Just some thoughts...

[Catbells]

...which might help me if i were to commit them to 'paper'.

 

Read this article about AS and it hit home that it could have been written about my husband. Have known him for 22 years. and over that time he has found it nigh on impossible to express his thoughts and feelings about anything. Always comes back to him saying 'i don't know'. these seem to be the 3 little words in our marriage. and whcih down the years has left me feeling isolated, abandoned, frustrated, lonely to name but a few.

 

He cant do small talk, or meet ppl in big groups. even family get togethers where he knows ppl he finds really difficult. these days he puts his foot down and opts out.

 

finds it impossible to do the weekly shop on his own,. just says that there are plenty of things i cant do.

 

writes in caps. always found that strange.

 

met me via a dating agency.

 

works in computers. they dont tend to talk back!

 

cant take the initiative - certainly at home. ever...apart from IT decisions leaves the rest to me.

 

we never reminsice about things. he never 'visits's situations again. done and dusted the first time.

 

is unable to empathise, sees things in black and white.

 

and so it goes on.

 

i've no idea whether he has AS. not sure of anything anymore. i thought the article i read offered explanations. it made sense. like the penny dropping. but i dont know where to go from here. contqacted the NAS and they're going to send some info re broaching the whole subject with him just if i ever decide to go down that route.

 

i feel overwhelmed. either close to tears or numb.

 

thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

x

[dooday24]

hi sending u some of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

that sounds exactly like my partner he dont do gatherings, people popping in, hates doin anything on his own ie shopping familie visits

would rather sit in the car

gets really stressed wen we do go into shops and dosnt choose clothes himself i hav to do it

 

would rather b at home watching tv or on the psp or laptop dosnt make much conversation and dosnt seem to see wats goin on around him

 

 

love donnaxxxxxxxxxxx

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome.

 

After I got diagnosed with AS my mum started reading up on it and concluded that my dad also has AS. She mentioned it to him, but he does not react well to the suggestion at all, and so she has decided not to discuss it again. However, she does feel that she understands him better now, and has tried handling situations differently with success. So even without mentioning it, you might be able to take steps to improve your relationship.

 

It might be helpful for him to understand why he finds certain situations hard. I would recommend trying to broach the subject with him. Maybe you could ask him to read the article you read and he might relate to it in the same way.

[Beano]

hi sending u some of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

that sounds exactly like my partner he dont do gatherings, people popping in, hates doin anything on his own ie shopping familie visits

would rather sit in the car

gets really stressed wen we do go into shops and dosnt choose clothes himself i hav to do it

 

would rather b at home watching tv or on the psp or laptop dosnt make much conversation and dosnt seem to see wats goin on around him

 

 

love donnaxxxxxxxxxxx

 

That just about fully sums me up.

 

I used to hate family gatherings like weddings, funerals and especially school at assembly times when there was a large gathering of people.

Even at 42 years of age nothing has changed there, Shopping is still a major mission for me, I think its even harder know as I hate even going out on my own, I would be very content just to sit on the computer or watch a good film

[owl]

...which might help me if i were to commit them to 'paper'.

 

Read this article about AS and it hit home that it could have been written about my husband. Have known him for 22 years. and over that time he has found it nigh on impossible to express his thoughts and feelings about anything. Always comes back to him saying 'i don't know'. these seem to be the 3 little words in our marriage. and whcih down the years has left me feeling isolated, abandoned, frustrated, lonely to name but a few.

 

He cant do small talk, or meet ppl in big groups. even family get togethers where he knows ppl he finds really difficult. these days he puts his foot down and opts out.

 

finds it impossible to do the weekly shop on his own,. just says that there are plenty of things i cant do.

 

writes in caps. always found that strange.

 

met me via a dating agency.

 

works in computers. they dont tend to talk back!

 

cant take the initiative - certainly at home. ever...apart from IT decisions leaves the rest to me.

 

we never reminsice about things. he never 'visits's situations again. done and dusted the first time.

 

is unable to empathise, sees things in black and white.

 

and so it goes on.

