Do You Have Any Questions?

[Mumble]

OK, I've going to ask this because it's really bugging me and I can't get it out of my head.

 

I was in a situation recently that was partially similar to a job interview (i.e. terrifying!) and at the end, the person said to me "Do you have any questions for me?". I said, truthfully, "no", because everything that I would have wanted to have asked (and I did have some things I genuinely wanted to know) were answered within the proceeding two hour interrogation.

 

At the time, this seemed OK, and the 'interrogator' seemed happy.

 

Recently however, I have received a report on this event from the 'independent observer' who was also present just to take notes, and in this he's been incredibly critical of me generally (and many of the things he's said have been directly related to difficulties arising from my autism - which he and the interrogator knew about ) and one thing he's made a big deal of is the fact that I said "no" to the 'any questions' question. He has written in the report that I should have come up with two or three questions to ask.

 

Now the thing is this - I've heard the advice before that in job interviews you should have questions to ask to show your interest in the company, but my genuine questions were answered - so why is it expected in NT land that you make things up that you don't care about and that serve only to waste the interviewer's time when they have to give an answer that you will only half listen to?

 

What possible purpose does such etiquette serve?

[Flora]

I usually say, 'no, you've answered all my questions during the interview/informative discussion'... that sort of thing.

 

Flora

[TheNeil]

NTs like to think that you're interested, curious and that kind of thing - even if they have covered everything already.

 

I suppose from their perspective they might feel that you're taking information onboard, processing it and drawing questions from that info (or something). On the other hand it could be that they're worried that they didn't answer questions fully or have gaping holes in the information that they've been giving out.

 

I've found that when it comes to job interviews I usually have a list of 'stock questions' that I can rely on: What's the pension scheme, is there flexi-time etc. etc. etc. You could always ask them a generic question about the industry/field (as in 'how does X affect the role?') which helps to show that you have a wider view of things rather than whatever it is that they've just been yammering on about

[ScienceGeek]

I hate that question in interviews I go in with a bunch of questions in mind and the majority of the time they have already answered them by the end. I never know what to say so I just say no as well.

[Flora]

Goodness don't know here what all the fuss is about!

 

Sorry, but I have AS too and I really don't see the problem.

 

If they've already answered your questions, then you explain so. It's quite simple; and I've found that quite often they are happy with their own performance as a result because it means that they've done their job properly.

 

Mumble, I'm sorry to ask this, but surely there was a time when you had an interview for your teaching job; I happen to know from friends who are teachers that the interview process for a job in the school is very robust and as such surely you've had practice in this?

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but I would hate for parents here to think that their children are going to grow up as helpless, and I would like to assure them that they don't need to; I have AS and I reckon I exceed the criteria for diagnosis, and I am well able to negotiate these things.

 

Flora

Edited August 26, 2008 by Flora

[Mumble]

Helpless, yes that's me, thanks :tearful:

[tjw]

hi mumble

you could always take in with you a list of questions and when they ask do you have any question, refer to your note and just say well no you have answer all my question within the interview, but with notes they can see that were prepered for this question. im afraid it is always asked in interveiws,but like you say you tend to cover all this in the interveiw its self,i tend to do a bit of research about the company first just to try and impress,and so far it has worked.

hope this helps a little and i do no how dounting this can be.

theresa

[Flora]

Helpless, yes that's me, thanks :tearful:

 

I was trying to reassure parents who might read this thread that it is possible to learn to recognise and negotiate these things. I can never think of questions when put on the spot, so I think of some before hand, then if they've answered those questions during the interview I say so. I don't just say 'no', I explain that I did have questions but they have now answered them. It's very straight forward. I have yet to find an interviewer who has taken exception to this and as I've only ever been turned down for a job once (and on that occasion I did ask questions) I don't think it's gone against me at all.

 

I wasn't saying you were helpless mumble, you've been a teacher so I know you're not, but with that in mind I was just puzzled as to how you can get through the rigorous interview process for teaching and then be puzzled by something like this.

 

I didn't mean to upset you.

 

Flora

Edited August 25, 2008 by Flora

[TheNeil]

Goodness don't know here what all the fuss is about!

