JsMum Report post Posted March 8, 2008 (edited) We are having a care workers every evening to help support me with J with his evening routine, its been quite difficult for J to cope with the change of people and I dont think that many have training in ADHD/ASD and sometimes the staff are passing comments that I dont think is helpful, last night J got upset and I tried to explain, the ending I just tried to use a bit of humour but J didnt take it as a joke and demanded I stop copying him, he had taken me litratley and I responded to the care worker that this was typical ASD/ADHD as he had misinturprited my words, the care worker then turned round and said " Nar thats just a normal kid trying to get his own way" I had to explain that I wasnt talking about his behaviour but his responce to my last comment, that he has taken it litrately, she then went on to say " parents cant go and blame all their behaviour on ADHD and ASD, my kids where just the same, they did this and that and they dont have all this ADHD and ASD, I mean it wasnt even heard of then, kids now adays can go and blame everything on their ADHD now adays, he is just a kid trying it on, thats all." What am I to do and how on earth can I work with such comments, the ironic thing is she has a family member with ADHD and she explains to me that this family friend with ADHD sometimes stays with her, she said " he is defo much different with us than with his mum, that he is much better behaved so if a child can act one way in one place and then behave in another in another place it doesnt make sence " I really do wish that people would wake up to ADHD/ASD it makes it so hard to get them to manage J effectively. J hasnt reacted very well to the care workers coming, he distances himselfs, shuts doors in their faces, is rude and has said verbally to their faces I dont like you go away, so they leave, the staff are not trained in any of the complex needs J has and I just feel its not working because deep down they just feel J is just a naughty kid, and ADHD doesnt really exsist, we are still very much in the dark ages and I am beginning to wonder why I even wanted this help because all its doing is making it harder and Js not interacting with them and its slowly growing to a halt, it may even be stopped because J isnt letting anyone in. It took all day to leave the house yesterday to go and do some errends but J was resisting and putting it off as long as possible that by the time we did go out it was later and we had tea later, the worker said that if it was her she wouldnt give J the choice and she would just go, you have to bear in mind J is nearly 11 yrs old and I cant just shuck him out and make him walk, he gets very anxious when outdoors, he had a busy week and that day he was just chilling but we did need to do some things but he took it litrately that we could chill out all day, but when it came to going out he got upset and I waited until he calmed down, this is why it took longer. She continued to say that well he cant just stay in all day can he, I mean you have things to do as well. I had to explain to her why this task was just too much for J but again she said she wouldnt give J the choice. JsMum Edited March 8, 2008 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jo4themo Report post Posted March 8, 2008 Hi Js mum Sorry to hear your carers are being so rude. Could you ask to change the care company? or if this is not possible, then could you ask for them to make sure that you have the same two or three people - ideally not that awful one you had? I know that different social services work in different ways, but when my elderly dad needed them to help both in the morning and the evening they always sent one of two different ladies (except in emergencies). Before N was dx her reception teacher had her down as naughty, but as soon as we got her diagnosed the same teacher had the nerve to say"I knew it all along"!! I don't get how these so-called professional and trained people feel that they can be so rude. I work in a playgroup and before I had my youngest was Supervisor at another playgroup and I would never dream to speak to a parent like that. Hope you get it sorted Emma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted March 9, 2008 <'> >< <'> >< <'> no advice but i get this all the time with my own family too.............i can get very down about it all-then other times im strong enough to shrug it off. hope your ok-had a bad day myself-had a row with mysister at the hospital in front of me mum-and ive decided thats it she can get stuffed -and from now on shes out of my life-there comes a point where u just cant smile and ignore stuff........this has been building up for a good while. it makes you feel like ranting stick your help -sorry you having bad time take care xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted March 10, 2008 Other people just do not understand our kids, my sister in law was talking about moving houses and l said l couldnt move at the moment as it would destroy Nick, he loves his house and garden and it would not be worth the upset, she said l cannot let him rule my life!! they just dont understand you have my sympathy. Have you tried asking ss for direct payments, we get this for Nick and l employ someone Nick and I like to take him out, it works really well, you can explain to ss that you need to have someone that js likes and trusts, if they give you any trouble, go to your MP, this is what we did and got direct payments straight away. good luck <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) me and the worker had a chat and we have cleared the air a little, I may of took some of her comments the wrong way? she has genrally said she hasnt ment to upset me and we had a really good chat about ADHD and ASD. I feel that she sees how hard it is for me to deal with J as I do find it totally exhausting. I do feel at times that other people find it tuns easier raising a child like J because they seem to do it without batting an eye lid, but I think thats because some people hide the real struggle because they dont want to except how it really is themselves. I think we can move forward now and get somewhere with the evening routine, tonight J even interacted with her afterwards. JsMum Edited March 10, 2008 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
