advice needed please

[loulou]

Hi all,

 

As some of you may know, I have been going through a total nightmare with SS and the LEA lately. Kai is now 10 and his AS and ADHD seem to be getting worse. He also has extreme anxiety and has developed facial and vocal tics. His behaviour at home is very unpredictable and he can be pretty violent towards me (i am 6 months pregnant), my toddler (20 months) and anyone else who may get in the way. He also destroys lots of things in the house (his toys included).

 

It all accumulated with him being arrested after smashing through my patio door with a spade to "kill me". I was at my wits end and had to protect my toddler and unborn baby so i asked SS to put him in TEMPORARY foster care. We were going through the process of moving him to an AS Residential School (he's currently in an EBD school).

 

Following a disastrous weekend in Foster Care (totally inappropriate family), I had him back home, with my Dad staying at my house for support (my partner doesn't live with us and works horrendous shifts).

 

Things have not improved and it's so difficult to live like this. We are constantly walking on egg shells and his behaviour contiunues to be very unpredictable. He is very defiant and will only do what he wants when he wants, or all hell breaks loose.

 

Anyway, Kai's case has now been through 2 "Complex Care Panels", who have decided in their "wisdom" that Kai is "ok in his current school placement" and the best option for him would be a "substitute family" .

 

I can't believe they have said this. I only asked for temporary foster care out of sheer desperation, now they have taken it upon themselves to try to find him permanent foster care .

 

I have written evidence from Kai's paediatrician, psychiatrist, 2 psychologists and his current Head teacher that foster care is not the answer and that Kai needs to be in an AS specific school. How the h*** can this panel ingnore the advice of experts?

 

They seem to have it in their heads that I am the cause of Kai's problems. Do they think foster care will "cure" him of his autism???? They keep on saying that Kai's outbursts are mainly directed at me, but I am the one caring for him 99% of the time, so who else will he direct his anger at?

 

He is very stressed in his current school and his Head teacher said that the environment of an EBD school is actually damaging him as his AS is not being addressed. He is pretty quiet and passive at school, although he does tic alot. When he gets in on Fridays, it all comes out.

 

I have written to the Head of the disabled children's team (who sits on this "panel"), asking him how they came to their decision and how they think they know what is best for my child when they don't even know him. All i got was a rude and insulting letter saying that the panal is suitably qualified. He has however agreed to meet with me face to face to discuss my concerns. It's been arranged for next wednesday afternoon. Strangely enough, the 3rd panel meeting is being held on wednesday morning. So they can have their meeting, and make decisions about my child and then i can speak to them AFTER . I have written so many times pointing out the evidence from the professionals but they still seem to ignore it.

 

I have a solicitor lined up, but i'm going to wait until after the meeting incase i don;t need her (and to spend any money).

 

Please, any advice on what i can do or say will be greatly appreciated. I am feeling so desperate now. All i want is for my child to be happy. I have a school already lined up for him, which he should be going to next september when he goes into year 7. What i want is for them to send him there NOW, rather than him getting more and more distressed and ending up in foster care as i can no longer cope with him.

 

Loulou xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

[JsMum]

 

 

They want to put him foster care because its cheaper, thats the reason they are doing this, you have great evidence from the foster carer who has already cared for him that foster care is unsuitable and doens meet his special needs, you do need a solisitor, and now, I would contact CONTACT A FAMILY as they have support workers who could come with you in certain areas, you are not to blame, you protected your other children and yourself, they are absalout idiots and I would personally go to the international press with your situation, as much as sit on the door step of gordon brown, because your situation is disgraceful, even if they do put him in foster care, it will break down, because his behaviours will increase, your services should be totally ashamed, I would not let them take him into care.

 

Do all you can to stop that, and go all the way to appeals to tribunal for Sendist.

 

This situation should be made public, its a total outcry.

 

JsMum

 

[JsMum]

which he should be going to next september when he goes into year 7. What i want is for them to send him there NOW,

 

Lou why next september, why not as soon as possible, is it places availablity OR because its a secondary school?

 

I would personally fight for the specialist school, even if you have to go to court to keep your son from foster care, the courts will be very upset that your son is been placed in care, rather than placed in a apropiate school, go to tribunal of the SENDIST, Dont worry though your local council has ignored proffessional evidence, the sendist wont ignore it, they will read it and take apropriate steps to ensure your son has his educational needs met.

 

As mad as it sounds, you have a lot of evidence to fight for kias next school, a AS Spersific school.

 

JsMum

 

[loulou]

Hi J's Mum,

 

The place for next September is for year7, as Kai is in the top year at his current school. The school i have in mind has places NOW and take boys from 7 years old.

