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lisa35

dont like this anymore

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son moved schools in october, he is 13, dianosed as last april, now has full statement, new school is brilliant, he s finding it hard to make the change,

he says he likes it, had just one "friend" before he moved, who he now says we ve taken him away from, point of matter is this boy didnt really go out of his way to spend time with our son, and alwys was him that contacted him.

hes sobbed tonight, says none of the kids in new school talk to him, i know the kids that use the asd attached unit do cos hes mentioned them

he is so much more relaxed generally, is back in all his lessons, and we dont get constant calls from school.

hes also finding it hard to undestand diagnosis, even thugh we ve always been positive and open about autism, school are going to work with him on this, and other issues as he has gott o 13 without diagnosis, so missed a lot of potential years that could have had interventions

I guess Im just feeling a bit low and helpless, all these years we ve struggled, Ive tried so hard with social stroies, the books, anything we can, because we knew what his diagnosis was before they actaully sat up and listened.

last year was such a battle, what if ive made his behaviuors worse, and cnfused him more by trying to explan things, at the end of the day Im his mum, not an educational psychlogist, or autism outreach

he swings from telling us he hates us t telling us hes sorry, and loves us

I so wish I could take this away for him, at times like this, and make him feel happy and have friends, he has not seen any kids over the christmas hols.

sat here like a wuss crying, hes still awake, and will be shattered tomorow.

just want a happy son, his dad and i try so hard, and now we re argiung because we re shattered.

not often I feel like this, but tonight I dont like autism, at all

 

 

 

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what if ive made his behaviuors worse, and cnfused him more by trying to explan things, at the end of the day Im his mum, not an educational psychlogist, or autism outreach

 

 

he swings from telling us he hates us t telling us hes sorry, and loves us

 

It sounds like you have explained it well.

 

All any of us can do is the best we can, based on the information, energy and circumstances we have at the time. That is all I can say to my boys - "I did the best that I could", even though it was not as good as I would have liked it to be in different circumstances (single family, low income, etc). I do have a degree in psychology, but the theory all goes out the window when you are woken up for the fourth time that night!

 

The latter sounds like a typical teenager. Obviously things are compounded by the AS, but I know it took a long time for me to forgive my parents for moving when I was 11. I think you KNOW that it will be for the better in the end - he will make new friends in time - but it is a child's job to make you feel guilty about something (if you had stayed it would have been that he did not like school!).

 

 

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he swings from telling us he hates us t telling us hes sorry, and loves us

This came up in someone else's post too and I was going to reply there but lost the thread. I will do this - well particularly the extreme of hate - I tend not to use the word 'love' because I'm not sure what that feeling is (gawd help anyone who tries to get close to me...). I have few words to describe emotions, so whereas, I think, for NTs (and please correct me if I am wrong), hate is quite a specific feeling, for me it is vast and applies to a huge spectrum ranging from anything that's a bit more than dislike to whatever hate is. I get very frustrated at not being able to make myself properly understood and by using the extreme at least I can make things a bit clearer. But then, as I've discovered, if I say I hate things and NTs use their definition of this, then when I really really hate something and use 'hate' they don't take me seriously. I think the point I'm trying to make very badly is that whilst it may seem like a huge swing, there's quite a possibility that it isn't and that your son may not be understanding his own feelings.

 

 

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I think, for NTs (and please correct me if I am wrong), hate is quite a specific feeling

 

I rarely use the word "hate" when referring to people, as I do feel it is a very extreme emotion. I do use it more casually when referring to other things (eg: I hate getting up in the mornings).

 

One of my favourite quotes is:

 

"Hate is such a strong emotion - why waste it on someone you don't like?"

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Mumble, Ive thought that too, he says i love you (many times!)when hes doing something he enjoys, ie flight simulator, and i often say I know you do, but you re also saying it because you re feeling happy and relaxed!

 

 

I rarely use the word "hate" when referring to people, as I do feel it is a very extreme emotion. I do use it more casually when referring to other things (eg: I hate getting up in the mornings).

 

One of my favourite quotes is:

 

"Hate is such a strong emotion - why waste it on someone you don't like?"

 

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i've posted in your thread in general discussion which is on a similar note.

Edited by CEJesson

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