problems with ridiculous school

[hazma]

I say problems again but in truth they are non stop.School my son attends has never made any effort to support him,head is from ice age,senco walks round in a daze,many teachers are in my mind quite emotionally abusive to my child.Though Ive got to give credit to a certain few.Anyway he was only diagnosed in june First with ADHD then aspergers,school has never wanted to accept either dx.I put in for stat assessment in March got turned down appealed,ect anyway cut long story short we just heard he will be getting a statement.This was after we were told by various members of staff at school youll never get one hes too bright ect.The new deputy head is one of the teachers who my son is really struggling with,he hasjumped on the heads bandwagon and refuses to accept dx even though he has known my child just a few weeks.In every communication he is writing things like"He chose to behave in science,he chose to behave in history"or"he chose not to behave in maths"ect and he is underlinig the word chose.

Today he threatened my son with the police as he says he assaulted a boy on friday.The boy was from another class and the teacher was telling my son to get out of her lesson this boy grabbed my sons bag and my son kicked the wastepaper bin at him.This is the same boy who bullied my son last year on one occassion slamming his head into a wall,this was one of several assaults my son had to put up with last year from different people.I was told he asked for it because he irritates and annoys.No mention of police then!

I want to make a note in his home school book what should I say?

[Karen A]

Hi.It may be worth documenting your concerns in a letter rather than in the home school book.A home school book has a place for documenting minor issues that need to be relayed.However it does not really hold any authority.School may not even read it and you have little come back if they don't.It sounds like these events may be part of a developing pattern.If you want to take things further you will need to show you have formally documented your concerns.Maybe think about asking for a copy of the SEN policy,the behaviour management policy and the SEN policy.It might also be worth considering looking at other schools in the area to see whether with the Statement in the pipeline there might be another school that might be more able to support your son.

We stuck with a school hoping things would improve with the Statement.Three years on we wish we had moved our son.Unfotunately if the HTand SENCO are not supportive a Statement may not change attitudes. Karen.

[pumpkinpie]

I agree with Karen. A note in the school book isnt really going to get you anywhere. You need the school to actually accept and act to support your sons diagnosis.

I think you need to think formalising your concerns ina letter and getting advice re discrimination under the DDA.

hAVE YOU spoken to ipsea

[hazma]

Thanks for your replies. Thing is Ive written letters ,e.mails so many times I think its time to start looking elsewhere.The funny thing about it is they have an aspergers boy at the school already and a precedent seems to be set on what all aspergers children should be like. They havent contributed zilch,or supported us through assessment process and I know its down to the complex needs that came out with the 2 main dx that we got statement at all,plus the fact that L A knew we were not going to go away,however I agree that if the schools got an absolute rubbish attitude then a statement is going to get us nowhere.They cant put in simple strategies recommended by ed psych,then I have serious doubts they can or will implement the statement,it will be battle after daily battle.

[chris54]

This may sound a bit OTT but I would consider doing the following.

 

Put all your concerns in a letter, by that I mean everything that you think the school are doing wrong or not doing at all and how/what you think the school should be doing to put things right.

 

Then send it to the headteacher, With copies to:-

 

One each to all the school governors.

To the head Parson on the LA who deals with SEN.

To the head of the councils Education deportment.

To the head of children's services.(The above may be the same Person.

To any one else that you cane think of on the LA that has anything to do with education/children.

And finally one to OFSTED. (Their complaints department?)

( put in the letter who cc are being sent to)

I would send them all by recorded delivery. It costs a �1 a time but it gets your letter noticed.

 

From what you say the school are letting down your child and every one should Know.

 

Then stand well back.

Edited November 18, 2008 by chris54

[madme]

Agree with what Chris has said.

 

Also as a parent who was in a similar situation with my son when at his first primary school please please move your child if at all possible before it is too late. If the school isnt working with you it is very unlikely that they ever will. We persisted for several years- causing us and our son unnecessary stress. I have met others whose SEN children went to that particular primary and who also had to change schools- some schools just wont learn.

 

 

[purplehaze]

 

Hi Hazma, welldone on getting the statement!

 

I as you know have been and still am in a vary similar situation to you. I also have been told 'he isn't like the other children with autism' by the SENCO-what a lack of knowledge! Any way what support is going to be on the statement-how far along is the process?

 

I have just had to call an interim review because the school talked of calling the police because I refused to let them use restraint-all my son did was refuse to leave a classroom-anyone would think he commited murder!

 

Why do some schools or teachers just go over board with the rules!

 

I agree that it needs to be more than a note-I did this for years trying to keep the peace, realsiing that some times you just need to be firmer!

 

I have just got the minutes back from the review and they have added things that my son and I didn't even say or write on the forms they gave us (my son wasn't even in the meeting). Have you still got parent partnership involved, they were helpful before- wasn't they?

 

When you get the finale statement you will have a post statement planning meeting so try and get as many people there as possible to get the right support in place.

 

Are there any better schools that you can name on the statement? My son may start a dual placement and hopefully move to a special school if it works.

 

GoodluckX

 

[baddad]

Hi Hazma/all -

 

I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you so convinced that your child doesn't have any choice in the behaviours he manifests, that they are 'part' of his condition? I'm not saying you're wrong, and I'm not saying the headmaster's idea that he's 'choosing' not to behave is right, but the reality could be somewhere in the middle. Your own belief that your child is unable to control his behaviours could be as damaging as the headmaster's belief that he can, and the only way you can determine that is through open and realistic dialogue at both ends.

 

Purple haze - why do some schools/teachers choose to go overboard with the rules? My guess is because it's the rules, and they have an expectation that every child should abide by them! Seems perfectly reasonable to me. I'm not saying that they should respond in the same way to every child that 'breaks' the rules, but positive differentiation demands they enforce them in an appropriate way, not make some children exempt from keeping them in the first place.

I have no idea about the 'restraint' incident you mention, but as far as 'all he did was refuse to leave a room' goes you have to consider what the impact of that was on other pupils. If 32 other pupils were unable to start their lesson because the room was unavailable because your son refused to leave it then the needs of those 32 pupils should quite naturally take precedence to your sons...

 

IMO we should always start from the expectation that our children are capable of learning how to control their behaviour and offer interventions that help them achieve that if they can. It may be we will be proved wrong, and our child will never master that kind of self control, but if that is the case we have to accept that the consequences of that will be disabling.

 

[chris54]

I would go along with what baddad says about "Expectations".

Some years ago I cared for a boy who was dx ASD, when I went to meetings we, His mother, the preschool and myself could have been talking about 3 different boys. This is I believe is due to our differing approach and expectations.

At the time I didn't know anything about ASD and was learning on the job so had no pre-expectations.I just did not see the problems the preschool had when he was with me.

[purplehaze]

Im not saying my son or Hazma's son should not follow the rules but there seems to be a lack of understanding which may contribute towards the behaviour they are displaying.

 

I haven't seen any rules where it states you should phone the police if a child doesn't leave a classroom and the EP, autism advisory teacher and PP were all in agreement with me. It was over the top! whether he should have left the class or not. Phoning the police on a child that suffers with high levels of anxiety is just not going to help IMHO.

 

I also see a different child to the one the school talk about: I see a much calmer child that can be relaxed and have a great sense of humour. The school see a child with bad behaviour! I wonder why.

 

It's not as easy as saying children should follow rules and thats that-if it was that easy we wouldn't have any problems would we and the world would be so perfect. I know my son can learn to control his behaviour and anxiety with the right support and understanding.

 

P.S. hope things are going better Hazma X

Edited November 22, 2008 by purplehaze