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jlp

Gah! Disaster of an outing

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I took my two boys to an outdoor activity place today - they're 8 (AS) and 5 (PDA, possibly ASD) and it was a nightmare.

 

They fought in the car all the way there, we got there and ds#2 went on a rampage pressing the fire alarm button, climbing everywhere generally being very difficult and getting me lots of disapproving looks. I had to leave ds#1 with my friend and take ds#2 away (ds#1 announcing to the room how naughty ds#2 was and how he was always getting excluded from school).

 

Ds#1 managed most of the activity then they were both an absolute pain at lunch.

 

Then they went sledging - ds#1 arguing with the instructor over where he wanted to start sledging from every time he went up. Someone pushed in front of him, he told the instructor who said they hadn't (to be fair he was probably pretty sick of ds#1 by now!) so ds#1 flipped and stormed off shouting about how he wanted to stab the person who pushed in and needed to be held to stop him from going back in and attacking the boy.

 

In the meantime my friend was shouting over as ds#2 had had a strop (he pushed in and was stopped) and legged it over the top fence and was away, he legged it and headed for the climbing thing so I had instructors looking for me to get him out of the area, I wasn't quick enough as I'd been dealing with ds#1. Catch ds#2 who legs it again and runs all over the place with me and ds#1 in pursuit and people shouting 'he's over here!'

 

Bundle them in the car and go home - telling them they're not going anywhere for the rest of the half term break.

 

I really can't cope with them by myself when we're out anymore (not that I ever could!) and I'm so fed up. I want to be normal and do nice things with them without them causing mayhem and drawing as much attention to us as possible.

 

I rang social services when we got in although I'm not sure what they can do - they were useless when I asked for help years ago when ds# was little and things were really difficult.

Edited by jlp

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Oh no, how horrible.

 

Have you been banned yet :whistle: ?

 

Have they settled down? The place you're talking about can get a bit lively at half term and stressful for your boys. Surprised you managed as long as you did, tbh.

 

Do you think they'll handle Halloween? Tbh I'm not sure J's up to it himself this year, he's still struggling off and on and I'm not sure I want to risk it.

 

Keep your spirits up and your glass full >:D<<'>

 

Karen

x

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Oh, poor you :(

 

It's so upsetting when you make a huge effort to do something for them and it all goes wrong :wallbash:

 

My two boys fight all the time at the moment, I'm constantly waiting for the next argument. I got so fed up today that I took them out to the Ashdown forest (loads of open space for them to run around). Even though I was FREEZING, it was worth it just to give them (and me) some space.

 

Anyhow, I hope things have calmed down now and the rest of half-term is better

 

Nicky >:D<<'>

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I sympathise. At least you were brave enough to take them somewhere. I avoid going anywhere because I cant do 3 at once. Its wrong I know. Social Services = chocolate fireguard.

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Heres a hug, >:D<<'> totally in orr that you actually dealt with a difficult and challenging situation not only you could not really deal with but an experienced instructer, and you still managed to get them home in one peice, so as much you see your in defeat you did really well.

 

I really struggled anywere with J when he was five, before diangosis, and traits in PDA too, he has ODD though, and took another five years of learning before I knew what it was that was that was going on for J.

 

You have that Times 2. I wouldnt of dealt with it so well like you did.

 

I think if your clealy struggling and you feel the SS havent taken it seriously you need to write a letter of complaint.

 

I recommend Contact a family as they will help you further.

 

It may be you would pass for direct payments to employ an extra care assistant to assit you in outings, staying in will just make it harder and your boys will grow bigger and stronger, they really need to learn to cope with going to new places, Jay struggles now, but he has techneques that he can use so we do get out in the end.

 

 

I really hear your frustration, dispair and fear of any future outings, but staying in isnt the answer and two hyper kids in all day is a resipie for a crisis in a very short time.

 

ensure that you do get throw to social services and ensure they actually assess and support you, as hard as that is.

 

TLC and try and take some you time in all this, too.

 

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

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just wanted you to know your not on your own

 

many a time ive sat crying over this

 

but i am slowly learning to accept what i can do and what i cant and each time my boys make small stepps to doing that bit more-i guess it just takes time.

 

i have a car but i wont drive places with my asd son in the car with me on my own and my younger son-he cant be trusted.

