"average" age

[lisa35]

just looking for advice, my son is 13 with aspergers, we only have him, so wondering what age would you expect a child to go and bathe/ shower independantly

We end up sat in the bath room with him, still have to run his bath, and tell him to wash a every bit of himself

What age do kids without asds do this sort of thing without all the kerfuffle we have nightly!?

Ive tried a visual sheet, but hes a bit old for it, any tips?

Thanks!

[Enid]

Hi, my 19yr old was capable at 10 ish, but still leaves the bathroom in a mess now!! the 9 year old is very capable but needs help with long hair, when at home, but on school/brownie camps is able to cope with it alone, even the 6 yr old is very capable, mind you when you have 4 you do get a bit slap dsah and expect more from them! my nearly 13 yr old with ASD/ADHD and many other things! still needs me. Hope this helps. Enid

[Faithnomore]

My Oldest is also 13 AS/ADHD and getting him to do anything bathroom related is an absoloute nightmare. There is no way he would let me in the bathroom to check what he is doing - I know it isn't what he is supposed to do. If he wasn't told to wash/shower he wouldn't do it at all and he really doesn't care about the consequences of not washing. TBH I really can't see this ever changing. For my DS it's not that he can't, but that he doesn't want to.

[sesley]

mine is nine this year erm i erm feed him his dinner cos he is looking at tv and i can shovel things he won't eat cos, he sees them and says yuck, he feeds himself with other stuff like breakfast, toast and biscuits and anything else thats acceptable for him to eat alone. i help him dress though he can do it himself its lazyness really and easier for him, anyway that lets him have more time to do the things he really likes to do.

[llisa32]

Funnily enough I was wondering the very same thing myself this morning! - my son will be nine this year and left to own devices will have nothing to do with soap or tooth paste whats so ever!

 

I have to literally wash all the important bits with a huge faff and then I'm always big time pleased with myself cos he's all clean!! - that always seems mad to me - but those of you that do it will know what i mean.

 

I'm also curious just how independant other kids who dont have ASD's are - or those who do have asd's - does the bathroom thing get any better??

[Cat]

My eldest has always seen to his own toilet/bathroom needs, well from being about 8 that is, and it was about that age that our youngest was able to bath/shower himself. My eldest was not diagnosed until he was 13 and so I suppose that I probably had unreasonable expectations as to what he could do ? but he managed it anyway. He did always like me to check the bathroom before he got bathed but after I checked the water etc he just got on with the rest. My youngest was 3 when he was diagnosed but I have always worked on making him as independent as possible to. He is 11 now and wont let me anywhere near the bathroom although I always make an excuse to stay upstairs while he is in the bath - tidy the bedroom etc. He does like me to dry his hair when he gets out of the bath but I think that that is a sensory issue as he hates the feel of the water from his hair dripping onto his skin.

 

I remember well being told by a SALT when my youngest was diagnosed, that whatever you might want to do for them because it is easier/quicker while they are growing up, you have to ask yourself if you will still want to be doing this when they are 16. You have to build things into a self routine otherwise a child with autism will see no reason to do it for themselves. Of course there are other factors like dyspraxia and other co-morbids to take into account but on the whole I encourage mine to do things for themselves.

 

Cat

[bikemad]

My ds is 9 n I still got to bath him, sometimes dress him n on occasions check his bumb after a no2 cos he is freaked out by germs.

[Bard]

whatever you might want to do for them because it is easier/quicker while they are growing up, you have to ask yourself if you will still want to be doing this when they are 16. You have to build things into a self routine otherwise a child with autism will see no reason to do it for themselves.

 

That's what I tend to bear in mind. My son is 13, loves baths and can play in them for hours. He needs support with running the bath to the correct temperature, and the amount of bubbly stuff to use. Now the support has dwindled to me yelling

Check the temperature!

Are you watching the water level?

Enough lollygagging, get in the bath!

Only one box of playmobil!

and other stuff along those lines.

