I WAS FUMING

[kirstie]

I'm just writing this to let off steam really!

The other day we were at a shopping centre car park, parked up in the disabled section (we have a blue badge) and this old (ish) lady was driving around looking for a disabled parking space and she was glaring at me and my husband. We just carried on getting the buggy out of the car and put the baby in the back and the woman came around again ranting and we asked her what was her problem and she said something about why were we parking there and we said we have a disabled child, and without getting the rest out (he was still in the car) she said, "Sitting in a buggy? it looks ok to me!!" and drove off (fast!!) not before i had told her to pee off (sorry, couldn't help it!)

How ignorant can you get though?? My Son doesn't look any less 'normal' (hate that word) than my daughter, but once again we have the issue of the hidden disability and morons like that who pass ridiculous ignorant comments. There was nothing wrong with her gob that's for sure!! When we came out we saw she had parked up a few spaces down from us- i hope she had a good look at our blue badge the trout!

I was fuming. I'd have happily shown her our badge if she'd have asked!!

Some people!!

[Bagpuss]

One of the most surprising things we have had to deal with since our DD's dx of MD and ASD is the utter rudeness of other people when it comes to disabled parking bays. I have honestly lost count of the amount of times we have been challenged. I can also say that every single one of those peeps has been from a certain generation.

 

I was brought up to respect the elderly, to give your seat up for them, to let them go before you in a queue, to be polite and helpful, but our DD has been treated appallingly and shown a total lack of care and respect, as have we, and my views have changed.

 

Believe me Kirstie, showing your badge makes little difference. We did this in the early days, when we felt embarrassed and uncomfortable when confronted, and were told on numerous occasions that because our DD was not in a wheelchair (she was using a major buggy at the time) we were not entitled.

 

We have had a similar experience at a well known local visitor attraction. We were told to move our car out of the disabled bay, when our DD's badge was clearly visible in the windowscreen, because she could walk. Even when we explained our diagnosis, we were met with short shrift.

 

I know people do abuse the system, I've seen it happen, in so much as they park in a disabled bay, without a badge. But I feel if someone is clearly displaying a badge no one has any right to confront you.

 

My skin is as thick as a rhino's now, and god help anyone who says anything anymore.

 

I used to be so quiet, shy and retiring...dunno what happened

[justamum]

oh the grey army...'your too young to be disabled' syndrome.

 

Get on your nerves doesn't it.

 

I have had that for years and now taken to when they start hovering round the car to catch a 'sneaky glimpse' as to whether I have a badge or not I actually just sit and wait for them. Then I say 'you got a problem?' while drawing attention to my badge. Sends them scurrying every time. One did to me yesterday. She was sat in the car whilst hubby did his duty and got the shopping (that is not what the badges are designed for). So as she tried to peer to see if I had a badge I starred at her until embarrassment got the better of her. Yes I also stopped and checked to see if she had a badge too!

 

I also get 'you don't need that crutch at your age' and other remarks. The reply is 'old age hasn't made you less rude then'

 

The really humours thing that happened when I had my mother with one time was I parked in a disabled bay and got out first. Two old dears were saying very loudly 'she doesn't look disabled' just as my mother got out of the car. They then decided that my very fit and able 75 year old mother was the one who needed the badge because she was elderly . At that stage, whilst laughing, my mother walked up to them and asked if there was any age barrier to disability and why they considered that those with grey hair are infirm. They shot off as fast as their legs would carry them.

 

My mother has also parked me, when in a wheelchair, in front of a car where the chap in the driving seat felt his very able elderly wife was entitled to parked in a disabled bay whilst she popped into the shop. She walked off and left me there, facing him. He shifted pretty quickly!

 

Don't get mad with them....get sarcastic!

[kirstie]

Hi Bagpuss,

I was so upset my stomach was going like a washing machine! It took me back to the days of being chucked off the bus when my boy would scream. I haven't had to put up with that level of ignorance over the years since. Untill the other day that is. Yes his ASD is invisable but his walking isn't. He has piedro boots for his tight achilles and walking is a bit of a mission for him, as is his balance.