 

Sorry, but I have AS too and I really don't see the problem.

 

If they've already answered your questions, then you explain so. It's quite simple; and I've found that quite often they are happy with their own performance as a result because it means that they've done their job properly.

 

Mumble, I'm sorry to ask this, but surely there was a time when you had an interview for your teaching job; I happen to know from friends who are teachers that the interview process for a job in the school is very robust and as such surely you've had practice in this?

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but I would hate for parents here to think that their children are going to grow up as helpless as this, and I would like to assure them that they don't need to; I have AS and I reckon I exceed the criteria for diagnosis, and I am well able to negotiate these things.

 

Flora

You don't know what all of the 'fuss' is about? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THE FUSS IS ABOUT?!?!?!?!?

 

So, from your assumption that because it doesn't affect you it that it is nothing more than a 'fuss', every person with AS must be exactly the same and faces exactly the same struggles and problems. I'm sure I've read, on several occasions, that ASDs are some sort of 'spectrum disroder' which would imply that they affect different people in different ways.

 

To simply dismiss one person's concerns as a 'fuss' simply because it's not an issue for you personally is, quite frankly, disgraceful. In the one place where people like us are supposed to be understood I find your standpoint to be totally inexcusable.

 

This is not Mumble's inability to deal with 'Any other questions?' situations but rather questioning the need for such 'social etiquettes' and why the NT mind seems to heavily rely on them. By trying to unravel these 'social etiquettes' parents of ASD kids might be able to better teach their kids about dealing with the big, bad world. That's if it isn't too much of a 'fuss' of course

[Canopus]

You don't know what all of the 'fuss' is about? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THE FUSS IS ABOUT?!?!?!?!?

 

So, from your assumption that because it doesn't affect you it that it is nothing more than a 'fuss', every person with AS must be exactly the same and faces exactly the same struggles and problems. I'm sure I've read, on several occasions, that ASDs are some sort of 'spectrum disroder' which would imply that they affect different people in different ways.

 

To simply dismiss one person's concerns as a 'fuss' simply because it's not an issue for you personally is, quite frankly, disgraceful. In the one place where people like us are supposed to be understood I find your standpoint to be totally inexcusable.

 

This is not Mumble's inability to deal with 'Any other questions?' situations but rather questioning the need for such 'social etiquettes' and why the NT mind seems to heavily rely on them. By trying to unravel these 'social etiquettes' parents of ASD kids might be able to better teach their kids about dealing with the big, bad world. That's if it isn't too much of a 'fuss' of course

 

Well said.

 

My tactic is to deliberately reserve a question right for the end. A good choice is to ask the interviewer what they like the most about working for the organisation. It can be quite revealing.

[Tally]

Most of the advice you read about preparing for interviews suggests preparing some questions to ask in order to look interested and make the interviewer happy. This is the advice normally offered to people generally, and not autistic people specifically. I could understand why you might feel angry if you had been advised to make plenty of eye contact and behave normally, but this seems like a helpful suggestion and one you could implement fairly easily. It is not an extra length you have to go to because you are autistic. NTs would also be advised to think up some questions in order to appear interested.

 

It is normal (NT or otherwise) to prepare heavily for a job interview. The more demanding the job, the more important the preparation. This observer's report might help you identify things you could try to improve on for interviews in the future. If he had only recorded things you had done well, it would not give you any pointers.

[Flora]

You don't know what all of the 'fuss' is about? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THE FUSS IS ABOUT?!?!?!?!?

 

No I don't see what all the fuss is about.

 

So, from your assumption that because it doesn't affect you it that it is nothing more than a 'fuss'

 

I never said that it doesn't affect me. I only pointed out that there is a simple solution; meaning that it is a basic part of the interview procedure and with the application of pre-thought and basic politeness it can be relatively easily negotiated.

 

And I certainly never said this:

 

every person with AS must be exactly the same and faces exactly the same struggles and problems

 

or this:

 

To simply dismiss one person's concerns as a 'fuss' simply because it's not an issue for you personally is, quite frankly, disgraceful.

