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rainbow queen

im in tears now writing this.....

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having just spent another nightmare 40 mins trying to get my son to leave a class mates house and into my car.............

 

im in tears now writing this..........

they had to shout the door on us to get him out of the house.............then he wouldnt get in the car -had to struugle making him get in seat then had to pull over twice as he was booting me in back and undooing seatbelt -ended up losing my temper and folk were gawping through the windows watching it all

 

 

i feel i am losing my grip on controlling him and nobody listens really -going backk in march to see camhs -it will be same old tale -they dont want to prescribe medication -hes really abusive to me and this has increased of late.

 

i wouldnt be at all suprised if the police didnt call round -most likely some one will report us at this rate

 

 

am going to look for restraining seatbelts on the net ?

do any of you have these at all?

i cant think of anything else that will work -in fact nothing works at the time -ive been told by school to play music cds in the car...............what a load of ######## in fact tonight i took one with me and my other son was listening to it -when my asd son relised id got it as it was his for xmas this also sent him on one .............i cant do right for wrong anymore............ :tearful:

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((((RQ))))) I guess you are already writing all these incidents down for your camhs meeting? Good luck.

 

If you can't get conventional meds have you considered alternative meds. I used a great herbal tincture for my dd's anxiety, it might be worth talking to a herbalist :unsure:

 

A x

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Hi RQ >:D<<'>

Really sorry i dont have any advice but i will tell you i remember taking my son to the shops one day and he didnt want to come home. I eventually got him into the car with an audience of people watching :whistle: i slammed the door till he would calmdown and he proceeded to lie one the back seat and kick the window full belt. I honestly thought he was going to smash it - i felt alful too this was before he was diagnosed and nobody would help so i know how you feel. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Take care

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ive calmed down a bit now -my son has just about -ive just been reading this http://groups.msn.com/TheAutismHomePage/outofcontrol.msnw

 

this is the bit i should of done -my fault really -i ended up adding fuel to it -but its hard to do this while your on the street -on the pavement and in the car -i manage it at home just about .............

 

 

 

1. Stop intervening. By this time you have probably tried talking calmly to the person, yelling at the person, restraining the person, etc. If these things have not worked up to this point - stop doing them. Do not talk to the person, stare at the person (watch them with your peripheral vision), or touch the person (except for safety). These steps may not calm the person down but they will take away some of the fuel to his out of control behavior. When a person is attacking you, you have the right to defend yourself. This is best achieved through defensive and blocking moves.

 

 

 

i have realy problems leeting it go

my son does not -i end up feeling low for hours after and then my son snaps out of it as though it never happened

 

theres no point trying to talk about it either

though ive read that social stories may help with this ........

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Is there a 'Community team for people with learning disablilites' or and 'autism family support team' that you can be refered to. They maybe able to offer help in dealing with his aggression.

 

It certainly is not easy dealing with a child who is aggresseive to you. My son can be aggressive. He is not allowed to share transport to school because of his tendency to become aggressive when distressed.

 

Glad you have calmed down a little. Take care

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thanks for all your replys....

 

i am going to put it all down in a letter to send to camhs before appointment

i think i need to as they dont know half of what goes on.............i shall just be frank about it and say how do you expect me to carry on like this..........

 

i have been referred to autism team -but issues we covered in last meeting did not really cover the agression...........i am being given traffic light system ect and pecs to deal with changes ect...........

 

i think my problem is i hold back the bad stuff too much -and folk think oh shes ok shes coping

im not really -life is ###### to put in nicely -i dont want to blame my son but what do you do.............i shall just have to state it all and see what happens.

the ###### days are all merging into each other and theres no breaks in between anymore........its like a dripping tap ....wearing you down little by little.......

 

excuse me sounding morbid...........i have noone else to even chat to about this? they are all sick of hearing it . :tearful:

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>:D<<'> RQ I go through this with my son alot, still now and he's 9. My heart goes out to you because I know how draining it can be dealing with this and then the worry of getting reported to the police or social services. I really don't know what to suggest but I'll just tell you some of the things we do to try and make the transition a bit easier for my son.

