social services?

[venus]

M 7 year son has found it hard to cope this xmas.He hates going out specially to visit people andwe all went to my Mum and Dads on boxing day . My sister and her husband were also there.I knew before we went that it was going to be a stressful day as Owen always plays up. All he did was get aggressive and try to hit his 5 year old brother.This went on for 3 hours and I said perhaps we should go but my sister had to pipe up that that was what he wanted and he would win, I just kept my mouth shut.Then she kept repeating that I should get in touch with social services and see what they could do.I am sure my family think that he would get a drug to make him' normal'. But really what I wanted to know is what do social services do, would they actually be able to help with anything? I do not want my son to be on medication as he is not awful all the time and I don't need respite care for him so in my case what would SS do for me? Just want some ammunition to give to the family when they attack, thanks.

Elaine

[JsMum]

 

Was your son prepared for the visit and was there things for him to do? kid friendly visit that sort of thing.

 

I can sense there was tension within the adult company and that maybe they just felt uncomfortable and really didnt know what to do other than pursume social services could?

 

In my own experience Social service assess for need, J has in the past been given kids club placements in the holidays and sessional workers, so there is some support but I had to do all the asking, it doesnt come to you.

 

In the assessment they note down everything about the child, behaviour, development, family, school ect...there is a chance that social services may want to research your family to see if they can help you with your children so it could be that the oringal idea of getting social services involved comes full circle back to your own family.

 

I would say that services are difficult to get, an assessment may identify a service or a provision as well as direct payments that pay for support as well as further information on Benifits such as DLA, Carers ect....

 

I have not been all that pleased about social services but I would still recommend others struggling to contact them as you never know there may well be a disguised angel in that social worker, or if there is nothing identified or offers of support you know you have at least tried to ask for help.

 

Social services should be able to let you know of other agencies and services that can help you, though some areas dont always do this.

 

I got to know a lot of information on social services rights and provisions throw NAS and CONTACT A FAMILY.

 

The assessment is called either child in need, or Core assessment which NAS and Contact a Family have more information on throw their booklets.

 

I wish you the best of luck with the assessment and any further support.

 

JsMum

 

 

[venus]

Hi, my son was prepared for the visit and he visits them a lot ,mostly with his brother while me and my partner go shopping. He tends to act silly when we are all together. My sister and her husband have no children so that does not help.All my son wanted to do was stay at home and play wih his toys especially his new playstation game so that did not help his behaviour also.As far as I am concerned my son has only got some behavoural problems so that is why I did not understand why the said about getting social services involved. Who would I get involved about behavioural problems.My son was given a diagnoses of high functioning autism at 5 and we have been left on our own since this, wouldn't really know where to go if I did have a problem with him. He has been at home today ,is feeling less stressed and has been behaving perfectly. Thanks for the reply JsMum

[puffin]

My daughter 12/AS/ADHD has aalways found large family gatherings stressfull - her sensory issues mean that the noise is too much. Many ASD kids have problems in large noisy group situations -especially if there is nothing for them to do but "socialise"

 

I always try to make sure that there is a "Plan B" -with stuff that she can do away from the crowd:

- Nintendo DS with headphones

- Sudoku

- a DVD (in another room)

or even send her out to the garden - at one Ruby Wedding party she happily collected snails in a bucket at the bottom of the garden.

 

I'm not really sure what your family think that Social Services would do?

- They don't prescribe medicine or treatments - that is done by Doctors

- They usually provide respite care etc for families that cannot cope at all - but many families have major problems getting help even in cases of extreme violence or criminal behaviour judging by the cases posted on this site

 

 

[KateBall]

I think you can ask Social Services for an assessment - and they will assess what help they think you need / they can offer (not sure that the two are the same!!). I'm sure others here have been through this process before and can tell you if its something worthwhile.

I think this Christmas situation is more to do with your family making you feel uncomfortable. I know I have been the same in the past. I would go to family / friends gatherings with my ds - it would make him feel bad - then me because all I would get is others telling me how I should be treating him in regard to his perceived "bad behaviour". Now I am quite happy not to go. If they cant stop giving out advice and making me feel bad whats the point in going at all. Your sister shouldn't give you rubbish comments about "he's won". She has no clue to understanding and you know that. I find myself being more selfish these days and more protective towards ds. It's about confidence in your own ability and beliefs. Somehow you have to stop them otherwise they just keep going on thinking they know all the answers.

[chris54]

As has been said, you have to go out and seek, it does not come to you.

 

As far as S.S. are concerned it is likely from what you nave described, baring in mind that these thing differ from area to area, it is likely that they would give you advice and maybe point you in the direction to seek more support but if you are coping OK at home there is not much they have to offer.

 

We have the same problem visiting in as much as son would rather be at home. Most of my family understand and support us even to the point of getting hold of books to read up on ASD.

 

Mother in law was always the problem, we use to live 200 miles away so it was expected that we would go and stay for a few days a couple of time a year. It was not that son was doing anything "wrong" just not doing,being as Granny would expect a little boy to do,be and keep making comments about it. I would spend the whole time "on guard".

 

Thing like not listening to us when we told her what he was likely to eat at meal times and insist on putting a big plate of food in front of him and wondering why he turned his nose up at granny's lovely food.

 

Our son likes to feel cold!! and so only ever wears a tee shirt in doors in the winter, Granny would insist that he should put a jumper on and when he wouldn't she would turn the heating up so we all roasted and son got all hot and bothered.

But Granny know best.!!!

 

But now we live closer and go for just a few hours at a time which makes life a lot easier.

Edited December 28, 2008 by chris54

[venus]

Thank you all for the replies,what you all wrote was just what I wanted to hear,I now know I am not mad and that they are the ones with the problems.I also didn't see the need to involve ss in anything but at least now I can tell them what ss actually does.What my son does is what every other autistic child does, he has found xmas hard this year and I have felt very protective of him.He is stimming away in the living room right now with his plastic shark but is very happy.

[JsMum]

 

 

 

Can I just say that when a family does have a social worker or social services involved it doesnt directly mean that there is a problem with the parent or even the child especially if the child has additional needs identified or unidentified.

 

I have had involvement with social services since J was 18 months old because of his behavioural and social difficulties, I am in no way embarrassed or ashamed that I have had to ask social services for support and had assessments of which came to the conclusion because I was taking good care of my son there was no need when clearly I was struggling with his behaviour and social difficulties.

 

After consulting my GP, School, Cahms and even the local MP we did eventually get social services support, not because there was a problem as such but because J was struggling with every day life tasks, shopping, dressing, eating, sociallising, entertaining and his behaviour did become challenging to a point it did become very stressful and effecting both J and me.

 

Asking for help from social service is not a sign of failure within the foundations of the home, I dont want people to judge other parents who do at this presant have a social worker or social services involved.

 

In todays funding it is incrediably hard to even get a social worker even in crisis situations, I personally would prefer support been offered before the flames are too hot to dowse out.

 

Asking for support early sometimes can prevent more serious long term serious difficulties.

 

Our children dont have to be in a crisis to then dare ask for support as a parent may then feel it is worth getting them involved.

 

Social services help and support families with a whole range of difficulties and issues, behavioural been one of many.

 

JsMum

 

[venus]

Thanks JsMum, I will look into SS, I would not feel at all embarressed to ask for help if I thought I needed it.I thought I would also phone the NAS to see about help on behavour techniques which is where some of the problems are. Thank you for helping.

Edited December 28, 2008 by venus