He also needs reminding to wash with a flannel, but it is just that when he's in the bath he forgets what he's supposed to be doing and just enjoys playing and the sensation of being submerged in bubbles...we've all done that I feel.

I shampoo his hair and rinse, otherwise it goes in his eyes, but that's it. He hates showers.

We're getting there slowly but surely and the amount of support is reducing by the month.

[Clareo2003]

My 12 year old does not see the need to bath or brush his teeth or even to wash! Its a nightmare!! He also likes to wear his dirty clothes days on end!

 

He thinks he can just spray deodorant all over his clothes and that makes him clean!

 

If we do manage to get him in the bath he jumps in whilst the bath is running, splashes himself with water then gets out..all before the bath has actually run!!

This is when my husband will then take him back to the bathroom and wash his hair ect and make him wash

[Rachelp2]

Hi Lisa,

 

Good post Thanks Don't worry seems ya not the only one with a 13 yr old who bathes himself!

 

My son was 13 in March, last year I decided instead of me washing him (he's man sized btw!) i would sit on the loo and talk him through step by step the instructions with me watching, so this is now what happens, i do go into the bathroom now to double check he's washed his bits! and then i wash his hair for him as he hasn't mastered this yet!

 

He's an only child but shock and surprize i'm due a baby in November (not planned and i'm 40 next year!) So i'm trying to get my act together and prepare myself for all extra work

[Zosmum]

My dd(12) will get into the shower with lots of persuasion and the odd threat, attempts to wash her hair but needs lots of help but will not wash with soap as this isn't needed cos she's in the shower(?????)

 

The only thing she can do alone in the bathroom is make loads of mess, you'd think an army had been through

[jo4themo]

N (AS) age 9 (almost 10) will now wash herself in the bath, but she needs to be reminded every time to wash her face! Drying is a bit hit and miss - sometimes she will, other times she just sits there. She still needs me to wash her hair as she hates getting water on her face so is loathe to try it herself. She also needs someone to help her get in and out of the bath as her balance is poor. She also needs to be reminded daily to wash herself, brush her teeth, brush her hair etc.

If she could she would never wash or brush her hair again! LOL

[Enid]

Hi Lisa,

 

Good post Thanks Don't worry seems ya not the only one with a 13 yr old who bathes himself!

 

My son was 13 in March, last year I decided instead of me washing him (he's man sized btw!) i would sit on the loo and talk him through step by step the instructions with me watching, so this is now what happens, i do go into the bathroom now to double check he's washed his bits! and then i wash his hair for him as he hasn't mastered this yet!

 

He's an only child but shock and surprize i'm due a baby in November (not planned and i'm 40 next year!) So i'm trying to get my act together and prepare myself for all extra work

[Enid]

Sorry pressed wrong thing!!! meant to say congratulations on the Baby!!! Enid

[Rachelp2]

Sorry pressed wrong thing!!! meant to say congratulations on the Baby!!! Enid

 

Thankyou Enid,

 

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and it's still not sinking in, although I have terrible depression and off all medication till after baby, what's also not helping just now is that Dan's 6 weeks school hols are over a week today and having a hard time of him worrying and crying about going back to dreaded school.......... When he's down so am I, why can't things run smooth just for a little while (Sorry only meant to say thanks and ended up having a moan

[lynyona]

Kieran is 22 and he will not have a wash bath or shower unless he wants to which is not very often he thinks because he s not going anywhere he doesnt have to only when he s going out which is very rare but on the occasion i persuade him i have to wash his her for him and get all the shower gel towels and deodorant ready then i leave him to it.He doesnt mind that he smells we tell him and tell him and he ll just say "so"

[kirstie]

My son is also 9 (in a few weeks) and wouldn't wash, bathe,shower brush his teeth or change his clothes if i didn't make him do it. He quite likes the bath when he's in it as he shares it with his 3 year old brother but i have to wash him and his hair do his teeth etc. Maybe i should be pushing him to be a bit more independant!!