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cmuir

FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE

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Hi

 

Confession. Last night I lost control of a situation. Hubby and I took our son to the cinema and had a lovely time. Got home and suddenly my son has become dictatorial, demanding, aggressive and cheeky towards me and was warned twice that a toy of his would be put away as a consequence. He continued and it was put away. He lost the plot completely, started shouting and swearing at me, was trying to hit me, throwing things, etc over a period of time. I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to hurt me and he'd completely lost control. He wouldn't allow me to distance myself from him - he followed me and kicked doors. I ended up shouting at him and told him he was nasty and I smacked him on the bottom once (not excessively hard, but all the same I think inexcusable). R got the fright of his life because this is so out of character for me to react like that (for the record, I cannot recall last time I lifted my hand). Immediately, I burst into tears because I realised I'd lost my temper and felt I shouldn't have. Thankfully, R calmed down after a short time apart and we were able to talk. I feel incredibly guilty about the incident - I'm the adult, he's the child, and I should have remained in control.

 

I'm at my wits end and don't know how much more of the aggression and rapid changing mood swings I can take. He's been like this for as long as I can remember, but is becoming worse. Couple of weeks ago, R was going to hit me in the face with a frying pan. He's become very aggressive and controlling, etc. I just feel so sad for him. I believe part of the reason for this is school. He's in mainstream, and since the summer R hasn't settled very well (I'm going to look at a couple of ASD units this coming week). They've found him to be very unpredictable. He's been unpredictable for years and CAMHS have repeatedly ignored this and the self harming. Seems to have come to a point whereby it can't be ignored any longer - got HT's support and she's written two character statements. Just feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time. R can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds (as written by social worker in recent section 23 assessment). Feel like R has regressed 4 years. I'm awaiting CAMHS appointment on 2 Jan and have photocopied relevant reports along with covering letter in advance of appointment. I've also said that I feel the time has come (tried to put it off) whereby we need to consider medication (HT and LA have said the same). I feel like a wreck just now and feeling like a complete and utter failure. Feel like I'm going to crack - finally seem to have ran out of steam after years of this.

 

Just sounding off really and feeling sorry for myself and kiddo (whom I love dearly).

 

Caroline.

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>:D<<'> >:D<<'> You are not a failure and your not going to give up, it is very clear in all your posts you have fighted to get support for your son, Smacking on the bottom is totally different to loosing it and child abuse, you have done nothing wrong.

 

Yes there is better ways to smacking a bottom, and you have recognised this and aware it wont help your son who needs more support in his educational system, you have backing from all proffessionals that he requires more specialist support, I would try and take some time out for yourself in the next few days and do a bit of TLC, it is a very demanding and exhausting job as a mother who has to get the right support for her child, so if there is any family support take it, or request it.

 

I cant deal with the cinema anymore, the picture quality is poor and sparkles, it causes me to become quite phobic too, so maybe its a sensory thing as well, how has he been before after the cinema?

 

You know the stratagies and how to do it, you are a good mum, doing the impossibe at times.

 

Take some more of these. >:D<<'>

 

JsMum.

 