I was hoping i'd bump into her in the shopping centre so i could have a quiet word but i doubt it would've made any difference anyway.

And your right, the tuts and stares i've always had have been from the same generation. I too have been brought up to respect my elders and give them a seat, offer assistace if needed but honestly some of them can be so cantancerous (sp) and EXPECT you to move to make way for them or won't move to let you pass....i just don't understand that mentality or thoughtlessness!

[justamum]

Kirstie you DO NOT have to justify your sons disability. Frankly I wouldn't, she wasn't his GP. He has a blue badge, that's all the justification that is required. As for being chucked off a bus, I hope you complained to the bus company.

 

Respect is earned, it is not a given right and those who have this mentally don't deserve it.

Edited March 30, 2008 by justamum

[baddad]

Just to add another perspective - and it's not a comment on Kirstie or anyone elses situation (of which I know nothing) but a general one...

 

When Ben was much younger and far more difficult to move around many people suggested I should get an orange badge.

Having worked for years as a carer, and faced the frustrations of helping physically handicapped/profoundly autistic adults on and off of 'Sunshine buses' (don't get me started on those! ) I could never quite equate the problems I faced, as a parent of a reluctant 3/4 year old (and believe me, reluctant is an understatement!) with those faced by my service users. I also felt that however difficult it might be, Ben was better off learning/would need to learn those mobility skills at some point, and that doing so would be far easier to accomplish at 'size' 3/4/5 years than 'size' 8,9,10,11, whenever... (I took the same line with shopping, when almost everyone else suggested i should do it while he was at school or get a baby sitter - best 'tip' i ever got on that one was from pookie many years ago - 'get a walkman' )

I also get annoyed when I see people using their badges indiscriminately with little or no consideration for others purely because they can rather than because they need to.

Of course, disabled spaces/blue badges are excellent and totally necessary, and as i said at the begining, this is not a comment on anyone here who's circumstances are unknown to me, so please don't anyone take it personally

 

Final thought - did anyone else watch 'me myself and irene' the other night? Brilliant 'take' on this issue -

Jim Carey becomes incensed when he sees a non-disabled driver scream into a disabled parking space, leap out of the (convertable) car and run into a shop. He looks around for a rubbish bin and empties it all over the car's interior, then walks away smugly. As he does so he hears a shout from behind and turns to see the driver emerging from the shop supporting a severely disabled guy on a zimmer frame!

 

BD

[aro]

Actually this is something that really annoys me. My dd has cerebral palsy but as she is little we lift her out the car usually into a major buggy (we tend to leave her wheelchair in school during the week as it's cumbersome) and the looks you get from the elderly, and I'm sorry if that sounds disrespectful but about 99% of the time it is the elderly!

 

I really feel like shouting "she has a dx'd disability...you are just old, bog off!" very rude, I know, but honestly part of me thinks there should be a "disabled" parking area and a "decrepit elderly person" parking area

 

A x

Edited March 30, 2008 by aro

[kirstie]

Baddad,

I get what you're saying, and as a rule if we're out we, wherever possible use the parent and child parking because of it's relativley close proximity to the shop/centre. But this day it was heaving and we did use a disabled bay with badge on full display. It was the ignorance of her remarks that riled me- she had no right.

Also, my son is 2.5 and cannot walk very well so he does mostly go into his buggy,( but he likes to walk- even if he can't very well or very far ) where he does look very ' normal' . His older brother who has AS is now 8 and yes, i expect the behaviours to be far better as i just won't tolerate the screaming headbutting hairpulling biting meltdowns of years ago. (From him anyway) However, Aiden's understanding and language are far more delayed that Lewis's ever were so i do ahve the major meltdowns from the wee one- and having many bruises from a kicking screaming boy with hefty piedro boots on then i think parking as near as possible to the shops is a must for me. There is most definatley a need- probably why we were given the blue badge in the first place.

Aiden has a dx of ASD. (you might remember we thought he had CP?? turns out his tight calf muscles and achilles are from tip toe walking so high up!!)

[ellisisamazing]

I am at the point now, that I don't get angry any more, but I will use the situation to highlight the commenters ignorance.....

