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Nikki30

Problems in school

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Hi everybody, I was just wondering if anybody else's child ever had/or has an issue with this at school...

 

Daniel, aged 4, is on his 3rd week of starting primary 1 and I know it is early days but i'm starting to get really worried about it! Daniel has been great with going to the loo by himself for quite a while now..sure he had the odd accident but that's to be expected and any big upheaval he would usually have accidents for a few days at home too...but since starting school, I am picking him up every single day and every item of his clothing is damp with pee...and i usually only figure this out because I can smell it and on feeling his clothes, they are always damp...which means it has soaked in for a good while. This isn't happening at home.

 

After voicing my concerns to the teacher on his 3rd day, she said they take the children twice a day to the loo's and any other time they need to go, the pupils go in two's, so I thought ok maybe it's just the excitement and huge step of starting P1..but this continued on, day after day and each time I told the teachers, they were really shocked, saying he was only back from the loo/that he had definately went etc. Daniel seems blaise about the whole thing when I ask him, he says he just goes at his desk, and I suppose the good thing is that he isn't fretting about it. I am starting to wonder if there is an underlying reason...or if he really has an understanding on the whole thing.

 

I eventually asked the teacher if she would give him gentle reminders, and she did, but it never seemed to work and she is still shocked everytime I tell her that he is wet. He doesn't seem to tell the teachers when he has his accident, even though I have encouraged him, and I'm just wondering if it is his shyness that is preventing him on asking can he go (because I know the classroom could be overwhelming for him) or indeed in telling them that he has had an accident...I asked him yesterday why he didn't tell the teacher and he said he did but she never listened :/ He has a slight stammer,which has actually got worse over the summer, and i'm just wondering has he tried telling her while she was in the middle of something else..then it was too late...I really don't know :(

 

Daniel attended this school's nursery, so he knows the building and teachers....but there is a bit of work being done..new toitlets being put in and he is having to use the nursery's toilets rather than the ones in the main building...so he does have a little bit further to go, but not very much. Another thing is that hand dryers have been fitted and I know Daniel does not like these....he is teling me that he is just wiping his hands dry on his trousers. I'm wonderng if the noise of the dryers is preventing him from finishing his buisness...although the teachers say this hasn't been an issue with him....and I have asked them to get papr towels in for him.

 

:/ i really don't know what to think...my head is a bit melted! Despite all this, he has been in brilliant form when I pick him...but today he said he didn't want to go to school because he doesnt' like his friends, he'd rather be alone :(

 

Nicola x

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Hi Nicola

 

We had, still do , a similar problem. "A" was fine at preschool , a bit late developing but by the time he started school all was fine, until day one at school. Phone call, A has had an accident. This was in the days before schools had to take care of things like that themselves. For the first few weeks almost every day same thing.

In the end we realized that it was the sound of the hand dryers and flushing toilets that was stopping him from using the toilets. What the school ended up doing was taking him to the staff toilets each break. This was an old fashioned single cubical off the corridor without a sink or anything toilet. He was then allowed to wash his hands in the classroom and dry them on paper tails.

This went on for his first year at school, then the school refitted the toilets with near silent hand dryers and flushes.

 

Then thing where OK most of the time.

 

Evan now he will only use public toilets when he really has to.

 

If we are on a long journey somewhere and stop at a motorway area I have to more or less drag him(fingers in ears) into the toilets and make him go.(He is 8 now)

 

At his new school (we moved) did explain the problem to school but they had to learn the hard way. About day 8 it so.

 

The funny thing is that before all this started when he was little part of going out was always a trip to the toilets even when he didn't need to go.

 

It could be that in your case he is not giving himself time to finish and wetting his trousers with out even realising it.

 

The friends thing. Yep been there. "A" just doesn't like so much going on, when at school, most of his time is spent on his own-- in a crowed. Has always been the same.

 

Not sure if any off this will help but you are not alone.

 

Chris.

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Chris, you might benefit from getting a RADAR Key, which will allow you access to disabled toilets. These are normally single cubicles, so there will be less noise.

 

Nikki, if your son is having trouble telling the teacher he needs the toilet, perhaps the teacher needs to pay more attention to him when he does try to speak to her. If he is shy about speaking out, a non-verbal sign may help him to ask permission to go to the toilet. This could be a hand signal or a card with a picture on it.

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Aw, poor little love. I remember when my lad started in Reception class. The boys toilet had urinals and Jay wasn't used to using urinals, he used to sit down to wee, still does actually! :wacko: At regular intervals the urinals would suddenly flush, making a really loud sucking sound and one day when Jay was in the loo the urinal did this and it freaked him out completely, scared the life out of him. He was terrified to go in there after that and for the rest of the year the teacher had to ask for volunteers to take him into the girls toilet as he was too scared to go back in the boys. The following year I took him into the boys myself and stood there with him waiting for the urinal to make the noise and gradually got him over it and after that he was fine, but if your lad doesn't like the loud hand dryers see if the urinals make this sudden whooshing noise, it could be that that is upsetting him.

 

~ Mel ~

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This is such a tricky one,

Hopefully your little one is just going through a period of adjustment, and I am sure he will be fine. Keep your eye on things though as my daughter who is 13 with AS and ADHD still wets now, especially if stressed, it still doesn't bother her, it bothers me more, so she hides her wet things so as not to stress me!!

Go to your GP if you think things are getting worse, there are various things you could try.

hope all goes well

harmony x

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If he has trouble asking for the toilet, a little card that he could hand to the teacher might help.

 

Maybe he thinks he is not allowed out of class, or worried about missing something if he does go.

 

I would be unhappy about them not noticing that he is wet. When they are aware of the probem.

