meds as J is resistant is so many tasks now but its still something I dont want to do but I can see that its effecting everything he is doing and his confrontations are causing harm so looking into it next appointment with pyshciatrist in Febraury, I dont want to go down this road but its getting harder every day.

 

I have provided J with more structure lately giving him clearer instructions with more precise visual displays and trying to get him to understand the importance of taking his melatonin, though last night was much better it was still gone 1am he was asleep, so tonight I am going really try to get him to take it.

 

Today trying to get J to school after the gp he ran into the road and ran home, refusing to go anywhere after that so I had to then work on helping him calm down.

 

I have had my hair cut at mid day and yesterday I had a massage so today I do feel better in myself as lately it is difficult to do things for myself when I have had to put in so much time in to Js needs my own get put way back so trying to get a ballance.

 

Its still really hard but I can do it like I have been doing, but with ideas from you guys I have put them into place and we are moving slowly forward again.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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J's mum you have a tough road ahead but you are doing it.

Glad you are feeling a bit more positive

Take care

nic

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JsMum, I understand how you feel about medication for your son, I used to feel that way. But after my son threatened his older brother with a knife, twice, I HAD to change my mind on that one, and ended up begging the psychiatrist for medication. He is now on respiridone, and I have to say, it has changed our lives, and especially his. He himself doesn't want to stop it now, or even reduce the dose, as he feels he is now so much more in control and able to do things that he couldn't before. As with all medication, we still had/have to tackle all the causes, and support for him is still vital, but he is now able to access that support and has learned to modify his behaviour an enormous amount.

 

I am still glad that I took that road, it has given us all a life again, he is SOOOOOO much happier now, and I am sure that I would not have been able to continue caring for him had things continue to go the way they were, even if only for the safety of his brothers. As it is, it has left his younger brother scarred emotionally, who now has mental health problems (at the ripe old age of 10...).

 

All I'd like to say is, don't dismiss the idea of medication, you might find it the beginning of a slow but steady improvement.

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