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Bagpuss

I'm leaving

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Dear All,

 

I've decided it's time for me to go.

 

I'm not going to waffle, and make up some dire excuse, and anyone reading the over eating thread will understand alittle of why I've come to this decision.

 

I'm going to be honest, and say I've felt of late that some of the threads on the forum have been very judgemental of others. There are two in particular recently, which I found very uncomfortable to read and had wondered then on both occasions if I should leave the forum as I felt it wasn't the supportive place I'd once found it to be.

 

I feel the same way about the over eating thread and decided this time I would speak up. Somehow I've managed to cause distress and I'm unsure why, and it makes me feel very uneasy.

 

I did consider just taking a little break, but I've reached a point now where I feel as if no one can have a difference of opinion anymore without it becoming personal and sarcastic and everyone getting upset, and it's like "here we go again".

 

Quite simply, I just don't understand it or want to be part of it anymore.

 

Could someone take over the Northern Meet Up organisation?

 

Take care all x >:D<<'>

Edited by Bagpuss

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Please don't go, Baggy :tearful:

 

I'm really, really sorry I upset you by being too direct (?) in the food thread :(

 

Bid :tearful:>:D<<'>

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i dont know whats been going on Bagpuss but im so sorry your upset >:D<<'> I dont post on here as much but i will miss you. You have been such a great friend to loads of people on here and your advice is always really helpfull. You will be missed a lot. I hope we can still be friends >:D<<'>

I hope you reconsider cos it wont be the same without you:tearful: >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Oh Baggy, >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Don't go hun, take a break for a while. Sometimes things get heated for all sorts of reasons.

 

None of us know whats going on in the background. We all have loads of stress. Written communication can so eaily go pear shaped, I make mistakes ALL the time.

 

Here sending you some of these >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Hope you come back soon. Don't be a stranger.

 

Love

 

Fran xx :):(:tearful:>:D<<'>

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Well Bagpus I can understand completely how you feel and been consider the exact same thing over the last day or so and today I shall be joining you in leaving for a while at least, if not for good.

 

I have always enjoyed your post as they were non biased and non judgemental with a great sense of humour. Please feel free to PM me if you want a chat.

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Oh Baggy :tearful:

If it was anything I said, please accept my apologies.

You are a ray of light on the forum, & would be so missed.

And I've only just met you in RL!

 

Just take a break & reconsider, & please come to York.

>:D<<'>

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Oh Baggy, I hope you feel better about things in a few days and reconsider because you would be very badly missed. :tearful: I must admit, I've felt a bit less like I belong here lately, I don't know what it is really. I still come in but I don't post as much as I used to and if I do post I often feel like I've just been totally ignored and that posts after mine have been responded to or acknowledged and that I'm invisible. :tearful:>:D<<'> >:D<<'> Don't know what to say. :tearful:>:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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Well Bagpus I can understand completely how you feel and been consider the exact same thing over the last day or so and today I shall be joining you in leaving for a while at least, if not for good.

 

I have always enjoyed your post as they were non biased and non judgemental with a great sense of humour. Please feel free to PM me if you want a chat.

 

Justamum, I'm sorry that you're feeling like going too, hope you decide to stay. We all need to stick together. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Bagpuss >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> I know it can be tough here at times but you are one of the solid crew here and will be badly missed.Karen.

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Baggy, >:D<<'>

you're making some very good points about how things have been have been on the forum lately.....don't know how that could change when every one has such strong views....it's really upsetting when these disagreements happen.......but please don't go....Lya's already left a big gap......miss her here.....would miss you too.........

s

xxx

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Hi Bagpuss / Justamum...

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and hope you'll reconsider. Having said that, I don't think people here have been judgemental about your posts, they have just hadn't different views on subjects that, for whatever reasons, you have strong personal opinions about.

Looking at things from the other 'end' as it were, I'm sure you would feel hurt and upset if similar accusations were levelled at you because you had different opinions to them, particularly if they were then cited as reasons for leaving the forum.

A forum is supposed to encompass and discuss all views on any subject, and while logic dictates that there is a need for 'rules and guidelines' to ensure that extreme views and/or intolerant/prejudicial/offensive views are moderated, we cannot and should not moderate for individuals.