 

For example, a few weeks ago at El's regular hospital appointments ( that involves a blood test and other investigations due to his iron problem and eating issues), El was in his MB and I also had my three old daughter with me and as we approached the lift, a male looked at El, then at me and says, "Gosh, he's too old to be in a pram, you should make him walk, the lazy thing!"....so I just smiled sweetly and said, "Can you just come here and look at this?"....as I pointed at something on the rear of the MB...

 

I then saw his eyes bulge and his skin turn a nice shade of barbie pink as he reads, " Provided by Wirral Wheelchair Centre, St. Catherines Hospital etc, etc!"

 

He then said, " Oh er oooh, I should know better really shouldn't I?" to which I said, " And I should follow you back to the ward on which you are nursing on and report you to your manager for being rude, shouldn't I, but you're not worth it!"

 

I felt empowered that day and hopefully taught the nosey male nurse a valuable lesson!

Edited March 30, 2008 by ellisisamazing

[baddad]

Hi again -

 

As I said, Kirstie, not a comment on your personal situation at all - just a general observation.

 

There is most definatley a need- probably why we were given the blue badge in the first place

 

Again, not it any way questioning the appropriateness in your own situation (or anyone else's here), but the 'probably why' bit above, is, sadly, not always the case... benefit fraud is a huge problem nationally, which is part of the reason why it can be so hard for genuine cases to get acknowledged. The 'blue badge' scheme is far less 'secure' than the benefits system, so not every blue badge in the disabled parking area is justified...

Not quite the same thing, but an interesting article on parking fraud here:

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6160588.stm

 

BD

[kirstie]

Hi Bads,

I don't understand how people can fraudulantly (urgh sp) get a blue badge?? Maybe it's different in areas/cities?? We had to apply to the concessions people at the council and then we were given an appointment to see a Doctor who then assesses suitability from meeting your child (in our case) and hearing the history etc.

We never applied for one with Lewis, as his walking was OK even if his behaviours weren't, and he had and still does have the tendancy to run for it and has no sense of danger on roads etc. But with Aiden- as well as his behaviours he has the problems with walking, i have to say it has been a godsend to us when we have used it!

I have no idea how people could have the audacity to apply for a badge if they don't really need one.

I wish we didn't have the need for one, i wish things were different. But that's not to say i'd change my boys for anything....but, well you know what i mean!!

[Karen A]

Hi.I live in an inner London borough.Several people have been charged with fraudulent use of blue badges.The badges are worth so much that people cannot leave them on the car because it is worth breaking into the car or taking the car for the badge.Also people have been charged for using the car for work in order to park within easy reach of work...when the person the badge was applied for was at home.Unfortunately the fact that somone in a family has a genuine need for a badge does not prevent other people from missusing it.

Parking in many inner London boroughs is tightly restricted for non-residents and so it is a very good way for fraudsters to make money by producing fraudulent badges.Karen.

[kirstie]

Hi Karen,

I see what you mean!

I hadn't thought of people breaking into cars for a badge, i must remember to bring ours indoors!

We don't use it unless our Son is in the car, i wouldn't dream of using it unless he was, i haven't got the brass neck!

[hev]

the blue badge scheme defo gets abused,my friend lets her brother borrow hers and hes a fit 37 year old,hers hasent got a picture of her son on it but my dads has got a picture of him on it so i dont think others can use it?

[Kathryn]

Kirstie,

 

 

<'> <'>

 

I sympathise. This has happened to us too - we were pulling into a parking space and had to suffer some snide remark along the "you don't look disabled" lines from a woman who was pushing a child in a wheelchair and just happened to be parking next to us. She said it directly to my daughter which upset her for the rest of the day. Thanks to this woman, L will no longer make use of the badge when she is with us. Luckily, she needs it less nowadays anyway (we got it originally for physical rather than AS related reasons.) When it's up for renewal we may not bother.

 

I know there is abuse of the system, as there is of any benefit system, but then surely the system needs changing to make abuse more difficult: why should the bona fide users bear the brunt of other people's hostility?

 

And people need educating about the nature of disability.

