Independence training ...............

[oxgirl]

Okay, we've well and truly cracked the me-popping-to-the-shop/popping-out-for-a-run-and-leaving-Jay-at-home-on-his-own thing. Now, I'm tackling him popping to the shop on his own while he leaves ME at home!

 

I've started it yesterday. He seems up for it, but very nervous. On Monday I walked him up the road and we'd agreed I'd wait across the road from the shop, he would walk along the road, cross the road and go into the shop to purchase chocolate and then come back to where I was. We got to the place we'd agreed I'd wait and he started to get all panicky, saying he couldn't do it, he was scared, what if he got run over, what if I ran off ( ), etc. I really didn't think he'd do it, but after a bit of reassurance he set off up the road to the place where he would cross. I deliberately looked the other way, 'cos I didn't think it would help if I stood and stared at him. A quick glance in that direction saw him skipping rather niftily across the road and on into the shop. A few mins later he was back and I was so proud of him.

 

He said he didn't like it, he was very scared, but he did it anyway!! Today we repeated it and I'm planning to edge further and further back towards the house until I'm actually sitting in my front room while he does it all on his own. Watch this space, I'm hoping to achieve it by Friday!!

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Hey, well done Jay

[shamu]

Oh that's fab <'> Well done both of you!

Shamu

[Mumble]

Well done. Next step will be to combine him going to the shop to buy you chocolate and coming back and bringing it to you with a cup of tea!

[lynne]

Thats such a big step for Jay.

 

Well done Jay and well done Mel.

 

Lyn

[smiley]

Very well done that lad!

 

He's doing so well Mel

[pearl]

Yay! He'll do it, with a great mum like you encouraging him <'>

[Clare63]

Fantastic Mel, you and Jay have come so far, well done to you both, here's me now thinking I might have to rent you out to give me a hand with my lad, you certainly have the knack.

 

 

Clare x x x x

[Frangipani]

Well done. Next step will be to combine him going to the shop to buy you chocolate and coming back and bringing it to you with a cup of tea!

 

Without eating it :lol:

 

<'>

[oxgirl]

Cheers guys. Today I have to go one step further (literally ) and, as he starts to walk away, I'm gonna walk in the other direction down to the corner of the road and wait there for him! I'll let ya know how we get on.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

He did well today. We got to the 'waiting point' and this time I turned round and started walking the other way from him as he went off to the shop. I waited for him at the corner. It took a lot of trust on his part, 'cos usually he doesn't trust that I'm not gonna run off or something ( ), but to let me turn my back on him and walk away took a lot of courage. Tomorrow I'm gonna walk around the corner so that he can't see me, that will be a real test. I've told him he doesn't need to see me to know where I am, but he's not convinced. We'll see how he goes. By the time I've got round the corner and he's come round to meet me, we're only about 20 feet from the house anyways and we'll have done it!!

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

You are doing soooo well with this

[oxgirl]

Had a sudden panic last night lying in bed and broke out into a sweat about this. Suddenly started fantasizing about Jay being out on his own and some nasty kids coming up and chasing him and pulling him around and not leaving him be and I worked myself up into a right state about it, fretting about something that was in my imagination!! He's so vulnerable, it would only take a couple of kids to hassle him to destroy his fragile confidence. Feeling all wobbly about this now.

 

~ Mel ~

[Cariad]

Aww that's such a lovely post, Well done to your son I bet the both of you are chuffed

[pearl]

Had a sudden panic last night lying in bed and broke out into a sweat about this. Suddenly started fantasizing about Jay being out on his own and some nasty kids coming up and chasing him and pulling him around and not leaving him be and I worked myself up into a right state about it, fretting about something that was in my imagination!! He's so vulnerable, it would only take a couple of kids to hassle him to destroy his fragile confidence. Feeling all wobbly about this now.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Mel, JP is 18 & I still worry about stuff like that. Every time he goes to taekwondo, looking so conspicuous in his white uniform I breathe a sigh of relief when he's back safe & sound. This worry is just part of being a mum, & you know you are doing the right thing, nothing is risk-free & you just have to hope he'll be ok. No comfort I know, but you can't rein him in & I know you wouldnt want to, having made such giant strides.

 

One thing I found helped was to do "what if" with JP, without alarming him too much. So he knows now if he sees a group of lads coming towards him to cross over the road, if he cant do that, not to make eye contact with them. Little things like this can make all the difference.