 

I didn't say it wasn't an issue for me, I said it is something that people can learn to negotiate and deal with, and if they have enough cognitive ability and past experience, then this should be fairly straight forward to learn once the awareness of the need for it is in place.

 

In the one place where people like us are supposed to be understood I find your standpoint to be totally inexcusable.

 

By 'us' I suppose you mean people with AS? If so then I am in a pretty good position to understand from not only my own perspective but also that of my 14 year old son (who has also learned to explain that he no longer needs to ask his questions because they've already been answered), however I don't pretend to be the definitive voice on AS, but neither is anyone else.

 

rather questioning the need for such 'social etiquettes' and why the NT mind seems to heavily rely on them

 

You see, that's where we differ, because I don't see this as an entirely NT/AS situation. I might not always see the point of 'social etiquettes' but the ability or lack of ability to understand these things isn't the perogative of ASD. Even when I don't see the point in it, I have learned recognise that it is something that is required and without which you're not going to get very far, and because of that I have been very careful to learn ways of dealing with it and also trying to teach my son to recognise and deal with it.

 

Answering 'no' when someone asks 'any questions?', at the end of the interview, without an explanatory follow up of why you have no questions is a very basic social communication error and I suppose I was a bit puzzled as to why mumble didn't already know the importance of this, having gone through the interview process for teaching.

 

Sometimes you don't have to understand why, nor even agree with the need for it, to be able to put it into practice; you just need an awareness that it is needed and some careful thought and planning.

 

Hope that clarifies things

 

Flora

[bid]

If ASD is a spectrum, then surely Flora's perception is just as relevant and valid as Mumbles'?

 

I have to say that I don't quite understand how Mumble coped with the interview process for a teaching post if she is so confused by this particular piece of interview etiquette? My DH is a teacher, so I know exactly how rigorous the interview practice is within this profession, including teaching observed lessons, an interview panel of between 3 and 5 people, and so on.

 

Bid

[bid]

This is not Mumble's inability to deal with 'Any other questions?' situations but rather questioning the need for such 'social etiquettes' and why the NT mind seems to heavily rely on them. By trying to unravel these 'social etiquettes' parents of ASD kids might be able to better teach their kids about dealing with the big, bad world. That's if it isn't too much of a 'fuss' of course

 

Why do you think that asking if a candidate has any questions at the end of an interview is 'social etiquette'? It's definitely part of interview etiquette/technique, but surely for a valid reason? It gives the candidate one last chance to ask any questions and make a positive impact on the interviewer. Seems entirely reasonable and logical to me!

 

And, Mumble clearly says this wasn't a job interview...so what was the actual context of this request by the interviewer?? It might have been extremely important that she had some last questions to ask - perhaps she had missed something vital before or some such - we just can't know as she isn't clear as to the exact nature of this 2 hour 'interrogation'.

 

Bid.

Edited August 25, 2008 by bid

[smiley]

I find that question very confusing Mumble. Regardless of any preparation beforehand, my mind normally goes blank.

 

Some days i am able to think 'on my feet', and am able to have the appropriate response - some days i am not.

 

<'>

[Canopus]

Answering 'no' when someone asks 'any questions?', at the end of the interview, without an explanatory follow up of why you have no questions is a very basic social communication error and I suppose I was a bit puzzled as to why mumble didn't already know the importance of this, having gone through the interview process for teaching.

 

I personally regard having to provide a one last question as silly etiquette and it disgusts me that interviewers exist that will reject somebody simply because they gave no as an answer.

 

There are some interviewers who don't subscribe to silly interview etiquette and perhaps Mumble has previously encountered them.

[Tally]

But this is etiquette that NTs have to learn just as much as autistic people. There are books about interview technique, and they are not aimed at autistic people. Even NTs need to be told to ask a question and the reasons why.

[Flora]

I personally regard having to provide a one last question as silly etiquette and it disgusts me that interviewers exist that will reject somebody simply because they gave no as an answer.

 

There are some interviewers who don't subscribe to silly interview etiquette and perhaps Mumble has previously encountered them.