 

K x

[baddad]

surely the system needs changing to make abuse more difficult: why should the bona fide users bear the brunt of other people's hostility?

 

And people need educating about the nature of disability.

 

K x

 

Absolutely to both those points.

Still, it's a difficult system to monitor, so i don't know how much you can do to tackle the first. Basically, like the benefits system generally, it comes down to honesty... if someone is morally comfortable with making a fraudulant benefit claim the system is open to abuse... in the case of, say, unemployment benefit it's as simple as saying 'no, I haven't/am not working and then working off the cards, and with disability benefits it's a matter of exaggerating/outright lying about the implications of an injury, illness or disability. Lets face it, once someone is receiving a mobility component of DLA, the blue badge is pretty much a done deal if they want it - and that's without any of the other factors highlighted of people using nicked or borrowed badges...

Hev - The badges do have photo ID now, but (from what i read on the link I posted) they are only on the backs of the cards so are not displayed. Even that 'check', though, is dependent on the person displaying the badge being seen parking or returning to the car and then being 'challenged'. Assuming the '50 percent illegal in inner London' statistic to be true, how many people out of 100 if directly asked would respond 'It's a fair cop, guvnor' and move their car? Erm.... I'm not going to volunteer to do the research, are you?

 

 

BD

[kirstie]

Nope i wouldn't volenteer either!!

We have a photo on the back of ours too, which isn't great i suppose for the likes of fraudulent use.

As with Kathryn we got it really for the physical side rather than ASD behaviours. I am hoping his walking and tightness in his legs will get better with the boots and physio.

[Bagpuss]

I've never understood how anyone manages to con the system with regards DLA, although it clearly takes place.

 

Even when our DD was dx with MD and ASD, a doctor was still sent to our home to do a home visit. We found the application process vigorous.

 

As a parent I found it quite depressing to use the blue badge, and the confrontations made it so much harder. The first time we used it I felt an inner sadness which I can't put into words. It was similar to the first time I saw our DD sit in a wheelchair when we went to Wheelchair Services for her to measured for her first one. I felt I had to justify our daughters level of disability to members of the public, which is utterly disgraceful. I would never dream of accosting someone who had a blue badge displayed.....I'm in no position to judge if that person is disabled "enough" or not to warrant a blue badge. Maybe more investment should be put into inspectors in car parks checking the validity of those displaying blue badges, with serious consequences for anyone found to be abusing the badge through theft or misuse.

 

Our DD has good days and bad days, and I use her badge on both. I can't predict how she will fair with her mobility whilst we are out and I'd find it impossible to be driving round a car park trying to decide if today she really needs a disabled bay or not. It's not viewed as a perk by myself or DH, or something to be abused........it's a painful reminder, and I'd gladly have a child without a life limiting form of MD, and walk from the other side of the car park.

 

Let those who judge come walk in my daughters shoes and face her future alongside us.

 

The elderly peeps who feel we are somehow not entitled to use the disabled bay need to be thankful they have lived to old age.

 

I'm sorry if my words sound harsh

Edited March 30, 2008 by Bagpuss

[harmony]

I'm just writing this to let off steam really!

The other day we were at a shopping centre car park, parked up in the disabled section (we have a blue badge) and this old (ish) lady was driving around looking for a disabled parking space and she was glaring at me and my husband. We just carried on getting the buggy out of the car and put the baby in the back and the woman came around again ranting and we asked her what was her problem and she said something about why were we parking there and we said we have a disabled child, and without getting the rest out (he was still in the car) she said, "Sitting in a buggy? it looks ok to me!!" and drove off (fast!!) not before i had told her to pee off (sorry, couldn't help it!)

How ignorant can you get though?? My Son doesn't look any less 'normal' (hate that word) than my daughter, but once again we have the issue of the hidden disability and morons like that who pass ridiculous ignorant comments. There was nothing wrong with her gob that's for sure!! When we came out we saw she had parked up a few spaces down from us- i hope she had a good look at our blue badge the trout!

I was fuming. I'd have happily shown her our badge if she'd have asked!!

Some people!!