 

"gentle reminders" might not work, maybe better for an adult to take him to the loo and make sure that he does go?

 

He is only 4 afterall so still very young.

 

Their can't be a problem with actually using the toilets if he used them when in nursery.

 

So its probably the being too shy, (its scary to ask for the toilet in a classroom where a teacher is always busy 'teaching') or worried about missing something.

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Thank you guys! Yeah I think the shyness might be a big factor...and I am going to suggest the little card to hand to the teacher..very good idea indeed...I think this could work with Daniel! Could i just draw one or something? But i'd be concerned of the others making fun of him because he is the only one using it? Pity I couldn't convince them to use it for the whole class....I think everyone could benefit from that!

 

Hmm the urinals and the noise of it all....yes Daniel still sits to pee too so this could be an issue..I was actually beginning to wonder if he was trying to stand up like the other boys to do his wee and maybe it was going wrong..but he says he sits. I'm not sure if it's a good time for me to teach him to stand at the moment either? :/

 

Yes I am a bit concerned that the teacher isn't listening properly :/ but she did say that they take them 2 times a day and that Daniel had actually been going..and the rest of the time, the kids go in pairs, by themselves...could I suggest the teacher takes him? Usually if i tell her he is wet she says something like, oh he's only just back! But how is she meant to know if he is going....if I was a kid and given a free reign...I probably wouldn't go to the loo lol.

 

Actually I rang Oakwood ASD Advisory Services....they are an outside group, that can come into the school if need be..providing support for Daniel throughout his school years if he needs it. I told them about our worries and she said she is going to ring the school and arrange to come in and observe Daniel....which has set my mind at rest a bit as she would be able to pick up on things the teachers might not notice...also she'll be able to tell me how the teachers are with him etc..I'd like to be the fly on the wall but this is the next best thing! There is an option of him getting a classroom assistant....I'm thinking he could really benefit from one right now!?

 

I was actually crying as I read your replies....didn't do me any harm to get it all out though! Oh the joy...lol

 

Thanks a mill guys

Nicola x

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It's probably not possible for the class teacher to leave the classroom throughout the day, but if there is another member of staff in the classroom, they might be able to take him.

 

The card doesn't have to be obvious, it could be small enough for him to keep in his pocket. A photo or picture of a toilet might be good, or you could write, "please may I go to the toilet?" on it - as long as he knows what it says.

 

Maybe the trouble is that he cannot manage when he goes by himself. Is he OK at home with undoing himself and things? Maybe he is in more of a rush at school.

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normally their is more than 1 adult in a class (tho his own ta would be great and i am sure the teacher would appreciate the extra help also)

 

and yes other pupils could use the card

 

could have either the word toilet, or a picture of one on cards with velcro on this could be placed somewhere within easy reach of the pupils and they could use it, on the wall or by the teachers desk. or even have one at each group of tables, I don't know the set up of the classroom or how many pupils are in it, so can't say exactly what would work best.

 

but the school might get upset at you trying to do their job for them by suggesting this.

 

 

as if u did give the card to your son to keep it would most likely get lost. so if they decide to use it only for him then his teacher would have to maybe velcro it somewhere for him.

 

I deff think he should be taken to the toilet to see if he does go, but often when boys go either standing or sitting on the toilet they wee out the way and wet themselves.

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Well...today Daniel was accident free :thumbs: I mentioned to the teacher that he may not be going to the loo if the kids go by themselves...so when I asked him about it today he said one of the primary 3 pupils went with him and waited for him. I also mentioned that his shyness could be preventing him on asking when he needs to go...the prinicipal was beside the teacher while I was talking to her...so maybe it's all finally got through. Also :/ we promised him a surprise (bribery sometimes works wonders...is this ok?) so tonight he picked a little toy while we were out shopping. He was a great boy today! So fingers crossed this wasn't just a one off...although I'm not expecting miracles. The support group are coming in to observe him on 15th October...I mentioned to her about using the little card and she said she will be introducing such things...so that's good too :)

 

Nicola x

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Until I read through this thread I'd forgotten about it but my youngest used to often come out of school quite damp! I think it was more to do with the distractions around him than anything else; he'd get focussed on playing or doing something and just forget to go and then leave it too late. Quite often I think he hadn't had a full accident... I think he'd just leaked a bit before he could get to the loo. Perhaps this is more the case with your son? A child who fully wets him/herself are usually absolutely soaking (shoes and socks get wet etc) so it may be just little half accidents due to his attention being elsewhere. This will probably stop once he gets used to the school day routine.

 

Flora

Edited by Flora

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As a parent of two with ASD and one with dx bladder problems I can empathise- Yet again awoken at 2 am with a wet bed. Drinking sufficient throughout the day is necessary first of all. Can I just say that there are some clinics better able than others

Edited by madme

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Hi Tally

 

Trouble with disabled toilets is that the hand drier is usually in the cubical with you, so all he dose is worry that it with start on its own.Automatically.

 

Chris.

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Until I read through this thread I'd forgotten about it but my youngest used to often come out of school quite damp! I think it was more to do with the distractions around him than anything else; he'd get focussed on playing or doing something and just forget to go and then leave it too late. Quite often I think he hadn't had a full accident... I think he'd just leaked a bit before he could get to the loo. Perhaps this is more the case with your son? A child who fully wets him/herself are usually absolutely soaking (shoes and socks get wet etc) so it may be just little half accidents due to his attention being elsewhere. This will probably stop once he gets used to the school day routine.

 

Flora

 

Hi Flora thanks for your reply....no he is actually damp when I pick him up..socks n all, jumper, shirt..everything....and he says he does it in his chair...so :tearful: but fingers crossed today he is catching on as today he was bone dry :)

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