 

i've no idea whether he has AS. not sure of anything anymore. i thought the article i read offered explanations. it made sense. like the penny dropping. but i dont know where to go from here. contqacted the NAS and they're going to send some info re broaching the whole subject with him just if i ever decide to go down that route.

 

i feel overwhelmed. either close to tears or numb.

 

thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

x

Hi there, I have only just found this site, how i wish there had been something like this years ago as I'm sure it would have been a great help to me.-- you have just described the exact situation of my mother! several of us have now accepted that he is AS, and that there is a gene in our family, although we would nver say this to him ( Is is 76 and not always in good health these days) All the clumsy, hurtful things they accidently do over the years, Once I cooked him a special gfather's day dinner,

and then he told me and my mum that people should be more considerate when they arrange things, because the rugby was on !!. So my mum came ( almost in tears) and we drank all the special wine I had bought , then he turned up after the rugby and said 'where's this dinner then?' He had no idea why we were so upset. This was years ago, but just to show I understand. Anyway, sorry to rabbit on, I really hope that you can get some comfort from this site. ( My son is 20, and AS by the way)

I found that the best way, although it takes a while to be able to approach it like this, is to not worry atall about the label, and whether someone gives you a full diagnosis etc,- inform yourself, make yr own decisions, after all, you know yr hubby best, just try any suggsted tactics that might work for you and him,

very best wishes

[Catbells]

there are just so many pointers. the more i think on it. the more things come to mind.

 

and sometimes i find it so hard to be patient. his echolalia gets to me every time. something so small and yet it irritates the life out of me.

 

I work as a Teaching Assistant in a primary school and am really patient with the children i support there. i come home and that all goes out of the window. When we go for walks together or with the dog i can never keep up with him. he's 6 ft 3 - long legs! and his stride is probably twice mine. He cant understand that he needs to walk slower.

 

so many times when we try and have a conversation about 'us' - he'll turn round and say 'what do you want me to say?' like he has absolutely no idea what i'm talking about and how he feels. i dont want him to say what i want him to say...i want him to express himself and he obviously cant go there can he?

 

do you think these come across as indicators?

 

and yet he's just re built the bathroom taking it down to the lath and plaster and he's made a super job of it.

 

i get and feel so frustrated. reading this article a couple of weeks ago it felt like someone had given me the key. now - i just wonder what to do with it all.

 

feel even more isolated than i did b4.

 

x

Edited April 19, 2008 by Catbells

[mariaterisa]

Hello

have just returned from Poland for a few days...I took my husband and 2 of my sons,my youngest of which has asperghers,and diagnosed at age 3...anyway.. i say Took' because that is what it feels like...my hubby who was never diagnosed has accepted that he prob has asp..as he has always hated big family do's,can come accross as alloof or rude, leaves all holiday arrangements to me and packing etc and yesterday....he did his usual thing at the airport in poland....i recognise it now as stress in reaction to the airport and not being in controll of his environment....he walks with his own,perfectly packed suitcase...none of my or the kids things can go in his case!!!...and it is as if he is alone going through customs....almost as if he is travelling without us...i used to get annoyed at this and the lack of help...now i understand it is his way of coping with the sometimes scary authority at airports..especially in eastern european ones with the military in view.I can totally understand everthing you say and when you say about the key' and now just knowing what to do with it.....well all i can say..is keep reading,get to know some of the typical signs and symptoms and just go with the flow.....frustrating as it is.....it does get better the more you can empathise with him. Also the strange thing is.....there are times when my hubby has helped me cope with situations because of his viewpoint...and he has given me a very matter of fact,black and white scenario which has made sense in certain situations.....and been of benefit to me....the fact that you have been together for so long is a wonderful sign that A LOT in your realtionship is good...so you stick with it....maria xx

[Catbells]

Hello

....the fact that you have been together for so long is a wonderful sign that A LOT in your realtionship is good...so you stick with it....maria xx

 

 

mmmm. not sure that i agree with you there. ppl stay in marriages for all sorts of reasons. doesnt make the relationship wonderful.

 

x