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sandyn

How do your siblings get on?

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Hi, R is 8 and has HFA and ADHD. He has a sister who is 6 (she is NT).

 

The relationship has always been strained, but just recently R's behaviour and attitude towards his sister has got much worse. He hardly ever speaks to her and is always calling her names. She cannot join in any conversation we may be having, he will shout at her to shut up.

 

He is so quick to lash out at here over anything, no matter how trivial. Im sure he pushed her off the climbing frame yesterday (he said it was an accident and he slipped).

 

He keeps telling me she wishes she was dead and that he hates her. He also keeps saying we love her more, because she doesn't get told off as much. I do try to explain that it is his actions that get him told off and not because we love her more. She certainly doesn't get more attention than he does.

 

I know that R's difficulties mean that they probably never have a close relationship, but Z still doesn't deserve to be treated like this. I am worried what sort of affect this is having on her.

 

Im desperate to help him overcome this resentment he has towards her, but don't know what to do.

 

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

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Hi Sandyn

 

Well we have a DD 8 with PDD and 13 DD NT and our eldest has a really hard time. Our youngest tends to lash out at her all the time, it used to be us both but now she focuses on her sister as they share a room. Poor thing gets bitten punched kicked etc so we are going to have to find a bigger property so she gets some space. It has always been this way and it's a nightmare. However, our eldest does sometimes go out of her way to wind her little sister up.

 

Our youngest doesn't hate her sister although she has said sometimes she does but doesn't that happen in most families...lol. Seriously though, we have got some outside help coming as we at our wits end and have tried EVERYTHING.

 

Our teenage daughter is starting to show signs of resentment towards us all and to be honest I don't blame her as most of my time is spent keeping the younger one in check and hubby who is the same as our youngest is always at work or "busy." Its hard to stay on an even keel but im very clear on bounderies and sanctions with our youngest and we work on ways in which she can vent her frustrations in a more positive way. Sometimes it works.

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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This is a tough one, that unfortunately, we also struggle with..

 

I'm Levi's sister. I'm quite a lot older than him though and helped my Mum bring him up. I love him like my own. However my other brother, aged 15, just finds Levi annoying :( He doesn't seem to understand him and enjoys winding him up :shame: I'll admit Levi can be difficult at times, but if your patient with him, it all turns out fine.

My other brother however, will just lose his temper with him. Levi ends up screaming at him at the top of his voice and it's all rather stressful.

 

I also feel it's unfair.. But I'm not sure how to fix it. They can be as bad as each other to be honest :wallbash: They just seem to clash. Maybe try talking to them about it? I know it's easier said than done. We've tried it and it'll settle for a day and then they both go back to arguing with each other!

 

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice - good luck though! I know how you feel >:D<<'>

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Hi, R is 8 and has HFA and ADHD. He has a sister who is 6 (she is NT).

 

The relationship has always been strained, but just recently R's behaviour and attitude towards his sister has got much worse. He hardly ever speaks to her and is always calling her names. She cannot join in any conversation we may be having, he will shout at her to shut up.

 

He is so quick to lash out at here over anything, no matter how trivial. Im sure he pushed her off the climbing frame yesterday (he said it was an accident and he slipped).

 

He keeps telling me she wishes she was dead and that he hates her. He also keeps saying we love her more, because she doesn't get told off as much. I do try to explain that it is his actions that get him told off and not because we love her more. She certainly doesn't get more attention than he does.

 

I know that R's difficulties mean that they probably never have a close relationship, but Z still doesn't deserve to be treated like this. I am worried what sort of affect this is having on her.

 

Im desperate to help him overcome this resentment he has towards her, but don't know what to do.

 

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

its very tough-i dont have many answers really-my nt is 5...........and hes had to take alot of stick over the years even right from when he was born-18months bewteen my 2

my 7 year old has always hurt him ect...or tryed to....and they fight like cat and dog

because my 7 year old-asd- will provoke till the cows come home...ect ect.........the only thing i managed to 2 was seperate them the best i could...........which is very hard to do

it was at the point-and still is most of time.... where my 5 year old had to come loo with me and everything-just so i had my eye on him-as the minute your back is turned all hell breaks loose..........

my 5 year old gets down about it and has started to hit back...........

rq xxx

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Thanks for your replies. It sounds like this is quite a common thing. I know siblings fight but this goes beyond the usual falling out. The resentment seems so deep rooted. I think we may need some outside help too. Perhaps a clinical psychologist(sp)? And as usual the waiting list would be as long as your arm! xx

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katie is 4 and steve is 14,steve used to be terrible with kate but lately hes been fantastic :clap: maybe cos hes at resi now and misses her,im not sure really but i hope it lasts!!

