weekends are sooo depressing

[rainbow queen]

i dont think you can give me advice on this but i just wanted to moan about it...........

 

i have 2 sons ones 5 the other is 6

all they do is fight all day long every weekend

 

to make matters worse my asd son is refusing to leave the house completly now every weekend

 

he agrees to it in the morning then changes his mind and throws a fit-the places i am suggesting are kids things to -so im not wanting to go out for my own needs ect....

my other boy is hyper and i think he needs a good run about outside ect.........

i bought him a bike for xmas and we can not get out of the house for him to use it...............

 

 

i think im going about it all wrong-ends up arguing and me sat crying all weekend over it all :tearful:

 

 

i think next weekend i will get up early on and just get them out early on without even saying about it...............like to the swimming pool prehaps -then to park straight after...........

 

i get thses ideas then when i try to do them it seems to become a impossible task.................

anyone else had this ?

xxx

[Kinda]

rainbow queen

 

Not sure I can give you advice but I would love to have a house full of noise with children arguing. My son (24 yrs now and working) is an only child and we had hoped he would bring friends round but this has never really happened and he spends most of his time on his own in his room. We do try and get him out which he complies with but he seems very happy just pottering in his room.

 

I think if you want them to go somewhere, take the bull by the horns and just go for it which I think you intend to do anyway. Just guessing but they are probably very happy arguing and fighting with each other?

 

Kinda

 

PS Just arrange it and go for it.

[angel77]

Hi Rainbow Queen,

 

It sounds dreadful, I would definately get your boys outside burning some of that energy off. Make your plans a few days beforehand and stick to them.

 

Good luck.

 

Angel.

[witsend]

Hi rainbow - I can identify with this one all too well. I've started to dread weekends my two boys (13 and 5) just argue ALL the time and it drives me crazy!! It's impossible to referee their arguments all the time and often impossible to work out whos in the right or the wrong. I tend to blame DS1 a lot of the time becasue he's the eldest BUT Ds2 can be really infuriating and sneaky despite his tender years, I find him hard to cope with a lot of the time so it's now wonder Ds1 can't cope.

DS1 doesn't like leaving the house much at all plus he has differant interests being older so we can never go anywhere all together and I don't like to leave him him on his own for longer than an hour really . DS2 is very hyperactive and like you said needs a good run around outside to calm him down most of the time.

Neither one of them can leave me alone for more than a few minutes it seems, me time is an unknown concept in this household!

Today I took them to town together and had to come home within the hour, they both got what they wanted and all I wanted was to get a T-shirt to go under a suit for an important job interview next week but there was no way I could do it, just felt rushed and harried and couldn't concentrate at all.

So I really do know how you feel <'> . When they are in bed I often think right I'll do this and this with them next weekend but somehow it never works out and we plunge headlong into another weekend from hell!!

Sorry I'm not much help - don't know what the answer is - but am probs one of the few people quite eager to get back to work on a Monday morning!

Luv Witsend.

[rainbow queen]

thanks for the replys

 

 

i think they are having too much of there own way

 

today has been awful -my 6 year old snapped my other sons toy in half-one he had got last week with his reward from the chart im doing.............so now ive said to my 6 year old u cant have your reward now for this week.

 

 

then later tonight my 5 year old messed up my pc and my other son said he was kicking it-so hes now lost his reward and hes not going on it again.

 

im far too soft with them.

 

my 5 year old is fixated with the cartoon network channel-and stuck his fingers up at me today

said hed sen on tv-i read the other posting about zero tolorance im going be stopping -restricting the tv time from now on

 

and my other sons computer time as all he wants to do is go on it morning noon and night.

 

cant stand it anymore -next weekend i shall have them out at 9.30-wont take no for an answer

have them on the go all day

hopefully we will have a better saturday.

[Tally]

Would it help if you can give your ASD son plenty of warning about where you are going and what you are going to do? It might be that he is anxious about going out if he does not know the details.

 

Hope next weekend is a better one!

[Bagpuss]

Huge hugs RQ <'>

 

I've had many weekends like that too...and they make you feel completely disconnected from the rest of the world. It is improving with time though, and now I can get out and about alot more than previously.

