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KarenT

Total meltdown at school

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I haven't been posting on here much lately, life is frantic with my mother's care needs and keeping things going for J, so I apologise for not keeping up with goings on on the forum and only coming here now when I have a problem. Hope you'll understand.

 

Some of you will know that J (9 with AS) has been doing incredibly well for so long with self-management strategies. Yesterday he was excluded for two days for assaulting a teacher. He's at home today and will spend Monday working in the Head's office. Apparently there was an incident in the yard at afternoon break, he was upset and angry and a teacher held him to try and calm him down. I haven't got to the bottom of things (we talked for hours last night) as he's suffered a mental blackout and can't remember anything in the few minutes before two adults restrained him, so all he sees is that and can't accept that they were trying to help him. Even so, I'm upset that they've continued to hold him long after it must have been clear to them that they were making things worse. Apparently several teachers physically carried him along the corridor, trying to get him to a safe place to calm down. They couldn't get him upstairs to the Head's office as the staircase was too narrow, had to put him in the main office where he locked the door behind him and barricaded himself in with chairs, then hid all the phones and closed down all their computer programmes. He's called the Head every abusive word he could think of. He was determined to punish them for what he felt they'd done to him. Ironically, the teacher who restrained him in the first place did so because she felt he was embarrassing himself in front of the school by his public anger - by her actions he's ended up utterly humiliated. How would other parents have felt if your AS child went into meltdown at school by being held and restrained by a teacher? Would you feel they'd handled it appropriately or not? I have to talk with the Head on Monday and would like others' views on this. I think they should have found a way to talk him down with limited physical contact.

 

When I went to pick him up the Head told me I needed to see J's consultant urgently and suggested I consider medication. I'm so upset - I've been arguing for medication for J for over two years and have been repeatedly fobbed off, and it's had to come to this and an observation by a professional before anyone will take it seriously. These meltdowns have been a way of life for us, off and on, for years but until someone with letters after their name sees it it's apparently not real. I've felt for some time now that J has ADHD and have wanted to trial medication. I believe we've come as far as we can with behaviour management alone as the ADHD side of things has been much more prominent recently and this latest episode has intensified things considerably.

 

So I have to take him to the GP this morning and insist on an urgent referral to a psychiatric consultant who will actualy take notice. For some bizarre reason, J's under someone who nobody else in my Asperger community has heard of, and nobody understands why he's never been seen by the psych who usually works with autistic children of his age. I feel utterly let down, but more angry and upset that my SON has been utterly let down. We've been saying ADHD since he was three, he's now nearly ten, and in all that time he's been neglected and deprived of appropriate treatment.

 

Sorry for the rambling rant, I'm too upset to be coherent.

x

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Very similiar situation with my own jo, he was in yr6 when he started really becoming a problem and he too was restrained in very very similar circumstances, except he used the phones in the office to call the police! he was excluded permantly the second time, just days after his 11th birthday. Too long to post here but read my posts if you need info on exclusions. all the best >:D<<'> Enid

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What an awful thing to happen to your son. One of T's biggest problems were being restrained, if he was held it would always make matters worse with teachers getting assaulted where he would fight back and then more teachers having to intervene, on occasions I found out there were 4 members of staff holding him which made me feel sick to my stomach so I kind of know how you are feeling. My son's school have now decided they will no longer restrain him unless he is seriously at risk to other children or adults and since they've decided this he's only been restrained a couple of times whereas in his first few months he was restrained approx 50 times. Restraining does no work for my son, even as a method of trying to get him to calm down. He has huge sensory problems especially in relation to being touched and at last school are listening and maybe your son has similar difficulties or maybe he was also frightened by what they were doing to him.

 

If you think your son is ADHD then he does need help to manage this, my son was dx ADHD first then years later ASD and medication only helped to a certain extent, but there are lots of different meds you can try and often it will take a while to work out what suits him best. At the mo' we have taken my son of most of his meds and he's doing no different really to when he was on them but for so many ASD/ADHD children meds has been the right answer for them.

 

I really hope you get somewhere with the consultant and they do agree to a trial of meds, sending you lots of hugs >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hi Karen, you mentioned that things had been going well prior to this incident with J using self management stratergies, what caused this particular bad meltdown?............had it been brewing for a while or was it sudden.