 

I didn't say that it was a good idea, I said it was a common requirement and most people know this. I also said it was fine to say no, but surely it's not a great deal to ask to provide a reason why? It's perfectly reasonable to explain that all the questions have been answered during the interview. Like I said, this has happened to me and it didn't stop me getting the job!

 

If you refuse to conform to basic rules of politeness or etiquette then you can't blame the interviewer if you don't get the job!!! AS is not a free ticket to be rude or impolite!

 

Flora

[Nic m]

Mumble,

 

I am NT and i also do not see the point in pretending you have questions when you clearly have had them satisfied with the discussion or within the interview process already.

The only thing i would say to help you understand this is you should liken this in your head to an exam.

You may have studied, you may know your 'stuff' and you may be able to do whatever it is you have trained for but this is the part where you have to prove yourself to know your 'stuff'.

Does that make sense?

 

In an interview process it is not only the candidate who can be nervous or need to go over things.

I have interviewed a few times as part of my job, and the first time i had to do this i was as nervous as the people i was interviewing, and i had a checklist of things i had to tick that helped the process.

If this was not a job interview but was for an evaluation or something it may have been equally important to show that you were clear on things and perhaps say the issues that you wanted clarity on but that they had been well covered in the interview/ evaluation (or whatever it was).

I hope you are ok and whatever is in the report helps you understand what it is that was expected of you and that you have the chance to either rectify things or explain your reasons for not asking questions.

Feedback on an interview is there for a reason, to say why someone got a job and also to say why someone who on paper may have been a candidate but also why they were not the best person on the day to be appointed.

 

Take care

 

N x

[bid]

I personally regard having to provide a one last question as silly etiquette and it disgusts me that interviewers exist that will reject somebody simply because they gave no as an answer.

 

There are some interviewers who don't subscribe to silly interview etiquette and perhaps Mumble has previously encountered them.

 

I'm afraid I simply do not understand this attitude, Canopus!

 

Why on earth is it 'silly etiquette' to ask if a candidate has any questions at the end of an interview??

 

To me it seems entirely logical and reasonable to ask...and it is equally so to reply politely that your questions have already been covered. I have said this in the past, and got the job. 'No' without qualification will seem at best abrupt, and at worse impolite

 

Bid

Edited August 25, 2008 by bid

[Bard]

I personally regard having to provide a one last question as silly etiquette and it disgusts me that interviewers exist that will reject somebody simply because they gave no as an answer.

 

Just be grateful that you're not female as well. Let me elaborate.

I interview extremely well, I have never gone for an interview when I really wanted the job and not got it. Part of that is that I know the ettiquette, the expectations of me and the first impression I am giving. It's a compromise.

I'm a teacher and female, so when I interview I consider what I'm going to wear. I've never been to an interview in trousers for example, and I make sure I've had a recent haircut. Those of you that have met me know how witchy my hair can be.

 

* Cries of 'Get to the point, you daft old bat!' from offstage*

 

Do you have any questions?

means have you been listening to what we've been saying? Do you have an opinion, a brain, a suggestion, a compliment or comment? Can you think for yourself?

Have you ever been to a paper at a conference where the individual says "Any Questions?' and there is a deathly embarrassing silence. No academic I know thinks 'Oh wonderful, I've totally satisfied my audience' They either try a bit of desperate pantomiming 'Oh yes you have' or shuffle off, head down.

 

Several people here have said that they think of a couple in advance, nice generic ones. I think that is the best solution.

Being as I am very ancient and still in the same profession, I am often now confused by the number of bandwagons and acronyms that I'm supposed to know, use and understand. Do you know your teaching WALT from your WILF from your learning intention or objective? Sadly, a lot of jobs have hoops to leap through, and it begins at the interview.

Learn a stock question or two, don't worry about why and life will be less complicated.

 

I'm currently trying to help G find an interesting hobby or two for her UCAS form, because having excellent grades isn't enough now to guarantee a place at uni. She needs to be able to present herself as a well-rounded and interesting person on paper or she may not even make it to interview or offer. Hoops and fashions.

