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JsMum

Just to say goodbye

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I am leaving, Just letting everyone else know I have found this site hugely benefitting but I can see that maybe some of my personal problems that are with J are possibly nothing some of you here are experiencing, J has a lot of developmental difficulties, not just an ASD, so I am possibly in the wrong place, ive tried my best to be a good mum to J so please dont judge me to wrongly, will miss some of you guys.

 

See you all goodbye.

 

JsMum

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Jsmum,

 

I'm sorry you feel that way but don't you think that's a bit OTT? Nobody has said or done anything to make you feel unwelcome. People often disagree or have different view points, but that's no reason for anyone to want to leave the forum. Hope you change your mind.

 

Flo' >:D<<'>

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Hi j's mum -

 

I'm sorry you feel that way and hope you'll reconsider...

I don't think there's anything your experiencing with J that some/many of our members haven't experienced. The fact that some might have different views on dealing with those things doesn't in any way imply that people are judging you; they're just offering opinions as requested. If people all did things the same way, and the forum only represented 'one view' then there would be no point in asking questions at all.

As I say, I hope you'll reconsider and continue to find the forum a valuable resource.

 

L&P

 

BD

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J's mum,

 

I'm sorry you feel you're being judged - I'm sure that was nobody's intention. When people are giving their honest opinions there are bound to be different views.

 

All kinds of experiences are represented here - it's inevitable that some folk will identify with what you say, and some won't. Even if you have to take a break for a while I hope you'll reconsider and stay.

 

K x

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Hi I've got a post in help and advice and your reply really helped.. I'm new to this and it was great to have a response from someone who understands! Thanks for your input

MandyB

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sorry to hear this jsmum

ive always found your posts informative and supportive

my son has global developmental delay as well as now being dx asd

i dont think anybody is judging you >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'>

you shall be missed if you go

take care

rq XXXXXXXXX

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Js Mum dont go, you give such brilliant advice and I can tell that you really read and think about and take the time to answer peoples post, you have been brilliant to me on this forum and I think its a terrible shame that you feel you have to go, people dont always think the same but I was a bit surprised myself by some of the replies and then when I saw your reply to them I thought oh well its ok she hasnt been upset or taken offence, I am quite new to this forum so I realise lots of you have been friends for a long time and its not always easy to know when people are joking or not, but PLEASE sleep on it as I know that no one will want you to go and that you also find it a comfort, I would be really lost without it since I have gone through this appalling few months with my son. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Enid

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Please don't go! >:D<<'> You have been absolutely brilliant and understanding. No judgement coming from me for sure, you are just trying to do whats best for J. I hope you stay. >:D<<'> You really have helped me a lot and got me to think about the reasons why I've been struggling and seen right through to the core of the problem. Not many people can read me that easily especially over the internet. You will definitely be missed by me.

Edited by ScienceGeek

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and seen right through to the core of the problem. Not many people can read me that easily especially over the internet.

My point exactly, how can a stranger understand you so well, the answer is because she cares enough to really read the posts. Enid

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> j's mum - I hope you don't decide to leave. We all have differences of opinions at times. I've nearly left a few times too and sometimes I post on here less like now when I'm writing school reports but if I did leave I'd regret it as it's such a big source of support. I've always noticed how you take the time to really try to help people as best you can. When I read your posts about the things you've done to try and help J it always kind of gives me an extra incentive to carry on with all the things I try and do to help O. You sound like a lovely mum and very dedicated. Things can't go right all the time. I try and either ignore peoples reactions to O (only the minority cause most people are lovely with us) if they being negative, or if they tried to tell him off I'd tell them why he was behaving like that. Not excusing, but explaining. Anyway I'm waffling now. I really hope you stay. I always read your posts and feel better for it

love Elun xxx

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>:D<<'> thanks guys for your lovely replies, its just that at times been in the curcumstances Im in I do feel judged at times and that my parenting could be better, it may well need to be in some areas, but we have come a looooonnnnggg way over the last year, mostly down to this forum, giving me valuable advice and support, I had a multi agency meeting today, and the supports all gone, the LEA are pressurising me to place J in the local secondary mainstream even though we are due to attend a SENDIST appeal to get him in a specialist school, so that kind is stressing me out, Ive found it really hard to fight to get the right support, and when your in these meetings you can get judged by some of the proffessionals that maybe your not doing everything you can, Js not a thug, or a yob, but his behaviour could get that kind of reception if people dont understand his behaviour problems which are at times severe, so it easy to get judged by others as a bad parent, however I stand tall and say I am doing my best, I am doing what I can to help, support J.

 

I am kind of sensitive at the moment, so what I will do is have a break, sleep on leaving, and think things throw.

 

I sure would miss loads of you guys if i did leave, so I will think some more, its going to be a rocky few months, so forgive me if I have also been a bit hasty too, so with Love, I will leave for a short while.