 

 

...........It does seem that as soon as restraint was used and more adults/people became involved then things escalated.Its so hard to comment on wether how the staff acted was correct or not as until you talk to the head your not in full possession of all the facts.If the restraint was used because he was going to hurt staff or pupils then I think it was understandable, however if he was not acting outwardly aggressively , perhaps the best thing to do would have been to clear the area of pupils so they could,nt stand and watch, and for a member of staff he trusted to begin talking to him and get him to a quieter area to let it all out safely.When kids get like that and need to blow the least amount of interaction physically seems the best way to go, if they are,nt threatening to hurt themselves or others.

Because you mentioned he had been coping/managing well using self help stratergies before this I think I,d hold back a while on the ADHD/medication side of things. Perhaps this incident was a bad one off , and time will tell after you,ve spoken to the school it will become evident that the situation was handled badly by them.I,d definitely get some advice from J,s consultant and see if the school can get some advisors on autism in to suggest other stratergies rather than restraint. Best wishes suzex.

Edited by Suze

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My lad would have blown the walls out if someone like a teacher held him like that but then so would I id have them up on charges for it tbh. My lad has also been like it since he was bout 3 n only now age 9 are they doing something. Id tel the school they really need to look into advice on how they ought to be when this kind of thing happens as they obviously have no idea. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Thanks all.

 

The trouble is, this is the school he just moved to last September in Y4, with the understanding that they were experienced in working with ASDs as they have a special needs (ASD) unit attached the school. I have friends with children there (all AS) and they thrive. The head is extremely on the ball, knows her stuff, but tbh I think it's J's new class teacher who's the problem as she doesn't seem to be giving him much leeway for his autism. She has very high expectations of all her pupils and I think they're unrealistic in J's case, and that he's struggling to live up to them. I think she perceives him as 'normal'. Certainly that was the impression she gave me from the discussion we had about J's difficulty with homework this week, couldn't accept that he 'didn't do as well for Mum as you do here in the classroom', which I think is pretty basic.

 

To be fair, J has learned so much about self-management that he's presented with few problems over his first year at this school, and I think he's fooled a lot of them into believing they are quite trivial. The Head herself told me, in April this year, that she'd observed him playing with other children at break and thought "Not much wrong there", and his Y4 class teacher admitted to being shocked when J exploded over something minor in his classroom. But my point is that he's always autistic, there's always something rumbling under the surface, and they should be constantly aware of that if they're to prevent him erupting as he did yesterday.

 

Suze, I have no idea what triggered him off yesterday. There are trickles of information coming from him but he simply can't remember what happened before he was held. He had hurt his leg at one point but he has no idea how - that may have triggered things but who knows.

 

I've exchanged emails with the Head today and we're meeting on Monday to discuss ways forward, strategies for breaks and how to best work with him. J's youth worker from a charity group he's just joined has offered to accompany me for support and give ideas.

 

I've seen the GP this morning and requested a referral to the psychiatrist J should be under, and I've tried phoning his current one and left a message to speak to someone urgently, but so far had no reply.

 

Thanks for your support. Hopefully I'll have time to keep you posted on developments!

 

Karen

x

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hi, my son too would ve gone crazy if restrained, think about it logically, you ve 3/4 large people holdoiing you, what would we do? Fight back, its fear

Today , my son threw a fire extinguisher, we arew urgently awaiting placement in unit attached to a school , if they refuse the one want (should know next couple of days) we will withdraw him, someone will really end up hurt

xxx my thoughts are with you

ps when my son lost it today, the senco walked within distance, and allowed Joe to calm himself, she did not attempt to restrain , or even speak to him, this makes it worse

I found a good article on this. Ill try to find it

Lisa

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My son was held for 45mins on his last day at school, lots of school staff were very upset about it as it was by his new TA, she was with him for 7 days, he was sent home every day, I begged her and school not to hold him, but they said she was trained in restraint, on his last day, which we didnt know at the time, I was so shocked when I picked him up that I sai I wouldnt be bringing him back until We had a meeting to resolve it, they phoned me that afternoon and excluded him permantly, still furious about it now, 2 years later. hope things go better for you, as all the posts say, its the holding them that sends them over the top. >:D<<'> Enid

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Hi Karen

Just seen this thread >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Im so sorry this has happened, you have been such a help to me, I hope you and J both ok, i think maybe once he has had chance to calm down he might be able to remember a bit more. My son sometimes shuts off when something has distressed him and it can take days for him to communicate what the problem is. I also feel he has ADHD as well as his ASD but havent got very far with geting another diagnosis for him. I was offered a certain medication for him but it wasnt recommened for children and has side affects so for the moment we are just plodding along and praying there are no major incidents. Im sorry i cant give you as good advice that you have given me.