 

Hope things improve for you too, take care <'>

[krystaltps]

<'> I've been there too. Mine have a similar age gap to yours - just a year between C and the twinkles, and while they are all extremely close, the boys fights almost incessantly at times. R is very soft and gentle, while C is prone to violent outbursts - the two just don't go together.

I'm lucky in that most of the time, C is an extrovert. But if he's had a bad week at school, then we end up having a "jammy-weekend" (one where he stays in his pyjamas all weekend). DD is ok with it, but R and I end up going stir-crazy with cabin fever. If DH is home from the rig, then R and I can escape, but otherwise we're stuck in.

Sorry, don't know what to suggest, as I know when C is like that, nothing gets him to go out. But I know how it feels.

[KarenT]

Would it help if you can give your ASD son plenty of warning about where you are going and what you are going to do? It might be that he is anxious about going out if he does not know the details.

Definitely agree with that. Plan your outing carefully, write a social story about where you're going and what will happen, make a pre-visit on your own if you can and take photos to include in the story. Talk to them about it as the week goes on and in more detail the day before you do it. Then DO IT. Come hell or high water you must stick to your plan to show consistency, otherwise they'll be confused if you plan something for the future because they won't know for sure it'll happen. Have a contingency plan in case anything goes wrong, and give a reward afterwards if they cope well. Praise them both afterwards as much as you can.

 

Good luck, I really hope it goes well for you all and you have a great time.

 

Karen

x

[hev]

i remember those days well RQ,steve just would not leave the house and we would sit there all day,him getting bored and playing up,me getting stressed,in the end i found if i gave him notice that we were going and he would be fine,he would cause a bit of fuss but once we got to the places he would love it.

 

good luck next weekend,stick to your guns,im a fine one to talk because i find it hard to be firm,something im working on though <'>

[Kinda]

rainbow queen

 

Just heard on the radio (radio 4 about 11am if you want to hear replay via the BBC website) about violence in the family from children. Anyway not suggesting that is your situation but the techniques used by the helpers were to try and get games going that had rules that all the children could play. Any digression from the rules and the helpers stepped in to sort out.

 

The idea was to try and develop relationships (again) based upon getting on rather than falling into a routine of aggression vs aggression. I think what came out of it was that over time relationships and how the children react to confrontation can be developed.

 

Good luck and hope there are some nuggets which will/can help. I think if you can break the cycle it will help and if you can get them into a situation that they enjoy and are taken out of their comfort zone and have to rely on one another then this would help but not sure what that would be?

 

I think a lot of physical exertion will help you later when you get back to the ranch!!

[JsMum]

We have this too, but staying in all weekend will actually make things 100 per cent worse than if you where to just take them out, J does the same, avoids and persistantly refuses to get ready but we eventually still get out, staying in all the time would course me to go stir crazy as I am quite hyper my self, the weather has been kind of crazy here so we have had no choice to stay inside sometimes, but I have been on a couple of bike rides in minus zero, just the touch of the freezing air on my cheeks makes me feel alive again, even if its half an hour its actually makes you feel better.

 

Try less busy times for the kids places to go, I tend to go when everyone is going home for Tea, or when J is off school in the Afternoons.

 

Have you got any support with the boys, help in the home, Autism outreach, they may be able to put together some social stories and pictures together that are similair to PECS so your boys have an awareness and some watches to help them keep track of time, kids love spy watches or anything thats gets them to coperate with keeping to the timetables, the best I saw was the walkie talky watches they are great.

 

I only have one child and its hard enough to get him but with two they can encourage each other and they do have each to play games with once at the venues that could help burn off there energy, in our area we have a spersific group for special needs children and there siblings can go too.

 

Could there be something similair in your area and see if there is any projects for your child who is hyperactive, there may be some sport development programme offering sports to help deal with there energy.

 

I am saving up for some home fitness equiptment, so an indoor cycle, running machine, just for those days when the weather is proper groggy, what about an excercise bike to help keep there energy down, you can get some kids ones now too.

 

I hope that things slowly improve and there is a repreave soon.

 

JsMum