Caroline- Report post Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) Don't know where to start, crying my eyes out here so forgive me if there is many spelling mistakes. My son (Hayden), i dread when it's 3:10 in the afternoon as i know he'll be coming home from school (sounds awful doesn't it?) as soon as he comes home - he starts. Throwing things about, demanding, shouting, hitting my husband (who had a stroke & if he doesn't say the 'right' word to Hayden that he wants to hear then he's calling daddy a liar & lashing out) I shouted out the other day that i think it best that he doesn't live here anymore (feel really awful for saying it & it's not the first time) I've asked his social worker time & time again for direct payments which she keeps saying that she will sort out when she has time. Social worker came round today & i even asked her about respite care for him as we are finding it really hard to cope with him & she said that, that will have to go before a panel (which could take god knows how long) he soiled his pants yesterday & found it funny, when i told her about this (the social worker) she said that when a child does this they have signs of emotional needs? Hayden has his full assessment with CAMHS on the 6th Febuary, i really hope they can do something, cos i can't cope with his behaviour any more, he is so rude to me, mimicks me when i talk, very challenging behaviour Edited January 30, 2008 by baddad Hi caroline... put posts back together for you - BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caroline- Report post Posted January 30, 2008 Thanks BD, kind of messed it up a bit didn't i lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
av16 Report post Posted January 30, 2008 Sorry you're feeling so bad. Is it school that is making him behave like this? Often children hold in the stress at school and let it out for us at home . Does he have a paediatrician you could ask for help? Sorry I'm not more use but I'm sure others will be on here soon with some good advice. Well done for having got this far! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caroline- Report post Posted January 30, 2008 Sorry you're feeling so bad. Is it school that is making him behave like this? Often children hold in the stress at school and let it out for us at home . Does he have a paediatrician you could ask for help? Sorry I'm not more use but I'm sure others will be on here soon with some good advice. Well done for having got this far! Thanks for the reply no, it's not school, the school also have problems with him but he's even more extreme when home. Yes, he has a paed, seen him since he was a year & a half & thankfully he will also be at this assessment in Febuary. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mum23 Report post Posted January 30, 2008 Hello Caroline, Let me send you a big cyber tissue, I am not suprised you are crying, what a helpful social worker! not. When you have the enagy is their any way you might be able to phone the social services office and speak to the team leader/maneger and ask how long the procedue should take. Sorry I can not be of any more help but I wish you the strengh to fight the system. Ta ta for now. Anna Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted January 30, 2008 It must be really hard for you with a baby as well to cope with, when my son Nick was at school l also used to dread him coming home so you are not alone. If you want direct payment you really have to push social services, l get them for Nick and it is a great system as you can employ the right person for your son.You need to ring them everyday and make your vice heard. Sending lots of <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted January 30, 2008 Caroline ~ <'> <'> <'> You certainly do have your hands full and life sounds difficult. Hope the camhs appointment brings you some help. I really don't know whats going on at the moment so many of us seem to be going through a tough time. Wish I could offer some solid help and advice, other than a cyber hug and words of empathy. Thinking of you Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted January 30, 2008 <'> I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 31, 2008 Hi Caroline Firstly some of these <'> I can only share with you the same frustrations with social services and their helpful hands, not... but really when you are feeling a little stronger I really do recommend that you write it down in a letter and send it to your councils complaints, the fact you are looking after your husband who is recovering from a stroke and a baby will be very difficult added on a very challenging boy, who for one reason or other isnt clearly coping with the demands of his own life, he too needs support that he isnt getting, I dont know what support he has at school but does he have a statement? I can only hear the same cries I have gave over the last few months with my own issues and its so difficult on my own, you are looking after 3 demanding people with high rate needs, your doing better than you probably think, I tell J sometimes I cant do it either, I get so warn out and totally overwhelmed. Have you had a core assessment, these are what are in place to determin needs of the person to look at things like direct payments, sadly J doesnt meet criteria so they are still really difficult to obtain. I personally have written to my local MP, and sent of a official complaints letter and I am having legal help for the DDA for our areas childrens disability team. I have found all these very helpful in times when no one is listening and supporting me the right services. Contact A family Mencap NAS Youngminds EDUCATIONAL NEEDS ACE NETWORK 81 Keep plugging away, your son is using his behaviour to tell you to help him, I know your doing your absalout best already but its time to really make social services to listen. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caroline- Report post Posted January 31, 2008 Thank you all for your kind replies & hugs, it's very kind of you all <'> <'> <'> <'> JsMum, he has had a core assessment of his needs (he is classed as a 'child in need'), the social worker wants to wait for the outcome from CAMHS next week so we can take the next step. I've pushed so much for a full assessment, we know he's already got severe ADHD, & the poor fine motor co-ordination, very challenging behaviour, the paed said he was ASD but as ADHD & Autism go hand in hand a full assessment would be vital to his needs. It's so very draining on a daily basis as many of you will know. I have my son sitting up in the lounge with me now going on & on asking for food (melatonin obviously didn't work tonight!) My daughter had been in voluntary foster care for 5 months as i had severe postnatal depression, i don't want to depress anyone else by going on & on so i'll stop there lol, it's just that this obvioulsly effected my son, she is back home with us now & has been for a month & a half - my son is wonderful with her. It's so hard listening to an 8 year old telling you that he's going to be dead by the time he's 15 & that he would rather be dead in a grave with rain pouring on top of it hopefully this assessment will help us to help him properly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LizC Report post Posted January 31, 2008 <'> <'> <'> Hi Just wanted to say I really know how you feel. My son is very similar to yours (laughing when been naughty etc, throwing hitting etc) It is hard isn't it. sometimes as much as you love your child you want to end it all. we don't get respite and we don't have social worker. I just think it really effects the family as a whole, can get very stressful and like you dread the end of the day cause that is when he kicks off, or he will go really hyper and his younger bro will copy and they will charge about the place, climbing jumping fighting, it just goes on and on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kinda Report post Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) Hi Caroline Try and hang in there. Not sure what advice I can give other than cyber support. Is there no relative or friend that can physically (rather than cyber) help support you? I know its easy for me to say but you MUST get your "me time" to try and relieve some of the pressure but not sure who you could ask? Perhaps someone who could look after your daughter or husband for a short while to give you a short break? You just seem to have so many people relying on you (and I'm sure you are only too aware of this) that you must try and think of your own health in all of this (sorry hope this doesn't upset you)? Edited January 31, 2008 by Kinda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caroline- Report post Posted January 31, 2008 Thank you Liz & Kinda <'> , of course i wasn't upset by your comment Kinda <'> you are right though. This another reason why i stay up so late so i can try & get a bit of 'me' time. Now Hayden is on the melatonin it does help to settle him at night (not every night mind) before he was on it he was up until 1am most nights! Really can't hurry this assessment on soon enough. We are moving house next Thursday & i've asked my parents if they can have him on Saturday so i can start packing (as usual they said they would 'let me know') Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
