feeling despondent

[lisa35]

how on earth will I ever get my 13 year old son to bath himself, and get dressed in a morning withoout me stood in the room, telling him step by step

We ve tried so much, charts, bribery, pictures, tick charts, feel such a failure really

its laughable, I can still see me doing this when hes 19, fed up

Doesnt help that we re all on egg shells waiting to see if the school we ve requested in his statement will be named, the school have asked for extra funding for occ therapy and speech and language,

I just feel so hopless, i know its probably only going to be weeks now, but god its been such a year

we have had a year of battles, first for his diagnosis, then statement, now the las t bits are dragging

Hes basically had a year where he hasnt had the same education as the other kids

I feel like i resenet him today, all I want him to do is get a bath, is that so unreasonable, Im not asking for a miracle, or maybe I am

I know he doesnt do it intentionally, but wehnever we try and find ways to help him the barriers are up, I feel like he doesnt help himself

Sorry for moan, just finding it all consuming today, our lives 100% revolve around what he needs and wants, and he seems to be getting more and more controlling

I know this is due to school, etc, just want adolescence over with, its never ending xx

[gothschild]

Lisa <'> <'> <'>

 

Sorry you are feeling so fed up, hope you get the school your son needs.

 

 

 

gothschild x

[sesley]

p is nearly 9 and i have to tell him at each stage what he needs to do ,in his routines for going to school or bed. I know its frustrating,no matter how you try to make communitcation easier, my p is still eating baby type food and he has me feeding him his dinner. though he does wipe his own bum now and he stands i n front of the sink and puts tooth paste on his brush and cleans his own teeth. he can dress himself,he is just lazy and with no executive function,meaning he won't do his jobs before play to stop himself being late for school,when he is a bit late he gets upset,but can't see if he prioritzes his life he can have a little time to play without being late alll you can do i suppose is to stay calm and hope one day he will do all this independent stuff himslef

[DMM]

My 10yr old does things for himself but you have to tell him step by step. Don't tell him to do 2 things, or he gets halfway up the stairs and asks what he had to do. It's so frustrating. I suppose i have to learn to work it his way.

Can't really see it ever improving either.

[oxgirl]

Lisa, I know exactly how you feel, we have a lot of problems moving on from one stage to another, basically because Jay doesn't really want to move on. He likes things to stay the same and each step towards independence only comes about by us giving him a big push towards it. With him, he doesn't want to grow up and get older and he wants people to continue doing things for him so he hasn't got the motivation to learn new skills or ways of doing things. That can mean that we get 'stuck' doing things in certain ways, the same ways we've been doing them for years, and taking forever to move away from doing them. I know how frustrating it is, because every lttle step, certainly for us, takes an enormous effort on our part and, unless he actively cooperates, can take ages to make any progress. Certainly for Jay, a lot of it is fear of the future and growing up and having to do things for himself. As far as he's concerned, if we've been doing something for him for so long, why would we suddenly stop and make him do it for himself, he'd prefer it to stay the way it's always been and, like you, I look into the future when he's 17 (which isn't that far away!) and wonder how much will really have changed from now. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[lisa35]

thanks all

Mel, that really makes a lot of sense

and I suppose right now may be a bad time to have more expectations of him, none of us know whats happening with school, so makes sense that he s more controlling, in fact I think its the worst its ever ever been

I feel so useless, wish I didnt resent him, and theres so few fun times at mo, i just feel sick to pit of my stomach of another week waiting, our lives are in limboxxx

[oxgirl]

Lisa <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Julieanne]

how on earth will I ever get my 13 year old son to bath himself, and get dressed in a morning withoout me stood in the room, telling him step by step

We ve tried so much, charts, bribery, pictures, tick charts, feel such a failure really

its laughable, I can still see me doing this when hes 19, fed up

Doesnt help that we re all on egg shells waiting to see if the school we ve requested in his statement will be named, the school have asked for extra funding for occ therapy and speech and language,

I just feel so hopless, i know its probably only going to be weeks now, but god its been such a year

we have had a year of battles, first for his diagnosis, then statement, now the las t bits are dragging

Hes basically had a year where he hasnt had the same education as the other kids

I feel like i resenet him today, all I want him to do is get a bath, is that so unreasonable, Im not asking for a miracle, or maybe I am

I know he doesnt do it intentionally, but wehnever we try and find ways to help him the barriers are up, I feel like he doesnt help himself

Sorry for moan, just finding it all consuming today, our lives 100% revolve around what he needs and wants, and he seems to be getting more and more controlling

I know this is due to school, etc, just want adolescence over with, its never ending xx

 

 

here is a <'> <'> <'> and i hope that your son gets the help and proper schooling he deserves

[lisa35]

thanks, well, gets better

today had a call from senco at school-hes off time table at mo, but had been enjoying games, so they decided would be good for him to do pe

However, he lost school bag last week, has no timetable, so didnt know had pe today

they wanted to lend him kit- he wanted to wear it over his school shirt(any clues why!???? germ phobia.....and thought of wearing some one elses kit.....tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...he threw a wobbler

Poor games teacher scared he was going to run out of the hall into road, and had to restrain him.................tada............kicks off more

Now in isolation unit, its only safe place for him until we get placement. They dont want to permanantly exclude him as we re just about getting him into school at present............if excluded it ll destroy him,,,and hed only get an hour a day home tuition

 

This is a nightmare, and at least we have possible place at asd unit, god knows what other parents are going through

Im sure prisoners arent put in isolation in this way, the sytem sucks, I dont blame the senco , she is with us 100% Truth is, he will never suvive in mainstream, and there must be so many kids just like him

Please let this be over soon, for all our mentalhealth xxxx

[lisa35]

well. at least it wasnt throwing a fire extinguisher this time, feeling rather useless, as its in the hands of the new school/lea , who should decide v soon if will go there

[bikemad]

<'> <'>

[Enid]

my son was the same at main stream y7, he was in isolation, and they had a rota where 3 of his tutor group came to see him every day at tutor time so he wouldnt feel cut off from his group, he hated it! the kids coming not the isolation , he went to half days and then every day I would get a call by 11 am to get him, and I work, it was a nightmare, then I withdrew him, he was to start at a special school after the xmas hols and then events overtook us and he ended up in respite for 3 weeks, a terrible time it still makes me scared to think that things were so bad, they have been that bad in March/April this year, too long to repeat but its all on my posts!! no one NO ONE would help or have him as he was so violent, there is just nowhere for kids when they are soo out of control. Anyway get back to the reason for post! now he is at special school he seems to be coping much better, today was an exception, I hope, oh god how I hope! Enid

[lisa35]

thanks xxx

[lisa35]

thing is, we ve managed for so long, I never realy realised how"hard" others would perceive it, if that makes sense, I think we play it down cos its all we know, I do love him, just I need every ounce of my strength at moment, think Ineed bit of time out to recharge, but cant because he needs us more than ever now. At least the school are supporting us xxx

feel so isolated, not many parents you can tell, hey ho my son chucked a fire extinguisher today.............

i also work, and dont want to not work.............................xxx

[NickyB]

lisa <'> <'> <'>