 

just recently ive been getting my asd son used to travelling by bus-and in fact today we went to the science museum on the train and the bus................so proud of him today he tryed really hard .

saying this i tryed to do this yesterday and it failed-and i had to give it up as theres no way it would of worked.

it helps most when you prepare them for whats happening next ect ect..............well my son anyway and you have to stick to it :whistle:

 

my son has trouble waiting-and any waiting usually causes him to kick of into a teacher mode-repeating and rambling the same phrases over and over towards my younger son who cant stand it and then this leads to the fight.........

 

keep strong -i know its hard.xxx

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i dont know the rules on who has access to this but the one thing i can think of that SS do is that they will take one child out for the day to do an activity or sometimes send a family aide to support someone with multiple children. my only experience of this is within foster care but i have heard of it for in home support as well. however, SS (at least in my area) have just had their budget cut again so they might not be able to do this (my local SS are heading into special measures because they're broke!)

 

another option people often dont know about is to contact your local university and see if they have a charity organization (ours is Discovery which i know is national) they will put out an alert to see if there are any students who might be able to support you on a trip out every now and again. all the registered students are CRB checked and trained in child protection. its voluntary so you wouldn't need to pay but it would be an extra pair of hands and eyes to help out. they also usually have specific group activity mornings for children with challenging needs (we took ours bowling, to the beach, to play sports etc once a term)

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took me years to accept that i couldnt take my 2 out together,felt like if i took one out i was being horrible to other by leaving them behind. not any more!!taking them both out is vile,tried it so many times,so many days ruined that i take them out one at a time now,less stress all round. i spose thats ok if you got someone to look after one of them though while you go.

 

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I thought about this again today.

 

We called in Sainsburys with "our 3" not for a full shop just to pick up some baby clothes as they are 1/3 off atm. I think the older R gets the more his behaviour stands out from that of the girls and the more people gawp. I was going to say to one gawper about Asperger's but she looked so stroppy I couldnt face the comeback. Its all this lolling about, flinging head around, protruding tongue or rolling it or doing saliva thing, poking arms and legs out at unusual angles, making silly baby noises that caused all the staring today. It just brought home to me how he has no self consciousness about his behaviour or appearance which would normally regulate this sort of thing.

 

However, earlier in the week I took him on his own to the same shop and he was fine (mostly). When he has someone on a one to one basis he is usually quite reasonable. Not perfect but acceptable. Its a shame though, because most of us with more than one child actually want to do things as a family. Ah well.

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Thanks for the replies - it's been a horrid half term and the weekend has been even worse (too many halloween sweeties?)!

 

Ds#1 isn't too bad when it's just him and an adult but ds#2 is a nightmare even when I've only got him!

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it hits home for me on days like today,im going up my sisters for the day and steven just would not cope with it so hes staying with nick to watch man city on tele,he will be perfectly happy but i would so love for us to go for dinner as a family instead of doing things seperate all the time,ive tried it loads of times and its horrendous

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I agree with Hev, taking them out seperately is probably going to be the best option for you. Direct Payments can help with this, the worker would perhaps take one child out while you give the other attention, or could stay at home with one while you take the other out. You could then perhaps try a very short outing with the two kids together, but with the direct payments worker to chase one while you chase the other if necessary.

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I agree with Hev, taking them out seperately is probably going to be the best option for you. Direct Payments can help with this, the worker would perhaps take one child out while you give the other attention, or could stay at home with one while you take the other out. You could then perhaps try a very short outing with the two kids together, but with the direct payments worker to chase one while you chase the other if necessary.

 

 

Hi, I am new here and new to AS in as much as the knowledge for myself and my three children, who all have/had issues. My other two are fully grown now but still have problems and as you may have read on my intro I have only just discovered that I have lived for over half a century without realising that I have AS.

 

I can totally sympathise with you trying to cope with two on the Spectrum.

 

I never knew what on earth was going on with my two eldest when they were growing up. I used to think that they would both be happier if I could cut myself down the middle and share me out so to speak. The attention thing is so hard to deal with and by the time you figure it all out they will probably be grown up too. It is attention seeking in it's own way, but as one person suggested it is probably sensory overload too. I suppose it is a bit like giving a huge box of sweets to two children and then expect them to ration them out for the week between them with no guidelines or advice on how to do it.

 

All I can say, is when you have had the chance to calm down, try to do a little analytical work and see if you can recollect what triggered all the behaviour. Forewarned is forearmed so if you can avoid some of the things next time you might be a little less stressed at the end. The other suggestion that was made was to take them somewhere, where they could do no harm and let off steam, I think that is favourite personally.

 

Well, that is just my two penneth, I thought although I am new to AS I would answer this mail because I am certainly not new to parenting, for better or worse so to speak. Wish you better days in the future. Bw ~ Retreat

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