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Nikki30

My friends don't like me...

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Hi there, have been posting about my son having problems with going to the loo in school....fingers crossed that is getting sorted...as I have picked him up 3 days and a row and he has been dry :) (although I think today he may have had a little accident and it had completely dried in and he was in denial, ah well, small steps n all that). Anyway my other concern at the moment is that he doesn't seem as happy about school as he was when he first started 3 week ago...when I am reading him a story before bed at night..and when we are walking to school....he says he doesn't want to go to school because he doesn't like his friends, he will be very lonely, such and such won't play with him etc...and everytime he says these things my heart sinks :( i try to be positive for him and reassure him but today I mentioned it to his teacher and she more or less told me to never believe what they say and that he is happy in class...:/

 

I feel like I am turning into a really paranoid Mother....Daniel says that the wee boy he sits beside in school won't play with him so when I was dropping Daniel into his class these past couple of days I have asked the wee boy to play with Daniel....first day he said yes with a smile...2nd day he looked at me blanky and I also saw him throw his coat at Daniel :/ oh god, I am probably doing the total wrong things...I think i'll just take a back seat and let things happen. If this is only primary 1...and only his 4th week coming up....I fear for my sanity in later years!!! lol

 

Any advice welcome :unsure: Nicola x

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O hun I feel for you...my lad was like this n still is a lot...id suggest maybe asking to have a word with the teacher n tel her your concerns.

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Hi Nikki,

 

my son says the same things too - he's 7 and has AS. He goes to a local primary school and is falling through that social gap.

 

He says other kids don't like him and he has no one to play with. It's not true about other kids not liking him - they ask him to play - but the trouble is he doesn't know how to play their games, and prefers to wander around 'daydreaming'. (Unless it's an organised game on the play equipment or hide and seek or something like that). My son told me that he gets confused and doesn't know what to do and it's too difficult, (playing with other kids.)

 

The school has been sort of helpful. Twice a week at lunchtimes he's allowed to use the computer, another day he goes to Artclub, and there's the Dr Who club. He now also has two older 'buddies' who will go to the clubs with him at lunchtimes.

 

My son is happiest in class too because it is structured.

 

It's heartbreaking when your child is so unhappy >:D<<'>

 

Is there a teacher at school who can organise games/books or something at lunchtimes for him - and other kids? It took ages for the school to listen to us and acknowledge that my son needed more structure.

 

Eva >:D<<'>

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Hi there,

 

I just wanted to give you a little hope that maybe it's not as bad as seems.

 

I like you have a newbie in primary 1 and we have had a few problems but not as many as expected.

have had a lot of stories about how he doesn't want to play with other kids( from him ) and saying he doesnt want friends. also being told that other kids don't want to play with him.

 

We went along one day to watch him at lunchtime and i couldn't believe my eyes when we saw how well he was playing with other kids. Genuinly coping with people around him which has never hapened in a play setting before really. Happy and playing with classmates.

 

We also have a spy in the form of his big bro who keeps tabs on him (he's in p7).

He said that he has a small circle of friends who play together quite a lot, he still talks to us about how he has no friends and there will always be bad days but it has given me so much hope for him to have a "happy time" at school, at least some of the time.

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Hi there

 

Yep, My son (now 8 with AS) was/is just the same. At one point he would say he was lonely at school.

 

Would just wonder round the playground on his own. Teacher told us this. They did try to get him to join in, got a couple of the children to try to include him. It did not work at the time but thing did get better.

 

Now at his new school (we moved) the teacher seems aware that this may be a problem and has said that he seems to be joining in with the others at brake time a lot of the time and that has made special friends. And according to the teacher the other children will spontaneously help him if they think he needs it. It is that type of school.

He still says nothing at home about his "friends" at school so we don't really know.

 

When we are out and about we get other children calling out "Hallo A". and when asked it will be someone from school. But that is as good as it gets.

 

He has no friends away from school and dose not seem at all interested in having any.Tyred clubs etc but that did not work so he just spends most of his time on his own with my,( His mum will do if I'm not around [that is the way A sees it]).

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Hi, I feel for you too. My daughter used to wander around the playground and said nobody liked her. The other children did try to include her but she always turns the other way or looks at the floor when they ask, so I think they eventually gave up!

I took her teacher a book aimed at her age group which explained in simple terms what AS is and why it is hard for her to join in. She decided to let two children read the book and one of them volunteered to be her 'special friend' and the teacher always sat them together. It worked really well until Lucy was 10 when she made a friend all by herself. I was very proud of her, but it did cause problems when the first girl got jealous! But it did get us through 4 years of school!

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Thank you guys for the replies! Yes this seems quite a common thing doesn't it! My wee boy has a pal outside of school and they absolutely adore each other as they ave known each other from birth (can fight the bit out too tho lol) and they were in the same nursery class but unfortunately he isn't in Daniel's P1 class and he is sorely missed! I think it's a godsend if they make a close friend...but this doesn't always happen, as we all know..and kids can be cruel :(

 

It's hard when they come home and tell you how such and such wouldn't play with them...and such and such said that powerangers and dinosaurs (Daniel's current love!) is for silly babies :( Saffronsunflower..being a fly on the wall seems like a brilliant idea actually...because you get to see what is really going on. His teacher told me to not believe everything they say...which I am sure she is right about on some parts...but it really does make me think that her understanding of Aspergers is very limited! Shona I think I will follow in your suit and bring a book in for them to read...I have 'Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome' by Jude Welton.

 

Nicola x

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