[llisa32]

Hi Mumble,

 

The process of asking any other questions at the end of an interview is just standard interview technique and it usually depends on the interviewer as to how much credence they give any potential answers. I'm pretty cynical so when I interview I never expect much in the way of relevant questions from a potemtial employee at the end and am fine if someone says 'no thanks, we've covered everything I wanted to know'

 

Likewise I have used the same statement myself when I've been interviewed

 

Some interviewers will however expect you to 'play the game' and have at least one 'stock question' as Neil suggests - which can do no harm at all to always have one prepared.

 

Just for the record as I note this thread has swung slightly off topic in some places....I would have no issue with my son turning out like you when he is older - if he has half your determination and courage when he's your age i'll be very proud! <'>

 

In my personal opinion.... I think that children diagnosed with AS are much better placed when they get to adult hood than adults diagnosed as adult. Granted many children do not get as much support educationally or through the health service that they should - but they will at least hopefully have parents alongside fighting for their rights and explaining the various variances of the general world.

 

Not all adults diagnosed with AS will have had that support whilst growing up and thus their will be 'gaps' in their understanding of some social stuff - this forum should be a safe place for people to come and ask questions they cant ask elsewhere and not have to run the risk of others making them feel stupid/helpless or rude.

[Flora]

Lisa,

 

In some respects I agree with this:

 

I think that children diagnosed with AS are much better placed when they get to adult hood than adults diagnosed as adult

 

Early intervention, guidance, therapies (OT, SALT etc) can make a big difference to addressing some of the difficulties. However, we still don't know how early dx of AS will benefit children into adulthood because of the relatively recent use of AS as a diagnositic label; there simply aren't enough adults who fit the criteria of 'adults who were dx as children'.

 

After a child is dx it's a natural reaction for some parents to stop 'challenging' that child's limitations. I regularly see parents excusing nearly all their child's limitations and behaviours as 'because of their AS'. I'm not saying that the understanding shouldn't be there, but some parents take it a step further and extend 'understanding' to 'collusion' and rather than saying 'right, my child is struggling with this because he/she has AS, I must find a way of enabling them and empowering them to work through this'... instead of that they are saying' right, my child is struggling with this because he/she has AS, I must find a way of protecting them from this and making sure they don't have to deal with it'. As yet, we still don't know how those children whose parents are excusing them all the time are going to turn out!

 

I don't think this thread has veered off topic at all; I think it's very much on topic in most respects. Mumble brought to our attention a difficulty she had during some sort of interview; apart from getting a little heated it's stayed very much on topic. I posted earlier quite strongly because I think it's important that parents understand that the basic problems of social communication can be addressed and it's not as difficult as months of SALT or anything, it's just a case of discussing different scenarios that they may encounter (relevent to their age) and giving them ideas and 'tools' for dealing with them;unlike people like me with a late dx and having to learn from all my own excruciating mistakes which eventually erode your self esteem etc.

 

As and adult with a dx the relief for me was being able to accept that I wasn't dysfunctional or inadequate (or rather there was a good explanation for me being so), and with that I was able to 'know' myself better and be better prepared for things 'out there'. I found having my dx empowering and enabling but only because I was determined not to use it as a reason for all my difficulties but instead use it as a map for finding solutions.

 

Flora

[bid]

Just for the record as I note this thread has swung slightly off topic in some places....I would have no issue with my son turning out like you when he is older - if he has half your determination and courage when he's your age i'll be very proud! <'>

 

In my personal opinion.... I think that children diagnosed with AS are much better placed when they get to adult hood than adults diagnosed as adult. Granted many children do not get as much support educationally or through the health service that they should - but they will at least hopefully have parents alongside fighting for their rights and explaining the various variances of the general world.

 

Not all adults diagnosed with AS will have had that support whilst growing up and thus their will be 'gaps' in their understanding of some social stuff - this forum should be a safe place for people to come and ask questions they cant ask elsewhere and not have to run the risk of others making them feel stupid/helpless or rude.