A forum that offers nothing but agreement on any subject is not a forum - it is a 'group hug' and while that is a very worthwhile thing sometimes it does not offer any real help or solutions, and doesn't fuurther understanding for anyone on the broad range of issues that people have major concerns over. Their perspectives on certain issues may be completely different to yours (or mine, or anyone elses), but for equally valid personal reasons.

 

At the risk of causing further offense, i am really disappointed about what the 'meet and greet' thread has turned into. It was intended as an area for new members to introduce themselves and for established members to let us know they might not be about for a while etc. Instead, it seems more often to be used as a way for members who feel aggrieved with other members to 'rub their noses in it' and make them feel bad, and that in itself IMO is far more judgemental (and public) than anything we leave unmoderated on forum.

 

As I said, I hope both of you will reconsider and continue to use the forum and to benefit from the knowledge base and support it offers, and 'agree to differ' on those issues that for whatever reason you find personally difficult.

 

L&P

 

BD

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Hi Bagpuss

 

I really hope you'll reconsider. I recall meeting you and thinking what a thoroughly lovely person you are (and hubby too, of course!). I've also found your posts to be funny, insightful, helpful, tactful, etc. I'll miss you if you decide to go.

 

I must say I agree with you, in that I've read a few posts and have frankly been surprised at the tone of some posts by some members. I there's a certain inevitability given the nature/overall subject content that some people do have very strong feelings on certain subjects and I think it's a real shame that posts sometimes get a little nasty or uncomfortable for my liking. Fact is, we're all entitled to our opinion and it's healthy to explore those - I just think that we should all endeavour to be considerate towards other peoples feelings when posting.

 

Hope you change your mind.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

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>:D<<'> Aw Baggy, will miss you on here but know where you're coming from. Don't know if everyones just really struggling at the mo' or what, but everyone seems to be down and/or niggly! :tearful: Take care hun and keep in touch. >:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> Aw Baggy, will miss you on here but know where you're coming from. Don't know if everyones just really struggling at the mo' or what, but everyone seems to be down and/or niggly! :tearful: Take care hun and keep in touch. >:D<<'>

 

Could it be that we are tired out at the end of the school year ???

It is sad that so many people here many of whom have been around a long time are finding it more of a stress than a help. :(:(:( Karen.

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At the risk of causing further offense, i am really disappointed about what the 'meet and greet' thread has turned into. It was intended as an area for new members to introduce themselves and for established members to let us know they might not be about for a while etc. Instead, it seems more often to be used as a way for members who feel aggrieved with other members to 'rub their noses in it' and make them feel bad, and that in itself IMO is far more judgemental (and public) than anything we leave unmoderated on forum.

 

As I said, I hope both of you will reconsider and continue to use the forum and to benefit from the knowledge base and support it offers, and 'agree to differ' on those issues that for whatever reason you find personally difficult.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Hi BD.

I can never in all the time I have been on the Forum posted a response that disagreed strongly with your view...so here goes.

I have just browsed through all of the meet and greet area of the Forum..

There are dozens and dozens of positive posts wellcoming new members....four pages.

I found three posts that could be described as people being aggrieved.....and one of them was from you. :oops:

I am not sure where you are looking.

I know it is difficult but several regular Forum users have stated that they are unhappy and they have a right to be heard.

If posting on the ''Meet and Greet'' Forum is not appropriate then it might be worth thinking about where might be better.

Karen.

Edited by Karen A

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Hi karen -

 

Sorry, several got deleted because they included personal references to other members. I agree that it has been a hugely positive topic area for new members... I posted that I was taken some time out from modding because I was feeling beaten up with it all!

Guess what!! :lol:

 

 

:D

 

Bagpuss - sorry for accidentally hi-jacking your post... I'll bow out of this one now, just reiterating my finnal point to get things back on track:

 

As I said, I hope both of you will reconsider and continue to use the forum and to benefit from the knowledge base and support it offers, and 'agree to differ' on those issues that for whatever reason you find personally difficult.
Edited by baddad

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Was looking forward to meeting you in York so don't leave now :( .

 

I think that right now everyone is jaded cos it is the end of the school year and our littluns are hyped and worn out as well which makes our home lives more of a challenge........... take the weekend to just have some time out from the forum and don't dwell on things that are not meant as personal challanges against you or anyone...........

 

Then come back again on Monday, join in the light-hearted threads and don't get drawn in to the more serious and subjective debates that sometimes go on!!!!!

 

Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Was looking forward to meeting you in York so don't leave now :( .

