Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
wishingwell

Help me understand

Recommended Posts

My 13 year son is showing signs of being under serious stress. He is covered in a nervous rash. Is very bad tempered and whats to do nothing with the family. I realize he is growing up but why is he so anxious and worried about getting things right. He feels the teachers in school expect him to remember to much (this term he has asked for more independance in school and I feel he cannot cope as well as he hoped) I am watching at home and the teachers are doing the same at school, he is not getting bullied and can talk openly with his teachers. We are wondering if this is something all AS people have difficultly with. (Husband has AS and says he has suffered from stress as long as he can remember.) Has anyone any stress release ideas which will give him some chill out time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I could have written this myself we are in exactly the same position with Marcus very stressed all the time not able to relax. Worries about everything and feels he is failing miserably at everything. School think he is coping as he keeps it all hidden there and to some extent at home too but then it all comes tumbling out at bedtime when we are all tired and all i want to do is get them to bed. Currently exploring relaxation methods myself and have spoken to the NAS this morning who were meant to be emailing a load of stuff which as yet hasn,t come through. will let you know if they come up with anything usefull. Hope this makes sense but Piers is off school ill and is currently trying to destroy the computer. Will think about it and post later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thinking back hundreds of years to when I was at secondary school...

 

I can't visualise the 'furture' in my head, not even this afternoon, it's just a sort of vacuum IYKWIM...everything has to be written on a big visual timetable on my kitchen wall.

 

So at school, even though I had a little written timetable in my prep book, I never had any idea of what was going to happen at the start of each day. I didn't even know where I was in the term, I was always surprised when it was the end of term because I had no idea where I 'was'.

 

Plus, it was only in the upper sixth that I finally understood my way around the school. Before that I just followed the others, or if I was on my own sort of wandered around until I found the right room!

 

All this sets a sort of constant background level of anxiety, and then add on the pressure of getting work in on time, exams, interaction with peers, etc...

 

HTH

 

Bid :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

It's only recently that our daughter (she's 15) has been able to give some sort of answers on her feelings regarding school - although even now she says she doesn't know why she's stressed or anxious but she is aware that she is.

 

I recall her talking about her feelings at school not long after she started comprehensive - she said she just had absolutely no idea of what to do or where to go - she didn't know who was who and names of teachers as everyone just looked the same - her timetable had room number like G15 or H6 which meant absolutely nothing to her and she was so scared all the time. She didn't even know when it was the end of the lesson - the bell would obviously ring but she explained that if she was listening to the teacher she would be focused and not hear it - she would only know when all the other children started packing up their bags and leaving - she would be last out of every class - also she didn't like the rush with people squashing her etc which meant she'd be late for the next class and this worried her so much especially as she didn't even know where to go - she said very often she'd just follow the rest but more often than not they would be in a different set - she struggled to make notes of anything regarding homework etc especially if the teacher talked fast or quiet - she didn't know what to do at break times, she couldn't cope with the school bus - the canteen was so loud and so 'orange' - there were so many worries on top of worries but she never said a word and the school didn't have a clue - she would never ask for advice or question something she missed.....

 

CAHMS told us that from 11-16 is the worst age - they have the massive transition from primary to comp. - they have puberty & hormones, they have the realisation that they are different to their peers and that it is becoming more noticable.

 

Our daughter also has the worry of being a failure - she feels 'stupid' (her words not mine) if she doesn't quite understand what someone means - she takes everything personal and takes advice as a critical assessment which results in her becoming severely depressed.

 

To be honest I would say it took her 3yrs at comp. to settle down and last year we had a relatively 'good' year with respect to anxieties related to school (well a couple of times a week rather than a zillion times a day) - although these fears are all mounting back up again as she is now in her last year and realises she will be moving on again......

 

Hope things settle down for you soon,

Take care,

 

Jb

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My DS is 14

 

Anxiety can be a huge issue for AS kids especially when they are teenagers. We have this problem with our own son. Our DS is so desperate to fit in and be like the other kids, do what they do. He does not accept that he needs help to do it. He has been out of school for the past few weeks (over the years has missed a lot) because he cannot cope, yet does not see this as a reason why he needs help. He has been medically signed off of school for a couple of weeks to see if we can lower his anxiety levels, meanwhile education are putting together some options so he can receive an education of sorts.

 

Sometimes you just have to sit back and let them come out of it. When our son is highly anxious he hides and barricades himself in and as long as he is not hurting himself we leave him be. I let him know we love him and when he is ready will be there for him. Yes it is frustarating and doing nothing is the hardest thing of all as I just want to give him a big hug when he is like this.

 

Sometimes talking about his obssessions helps him to relax, we did try relaxation CD's but after listening to them he asked 'why does the stupid women think that I want to know about her walk in the garden.' I listened to the CD and found it quite relaxing.

 

When we ask our son what is upsetting him quite often he will just say I don't like school but cannot tell us what it is he does not like. This is so frustating as we do not know how to help him. I know he does not like noise and finds social situations stressful as he does not know how to behave or what to say. He has difficulty reading others body language and what there tone of voice means. I think he has sensory overloads and the hiding is because he can't take anymore.

 

One thing I have done for our son is write stories using characters who have the same problems as himself and how they overcome their anxieties. He likes the stories and says 'oh thats just like me.' The stories have help him to overcome some of his difficulties. Although he does not generalise so will not use what he knows in new situations.

 

Sleep is non existant when he is overly anxious and this is exhausting as we like joybed find th is is when he is likely to want to talk and it is difficult at 3am to give him what he needs.

 

I hope you find something that works and that things start to calm down soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...