 

We always do a countdown of when it's time to leave, whether it's the skate park, friends house, theme parks, play centre etc etc. I wonder if seeing something visual may help your son or an alarm on a watch??

 

I don't know how old your child is but what about doing a visual board showing picture of friends house, picture of them playing with time, picture of drink,snack maybe then picture of time again showing when it's timeto leave and a picture of door, you going back into car and then back home. I wonder if something like this may help or even a transitional object liike a magazine in the car/gameboy/favourite toy etc. Everytime your son leaves the places in the correct way reward him with something small so that he gets the message that he gest something good when he leaves places in a sensible way. These things I have been advised to do by our out-reach worker, sometimes they work but sometimes they don't.

 

Last week with sessional worker in the car his behaviour was appauling and neither of us knew what to do, again because of the transition of taking his sister to dancing, we had an audience whilst he decided my car was a punch bag and trampoline, arghhhhh because I stuck to my guns and said he couldn't go to the skate park as he was being naughty in the car, it would of been easier to give in and less damage to my car!!!!!!

 

Make sure you keep a diary of what happened before, during and after the incident, you can use ABC sheets and they may pin point exactly why your son got so upset with leaving, it could of been transition, that he didn't want it to end, the change of what was happening next or a combination of all of these things.

 

Make sure you get planty of rest now, it sounds like you will need it as it is so draining when these meltdowns happen. Tomorrow oe even tongiht try and talk to him about what happened and why he got so upset, I have found now my son can talk to me and tell me what has upset him and this has really helped us because now I know how to approach things better. >:D<<'>

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Rq >:D<<'>

 

Tom is only 5 so I can still carry him out under my arm!! We used to do a count down - but his school have given us a set of progressional (spelling?) egg timers! We now choose the appropriate one tell him - when time runs out we do this or that - then turn the timer over....... how much time we need dictates which timer we use. Tom is really responds to the timers - except when he is really enjoying something he will try to turn it back over before the sand has run out!!

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RQ,

thanks for that link >:D<<'> ,now it's just a case of remembering what to do at the time when the crisis is going on!!!!!! The hospital bit is a very good point, I did consider this myself last week when my son was soout of control. We've called the police out on occasion and so have school and it does calm him down but there's no fear or worry there and the police do feel there time is being wasted.

 

The going into another room is a very good point and has worked in this house, But I feel when we are out I simply can not walk away from him because there is then increased risks. When my son is angry he vents his aggresion towards me as i'm usually the one putting the restrictions on him, does your son also do this?

 

How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling a bit better and managed to get a good nights sleep >:D<<'>

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Hi I would really express your difficulties to the camhs and your GP, they need to really get the message that his behaviour is placing risks that could be disaterous and they need to take action very soon.

 

Its totally understandable that you got to the end of your tether but this is the calling card now that you must listen to this warning and ensure that your child and you get some help urgently, I know that you wouldnt hurt your child but if it is getting to the point that you really are feeling like you are loosing your grip on the situation you need to share this now with your Gp and Camhs and try and get an urgent appointment because it is very clear your child is in destress and he needs an assessment to ensure he gets his needs met.

 

Contact a Family have councillors to help you get the right support and they have a helpline and they can send you further booklets and reports on how to manage with challenging behaviour, they do a special booklet called how to deal with challenging behaviour. brilliant booklet and goes into other support lines.

 

I think it is clear that more needs to be done and as soon as possible because of the stress and pressures it is placing on both of you.

 

JsMum

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hi -im bit better today thanks.........

 

my gp is aware of it all....ive sent her several letters about it all-also his social worker and school.ive just posted off a letterabout it all to camhs -my appointment is in march.am going reprint letter and send to autism team as well.

im asking about medication as well as no one has ever even disscussed that with us.

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hi -im bit better today thanks.........

 

my gp is aware of it all....ive sent her several letters about it all-also his social worker and school.ive just posted off a letterabout it all to camhs -my appointment is in march.am going reprint letter and send to autism team as well.

im asking about medication as well as no one has ever even disscussed that with us.