[Bagpuss]

Had a sudden panic last night lying in bed and broke out into a sweat about this. Suddenly started fantasizing about Jay being out on his own and some nasty kids coming up and chasing him and pulling him around and not leaving him be and I worked myself up into a right state about it, fretting about something that was in my imagination!! He's so vulnerable, it would only take a couple of kids to hassle him to destroy his fragile confidence. Feeling all wobbly about this now.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Mel <'> <'> I'm not even going to start on how negative I've been feeling of late re the future, only to say I can empathise with how you are feeling and how it can creep up on you. You and J are doing fantastically well <'> <'>

[Cariad]

Had a sudden panic last night lying in bed and broke out into a sweat about this. Suddenly started fantasizing about Jay being out on his own and some nasty kids coming up and chasing him and pulling him around and not leaving him be and I worked myself up into a right state about it, fretting about something that was in my imagination!! He's so vulnerable, it would only take a couple of kids to hassle him to destroy his fragile confidence. Feeling all wobbly about this now.

 

~ Mel ~

 

I just read this post so my other post sounded quite odd after you had said the above. I think we all feel this way as we care so much for our ASD children and they are so vunerable. Try to stay positive as you have done so well <'>

[witsend]

Your just both doing brill!!

I often get panicky when my son goes somewhere on his own, but the alternative is to never let him go anywhere, does you son have a mobile phone so you can ring him (every 5 minutes if your like me! ) and check he's OK?

Luv Witsend.

[oxgirl]

Thanks guys, feeling a bit better about it today and will have another session later.

Pearl, I know what you mean about warning him with the 'what if' thing, the trouble with that is I know Jay would take it totally over the top and it would really freak him out and scare him as he'd be certain that these things would happen and it would really panic him, so I haven't gone there yet. Even when I pop out myself I haven't said to him anything like, 'if I did get run over' or 'if I didn't get back after an hour', etc. 'cos I just know it would scare him too much and he'd sit there fretting about all the possibilities I'd introduced to him. It does frighten me actually, as I really don't know what he would do if I didn't come back, how long he'd sit there on his own, but it's a balance between worrying him about 'what if' and just hoping that nothing does go wrong!

We both have our mobile phones, yep, so at least he can phone me, but we need more practice with that as well.

Wish us luck for later.

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

Had a sudden panic last night lying in bed and broke out into a sweat about this. Suddenly started fantasizing about Jay being out on his own and some nasty kids coming up and chasing him and pulling him around and not leaving him be and I worked myself up into a right state about it, fretting about something that was in my imagination!! He's so vulnerable, it would only take a couple of kids to hassle him to destroy his fragile confidence. Feeling all wobbly about this now.

 

~ Mel ~

 

This is worrying. My parents used to go through the same experiences when I was 14 after they found out about my tours of (rough parts of) London. They feared that I would get attacked by all sorts of nasty people if I ventured into the wrong neighbourhood.

[oxgirl]

This is worrying. My parents used to go through the same experiences when I was 14 after they found out about my tours of (rough parts of) London. They feared that I would get attacked by all sorts of nasty people if I ventured into the wrong neighbourhood.

 

I'm sure it's very normal for parents actually. Haha, I used to live in the rough parts of London!! Where we are here is a different world from where I grew up so I don't know what I'm fretting about really!

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

He did very well today, we're almost there.

We came out of the house and he turned left to go to the shop on his own. Meanwhile, I turned right and walked around the block until I got to the rendevous point, where I waited for him. He was very scared, and outside the door nearly backed out but I turned around confidently and said, 'see you in a min' and off I went and he trotted the other way. He walked all the way to the shop, although he did see me halfway round as the two routes meet up, so that's probably a bit of a cheat, but he did it all the same. On Sunday I'm hoping that he'll agree to walk from the house all the way to the shop while I stay in the house, but we'll see!

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

I'm sure it's very normal for parents actually. Haha, I used to live in the rough parts of London!! Where we are here is a different world from where I grew up so I don't know what I'm fretting about really!

 

~ Mel ~

 

Like venturing out as far as the North Circular after dark.

 

My parents didn't mind me wandering about in busy parts of central London, but visiting the suburbs or areas commuters and tourists rarely see was a different matter.

[Bagpuss]

He did very well today, we're almost there.

We came out of the house and he turned left to go to the shop on his own. Meanwhile, I turned right and walked around the block until I got to the rendevous point, where I waited for him. He was very scared, and outside the door nearly backed out but I turned around confidently and said, 'see you in a min' and off I went and he trotted the other way. He walked all the way to the shop, although he did see me halfway round as the two routes meet up, so that's probably a bit of a cheat, but he did it all the same. On Sunday I'm hoping that he'll agree to walk from the house all the way to the shop while I stay in the house, but we'll see!

 

~ Mel ~