Take care >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Hi Karen,

 

just thought I'd send you some >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> .

 

I like your point that J's always autistic - we have that problem at school too, that my J looks like he's coping, therefore how could there possibly be a problem? The teacher asks J how he's going and he says, 'good', so everything is just fine, according to them.

 

>:D<<'>

 

Evaxx

Edited by Eva

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I would ask for a copy of their Restraint Policy. Restraint should only be done by someone who is trained and only as a very last resort, where it is to prevent the pupil or someone else getting hurt.

 

The school will have to fill in an incident form - ask to see a copy. It should explain what led up to the outburst and who did what.

 

Does he have a "safe place" in the school/playground that he can go to if he needs to calm down?

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he too was restrained in very very similar circumstances, except he used the phones in the office to call the police!

hi, my son too would ve gone crazy if restrained, think about it logically, you ve 3/4 large people holdoiing you, what would we do? Fight back, its fear

fear and in the eyes of the child self defence too. I guess the teachers arent looking at things from the childs perspective which if they did would certainly help "conflict resolution". I know as a child when people grabbed me and i didnt understand why i would push them off me. Also you have to bear in mind that often ASD's and sensory issues to touch go together. Youd think school teachers would be aware of that these days!!

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Hi all

 

I'm beginning to piece bits together about what actually happened on Thursday and it's starting to make sense. Apparently J and friends had been playing and he and another ran head-first into each other and both were hurt. Befuddled after clashing heads, J assumed the other had done it on purpose and went for him. Teacher had immediately gone to restrain J and another friend had advised the teacher "I don't think you should do that Miss, people are watching" but they'd continued anyway. IMO, if a 9 yo can tell a strategy isn't working then surely the teachers should. I've even spoken with this lad's mother and corroborated what J's told me, so it seems true to me.

 

I think that J is now so used to subconsciously self-managing that when something happens to shock him (eg a bang on the head) he loses concentration and then reacts instinctively, as though he hadn't learned the self management techniques, iykwim. So he acts impulsively without regard to the consequences. I fully believe that school have underestimated the extent of J's autism by taking him on face value, and allowing themselves to forget that even with good self-management the condition is still lurking under the surface and he could blow at any time. I think they've been rather naive, tbh.

 

There are so many things that staff could have done without needing to restrain him. Restraint should only be used when the child is a danger to himself or other people, so if they felt he was a danger to the other boy he could have been removed from the situation quite easily rather than J. If he continued to be aggressive they could have removed the other children indoors, thus giving J the calm of the playground to begin settling down. Also, restraint guidelines say that you shouldn't attempt to do so unless you can be certain of your own safety, so I suspect the teacher who held him probably wasn't adequately trained in appropriate techniques and he 'went for her' and was hurt because she didn't conside this. There should only have been one person attempting to calm him rather than (I believe) four, which would have overwhelmed him and added to his distress. It's not hard to see how this has escalated, as so many attempts to settle him have backfired.

 

I'm meeting the Head on Monday morning to discuss management strategies. A youth worker from a charity group J goes to has offered to come with me, so I'll be supported. TBH I think the Head probably knows that they've mismanaged the situation and will be keen to find ways forward.

 

I've also got an urgent appointment with J's psychiatrist on Tuesday pm to discuss medication, but he's a bit of a 'wait and see' numpty so it could go either way. I just don't want him to think I'm only there because of this one-off incident, when in reality I've been gathering evidence to discuss ADHD concerns and medication with him for some time.

 

Anyway, we're having a lovely, normal weekend and J is just fine. Just have to see how he gets on when he's back next week.

 

Thanks for all your support, guys, you're gems!

 

Karen

x

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