 

Hi Lisa,

 

I don't think this thread has wandered off topic at all? Mumble started the thread, seemingly confused by a standard part of any interview process. I think it's perfectly legitimate to ask her how she successfully navigated the interviews in her past (for university, her teaching post, PhD course and so on) which in all likelihood concluded by asking her if she had any further questions. This particular part of the interview process is surely as predictable and as well-known as such questions as 'What are your strengths/weaknesses...why do you want to work/study here? etc, etc.'

 

You have given your personal opinion...so here is my personal opinion as someone who got their AS dx as an adult. I have always had AS and the attendant difficulties. Don't know whether it's the way I was brought up, my own character, a generational thing, or a combination of all these things, but I have always been determined not to let my difficulties stop me doing anything I really want to do. I have always refused to be any kind of 'victim', to AS or mental health problems or being left with a 10 month old baby or any of the other things that can happen to absolutely anyone, AS or NT. I was certainly brought up to get on with things, not make a fuss and do the very best I can. I'm not saying this is the 'right' way to be, but it is the way I was brought up and I think it has stood me in extremely good stead for living with my autism. I think that's why I have achieved the things I've have, albeit later than my peers. I completely agree with Flora's image of her dx as a map for finding solutions.

 

I'm sure I shall be slated for expressing this opinion. But I think it's important that this alternative view of living with AS is expressed.

 

Bid

Edited August 25, 2008 by bid

[llisa32]

Sorry Mumble but I'm gonna just take this slightly off topic...Flora ..I know where you're coming from when you state that some parents do not empower their children past limitations and instead impose limitations by over protection etc.

 

But...I cannot bear the term 'collusion'... when anyone uses that word it immediately gets me thinking about secret behaviours and accepting behaviours that are just plain wrong or unacceptable.

 

I do not think that by allowing either children/adults to make mistakes and then learn by them (by having someone kindly explain the error) and accepting them for who they are 'despite' having made an error constitutes collusion. Nor do I think that by explaining that yes some people like to ask a question at the end of an interview - others do not and therefore a short 'thanks but we've covered it all' will do equates to collusion either.

 

The term collusion has come up in replies to me several times over the last year and I resent what it implies

 

I simply look at the person as an individual, accept their difficulties if any, and look to assist where possible - children and adults can learn from assistance/guidance - this does not equate to collusion.

 

There is no straight forward 'perfect' 'right' way to live a life - we each wether AS or NT has to muddle through best we

can - I sometimes get the impression that some people expect children with AS to be taught how to be perfect little specimans of social behaviour, when actually none of us grown ups either NT or AS are perfect.

 

Some of the posts on this thread have acome across as very condescending - either to other parents telling them what they should do with their children or to adults with AS telling them to 'get on with it - its easy once u know how'

 

We're all different lets not forget and should try and accept everyones difficulties as difficult for them wether or not it is something we personally or our kids struggle with.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

During one interview, when asked if I had any questions, I did actually say "No. I had a couple of questions which have already been covered during the interview". As someone pointed out, this question appears to be a "were you listening?" and "how interested are you really in the job" exercise. Some interviewers can be okay with this answers, others aren't. It's a bit of a puzzle to me too I'm afraid. Have to say, I'm unconvinced by some types of interview techniques employed by some interviewers. I think that some well qualified and suitable candidates can either perform badly during interviews/certainly not convey their real personality, 'star' qualities, etc, which is a real shame. Likewise, some people who aren't qualified can blag their way through interviews. Can't help but wonder if interviews were less formal (ie single chair parked in the middle of a room with a row of interviewers peering through their glasses eyeballing you!), candidates may feel more at ease and project themselves accurately resulting in interviewers actually getting the right candidate for a job.

 

Caroline.

[Flora]

Lisa,

 

you said:

 

Nor do I think that by explaining that yes some people like to ask a question at the end of an interview - others do not and therefore a short 'thanks but we've covered it all' will do equates to collusion either.

 

as if I had said this, but I never said this. What you have described is not collusion anyway, but just to be clear the type of collusion I refer to is when two parties agree to a certain strategy although they don't actually have to overtly agree to that strategy, it just happens naturally.... So no planned deception just a 'tacit collusion' to handle something a particular way.