 

JsMum

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You're a wonderful mum J'smum.

 

It really is painful when you feel you are being judged by professionals. It sounds like you have been through a lot. This age is really hard especially with the transition to high school, there is so much going on, its hard. So much stress, so much to think of, plus the worries of the new changes, how will they cope? Will the support be as good as primary?

 

Is there something you could do to de-stress, I know you said in another post you are all ready. I had to go on anxiety meds as I found things got too much for me. I have to say at first I was worried, but now I am on them I feel a lot more relaxed.

 

I was thinking about what you said with development delays, my son has this problem too. Also a close friend of mine her son was born with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and has lots of development problems too. There are some really good programs available in the future. I guess she and her child are always at the back of my mind as my son, I never thought his problems were as significant but they really were. Its so hard to compare from one child to another, they all have their own diagnosis and no child is ever alike, or a text book case. It puts so much pressure on us as parents especially when we are working, because there is so much at stake, so much to learn, so much to identify in their needs, its like an ongoing learning process. I am always learning. Just reading others posts on here at times, I will be reading someones post and think, gosh I was only thinking about that the other day, and someone will answer something I have been worrying about.

 

I understand you needing a break, you are doing so much at the moment. I always really enjoy reading your posts because your boy reminds me of my son when he was that age too, in some of the things you say.

 

You have a lot of compassion and come across very caring and a lot of thought goes into your posts. I always enjoy reading them.

 

I hope if you still keep feeling worse, consider talking to your GP or really doing something just for you to de-stress. Even a massage or a facial, is sooo soothing. :)

 

Hope to see you back soon when you are feeling better.

 

Thinking of you

 

Love

 

Fran xx >:D<<'> >:D<<'> :(

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Please don't leave, Jsmum. Yours is among the best and most sensible advice on this forum and it would be a much poorer place without you. You're a fantastic mum to J and you know exactly what is right for him, and he wouldn't be where he is now without you.

 

Please reconsider - you're an asset to us all and you've helped so many people with your advice. Take a short break if you feel you need to while things are so unsettled with the authorities, but do come back because you'd be sadly missed if you left permanently.

 

Karen

x

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J's mum, I really hope you don't leave! I have known you for a very long time not just on here but another forum we both left for our reasons, and always admired you. I have always felt we have similar views where we would just fight to the death for our children. I know I don't come on here often, but I am always drawn to your posts as I love seeing how you are getting on. 2 of my children have developmental delay, so they present often immature for their ages. Please don't think you are alone. You are going though a stressful time at the moment. I have a husband that supports me, I could not do what I do alone like you do. I think most people highly respect you. I would be hard pressed to find another parent who is as dedicated, instinctive, supportive and caring as you are. You give fantastic advice. Sometimes when we are stressed we can be sensitive, but it is actually a time we need the most support. Please reconsider!! >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Thanks again for your support, I do know that I do make mistakes as a parent, Im always looking for ideas and stratagies, so I cant really leave here can I, and I do really try as much as I can to help, others here, I have felt the most connected here as J does have higher functioning autism but I also understand that there is lots of behavioural issues too.

 

I want to stay too, I will see how things go becuase it is a fantastic forum.

 

JsMum

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JS mum, sorry have only just seen ths thread, YOU MUST STAY, you take so much time to give others good advice, l have often thought you really go out of your way to help others, have a rest, take some time out, AND COME BACK XXX

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Js mum dont leave-everyone has different parenting ways n noone is right n noone is wrong n noone should judge or feel judged. >:D<<'>

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Hey Jsmum, I hope you do stay!! I don't know you too well, but all the help and advice you've given others here has been concise and extremely helpful- you'd be a great loss! I truly sympathise with what you & your son seem to be going through,as some of my lad's behaviours would appear 'thuggish' to the unaware. Its so darned difficult to deal with and even more so when you have to fight to get help. You've come across as a loving and devoted parent through your posts, and I have to say that you're totally not alone in having to try new ideas out. I've lost count of the number of different strategies I've had to learn about in order to try and help my son and when your child is not 'typical', I feel that kinda goes hand in hand. We're all learning, and as you say, everyone has different ideas on parenting. I really don't think you've ever posted anything that's offended me(I don't think anyone has, actually!) and I do hope you stick around.

 

Take care, pet.

 

Esther x

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Hi J'smum

I'm still new to all of this but reading your posts has really helped me over the short time I've been here.

I've struggled on alone with Z for sooooo long and to find people like you on here has been so uplifting.

Please don't leave I'm only just getting to know how good you're advise is.

You seem to really care about everyone, Especially your J. You can just tell by the way you respond to others that you'd give the world to J.