 

I think that right now everyone is jaded cos it is the end of the school year and our littluns are hyped and worn out as well which makes our home lives more of a challenge........... take the weekend to just have some time out from the forum and don't dwell on things that are not meant as personal challanges against you or anyone...........

 

Then come back again on Monday, join in the light-hearted threads and don't get drawn in to the more serious and subjective debates that sometimes go on!!!!!

 

Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

That is very good and sensible advice :thumbs:

 

Flo' X

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Hi bagpuss, Ive felt like I get a lot of support from your posts, so please dont leave, its been very uncomfortable lately, Ive certainly felt like ive had to really explain myself more than I want to, its very difficult here because there is a hell of a lot of different proffessionals here, teachers, socail workers and parents, many are both, so its difficult to always understand someone elses point or what they are trying to get at, lately Ive felt judged as a parent, sorry but I have, just saying how I feel, still do feel that.

 

however Ive defo thought more, tried to understand other peoples points of view, its helped me see it throw other peoples eyes, especially bards position, and Ive really enjoyed that aspect to here, it really gets you to think, Ive thought about leaving all week, but some posts bring me back, Ive got experience of a parent of a child with SEN so its kind of hard isnt it not to share your opinions and throw that we talk about our own lives, I know we have had a really crappy time on the forum for a while, but I think whats important to remember is that we are all struggling with the same issues, education, parenting, and our own lifestyles, for the last year Ive gained so much from here, and even over the last month or so Ive still gained soo much, its been hard, but then that is how it happens sometimes.

 

I want to leave, but then again, what is the point of this forum in the first place.

 

 

To support and understand each other, lately, its gone past that.

 

Im hoping things go back to what the whole place was set up to do in the beginning.

 

Sorry Bagpuss what your feeling like, kind of experiencing the same.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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Just reading through this thread, and as a relatively new member its left me feeling rather sad and a bit confused. I know ive probably not read a lot of the posts you must be refering to, but the ones I have read all seem so incredably supportive, informative, helpful, challenging - I dont think its possible to be on a forum like this without having strong views, its a forum for ASD for gawd sakes, just thinkimg about what we all go through on a daily basis is enough to make the Pope swear (sorry no offence meant :rolleyes: I just think it would be a great shame if long standing members with such a lot of experience and insight where suddenly to leave... and just when Ive joined. Dont go or I'll take it personally :(

 

Vicky

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Just reading through this thread, and as a relatively new member its left me feeling rather sad and a bit confused. I know ive probably not read a lot of the posts you must be refering to, but the ones I have read all seem so incredably supportive, informative, helpful, challenging - I dont think its possible to be on a forum like this without having strong views, its a forum for ASD for gawd sakes, just thinkimg about what we all go through on a daily basis is enough to make the Pope swear (sorry no offence meant :rolleyes: I just think it would be a great shame if long standing members with such a lot of experience and insight where suddenly to leave... and just when Ive joined. Dont go or I'll take it personally :(

 

Vicky

I am in agreement with Vicky, we new people desperately need to hear from the more experienced members - people who have been there and done it - I really hope that the support I have got thus far is not going to dissapear.

Shell x

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But, but, but...

 

Debs I respect your decision to leave (not having been around for a while I'm a little out of touch about how things have been on the forum but I still respect your decision) but please don't make it permanent - you're part of the furniture around here and it just wouldn't be the same without you. :tearful:

 

Who am I going to discuss lemon top ice creams with if you're not here?

 

Take care whatever you decide to do >:D<<'>

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I know feelings are running high, but now I'm really confused :(

 

I joined this forum when it had only been going for 6 months, so I have been a member now for nearly 4 and a half years.

 

Obviously I haven't read every single post, but I honestly can't think of any examples where anyone has had their parenting criticised.

 

There has been the odd snippy personal spat between members, but far, far less than on any of the other forums where I lurk.

 

But discussing different views, different perspectives, different opinions is not the same as criticising anyone's parenting skills :(

 

This exchange of opinions is the definition of a forum...I'm not sure what it would be if we all expressed exactly the same views, but it wouldn't be a forum.

 

I am genuinely at a loss to think of any post where someone has been told they're a poor parent.

