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Canopus

Grumpy grandparents

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Have you ever failed to follow your convictions or provided your kids with what was best for them because it would alienate or upset your own parents?

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Canopus, this is a very personal question which many people will feel reluctant to discuss with you. Most parents do not knowingly neglect their children's needs for any reason at all. What do you intend to do with this information?

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Hi

 

Difficult one. My parents and I don't always agree on things, specifically when it comes to managing my son's behaviour. For a long time, they thought my son just needed a good smack, that I was a 'soft touch' and needed to be much firmer, etc. I believe they have a better understanding of AS, but goes without saying, they don't have a full insight or fully understand it. Yes, there are occasions where I have to 'bite my tongue'. Generally, I do express my opinion even if it differs with theirs. No doubt, there have been occasions when I've annoyed them and vice versa, but I guess it boils down to respect and allowing each other to have an opinion and express it even if it's not what we want to hear. It can be difficult (don't want this example to sidetrack from original topic, but this provides an example) - recently my mum said that she thinks it's acceptable to take hold of my son's wrists and forceably move him through to another room to take time out for being cheeky. Whilst I recognise that there are occasions when he needs to be restrained ie when he's trying to harm himself or others, but I'm against him being forceably taken to another room for time out - I think other methods are more appropriate and achieve the same results without things getting physical. We've managed not to fall out about it, but I've asked that she respect my wishes (generally, when it comes to my son) and not employ this tactic.

 

Caroline

Edited by cmuir

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Nope never....I dont care who I alienate so long as long as my son always has the best....my son always comes 1st and his needs are my priority n if it dont sit well with others then in my mind thats tough they just accept it or go away.

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Nope never....I dont care who I alienate so long as long as my son always has the best....my son always comes 1st and his needs are my priority n if it dont sit well with others then in my mind thats tough they just accept it or go away.

hi i am with bikemad all the way on this one, my son comes 1st and family tend to know this with me. so we dont argue about him they will ask if they need to know anything i am not good at letting anybody else tell him off.

theresa xx

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My grandparents didn't want to know, and did not support my parents in getting me support for education, dad's court order etc. It is one of the reasons why I don't contact them now and have been on-off with them since May last year for other reasons. Shame really as I loved them dearly until then, a good case of biting the hand off those who feed you. My parents have NEVER felt held back in order to keep their own parents happy.

 

If your own parents show a lack of interest towards their own grandchildren's welfare then that leaves a lot to be desired.

Edited by CEJesson

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Nope never....I dont care who I alienate so long as long as my son always has the best....my son always comes 1st and his needs are my priority n if it dont sit well with others then in my mind thats tough they just accept it or go away.

Where I go along with the sentiment of this statement, I cannot honestly say that my son always comes first.

 

Some times I, his mother or other members of the family come first. And for that mater members of the wider community, we, non of us can only look at our own interests without considering the impact they will have on others.

 

In answer to the original question posed. Whereas my parents and in-laws may not always see eye to eye with my parenting methods they respect my position as a parent to carry that duty out as I see fit. Of cause that does not stop them commenting on how they think it should be done. But to me it is water off a ducks back.

 

 

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Have you ever failed to follow your convictions or provided your kids with what was best for them because it would alienate or upset your own parents?

Dear Canopus,

No but the result is that we do not talk at all.My parents wanted to see my other children but they do not want anything with my autistic son.I tried my best for 18 years with no success but humiliation for me and son/they say I am not normal he should be in an institution/ and I do not visit them anymore.

It is paiful.

All the best

Edith

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