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samtron

Hello

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So, this is me.

 

My name is Mark. I was born on the 16th of January 1977 and I was born with Aspergers Syndrome. I was an awkward child who probably didn't have the most auspicious start in life.

 

My mother left my father during pregnancy for someone else. Shortly after I was born I was sent to live with my mothers parents, while my mother moved far away to raise a new family. I never saw my father again.

 

I loved my grand parents dearly. My grandfather was a remarkable man who had a kind, generous and loving soul. He passed away when I was nine years old. My grandparents where happily married for fifty years, and after my grandfather died she went into a period of morning which to this day has never really ended, leaving little time for maternal affection, although I know she loves me dearly.

 

I missed my grandfather a great deal. I have always had trouble saying goodbye to people, I find the emotions that sad situations stir within me troublesome and overwhelming, and I struggle to cope with them.

 

My memories of childhood are mainly of being alone in my room. I didn't make friends easily, and struggled to make friendships last when people came in and out of my life. I have always preferred my own company, but having said that I am also prone to feeling lonely.

 

I was a bright child, able to read at an adult level by the time I started school at the age of four, but I found school a frightening place. I was never good with play ground politics, and I was certainly the shy kid in the class. I was also an underachiever at school, never volunteering answers or information, simply because it was an interaction that I didn't feel comfortable with. I knew I was intelligent, but it became apparent very quickly to me that knowing everything was not a particularly good way to win friends. I did the work that was required of me, no more, no less.

 

At home, however, things where different. In the comfort of my own little room, and my own little world I was free to explore the things that interested me. I visited the library diligently every week and read books on any subject I was interested in, as many as three books every week.

 

Secondary school went very much the same way; the only difference was that I was even less interested. I was still seen as shy and probably quite ignorant of others and unapproachable. In a way at some level I think I may have preferred it that way.

 

By my third year of secondary school, the decision was taken to put me in the bottom group of my year, mainly because I just couldn't bring myself to do any homework as I found it uninteresting. I think the teachers assumed I had a learning disability. I didn't really care much though.

 

Social interaction on any real level has always been very difficult for me. I feel uncomfortable in most social situations. I am very shy around new people. I feel nervous and anxious in social situations like parties, even when they involve family members that I have known all of my life. In these situations I embarrass easily because I don't naturally understand social queue?s and often put my foot in my mouth, that is, when I talk at all.

 

I chose not to go on to university despite having 10 A Grade GSCE?s and three A Grade A Levels. I couldn't cope with any more of the social pressure that education was putting on me. One of my happiest memories is walking away from school for the last time.

 

Since that time I have worked a lot of relatively menial jobs which involve limited interaction with people.

 

I have managed to have a couple of relationships; the first was when I was 21 years old. She was a nurse and very intelligent, but sadly she was also an alcoholic, and she treated me very badly, even violently at times. I struggled with that, as I couldn't understand how you can care so deeply for someone, but hurt them so deeply at the same time.

 

The next relationship I had is the one I am still in. She is a remarkable person who has been through more in her life than most people can possibly imagine. She is funny bright and patient with me. She is my life, we have been together for six years and I couldn't be happier, and as much as I can talk openly to anyone, I can talk to her. That isn't to say that she doesn?t get exasperated at times. She has always told me that I sell myself short, and much more often since I took an IQ test.

 

I still get anxious about things; I still have difficulty sharing my emotions and thoughts. I still enjoy my own company and I suppose I am still an underachiever (I design websites now), but for the first time in my life I feel as though I don?t feel like an outsider all the time, just now and again, which is nice.

Edited by samtron

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Welcome to the forum and thankyou for sharing your story with us.

 

You didnt have the easiest start in life, and you have Aspergers.

 

You have found someone special to share you life with and you work as a web designer. You have reached a point where you no longer feel like an outsider. Sorry to disagree with you on your first post, but you have a lot to be proud of and you are NOT an undeachiever!

 

Simon

Edited by mossgrove

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Hi Mark :)

Boy, some introduction! Welcome to the forum.

One thing I'm wondering from your post is when you were diagnosed and how that came about? Though you don't actually say, it sounds like you attended mainstream schools (?) and that your problems weren't recognised or supported there? Did something happen in you secondary third year that changed that, as you seem to have turned things around in your life at about that time (from incorrect assumptions about learning difficulties and grades so poor that it allowed the school to place you in the bottom stream to leaving a few years later with a major clutch of qualifications). Did that entail a change of school, or did you get a dx that highlighted the extra support you needed to achieve your potential? Either way, massive acihievement by you and the school(s) involved :thumbs:

Really good to see from your closing paragraphs that things are looking good for you.

 

:D

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Welcome, Mark and thanks for that really encouraging story. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

 

:)

 

K x

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Hi Mark, and welcome to the forum. You've had a pretty confusing life, and it sounds like everything you have achieved, you have achieved by yourself with very little support.

 

I wouldn't say that your job defines how much you have achieved. When you look at all the factors involved and the social difficulties you have, it is inevitable that your job won't reflect all of your abilities. Many people with AS are unable to find work at all, even those with remarkable abilities.

 

I am an adult with AS, there are a few of us around here. I hope you will like it here :)

 

Tally.

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You have found someone special to share you life with and you work as a web designer. You have reached a point where you no longer feel like an outsider. Sorry to disagree with you on your first post, but you have a lot to be proud of and you are NOT an undeachiever!

 

Simon

 

Thank you :)

 

Hi Mark :)

 

One thing I'm wondering from your post is when you were diagnosed and how that came about? Though you don't actually say, it sounds like you attended mainstream schools (?) and that your problems weren't recognised or supported there? Did something happen in you secondary third year that changed that, as you seem to have turned things around in your life at about that time (from incorrect assumptions about learning difficulties and grades so poor that it allowed the school to place you in the bottom stream to leaving a few years later with a major clutch of qualifications). Did that entail a change of school, or did you get a dx that highlighted the extra support you needed to achieve your potential? Either way, massive acihievement by you and the school(s) involved :thumbs:

 

:D

 

Yes, I attended mainstream school, and no I wasn't diagnosed there. I wasn't iagnosed until shortly after leaving school. While I was at secondary school, (and I really don't wish this to come across as big headed or anything), I felt like I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know. The only GCSE's I failed where Physical Education (wasn't a popular kid or a good team player, so never had any interest in it); and Religous Education (I attended a catholic school), which again I had no real interest in, although I have read the bible a couple of times.

 

From my perspective, my teachers seemed rather uninterested, but that could just be my interpretation of things. I suspect in hindsight the reality was different. It was a large and overcrowded school (300+ kids in my year alone), so personal attention wasn't high on the list and observing behaviour probably wasn't possible.

 

I wouldn't say that your job defines how much you have achieved. When you look at all the factors involved and the social difficulties you have, it is inevitable that your job won't reflect all of your abilities. Many people with AS are unable to find work at all, even those with remarkable abilities.

 

I am an adult with AS, there are a few of us around here. I hope you will like it here :)

 

Tally.

 

Thanks for that Tally, I know what you mean about getting work. I have been through many cringe worthy job interviews in my time, including a few that involved role play (not one of my strengths as I am sure you can appreciate). I find it difficult to take pride in achivements however, mainly because I am not entirely sure of what pride means, at least to me.

 

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support. Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I have been snowed under with work :)

Edited by samtron

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