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llisa32

Would you move to another country?

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Hi,

 

 

I wondered what other's might think...for a few years now hubby and I have regreted never trying life in another country and have at times really yearned to just sell up and have a go at something new in a different place - at the moment it's probably the only thing I would regret not having done/tried.

 

We thought seriously about it a couple of years ago, looked at property's, worked out jobs etc...but then it became apparent that J was having some difficulties at school and life in general and thus we needed to focus on those, and so our journey into diagnosis and support etc began.

 

Now...J was diagnosed in Feb, we have adequate support in school at the moment and J's really settled in well since the start of the year.

 

Hubby's having a horrific time at work at the moment and we both work for the same firm so I totally understand his predicament - he's basically due to work politics probably going to get forced to change jobs or look outside the firm.

 

As this is going on the question of trying something completely new has cropped up again - obviously if we pursue it's going to take an awful lot of planning and we're probably talking a year from start to move...but my biggest overriding worry is how would J deal with change on that sort of scale?

 

If we move abroad we'll take my parents and their 2 dogs with us, and we'll be close enough by air for him to keep in contact with his dad (although weekday sleepovers would not be possible).

 

I know he'd miss his dad terribly at the beginning - he'd miss the routine of what he does with daddy and his things at that house etc, but would that ever wear off? Would he get used to holiday visits instead?

 

I guess...after all my above rambling what I'm trying to get to is ...is this something I have to put off till J is much older? or would it be better to go now before puberty sets in?

 

I hope I don't come accross as a selfish mum wanting relentlesly to pursue a dream...I don't want to relentlessly pursue anything if it comes at the expense of J's happiness, but I'm in a real quandry trying to decide if this level of change is something he could ever cope with.

 

Any thoughts gratefully accepted! :)

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I think you're looking too deeply...

the things that make J happy aren't tied to a location - their tied to the people within that location - the people who (for the most part) will be moving to the new location with him...

I'm not entirely sure if I've missed or misunderstood something? Are 'hubby' and j's dad the same person? Are you talking about a separation while the details of the move are being finalised, or separation from his biological dad who will stay behind? Either way - I think the biggest factor is not 'how much or how often' but how rich that time is, and how the bonds are maintained during the absences.

Change is a part of life - whether you're autistic or not. Changes can be for the better - even if they are scary and unknowable at first. Changes can be life enhancing - they teach us valuable lessons. Even leaving someone behind is a valuable lesson - it's something we all have to do at some point.

If you think your lives and J's life would be enriched by the move it's a no brainer - a short term loss for a long term gain. There'll always be reasons for not doing it, just like there were last time, so all you can really do is weigh up the reasons for not against the reasons for going for it...

 

Sorry - waffling... need me bed, I suspect :rolleyes::lol:

 

:D

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The only thing I would say is to make sure you research very carefully the education provision, medical support and general attitude to ASD wherever you are planning to go.

 

Bid :)

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When we moved to London (only from Scotland mind) we were told that kids often coped with major change better than subtle changes. We unfortunately had to move house in London three months after we had just moved here which totally sucked - but Logan was unexpectedly fine with both moves - we totally expected him to be a nightmare!!

 

I second looking into healthcare/schooling etc - which country are you looking at? My hubby is american and the kids have dual citizenship so we may or may not go there at some point.

 

Lynne

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Imagine you didn't have a choice and had to move. How would you feel then? I think you're loading yourself up with guilt when you really needn't.

 

((hugs))

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Any kind of change is likely to be especially difficult for him, but you have to weigh that up against the long term.

 

My dad and his brother were adopted, but spent every school holiday visiting relatives (not abroad, but certainly a long way from home). It worked well for them and they maintained a close relationship with these relatives - and still do as adults. These days it's easier by telephone, and you can even use a webcam and have a face-to-face conversation!

 

I think it's worth looking into formal supports available for your son, in education and as he gets older.

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Hi there, I totally agree with all the other posts....go with your gut instinct on this but do the research...We are forever told about routine and habitual surroundings but in my experience with my hubby and youngest son with as ,they have proved to have the best "pioneering" spirit than my other 2 nt boys.We have discussed moving to gibraltar...now i know it is british an all but still a big change for us let alone the kids....but I wont do anything unless i have looked into the education facilities etc...i think that all the time "the inner sanctum" ie his little nucleus family are the same and consistent then adapting to new climes will be easier,although i do understand about the difficulty with visits to the other parent...who in any case would have to be involved and supportive....hey where are you thinking of going to...maria x >:D<<'>

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Move because life will be better for you or the kids? More than once have I encountered parents moving to somewhere they find nice but the kids end up really hating it and become very unhappy. Rural retreats are a classic example.

 

I have often wondered whether Britain is a good country for people with AS to live, or are there much better countries out there with societies that value AS traits better than British society does.

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Hiya!

 

We have uprooted from Southampton to Devon (not the same as moving countries I know but may as well be down here ;)) - we moved in July last year and apart from about 2 / 3 months of hell with Charlie's behaviour he has settled down well and its the best thing we ever did. I would go with what you feel is right - if you have been thinking this way for a long time then its obviously something you really want. I am sure J would get great care wherever you move to and if you plan it right I am sure he will go with it.

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Hi All - thanks for the feedback. >:D<<'>

 

We had been thinking of either mainland spain or france - but were previously planning which area based on school first, followed by work 2nd and if we could get everything in same place then we were on a roll!.

 

However...when we planning back then we thought J was dyslexic and so had looked at schools catering for that specifically - so would need to start reseacrh from scratch again .

 

Canopus - would deffo have to be something that benefited all - hence my post - if J's not happy then neither am I.

 

As things stands today it's looking like we will ponder for a while and do some research but make some radical changes on the home front where we are first and see if things can pan out nicely here.

 

So we'll research and see what comes up at the same time as looking at other opportunites/change in this country - that way we'll feel we'll covered all bases so to speak.

 

Baddad - it's J's biological dad I'm referring to re visits as J stays with him 2/3 nights a week - they are like a pair of twins now that J has got older, and are both really comfy with each other - which is great from my point of view and something I'm keen to keep intact as much as possible. J's dad turned down a job in the states last year because of not being able to have regular contact with J - so I know he wouldn't be happy with us moving countrys and it's something else we need to consider.

 

So...I think after more discussions today we're going to put this one on the back burner again for a while and see what happens with the things we've decided to change here.

 

Appreciate all the comments - thanks >:D<<'>

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France is terrible for supporting people with AS. Someone from France with AS told me that most French doctors have never heard of AS and the few that have deny it exists. I don't know much about Spain but I get the impression that most British people move there mainly for an easy life in the sun. I have a feeling the job market isn't particularly good so could be a disadvantage to people with AS.

 

There is a possibility that countries that are good places for adults with AS are generally unappealing to most NT British people.

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Yes the job market in Spain is not good. If you are lucky enough to get a job it only lasts for the summer and than no work in the winter. My friend has lived in Spain for 5 years and she has had several jobs but nothing lasts.

 

As for education it is different. Every year the children do an exam than if they pass they move up to the next year if they fail they stay in the year they are in. This could be realy confusing to our children.

I do not know what the support is like for ASD children. But I do know if the children is misbehaving or struggling than you are just ignored in the classroom. My Friends son has just come back to England. He had been in the spanish system from the age of 5 years till 12 years.

 

 

Lynne

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