Jump to content
vicbee

ANY SINGLE PARENTS DEALING WITH ALL THIS?

Recommended Posts

Hi - this is my first post. My daughter has not yet been diagnosed but because she is having mega eating problems surrounding an extreme fear of choking, CAHMS are pushing things forward and we will hopefully be getting the ball rolling shortly although we have two major issues - the spectrum and her eating. She has a BMI of 13 and they are extremely worried about her. But trying to reason with someone who cant reason - and convince her she needs to eat and drink to survive - if I was able to do that then we wouldnt be in this position in the first place!

 

Anyway I just wondered how many guys/gals are having to deal with a child on the autistic spectrum and they are on their own in all of this with no support from a partner.

 

Would be nice to hear from you.

 

Vicbee

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Vickbee,

 

Not a single parent - but just wanted to say your daughters problems sound so similar to how my daughter was diagnosed.

 

Within 6 weeks of starting comp. her anxieties reached a level of where she couldn't swallow any food at all because she thought she was going to choke - she couldn't sleep because she thought she would choke in bed - the fear she lived with every minute was absolutely terrifying (she lived on strawberry 'build up' drinks for more than 6 months - not a single item of food could pass her lips) - and within 3 months from it starting she'd lost so much weight (she was tiny anyway and under a paed for failure to thrive since birth) that the paed. referred her to CAHMS for anorexia (she was just over 3 stone and nearly 12 yrs old).

 

While she was there - they desperately tried to treat the anxieties because it had become critical and within one session they knew it was not anorexia - on the second session they suspected aspergers and she then continued an intensive assessment for 6 months to mainly get to help her anxieties and to start eating food again - but looking at the same time for other factors.

 

She did get there eventually although it took a lot of time and therapy. They did say at the time that problems with swallowing are very often related to stress or anxiety and the chances are that if her anxieties manifest in this way that she will suffer again at some time. At the moment we are on the edge with it again because it's her last year of school (she's 15 now) and she is suffering from massive panic attacks - where she loses her speech and mobility and we have had the choking feeling returning - we are awaiting an urgent CAHMS referral from the Neuro to help before it gets out of hand again.

 

Take care, keep strong,

Jb

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I am single with 4, fun isnt it!!! struggling with 12 yr old, many problems re school, self harm, agressive behaviour, I find red wine helps!!! but as they say, drinking dosnt cure your problems, it just puts them on hold till tomorrow :D Some nights that will do, like tonight. Take care. love Enid.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all hi, and welcome to the forum,

I am not a single parent now but i have been and i understand how difficult it is, i really do!

What i would like to say is that i do have a son with AS who is very difficult with his eating habits- it worries me greatly as he becomes very phobic and will have physical symptoms i.e migraines witht he worry of what will be in his lunch box. Somehow though he is thriving. You must be in turmoil.

My daughter is 17 months old and has autism she is really awful with feeding, she has never told me she is hungry and will only take a few mouthfuls at a time constantly refusing or gagging so iam keeping a very close eye on her- not sure if it's a sensory thing at the moment but it does worry me! Not much in the way of advice but just wanted to let you know i understand!

take care.

kirstie.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

Yes I'm on my own, and it's really hard. Hard on the children and hard on you.

I have two older teenagers and they are great, but my youngest who is 8 has Aspergers, and I struggle with him every day. I have to work full time and this means I cant devote enough time to my children.

I get no help from the father, I guess I would get more help but he isnt 'allowed' to spend too much time with them.

He is allowed by his wife to see them Thur or Fri after work for about 3 hours and it is always with his wife and they hate her as she does nothing but nag, and this is making his Aspergers worse. He is never on his own without his wife, its as if she is glued to his side. She doesnt like the children anyway so I'm not sure why she insists on beng there on his visits.

Well vicbee, you must reach out to the school, friends, family and anyone you can to help you.

And Enid - I found drinking made everything worse, so I dont go near wine at all now, I keep well away. Very tempting tho isnt it?

Best wishes and keep strong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not on my own but was until DS1 was 5. In a way i found it easier to be alone as I had family support (although that had its downfalls) and could make all the parenting decisions on my own. My DH and i have very different parenting skills, he is very strict and i am quite layed back but strict when necessary, this leads to arguments as he feels i am too soft particularly on Marcus who is 12 and has ASD. He is at times unsupportive and has a tendency to let me get on with things and this leads to resentment on my part. Being a single parent especially to a child with ASD is hard and very challenging but we get there in the end and do it because we love our kids.

Enid i too have drank lots of red wine and am in the process of trying to cut down although every night i could really use a drink. I got to the point where I would have a drink every night and eventually got as if just drinking one glass would give me a hangover in the morning. This was not great when trying to deal with 3 children so I now limit it to friday or saturday night depending when i am working, although we did share a bottle last night :oops: .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dealt with my daughter for 2 years alone and it was hard >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

But before then I dealt with her alone as her father didn't want to know about her problems :wallbash:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

Yes i am on my own too, though sons Dad is very much on the scene to help, by having him 3 times a week.. wonder if i would ever have time to meet anyone else as son needs so much of me! not sure i want to lol..

Its hard work, as only been on own 6 months. in a way not having a partner around 24/7 makes things a little easier at times ( does for me)

Hope your daughters assesment goes well and good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
That sounds extremely tough. *hugs*

 

I am a single parent of an 11 year old boy with an ASD and a 9 year old girl.

 

 

sorry your finding stuff so difficult i hope you will get the help and support you need. im a widowed mum to two asd children 23 and 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone - nice to know Im not alone - although I did suspect many people would be on their own - however everyone I seem to read about seems to be in a couple. I do think a lot of the time it is easier in some senses to be on your own because Ive found even before things got really bad with my daughter - when I had a man in my life (which hasnt been very often) you are more preoccupied appeasing them and cant give your time fully to your child/ren. However its at the really bad moments I wish I had someone to alleviate the pressure. Mainly though - as I have been on my own for the past 5 years I wonder if I will ever meet someone and someone who will understand ASD kids. Think maybe there should be Speed Dating for ASD parent singles !! Its the problem of never going out because i never have anyone mad enough to want to look after my child - and she wont go to anyone except my mum who is now in hospital as we speak having a hip replacement!!! So dont think i will be out for a few months yet!!

 

Will have to continue my sad and lonely life on here I guess!! oh, and i gave up the drink about 2 years ago - and smoking - so I really am a saddo!!! YAWN!!! Mind you i dont think I could ever cope with a hangover and my daughter at the same time ever again!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi vicbee

 

I don't drink either for that very same reason

 

Don't think I could give up the sanity sticks(cigarettes) though

 

Keep your chin up and be sure to smile at yourself in the mirror everyday and say "Yes I can do this cos I've come through another day"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While i love making my own decisions and managing my family, i think it would be nice sometimes to have someone to back me up. To know that i am not always alone with this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey >:D<<'>

 

It's tough not having another adult around - my advice is to grab all the friends and family you can.

Adult conversation is what keeps me sane (ish... ;)) !!

My friends are well used to a random email, or phone message - sometimes, you just need to not be the only adult. :)

 

>:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

I live on my own with my 10 year old son who has AS and ADHD. I met my current partner 6 years ago, but we don't live together because managing my son makes us argue. We have a 19 month old together and are expecting another baby in 4 months!!!! Am i mad??? Probably!!!!!

 

To be honest, I feel like a single parent most of the time. Sometimes i wish he'd move in and other times i'm glad to be able to centre all my attention on the children and not him!

 

Loulou xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes! I have 3 kids, two on the spectrum. I'm very lucky though because I have an enormous amount of support from my mum. My kids also see their dad very regularly. It was much harder when they were younger. Mine are 16, 14 and 11 now and life is so much easier in comparison to what it was a few years ago. Not easy, but easier.

 

Flora

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been with someone for 3 years now and he comes over most nights but stays at his own place 2 or 3 nights a week, he says he likes his own space but I think there's more to that excuse than meets the eye!!

 

It is nice having someone around but I still feel most of the time I am like a single parent and trying to manage by myself. Luckily my kids go to their dad's every other weekend overnight and the weekends in between on a Sunday, without this support I do not feel like I could cope at all, but dad very rarely helps when things are really bad and I can not count on him to attend any meetings or help during the holidays. I do have family who will help on a crisis.

 

I think the most important things is if you are on your own to try and get some time away from your children, even if it's juts a few hours break where you do what you want to do and try to build up a support network around you, not always easy.

 

When I was with my children's father we had very different parenting ideas which is partly why we broke up, my son couldn't breathe if dad was around and I think this was partly cos he was an only child whereby I was one of 5, dad also worked away when son was a baby till about 3 and a half so I struggled that time alone with two small children, living away from family, it was hard work, but many a time it was easier that dad was only home at weekends.

 

I think being a parent is hard. Hugs to you, >:D<<'> >:D<<'> would I want to be a singel parent again.....probably not!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I'm an occasional poster on here, but I am a single mum too. It's not easy by any means, but in my experience, I have managed the kids better on my own than with my ex husband around! He gives very little in support, fits dd in when it's convenient to him and never goes to any appointments or meetings. I've just been through an educational tribunal with no support or input from him, he just doesn't want to get involved on any significant level :angry:

 

I'm angry for the kids more than anything else, we've been divorced 5 years now and I'm completely over him, I just wish he would do more for the kids, but still, that's his loss, and I can honestly say I have done all the real work all by myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...