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JsMum

What would you do?

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Hi JsMum,

 

I really feel for you. We are in a similarish situation with DS1, who's starting Year 6 tomorrow. He has AS and has been on the point of school refusal for most of Year 5. School says he's 'fine' at school and he is 'acheiving well' but his mental health has taken a real dive. School just does not take on board his SEN and he tries so hard to fit in and do what's asked of him, although one of the problems is that he doesn't know just what IS asked of him!

 

Anyway, long story short, Towards the end of Y5 he was referred to a psychiatrist at CAMHS and put on meds - anti-depressants - over the summer. We are still waiting for them to have an effect! But he is obviously not feeling great about starting school tomorrow. We are in the process of getting all our evidence together to apply for statutory assessment and are prepared to go to tribunal if necessary. I cannot imagine how he will cope with secondary school...

 

I feel like I will be throwing him to the lions tomorrow. School just will not sit up and take notice and now my boy is on the verge of a breakdown. I will be monitoring their every move.

 

Meanwhile, my second son (eight, going into Year 4, ASD) has been crying every night for the past fortnight and the only explanation I have is that he doesn't want to go back to school, either. He has a Statement and is much less able to explain how he feels, but he has had a lovely relaxed summer and the change to all these tears is alarming.

 

I want both my boys in specialist settings, not necessarily because they are academically behind, but because they just cannot cope with being in the mainstream environment. They are square pegs being forced into round holes and it is obviously hurting!

 

Let us know how you get on, JsMum - we can compare notes.

 

All the best,

Lizzie xxxxxx

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Bizzielizzy I know we would be in the same situation if it were still at primary school , so Totally understand what your going throw, year 6 for J was near impossible for him, it caused him considerable amount of stress and it was a particually hard year for me to cope with.

 

Ensure you keep a detailed diary and keep the GP and Pyschiatrist informed of his behaviour.

 

I contacted LEA to today and they are getting back intouch with me to reconsider there decision to force J into school tomorrow as the stress and anxiety has spireled in the last 48hrs and he is soo upset about going tomorrow, I think this is going to break us.

 

Good Luck to everyone else going throw this, you fight for the statements, then you fight for the special school and then you fight some more, it never ever ends.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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Jsmum

 

I'm :pray: that your LEA will come up with something different/useful. Good luck with the next couple of days.

 

Flo'

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J's mum I am thinking of you. It's a horrible barbaric system at times. I hope the LA will see sense, and that there is damage limitation option. I think you have been very brave. Sometimes it's a case of being cruel to be kind, to go along with an option for short term distress hoping for a long term solution. >:D<<'>

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Hi just an update, LEA are authorising tomorrows absence because of Js increasing Anxiety and as the School have not done any preparing with transition, and they need time to sort things out.

 

The LEA want to discuss with the HT the support package,

 

J has sceduled appointments this week and next week, there is only a potential of 6 sessions of Mainstream before SENDIST so they are looking into this too, it looks like this week he wont be returning.

 

It may be that J is not pushed any further due to his anxiety levels and no transition plan.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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Yes, as bid says, great evidence with the LEA actually listening to you. Hope they continue to listen and the reprieve turns into something acceptable and tangable.

 

Flora >:D<<'>

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Hi Jsmum,

 

It may be useful to ring the school on Tuesday morning and ask a member of staff to meet you outside the school. At least that way they can observe and document if you have any problems in getting your son into school.

 

Good luck for tomorrow. The bad times will not last forever.

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I wonder how many of us are feeling like this tonite? :crying:

 

We've decided not to send our son into school tomorrow- he should be starting year 10.

 

I feel its up to us to keep him safe (he's been bullyed) and as the school cant do it, then we have to do what we think is best.

 

Good luck to everyone.

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Hi J's mum, just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you and J, sending hugs >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

 

Hi thankyou, much apriciated, J didnt settle till gone passed 12 am and had to remain in his sensory room to get some sleep, we had a dvd night and had a real good chat about residential school, he said he cant cope been in a classroom anymore, he said he wouldnt go tomorrow, not even to walk to it, he said he cant do it, im not going to go, we had a nice cuddle watching tv and just helping him relax.

 

THis morning I Watched the school kids walk past and felt another lost milestone for J, again J missis out on normality, the boys in their proud smart uniforms looking eager and laughing and joking in groups as they happily and blizzifully walked to school, it was such a contrast to my lad, exhausted with confusion and anxiety and asleep not stiring from my aproaches,

 

J rises eventually and he has a reasurance hug from me, he relaxes has breakfast and then with little prompting gets dressed into his sivvies, no uniform or the usual battles or fighting him into school, he paints and creates a combat comaflarged creation, there isnt much communication but at least for now J is safe.

 

JsMum

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Hi Just an update,

 

Things kicked off big time last night and J lost total control and required the police, A neighbour had to ring them while I tried to calm him down, he ran off for a while too, but J returned just as the police had arrived, the police on the whole was very understanding, and he talked to J and the police left knowing J was going to be ok, and understood the issues with school and ADHD ect as he has family member going throw it all now.

 

I have not had the police for ages, but J was a danger so there was no choice.

 

He has had some Massage therapy this morning and we relaxed this afternoon, so things are much calmer.

 

The SENCO of the High school J is at presant has allowed J authorised leave until the decision of the tribunal, so that gives us until the half term in October, so there is no more forcing him into a mainstream setting for now.

 

There is a number of reasons for the authorisation but the main factor was that J was leading to a psychiatric issues, adding additional mental destress on Js already existing disorders.

 

We visit the specialist school next week, and if things go well there then they will offer J a place and then its up to tri for a answer.

 

The stress has been massive, but I think there is call for some proper relaxation, we might even get away for a few days, its been a hectic week.

 

JsMum

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Hi JsMum

It sounds like you've had a truly awful time

Thankfully you managed to get J authorised leave so hopefully alot of the pressure is off.

 

Enjoy your break ( That is if you do decide to go away for a few days)

 

Good Luck with the trib

 

Zosmum

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Oh god, poor you! it sounds more like one of my posts!! You have really been through it and you sound soo calm. Glad your neighbours were so good, mine have been brill over the years, my house is on the market at the mo and I have visions of them having a street party when I`ve gone!!!! joking, I hope. sending you loads of >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Enid

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Jsmum >:D<<'>

 

Hope things have settled down now :(

 

Going away sounds like a good idea to me. A few days, to recharge before the tribunal :D

 

Flo' X

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J's mum

 

>:D<<'>

 

I hope you've recovered from the ordeal.

 

Good luck for the school visit, I hope all goes well. Stay strong - you're nearly there. :)

 

K x

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