 

2 weeks ago I was in our local high street my 3 children with me, I had to go to the bank. As my AS DD who is 12, was at that point in a good mood I knew I was fine to park for 2 mins to go and pay my chq in.

no spaces available near the bank, except disabled space, so I drove around the block, to see if any one moved. What I saw instead was a very famous ex footballer, who is also a famous tv presenter park in the disabled space. I eventually got a regular space directly behind him. He stayed in the car, a woman got out, I went to the bank, came back, I spent a few more minutes in the car but he stayed put in the disabled space. I can only asume (hope) he would have moved if someone with a badge needed to park. I was very dissapointed, as I used to admire the man, but he made my blood boil. ....one rule for us....

Lets hope he never really needs to use a disabled space, if I had more guts I would have confronted him but DD doesn't like confrontation so I let it be. footballers ....yuck.........

Harmony

[pookie170]

Hmm....we're fortunate in that we don't need a blue badge, but this definitely brings to mind the sadly numerous times we faced such problems when my Dad was around. I did not have a problem with a quickfire rant at someone abusing the provision of disabled car parking spaces, but my Dad DID mind, as he hated having attention drawn to himself.

On one GLORIOUS day however, we got our own back....

A middle aged man in a flashy coupe type thing had spotted the free disabled parking space I was attempting to manouver the cumbersome chairman we'd booked for the day towards....the street was narrow and busy, I was 19 and had only been driving for a year and it was all I could do to keep my sweat-slick hands on the steering wheel, let alone confidently parallell park the behemoth thing! This guy came from the other direction and zipped into the space!

I couldn't contain myself, rolled down the window and bellowed, 'Thats a disabled space, and I need it for my dad!!' (I had looked, and who'd-a-thunk-it, no badge on his car!!)

The cheeky so and so cheerily grinned, popped his thumb up and replied, "S'not a problem,hen, got a club foot!', aped a limp and walked off. I was....

 

RAGING!!!!

 

Reluctantly, I started moving off....However, the gods beamed beatifically on us and widdled all over him, as at this point, a traffic warden appeared, so I practically bellowed him over(HUGE line o traffic behind me by now) and pointed out the car, telling him what had happened. I cannot repeat what the lovely yellow peril said back, for I am a lady and it was VERY rude, but the warden almost ran to the car and began the ticketing process.

I wish I had seen the 'disabled' guys face on his return, that would have rounded it off nicely, but my Dad and I chuckled all the way to the multi-storey carpark!

 

 

Thought you guys might appreciate this anecdote, just remember Karma!!!!

 

Esther x

Edited March 30, 2008 by pookie170

[sandyn]

"GRUMPY OLD MEN AND GRUMPY OLD WOMEN"

 

There is always going to be one of them out there.

[kirstie]

walk[/i] in my daughters shoes and face her future alongside us.

 

 

 

Very well said!

[baddad]

Our DD has good days and bad days, and I use her badge on both. I can't predict how she will fair with her mobility whilst we are out and I'd find it impossible to be driving round a car park trying to decide if today she really needs a disabled bay or not. It's not viewed as a perk by myself or DH, or something to be abused...

 

Let those who judge come walk in my daughters shoes and face her future alongside us.

I'm sorry if my words sound harsh

 

Hi bagpuss/all -

 

No, your words don't sound harsh, but the point I was trying to make was about people who have no entitlement to use a badge at all using it, or those who do have an entitlement using it inappropriately - i.e. when the car is not being used as transport for the disabled person or when it is loaned to other family members for convenience etc...

 

You mentioned car park checks with 'inspectors', but how would that work if everyone they asked to produce evidence took the very act as an intrusion or a 'judgement' on their honesty? As I said, the dishonest users aren't just going to say 'it's a fair cop, guvnor'. Ask any traffic warden how many people are perfectly happy and reasonable when they book them for illegal parking - the 'rights and wrongs' of the parking offence are immaterial to the responses.

 

Car park checks - for anyone arriving at a car park or space displaying a badge but with no obvious disability - 'yes, I'm picking up my disabled wife/mother/father/daughter'... For anyone returning to a car - 'yes, i've just dropped off my....' you've either got to have inspectors on site around the clock (and 'booking' travellers in and out of their cars), or 24hr camera surveillance coupled with a willingness for people approached by inspectors to volunteer information.