 

I simply look at the person as an individual, accept their difficulties if any, and look to assist where possible - children and adults can learn from assistance/guidance - this does not equate to collusion

 

What you have described isn't collusion, however if a person is stubbornly not learning the skills, or avoiding negotiating obstacles and someone else is supporting them in this, then that is collusion.

 

I sometimes get the impression that some people expect children with AS to be taught how to be perfect little specimans of social behaviour, when actually none of us grown ups either NT or AS are perfect.

 

I don't know where you got that impression from, but certainly not from me! I do not expect my son to be perfect, nor do I profess to perfect either.

 

Some of the posts on this thread have acome across as very condescending - either to other parents telling them what they should do with their children or to adults with AS telling them to 'get on with it - its easy once u know how

 

I totally agree with the 'condescending' bit, but somehow suspect we aren't thinking of the same posts!

 

I believe that my opinion as an adult with AS is as valid as anyone's, but somehow don't think it will be viewed quite that way by some of the posters in this thread C'est la vie!

 

Flora

 

I have taken the unusal step of moderating my own post to remove a sentence that could be interepreted as a personal ciriticism although I must add it wasn't meant as such.

Edited August 26, 2008 by Flora

[ScienceGeek]

Ok maybe my response about the any more questions? thing is slightly askew, ask me any question and I will freeze up no matter how prepared I am. If I'm nervous about something then my responses and verbal skills go out of the window, I've been turned down for so many jobs because of this ones that I have been more than qualified for. Trust me it wasn't due to a lack of trying.

[ScienceGeek]

I believe that my opinion as an adult with AS is as valid as anyone's, but somehow don't think it will be viewed quite that way by some of the posters in this thread C'est la vie!

 

Flora

 

Your opinion is as valid as the rest, at least to me. I may not agree with certain things other posters have said, but they have as much right to voice their opinion as anyone else.

 

 

 

edited the quote because it contained 'moderated' post.

Edited August 26, 2008 by Flora

[Flora]

I'm sure I shall be slated for expressing this opinion. But I think it's important that this alternative view of living with AS is expressed.

 

Bid

 

Absolutely it is important, and you shouldn't be slated bid because what you have said is reasonable, makes sense, is logical etc etc.

 

People need to understand that being an adult with AS doesn't mean that you're disabled or can't live a relatively fulfilling life. I think it's particularly important for parents to get that message, it gives them hope for their children. I am not suggesting giving people false hope or unrealistic expectations or painting a rosy picture. Some aspects of my life I find hellishly hard and some of them I've just had to learn to accept... I find them hard... end of story (ditto with Bill); but there are things we can do to help ourselves, and particularly things we can do to help our kids to make negotiating at least the predictable problems relatively straight forward.

 

Flo'

[Flora]

Ok maybe my response about the any more questions? thing is slightly askew, ask me any question and I will freeze up no matter how prepared I am. If I'm nervous about something then my responses and verbal skills go out of the window, I've been turned down for so many jobs because of this ones that I have been more than qualified for. Trust me it wasn't due to a lack of trying.

 

That's ok SG, some things really are hard for some people to overcome easily. There are many books out there on interview technique, also some colleges run short courses on practicing interview techniques. I went on one about 17 years ago and found it hugely helpful (it was a one day course). I used to shake my way through interviews (literally shake and tremble like a leaf) and babble incessantly. Somehow I have learned to curb the shaking, although I still tremble inside and babble a bit but going on this course for 'interview technique' was one of the best things I ever did.

 

Flora

[bid]

Ok maybe my response about the any more questions? thing is slightly askew, ask me any question and I will freeze up no matter how prepared I am. If I'm nervous about something then my responses and verbal skills go out of the window, I've been turned down for so many jobs because of this ones that I have been more than qualified for. Trust me it wasn't due to a lack of trying.

 

The same thing can happen to me when things get stressy at work...it's awful, isn't it.

 

My colleagues know I have AS and I have learnt to say something along the lines of 'Sorry, I need a little time to process that' or 'Sorry, I'm having trouble word-finding at the mo...'

