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sueeltringham

The things people say.....

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Yesterday, we met some people we haven't chatted to for a long time.

Eventually the conversation got around to ds's diagnosis. They were quite surprised, but then started comparing him to another child they knew with a similar diagnosis and could see the similarities.

Then the wife, out of the blue, said 'Isn't it a shame, all the people in the country who have perfectly normal children with no problems and just don't love and care for them! and here are you with a child......' I stopped her in her tracks. I was sort of shocked at the statement as she went on to say 'look, you have all this love for children' I was a little taken aback, but told her that we wouldn't change my son for anything. He was very affectionate, very clever, and had his own little personality. I'm not sure she knew where to put herself, but how could she think we were disappointed with our child? Or that we didn't love him? or that we would even consider swapping him for a child who was normal, but unloved? Which is what she was trying to suggest. Strange some of things people think! Just had to share and I'm surprised at how calm I am after the conversation.

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Dont take it personally, I have had it said to me times :rolleyes: Its just the sort of thing ignorant people say! Enid

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Perhaps she meant more that its sinful that some other people don't appreciate what they've got,or choose to neglect the children they have, rather than that you would swap your wee one? I have had similar things said to me, but thats what I feel they've been attempting to put across. I know some folks might find it hard to comprehend that those who have a child who is 'different' love them as much they would had they been 'normal', but of course thats the way it is. I do know that I felt huuuuuge resentment towards one of my friends when my lad was going through a terribly tough patch, as she would moan so much about how hard it was, being a parent (of NT kids), but then her sphere of experience has never included parenting a child with special needs, so how could I expect her to be on my wavelength? Also, her life was rather turbulent at that point too, so I know that was colouring her mood....I've never parented a child with severe physical disabilities, so I can't possibly understand fully how this impacts on their lives. In a way, I am ignorant of this, but its not through fault, just circumstance- y'know what I mean?

It would be lovely if people thought before they spoke, right enough, but as a lifelong victim of foot-in-mouth disease myself, I can't really talk! I think you handled it well, though, and why should you let it get to you? As long as you have the support of the ones you love, the rest of em aren't of much consequence. Maybe if they got to know your son better, they'd see just how fab he really is!

 

Esther x

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Hi sue -

 

Just wanted to say well done, too, for the way you handled it. :notworthy::thumbs:

Peeps can be hugely insensitive/thoughtless/downright ignorant. Rising above it and calmly pointing out their failings brings it home to them far more eloquently and powerfully than anger ever does.... I've not always taken my own advice, but the times i have have all been better and more satisfying than the times i haven't :)

 

:D

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I always remember reading about a lady who'd had a Down's Syndrome baby girl. She said everyone who came to visit her in hospital would peer down into the cot and say how sorry they were! :tearful: It broke her heart, she said, that all people could say about her beautiful daughter was that they were sorry. All she wanted was for them to beam smiles over her and tell her congratulations, like any mum wants. :(

 

~ Mel ~

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I have never, ever done this before, but...

 

Last night someone asked me about my DS: 'Does he look autistic? Would I know he was autistic if I saw him?'

 

And I said 'Yes, he's got it tattooed across his forehead!' :o

 

I did say it with a laugh, but...

 

Bid :(

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Grit your teeth and see it as an opportunity to enlighten the ignorant.

I feel that if I stomp off in a huff, I've lost a chance to make a connection, and to explain a little, help someone change their attitude a bit.

Although some of my stomping fits have been both exciting and memorable to those caught in the firing line.

" Oh, I can see that you two are related " has been one of the comments!

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when steve first went to residesi he was home for one wkend and a woman at kates school asked what school he went to,i said residesi and in front of steven she goes oh i couldnt send my son away i miss him too much!!!how insensitive is that,i honestly dont know how she never got a smack right in her mouth,i was fuming,i couldnt even answer,i just gave her a filthy look and walked away,she tries to smile at me loads of times since but i ignore her,i mean thats a disgusting thing to say in front of steve,im glad i held myself in though cos its a very nice school and i dont want to be fighting in playgrounds,some people do genuinly say things without thinking sometimes but others are downright insensitive and cruel,i would much rather have steven than a lot of so called normal nts,thats not normal saying things like that.

right hevs rant is over,im just off to take some deep breaths before i se her at the gates tomorow......!!

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