Phonecall from resi-school.

[fiorelli]

Well, we have just found out that for the 3rd time, school have-are calling in Social Services, Child Protection team.

 

This time is slightly different in that it is his resi keyworker that is calling them in, and not regarding us.

 

I have briefly talked about L's 'absent parent', or 'sperm donor' or 'father in wales' on here.

 

L was taken to the park today with others from resi with their keyworkers. While there, L got upset and started crying. After talking to L, he told them that the reason that he behaves like he does with us (swears, hurts younger brothers, doesn't listen to my hubby, tries to play us off against each other etc), is because L gets told to do this by his 'absent parent'. He then went on to tell them that he is frightened by AP, he swears at him, tells him to be nasty to us, tells him to split us up, not to listen to hubby (L calls him 'dad'), and that if he is nasty to younger brothers then dad will split up with me and take younger boys with him then I'll be able to get back with AP yadda yadda yadda...you get the picture. But the biggy is that L told Keyworker that AP has been threatening him, and has punched him in the face . He has said to Keyworker that he doesn't want to see AP and that the only reason he goes to Wales is to see Nanny (AP's Mum).

 

Because of this, Keyworker is obliged to call in CPT. As we are the main carers of L, they will come knocking on our door.

 

I am however, whilst feeling very sad for Louis, feeling very damned if we do and damned if we don't with regards to the situation.

 

We have been aware for a while that L hasn't been exactly enthralled about going, and has actually said to us that he doesn't want to go, and if he does, he only wants to go and see Nanny. However, we have a court order (initiated by AP) that gives us residency of L and his brother, but gives AP access 2 times a month, and 2 weeks holidays. So unless we break the court order without really hard evidence/proof, we can get hauled before courts again and face consequences etc. So as much as we know that it would be best for L not to go (and don't particularly want him too), he has had to go, but as AP isn't the most consistent of people, L never knows whether he is coming or going.

 

So as for the damned if we do, and damned if we don't, I feel very much like we'll be hauled through the coals for 'putting'/allowing L to be in this situation, but then likewise for stopping him going.

 

What a really messed up situation.

 

I have spoken to Louis tonight (and so has hubby), and he seems to be in good spirits, but talking to his keyworker, he did get very upset talking about it, and even had to go and do some 'power rangers moves' (as described by keyworker!) in the park - something which he doesn't do in resi, and something which isn't allowed in school or resi, but he was 'allowed' to as he was in the park with plenty of room, and they realised he needed a release.

[Bagpuss]

Don't know what to say

 

For you and your boy <'> <'> <'>

[westie]

That is so sad, I cannot understand why anyone would do that to their child whatever their relationship with their ex partner. He sounds like such a &8$%.

 

If your son claims AP has punched him in the face, and does not want to see him then I can't see how any court could take offence at you not sending him to see him, although I have never been through this myself so I may be way off the mark.

 

I hope you manage to sort things out in a way that still allows your son to see his Nan as it sounds like he has a good relationship with her.

 

Take care and best wishes, it can't be pleasant knowing that because of AP's actions you and your family are being put under the spotlight and I hope they (CPT) are helpful and understanding and get to the bottom of it.

[justamum]

I should think you have good reason to go back to your solicitor and put a case forward for no access, or at least supervised access as it appears not to be in the child's best interest, particularly if CPT are being called over it.

 

If he has punched him them an emergency non access order needs to be sorted.

[fiorelli]

Thank for replying.

 

Justamum, that is useful info. Thank you. We have a week until AP is 'supposed' to be having them again. Will get something sorted for then, and get some legal advice.

 

Thanks again.

[mariaterisa]

Hi there..have just read your post and am so sad for what you are going through at mo...i agree with justa mum but will take it further and say that you are within your rights to stop contact alltogether from here on,see a solicitor/lawyer and collate as much info as you can regarding the treatment of your son when he is with his nat father.The fact that he has spoken out and various agencies are now looking inot things is going to get the ball rolloing and will only back and support your decision as a caring mother to protect a vulnerable child and also the family he resides with,meaning you and your husband and any other siblings.No judge in this land can condemn you for withdrawing access in light of such hostile situations. I would aslo reccommend that you diarise every detail or info that your son comes out with from here on and to cast your mind back and write down as much info pertaining to your sons relationship with his nat father....i believe you can also apply direct to family court for a hearing yourself ,therefore showing any judge your sincerity for not wishing to break any 'orders' but at the same time ensuring that your sons safety,mentally and physical is paramount.....hope this helps a little...best wishes..maria x

[justamum]

Fiorelli I am almost in the same position as yourself, except no court order. So if you want to chat just drop me a PM.

 

Mariatersia, as I said

good reason to go back to your solicitor and put a case forward for no access

 

If there is a court order in place she needs her solicitor to be on side before acting or she will wind up in court, and just ignoring the court order is taken very seriously. She needs to be perceived as the 'good guy', there is proof he is the 'bad guy'

 

I am pretty sure she has enough to stop access, just needs to be collated by the solicitor and emergency court appearance to over turn the last order.

 

What is paramount is IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD...access clearly is not.

[fiorelli]

That's just it though, because the only 'proof' we have is purely anecdotal - 'he said he does this', he said he done that. If he came back from there with bruises etc that we could take pictures of, then there would be solid proof (although they could then turn around and say that he 'fell over'), so even then the 'proof' could be refuted.

 

It's a mess, and I'm not even sure we'll be eligible for legal aid again, in which case, we haven't got the money to be able to go back to court. Will wait and see what SS say when they inevitably turn up on my doorstep in the next day or so, and then go along to citizens advice and go from there.

[justamum]

I have no hard evidence, just the children's obvious fears.

 

'He' should be eligible for legal aid, yes if not yourselves.

 

Just remember even if the actual visit stresses your son then it is still not in his best interest. The fact that SS has been called is enough to say there is a problem with access....provided it's not you they are investigating. Talk to them when they turn up and see if they will endorse a non access order.

 

Also remember most solicitors will give a free 30 min consultation to see if they can help you or not....I have stuck with the same one from the beginning because a) he is forceful enough to fight the difficulties, and he knows my case. I have moved since I engaged him (on legal aid) but even a hours journey is worth it as I have no need to explain things all the time, he knows the problems. Actually he is digested with my ex but that's another story!

 

Edited to say, as this is the 3rd time CP have been called in presumably about your son's father then you have that as evidence of concern that has been raised via the school. You have more evidence than you think!

Edited April 25, 2008 by justamum

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

well i would now assume that cos he has made the allegations to a professional that they have to be listened to

and altho it will get a bit messy, your son will have a better life out of it

<'> >< <'> >< <'>

[LittleRae]

Hi Fiorelli. So sorry this has happened to L. I would imagine that you could approach the CPT (perhaps through his Keyworker who reported the issue) and query what you should do about the upcoming visit. If they are the ones to say, 'don't send him' they should be able to approach the courts on your behalf.

 

Hope things work out for you and L

[smiley]

Oh hun, you post had me in .

 

No child (or adult!) should feel like that .

 

There is someone within the legal system who can interview L (can't remember the name) - and that will then be hard evidence. But, Lya is right - as he has told professionals - that will also be considered evidence.

 

Good luck hunni - i'm about if you need a chat <'>