 

Interestingly, I was really worried about this aspect of my difficulties at work, but once I started to be pro-active as it were and say things like this, my confidence has increased and this problem has correspondingly decreased. I also said something similar during my interview when I went for promotion, and I still got the job. I know it's not going to work every time and it's hard to do at first, but I do think that being pro-active rather than passive within one's difficulties is a good step forward.

 

Bid

[pearl]

I've just been catching up with posts after my holiday, & found this. I'm reluctant to reopen this, but there is one thing I feel very strongly about:

 

This forum is for ALL of its members: AS adults, NT parents of AS children, AS parents of AS children ... you get the picture.

As an NT parent of an AS young adult, I do not need "protecting" from AS adults expressing their thoughts on negotiating an NT world. I do not read someone's post and think, that is my child's future, because I have grasped the principle that autism is a spectrum and affects people in different ways. I look at the AS adults on here who are trying to understand a world based on NT principles and querying, in what should be a safe and non-judgmental place, its rules and etiquette, and sometimes you can offer a bit of advice or support, sometimes you learn something you didn't know, and that is what I've always liked about the forum, its diversity and the feeling of all being in it together. NT's can help AS, AS can help NT's. I have learned so much from getting to know AS adults, which before I joined, was a completely unknown area to me. This place has done far more to reassure me about JP's future than otherwise.

 

If AS adults become reluctant to post on here because of the fear of being judged for asking a simple question, then this will become a very different and a poorer place. Don't misunderstand me, vigorous debate is good and healthy, it has been said many times before this place should not be just a hug-fest. But there is a way of debating which doesnt involve making judgmental comments, and in this instance I feel that line has been well and truly crossed in some replies.

[smiley]

:notworthy: :notworthy:

 

Very, very well said Pearl.

[bid]

Sorry, Pearl, but in what way is it 'judgemental' to ask a poster to clarify something?? I genuinely don't understand Mumble's position, so why is it judgemental to ask her to clarify it?

 

I have quite a similar academic background to Mumble, and certainly in every interview I had throughout that process I was asked if I had any final questions...it's not a part of the interview process that confuses me as it has happened in every interview I have ever had, and I am just interested in why it has confused MUmble now when I'm guessing she has encountered it many times before, especially in the interview process for a teaching post.

 

I think I have simply asked for logical clarification.

 

Also, in what way is it 'judgemental' to disagree with the posters who have said that asking a candidate if they have any last questions is in some way unreasonable?

 

If you go on some of the AS sites, you will read far more rigorous, and incidentally truly 'judgemental', opinions from people with AS to - and about - each other!

 

Bid

Edited August 31, 2008 by bid

[pearl]

I have indeed been on some of the other forums bid, & yes, they can be scary places. Its the worry that this place might go a similar way which prompted me to express my concerns.

 

I deliberately did not single out any specific poster in my criticism, (you have assumed I meant you), but I stand by my opinion that some comments were expressed in a less than sympathetic manner. Others simply explained, in non-emotive terms, what was expected at an interview by the "any questions?" comment. That should have been enough.

 

You are right, it isn't judgmental to ask someone to clarify something. But some of the posts went way beyond that.

[Kathryn]

Pearl

 

Which particular comments do you object to? Please pm me.

 

Kathryn

[pearl]

OK

[warrenpenalver]

I think it is standard practise for interviewers to ask if you have any questions at the end, be it job interviews, interviews with doctors, police, council etc.

 

I think its common for people to ask it generally to ensure the message has been passed.

 

I dont agree with employers rejecting someone on the pure basis they had no questions to ask.

 

Although i would expect them to say perhaps "youve already answered th questions i have". Someone just saying no should NOT automatically get them rejected.

[bid]

I think it is standard practise for interviewers to ask if you have any questions at the end, be it job interviews, interviews with doctors, police, council etc.

 

I think its common for people to ask it generally to ensure the message has been passed.

 

Another point I think is extremely valid is the fact that this 'last question' thing is not some kind of 'NT conspiracy' against people with AS. As I think Tally said above, it's purely part of interview techniques that everyone has to learn, NT or ASD.

 

Bid

Edited August 31, 2008 by bid