 

Bid >:D<<'>

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Quote from Badad "I'm sure you would feel hurt and upset if similar accusations were levelled at you because you had different opinions to them, particularly if they were then cited as reasons for leaving the forum"

 

It is upsetting. I think now personally that things like this then blow the original "difference of opinion" out of proportion and make it very personal. Other people then have their say and it makes it worse, sorry, but that is how it feels. There were no references to other people in my posts and my views were general opinion, not aimed at anyone, but the story that was the topic. Things like this always generate differences of opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. It is healthy not insulting or sarcastic OR personal.

 

I am NOT a nasty vindictive person who joins forums to upset people, I join to gain support and give it, for my part that is how I feel my membership here has gone. I have strong views, but I will not appologise for that. If I had launched a personal attack or been insulting, I would appologise in a heart beat.

 

The only thing I will appologise for is upsetting anyone. It was never my intention to do so, but I do believe that if someone takes offence of my views, I will appologise for it. I hope that we can be adult enough to put this aside and get back to how things were. >:D<<'>

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Nothing like a bit of tact and diplomacy, instead a full blown 'I have an opinion and won't apologise for having an opinion'. Exactly point Bagpuss was making about this forum - and what's more I must say I agree with her. I've found this forum to be a place of support at a time of need on the whole, but lately there have been occasions when posters have been less than considerate towards others feelings and perhaps been a bit snippy (sometimes it's actually best to say nothing if you you a particularly strong opinion about something).

 

C.

Edited by cmuir

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If you actually read what I wrote, my opinion wasn't actually that strong. What I wrote was brought into question and doubt not the other way around. It did not upset me. Perhaps someone would kindly explain and list exactly what it was that I DID say that was in any way derrogratry to a particular person. I don't believe I should appologise, there is no deplomacy and tact needed, I am not the one who has brought this here and saying I am leaving. I don't see what I have done wrong. Perhaps you should take your own advice, and not get involved in this issue which was as far as I am concerned is trivial, but the whole subject blown out of proportion and it looks like I am "copping the blame" for other posts and other issues, which as far as I am aware did not involve me!! Or are you saying I don't have the right to respond and defend myself on this issue? I DID appologise for offence taken as that was NOT my intention. I doubt I will be subject to the same courtesy if I am now offended?

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however Ive defo thought more, tried to understand other peoples points of view, its helped me see it throw other peoples eyes, especially bards position, and Ive really enjoyed that aspect to here, it really gets you to think, Ive thought about leaving all week, but some posts bring me back, Ive got experience of a parent of a child with SEN so its kind of hard isnt it not to share your opinions and throw that we talk about our own lives, I know we have had a really crappy time on the forum for a while, but I think whats important to remember is that we are all struggling with the same issues, education, parenting, and our own lifestyles, for the last year Ive gained so much from here, and even over the last month or so Ive still gained soo much, its been hard, but then that is how it happens sometimes.

 

That's exactly why I like this forum, learning about the sort of other things that people have to deal with and how they cope.

In some cases, it makes me a better teacher, in others I learn something about how my son might see or understand something that I didn't perceive.

I have no personal experience of living with a child that doesn't sleep, or smears, or is a worry to feed or any number of the issues and problems that are shared here, so I don't really have an opinion, just an interest.

Other things I do, and I share that opinion, without intending to upset anyone or make them feel that I'm being dismissive or arrogant about what they are going through.

We all struggle with different things, I'm knackered because it's the end of term and both my children are weary and snappy with each other, my class is whittering about their new teachers and classmates and are also shattered.

The thing is, a forum should be a place of debate, and also support, and if we don't cut each other some slack here, where else will we find people who understand some of how it is for us?

One of the lovely things about Greenwich was that all the children and all the adults just got on with each other and coped with any differences as part of the deal and perfectly acceptable.

Some of the most boring of all events on my social calendar are those which involve primary school teachers, too many similarities and no real debate. Pleasant but dull and no real mental exercise at all.

I read your stuff with interest Darky, and I'm sorry that you're cross. I like a discussion.

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Nobody should be made to feel guilty for expressing an honest opinion. As far as I can see all of those who expressed different opinions to Bagpus in the other thread have apologised for inadvertently upsetting her. Those who want to use this thread as a means of criticizing people for merely expressing an opinion need to realise that in doing so they are doing the very thing that they are critisizing others for.

 

This thread was started by Bagpus to announce she was leaving the forum and as such it has more than run it's course so I have taken the decision to close it.

 

Flora

Edited by Flora

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