 

For my money, the answer to what is a very real problem - based on the latest London statistics - is better 'enforcement' coupled with a willingness from those genuinely benefiting from the system to cooperate with that enforcement rather than getting the hump every time somebody had the 'audacity' to approach them. Certainly such approaches should be made with courtesy rather than snide comments and dirty looks, but then that demands something other than outrage and anger as an automatic response, doesn't it?

 

As for old cummudgeonly old people... I think that goes with the territory and no matter how much we like to think we won't it is how we'll all end up... some would say i'm halfway there already, and i'm only a slip of a lad!

 

BD

[Bagpuss]

If an inspector approached me to ask the validity of my DD badge I'd have no qualms about showing it, infact I wished it happened regularly.

 

In the early days I didn't have any qualms about showing it to members of joe public either, or even explaining our DD's difficulties. I was naive then, and assumed that people would react as I would "Oops, sorry, hadn't realised". It's the responses that have led to the view I have now, not the actual act of being stopped.

 

Unfortunately 9 times out of 10 I have been met with an response that beggars belief, even after taking the time to be polite.

 

I totally agree with your point BD about people who lend their badge out to family members and those people who use it when their disabled family member is not with them.

 

I don't want to start harping on about the elderly, and making huge generalisations about them, and I hope that my response isn't coming across as that, but I have to be honest and say every single person who has approached me has been elderly.....and their responses have been rude, aggressive, uncaring, and patronising. I been threatened with the police, had my car registration number taken, told my daughter can walk she doesn't "deserve" a space, accused of stealing the badge............I could go on This is all taken place in front of my children, including my youngest. Disgraceful, utterly disgraceful.

 

Now if I'm approached and asked why I am parking where I am I tell to poke off and come back when they are employed to check my badge.

[Bagpuss]

Sorry, I just wanted to add that I hope this isn't coming across as me on a ranty blue badge soapbox

 

I don't often feel so strongly about stuff, and tend to visit the forum to post daft light hearted things, but have had an appalling morning, so apologies if that is reflected in my post

 

But having said that, and poohy mornings aside, I would still tell them to poke off

Edited March 31, 2008 by Bagpuss

[justamum]

quite right Bagpuss..

 

Next time they threaten you with the police say yes pelase as I wish to report a minor breach of the peace.

 

 

YOU!

[jo4themo]

Hi Kirstie

Luckily we have yet to experience trouble over Ns Blue Badge - mind you, she's only had it about 18 months. We have had a few people look as if they are going to come over and say something - especially if I get our son's "normal" pushchair out first rather than Ns Major Buggy as they obviously think we couldnt find a parent and child space so are trying to take a disabled space.

Because I still have to help N most of the time to get into her buggy most people realise that she is disabled - we had it originally it for mainly her physical probs, but now use it mainly cos of her AS.

Before she got her Major Buggy she used a normal pushchair (until she was 4) and she has always been tall for her age so we used to get lots of looks when out and about as people thought she must be lazy - she couldn't walk unaided till she was 3 and then it was only for very short distances for ages. People still look but I am so used to it I mainly don't notice it - luckily N always has her head buried in a book so doesn't notice them

[madme]

I had a confrontation with a chap who was 65 plus but in no way "apparently disabled "and certainly no blue badge at a store when he pinched the child and parent spot I had my sights on( as there were no blue badge places that was when DD was a baby.)These days we still use these places when we can (we have never applied for a Blue Badge although at one point were advised to as our son would bolt as does DD still)Our DD at 7 is now still small and we still use the family places. But we get stares as son is 12 and DD 7. I prepare myself ready to say that they both have disabilities and its the safest way of parking. I often feel guilty but then I see the adults parking there with no kids in sight and think what the xxxx! My Mum in law has a blue badge and is seriously disabled and 80 plus and I have to say when I have taken her out it is always the 65 or so ones that are the problem parking where they shouldnt without a blue badge.