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My 8 year old son has 5 year old identical twin sisters, he loves one of them and loathes the other. Every time I leave the room he does something to hurt her and usually picks on her for no reason. Yesterday she showed him her first wobbly tooth in the playground and he kicked her hard saying you don't get wobbly teeth until year one! If it had been the other sister he would have gone all soft and been really sweet about it. This has been going on since they were born.

 

It could be a general sibling thing, the twin he likes the best has always been happy to do as he says but the other one is very independant and isn't a follower at all.

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Hi I have a 12 year old with ASD and also NT boy girl twins who are 4. M loves the girl twin and talks very positively about her will allow her into his room and spends ages playing with her. If she is naughty he sticks up for her and trys to shift the blame to the boy. He finds P (the boy) very hard work he is very rough and tumble and likes to play fight a lot, he will not let him into his room and excludes him from all games. P also finds M hard work and it is a love hate relationship. P has always been the most demanding of the twins and has required a lot of our attention so maybe M resents him, as L has been very placid maybe that is why he is closer to her.

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hello i have M who is 11 and has AS and R who is 4 and has hemiplegia,PDD-NOS and emotional/behavioural difficutlies.

 

they go from hugging each other, to R crying for M cos she,s missing him then it swings the complete other way.

 

R will kick and hit M, she can make him cry very easily, she will shout at him if he tries to talk to me or DH she,s extremely possesive over me and DH

and doesnt like him having any attention.

 

M understandbly gets upset but then he also provokes R.

 

M imitates a lot of R,s behaviour when you would think it the other way round.

 

its extremely hard work and we are going to ask the CAMHS psych for advice next time we see her.

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My two get on really good. Always have, my daughter is 2 1/2 years younger than my son, but she always realised her brother had to really struggle to do so many things.

 

We had times where I constantly had to say to her give him a no reaction reaction to some of the random things he would say to shock her/us. But overall, I have been really lucky.

 

They both have their own space and lots of room and like their own retreat his room is very large and she has two rooms to spread out into, so I dont know if they will ever leave home as they both have it too good. They often surprise me how well they get on, however, they have both struggled with health problems over the years so there is a lot of empathy between them.

 

I still remember pushing my daughter in the shopping trolley when she was six months old and he was three years old and he was helping me push the trolley, and he said I am going to marry you one day J...... :wub: and a lady over heard and said ooohh that is sooo cute. Another funny thing he asked when I was changing her nappy was when is J...... going to grow a willy :lol::notworthy: motherhood never prepared me for that question. Why wasnt that in the parenting book. Oh gosh, they have had me in fits of laughter with some of the questions they have asked, and it keeps you on your toes. :D

 

Fran :D

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I have Bill who is 14 with AS, Suze who is 15 NT, and Ben who is 11 with specific learning difficulties, autistic traits and semantic pragmatic disorder.

 

Suze and Bill get on really well. He really craves her approval and they often spend time together chatting and sharing ideas and opinions! They were like twins when they were little and Suze is very very protective of Bill.

 

Ben and Bill get on ok sometimes and other times not so much! Ben is a bit nervous around Bill, and gets very upset and scared when Bill has a meltdown.

 

Suze and Ben get on really well too. Ben is her 'baby' brother and she is very patient and spends hours teaching him things and is very caring towards him.

 

I wonder if anyone else has noticed this about their youngest child - Ben is very much out for himself and aware of his status as 'baby' of the family and makes the very most of this at every opportunity!

 

Flora

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Kieran is 22 (as) and his borther is 19 and they fall out something cronic yet other times they get on fine.The usual arguments are over the fact that kierans always got to be right and j wont let him if he knows he s wrong.

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