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whoops pressed button twice -yeah am going print out that letter and send it out to everyone again.its not like i havnt tryed getting more help -i have -it seems everyone is under funded and wont budge.

so am going now to copie that letter and every ones going get it -i dont care if they think im pestering -all i want is for my boy to be more happy than he is now.........its awful seeing him in this turmoil........i will carry on fighting :thumbs: :thumbs:

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update

 

ive just been out and went to see my sons social worker about it all.............he said he would come to next camhs appointment with me and we talked about medication with me and that it should be a option, so its wait and see now........xxx

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>:D<<'> hello RQ i have a son aged six with asd he was only diagnosed about three weeks ago so its still "sinking in " as it was. but i will say please dont apolgise for moaning or being morbid as you said. it is nice to hear from someone who is actually stating how i feel most of the time,The people on here have been excellent and soooooooooo understanding. we are all suffering as it was from the same or very very simular situations or emotions . the east berkshire autistic society are excellent people to talk to and have coffee mornings once a month and are available for phone calls or home visits :thumbs: ,i have vented off steam asked loads of questions and :crying: to them loads lol. please be assured that myself and others like to hear you moan as it reminds us all we are not alone in our "daily nightmares". :wallbash: i am sorry im not much help as regards your questions but am here if you need to talk. keep your chin up x x x >:D<<'>

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Hi RQ

Haven't been on here for a couple of days and have just seen your thread.

Have no advice but wanted to give you one of these >:D<<'> and say you sound so like

me so I do understand, I hope things are a bit easier today.

Allie x

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Hi >:D<<'>

I am sorry to hear how pathetic the system is over there when you have a crisis like this. In this case I would go to the hospital or GP and demand an urgent review by a Paediatrician, cut through the red tape queue jump make a scene........ !! Do not back down - be a pitball terrier.... if this is what you have to do to be heard - do it. Keep a diary of food and behaviours. Avoid caffeine drinks coca cola, chocolate, red and green food colourings and Preservative 282 and 211. Keep his routine regular and simple. Routine, routine, routine prevents major meltdowns. If he is in meltdown mode give him space and a safe place - remember 'no reaction, reaction during these times its best you walk away - no eye contact - he needs this in order to calm down..

 

Personally in my experience the Paediatiian is the best because this doctor is going to become like a family member- ours is. When meds are changed he is a phone call away so I can describe the behaviours to the Paediatrician and he may adjust the doe over the phone or ask you to come back asap. He relies on your diary of behaviours - letters from teachers and his own observations to monitor what is setting your child off. A referral to a Behavioural Optometrist is important and Occupational Therapist and a Speech Therapist. The Paediatrician will refer you to all of these as well as and Education Psychologist for Assessments. This sounds a lot but one step at a time you will see all the Paediatrician may find that your child can be meds free if it is a food allergy.

 

If still aggressive and harming self or others he will possibly change the meds or alter the dose. Just because medication works for one child doesn't mean it will be right for another. Listen to the Paediatician ring him if behaviours have gone troppo it may mean your child needs more or less medications or a change to another type altogether - don't delay, sounds like this is why you need an urgent review. He may also recommend two medications. The Paediatrician will get you priority referrals to Specialists for food allergies this book Sue Dengate 'Different Kids' will help you asap on things to avoid.

 

Is his bedroom calming and soothing - get rid of things that wind him up - especially clutter. Soft blue furnishings are good- avoid red its proven to over stimulate kids like this, my sons preschool proved this when they had a colour theme day each day for a week. When they got to the colour red - clothes decorations etc all red, all the kids were wired to the moon. :lol:

 

Things will settle once your child needs are being resolved. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing great. Your child is screaming for help but he can't tell you what's wrong soon he will be back- with reassurance that you love him and are going to find out how best to help. Don't yell its not his fault...... he needs a good understanding Paediatrician. My son always feels like he can walk on water after each visit with ours.

 

This is a life long process the Paediatrician will also visit the school and reommend all the necessary paperwork and procedures for one- one support at school - so the school get the necessary funding etc.

 

Goodluck >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Love

Fran

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