Don't let the pro's make you feel bad (I think that's what they're there for)

Keep Smiling on through.

We're here if you need us :(

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Hi J'smum

I'm still new to all of this but reading your posts has really helped me over the short time I've been here.

I've struggled on alone with Z for sooooo long and to find people like you on here has been so uplifting.

Please don't leave I'm only just getting to know how good you're advise is.

You seem to really care about everyone, Especially your J. You can just tell by the way you respond to others that you'd give the world to J.

Don't let the pro's make you feel bad (I think that's what they're there for)

Keep Smiling on through.

We're here if you need us :(

 

How did you find the pro's ? I keep looking and have not found any.....just a group of people with mixed opinions...who demonstrate their wisdom or lack of it. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> :o:D Karen.

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I think I'm refering to the people who like to be known as pro's but who don't actually have a clue what we're having to deal with every day. I must add that I use the terms pro's very loosly(HeHe)

I know more than they do but if I say anything in meetings I'm kinda scorned at and made to feel very small :D:D:D

But I just keep on smiling and thinking to myself "If only you knew what you were talking aboout, life would be sooo sweet" (HeHe)

One thing keeps me going DLTBGYD and a sly smile in the right direction :P

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[quote

One thing keeps me going DLTBGYD and a sly smile in the right direction :P

 

OK! what does it mean!!! Enid

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[quote

One thing keeps me going DLTBGYD and a sly smile in the right direction :P

 

 

OK! what does it mean!!! Enid

 

 

Glad you asked Enid, I dont know either? would like too. :thumbs:

 

JsMum.

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Hi J'smum

I'm still new to all of this but reading your posts has really helped me over the short time I've been here.

I've struggled on alone with Z for sooooo long and to find people like you on here has been so uplifting.

Please don't leave I'm only just getting to know how good you're advise is.

You seem to really care about everyone, Especially your J. You can just tell by the way you respond to others that you'd give the world to J.

Don't let the pro's make you feel bad (I think that's what they're there for)

Keep Smiling on through.

We're here if you need us :(

 

 

Thanks Zosmum

 

Your post was very moving and Im here to stay, so dont worry, I know too how it is with been alone, its a hard road, but we kinda of have a special bond because of that, yes its hard though, which is why i enjoy coming here.

 

see you on the boards.

 

JsMum

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I suspect it's "Nils carborundum" - AKA "Don't Let The B(lummin people who are uncertain about their parentage) Grind You Down".

 

Hope that helps

 

:D

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Just to clarify fore you all DLTBGYD means- "Don't Let The B*****ds Grind You Down". Oh meaning the do gooder so called pro's- not the kids cos at times they can be ace!!!

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Dont leave ...I know it probably feels like sometimes people are not listening on hear or are making judgement but dont for one minute think what your doing is easy and that you should have all the answers .There are times when i could cry for days , from physical and mental exhaustion and it helps so much to know others are in the same boat, you have always made me feel like I am not alone and you are nearly aways the first to respond to me when ive had a rough ride. More than most on here you have written about J in a really similar way to my son M and its sounds to me like you have carefully thought and tried to anticipate everything in terms of how best to handle things.

I hope you feel better ...non of us are perfect ...try not to be so hard on yourself ....i know thats super hard but everyday just say you know what I am a good mum ......cos from what you write on hear you seem to be to me

!! >:D<<'>

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Dont leave ...I know it probably feels like sometimes people are not listening on hear or are making judgement but dont for one minute think what your doing is easy and that you should have all the answers .There are times when i could cry for days , from physical and mental exhaustion and it helps so much to know others are in the same boat, you have always made me feel like I am not alone and you are nearly aways the first to respond to me when ive had a rough ride. More than most on here you have written about J in a really similar way to my son M and its sounds to me like you have carefully thought and tried to anticipate everything in terms of how best to handle things.

I hope you feel better ...non of us are perfect ...try not to be so hard on yourself ....i know thats super hard but everyday just say you know what I am a good mum ......cos from what you write on hear you seem to be to me

!! >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks allsetuk, that was really nice what you wrote, it means a lot, I know deep down Im a good mum, been on your own its something you dont hear from others very often, I dont really mix with other parents often due to Js high supervision and support needs, and so I do spend a lot of time with him which I do enjoy but it gets exhausting, I love J to bits and I want the best for him, and the support and advice is invaluable from others who are going throw the same battles, the fights to get our kids the support and the right placements/school help, and it is hard.

 

Some on here are starting the road I began 6 years ago with schools, and others are finishing the battles that I have just begun with sendist, thats why I want to stay, because we all go throw so many similair situations, were ever the line is, I have learnt loads just in the last few days too, the issues with the strangers, I have a clearer idea now, and more prepared, its helped already, so mistakes are good, we can learn from them, no one has to be perfect.

 

JsMum

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