 

I think money is an issue, but what i think is the REAL issue, is that my SW is a complete idiot and knows "a little" (her words) about autism. She has decided that Kai's problems are due to me, as he is "ok" (her words again) at school. He is NOT ok at school, but as i have her representing my child at the panel, I don't stand a chance. She has NEVER EVEN MET KAI. Her junior is really nice, she knows Kai and she also is totally on my side. However, she gets shoved out of the way so she never gets to represent Kai. She is going to the panel meeting next week, but the idiot boss will be there too. It's so frustratiing.

 

About the SENDIST thing, apparently i can't appeal, as this is not about his statement (although it will be soon when we have to finalise it with his named High School). This about social care, and what happens to Kai NOW. I have been told the only way to appeal against their decision is through a formal complaint. I don't hold out much hope of that working though.

 

Thanks for the contact a family info, i'll look into that.

 

Loulou xx

[JsMum]

As he is going up to secondary in september his statement will be up for review, so thats then when you can ask for amenments in part 4, you see now it all makes sence to why they are doing this now, his new statement will be due around Jan OR Febuary, so if they can place your son in care, they wont have to look into this expensive residential specialist school, dont let them take him into care, go all the way to court, then appeal with his amended statement, its great soo many are supporting you, even thought the council want to ignore them all, the sendist panel wont, you are not to blame, its easy to blame the parent, but in your case, its screaming its because he is not getting his EDUCATIONAL NEEDS met.

 

We were in your situation last year, in febraury we appealed, I had everyones support too, they still ignored that, until solisitors, independant services and Other helplines where involved, we finally go the yes a few weeks ago and Jay starts his year 7 group in a couple of weeks time.

 

So dont give up hope, dont give in, fight, fight, fight girl. you can do this.

 

I strongly urge you to contact the IPSEA helpline.

 

The panel your going to next week is different to the SENDIST PANEL. And yes you do have a chance if you go.

 

The fact they have said you CANNOT APPEAL makes me think your service are really bad service providers.

 

You maybe cant appeal their decisions, Your local service managers meetings, but you can appeal his Statment of Education and request part 4 state the school you want. thats then when it goes to SENDIST APPEAL, a whole different service, though this slowly changing positions, but still go to SENDIST, as you have supportive proffessionals all sceaming the same as you.

 

 

JsMum

 

Edited November 6, 2008 by JsMum

[bid]

I don't have any advice, but thinking of you all <'>

 

Bidxx

[hazma]

You can go to SENDIST on the grounds of disability discrimination,Im sure.His rights as a disabled child are being walked all over.

[stressedmumto2]

Lou lou just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. Your story is as much a joke as mine is, it's just stupid how s/s are allowed to do this and get away with it. I really don't have any advice for you at all but keep your solicitor up to date with everything that is happening and write a diary if you can get the time.

 

Social services are offering this because it is a cheaper option, no other reason, juts that it is cheaper for them.

 

Keep us up to date with what happens, one thing I would suggest and it is also what I done recently, can you prepare a report before the meeting to show that all the other options have not been working and why residential would, also with copies of reports from independent professionals and the school and make a copy for everyone who is to sit on the panel to read before that meeting, even if they just flick through it during the meeting. I think this then shows all the professionals that it's a long term problem not something which is going to just go away by a new family. One thing I realised with social services is that often their prepared reports do not include all the details, the people on the panel as you have said do not know you, Kai or your family, let them know you, your family and everything that has been tried in the past, do not allow them to just have a one sided report from people who do not know you and very little about autism, give them something to read to show that his problems can only be helped by a specialist school placement.

 

Thinking of you Lou, take care <'>

[Enid]

Hi Loulou, This is what scares me about getting SS involved, as I have now, I seem to be following behind you, how on earth can a woman who has never met your child make these decisons, its MAD!!!!! They tried him in foster care and look what happened, what on earth makes them think another family will cope, its all about money. I have my meeting tomorrow to fight for the same school you are looking at, wont mention its name on here! Both education and SS are saying he needs resi, but will they put up the money? SOO hope you get it sorted out, how has he been this weekend? Enid

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Thanks everyone,

 

I have sent so many copies of reports etc for the panel, they still seem to only read what they want though. I think they have already made their decision BEFORE the panel meeting, so whatever they read makes no difference. Even Kai's Head teacher "invited" himself to the last panel meeting (gate crashed really!), but they still took no notice. He actually told them his school was damaging Kai .

 

I'm so peed off with all of this. I feel like standing outside their offices shouting and screaming like a crazy woman. Probably end up being arrested though.

 

This weekwnd has been really hard work again. Kai is "on planet Kai", as school put it. I can't get any sense out of him. The baby has ended up being hurt again (not seriously, thank goodness) and Kai has thrown my dinner and the baby's dinner across the room in protest as he didn't like the food.

 

I took Kai to London today (inset days from school ), which was very challenging but we made it home in one piece. He was doing some really weird vocal tics today, so lots of "looks" from strangers. I've managed to learn to ignore it now.

 

I'm taking my Dad with me to the meeting on Wednesday for support. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Cross everything for us

 

loulou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx