too friendly?

[keepingmesane]

hi all, ive been reading quite a few threads about whether to explain to people that your child is autistic and just wanted to ask whether anyone felt they needed to do this due to overly friendly behaviour rather than negative behaviour?

my two can have some spectacular meltdowns but generally are ok when we go out for short times, but they are so overly social with everyone especially my daughter. to the point where it ccan make some people feel quite uncomfortable. of course i do my best to distract them but jasmine just loves talking to people and going very close so i often end up explaining that she is autistic... but many dont believe me as thats not what they think autism is... rainman syndrome!

 

does anyone else have an overfriendly and very active child? i admit that mine seem very normal if not overconfident children to most people, its hard to get them to understand that my children do have difficulties

 

i had a horrendous time the other day when i had to go to a doctors appt and had to take all four children with me on my own! kieran and jasmine are exciteable and loud enough but add isaac who is twice as load and boistrous and it was a disaster, i mustve looked like the worst mother around with the most unruly children..

[justamum]

My son used to get too close and his speech therapist worked on 'personal space' by demostration...she would get very close to him so he would just start to feel uncomfortable, took a while but he now where 'personal space' is now.

[Caffeine Junkie]

Yes, I have to explain that 'A' has autism, because as well as being prone to meltdowns, he loves gently touching other peoples faces.

[Cariad]

Yes my son is very touchy feely, he loves to hug people and often asks strangers if he could sleepover their houses

 

He does try to sit on peoples laps too, I try to explain it's not the right behaviour for a 12 year old but he likes physical contact even though he has ASD.

[mummy]

One of the boys in my class who is autistic is very 'in your face'. He loves people and likes to hug and touch. how ever much we remind him he just doesn't seem to remember because it is an impulse. we use a social story with him as a reminder which helps a bit.

[SSK]

yes my ds, can be overly touchy, when we went to see secondary school, he kept grabbing all the female teachers name tags on lanyards round their necks, because he was trying to find his teachers mum, who worked there. I felt the need to explain to each startled teacher, what he was looking for.

[hedders]

yes my girls are too, went swimming yesterday with her friend who nearly lost her temper as my dd wouldnt stop holding onto her i did have to step in and have a private word and she found it impossible to stop

More noticable in new places like hoildays they will find a child and then stick to them like glue always ends with child not wanting to play with them

[Pippin]

P loves to hug everyone (including the Tesco delivery man!!). We now use a chart of "social circles" which shows who he can touch, and how, in the form of a target shape. he is the centre circle, his family are next....and so on.

 

 

The Tesco man is in the outer circle, by the way!!

Edited February 22, 2008 by Pippin

[stressedmumto2]

My son used to talk to anyone and everyone but very rarely does now whereas my NT daughter well, she's as confident as confident can be, will talk to anyone where ever she is, if she gets to know somebody only after meeting them once or twice she can be very affectionate with them and she is always hugging her teachers, I do have to try and steer her away alot.

 

Pippin's chart sounds like an excellant way of showing what's appropiate and what's not. Another good thing to teach is the good old hand shake, looks a bit strange when a young child does it but hey, it's better than hugging a person he/she rarely know's <'>

[krystaltps]

C isn't touchy-feely (quite the opposite in fact), but he is very outgoing. He is usually (depending on mood) one of the first to approach new people, but he can do so inappropriately, comes across as too intent and unwittingly scares people away. If he decides he really likes you and wants you as a friend, then we have "stalker syndrome" to deal with. He blew his first proper friendship in this way last year and we're hoping he has learned from that. It's a bit of a thought... what will he be like in this respect when he's a teenager and decides he likes a girl .

 

I suppose - why can't you have ASD people who are introverts and are extroverts just like everyone else... I think that's all it boils down to, really.

[charliesmomuk]

My son is the touchy feely in yer face type of child. he has a particular thing for hiar..mine, his anyones and drives his family NUTS with his getting too close. he always wants to touch me when we are out too..he is still holding my hand at nearly 11 and I accept that because of his learning difficulties but he touches me continually.

 

When he was smaller he was DREADFUL..he would plonk himself on the lap of every passing stranger and we have worked hard to help him learn who he can and can't do that to! We have used social stories and also a traffic light system... literally a visual..people in the green zone..ok to touch, people in the yello, ok to talk to, people in the red stranger..NO.

 

It's not perfect but it has helped!

Juliex

[peppa]

This is something weve been having real difficulty with too, the traffic lights idea sounds really good, think i'll give that a try.

DD will talk to anyone, willl get hold of their hand, she asks everyone there name and where they live.

Her current favourite is to tell everyone they are beautiful and shower them with kisses, even the taxi driver!

I've tried telling her that we don't do that to strangers only to people we know well, but she really struggles with who falls into the stranger and people we know brackets, think a visual aid could help.

 

At the moment (dd is 4) people find it really cute and think she's being friendly, so i try to just steer her away and quietly explain to her, occassionally if she's really gone for it with the affection etc i may explain she has autism, but at present i don't feel i need to be telling everyone as i think she needs the opportunity to interact without judgement.

 

At a young age its not so bad but this is something that needs working on as if shes is doing this at a much older age this could have serious implications, thats my concern.