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You are sooooo not a faliure. You may well be at your wits end but not a faliure. I well remember one night loosing it with my son and hitting him with one of his own magazines, which I had stood and rolled up in my hands while he stood and wound me up. Like your son my son was totally shocked and calmed down quite quickly after that. I did not feel good about myself but when we did talk later I did my best to explain to my son that he was not the only one who got upset and up tight ,we all do but when we feel like this we have to find something other than smaking people as a release for our frustration. I know only to well what living life on a trip switch is like - not nice :tearful: You never know when or where the next trip of the switch is coming from. Things did get very bad for us from my son being 11 and we had a royal battle of wills on our hands. We went from threats of violence, which included knives, to threats of suicide so I have a pretty good idea of how you are feeling right now. It was not easy to find a solution and it took four years for it all to calm down but it did eventually. What we did was to enforce the no physical violence rule. We did explore something that our son could do as an alternative and that as soon as he, or we for that matter, felt that he was going to trip he had to go to his room. I also well remember screaming at him on several occassions 'GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW' I also remember trying to drag him there. We made sure that what was expected of him never change and was easy for him to understand. If he tried to follow me I would shut the door in his face and hold onto the handle while he tried to rip the door from it's hinges. My son did eventually discover himself that if he played his music REALLY loudly and went onto a beat em up game it helped to calm him down. I was not too happy about the beat em up game but as he said to me would I rather he was doing it for real? Of course the answer was no and so I learnt to live with it. He does know the difference between pretend and real so that made me feel better. It's not easy and that is for sure and there is no magic wand solution but as he passed through puberty it did get better. I look at him now and can hardly believe that he is the same person - thank goodness I really like my son now. Never stopped loving him but I do like him now.

 

Hope you get some help soon - and give yourself a break you deserve one. You are doing a really difficult job 24/7 and you are doing it well trust me I can tell ;)

 

Cat

 

 

 

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Oh, Caroline... >:D<<'>

You are not a failure. (And I'm not the only one who thinks so, see?)

Every parent in the world has , at some point, lost it and shouted at or smacked their child. I know exactly how you were feeling, as a couple of years ago, my son behaved very similarly to what you describe. And I will say this- it was hellish, draining and horrendously stressful.

Alright, so smacking him may not have been a very Suppernannyish thing to do. But she gets to go home at the end of a relentless day, whereas you can't do that, being already there as you are! Patience only stretches so far, and sometimes it's not a bad thing to let your children see that everyone, parents included, has a limit. I'm by no means advocating a sound beating- but that's not what you did- you shouted at him and gave him a short smack. Your son will learn, as mine has and everyone else's has, that very ,very few people will expend such amounts of patience on them in these situations. In time, with the right support and guidance, he will hopefully develop ways to cope with his anger and frustration, that won't harm anyone else.

PLease believe me, my lad was uber-destructive(out of nowhere, it seemed!), violent and aggressive. He still has his moments, but he has devloped ways of recognising some emotions and will usually take himself out of the situation. 'm not saying he's a little angel now, sometimes he has slip-ups, and right now we're dealing with some very sneaky bullying, but he's trying hard and I appreciate his efforts. (As do his teacher, LSA's, brother, etc... ;) )

We actually decided to try medication when things became tremendously difficult- feel free to pm me, if you want. I wish we'd done it sooner, life is better for Cal and everyone around him these days. It is NOT a cure all, without the right support at school and home, behaviours will not improve, but it really helped give Cal breathing space to make better decisions. A word to the wise though- his ADHD traits receded and all of a sudden, his Aspie-ness seemed to leap out at us a hundredfold!

Best of luck, hon, there's absolutely no judgement here, but oodles of empathy and a plethora of cyber-shoulders to cry on.

Life can be soooo hard sometimes, but I promise things can and will change.

Chin up,

Esther x

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Hi cmuir -

 

can totally identify with that 'I'm supposed to be the adult' feeling, and, as everyone's already said, we've all been there, done it, bought the T shirt (I went for the bomber jacket last time 'cos i already have a draw full of the t shirts in all colours!), so don't beat yourself up over it...

 

Flipping it on it's head - He's supposed to be the child, and he's supposed to (albeit grudgingly!) accept the authority and wisdom of mum and dad's adult perspectives, so he's not playing his part either :whistle::whistle::lol: (I will point out just in case that my tongue's firmly in my cheek here and I am not blaming him for the situation that developed either!)

 

Don't think there's much I can add to what anyone else has said, but would reiterate that the lessons you are trying to teach him are for his benefit, and they are enabling for him. As a child, he hasn't the conceptual understanding to put that into perspective, but if he has that understanding as an adult it will be because you 'stuck with the programme' and helped him to achieve it. From that perspective, a non-abusive smack on the bum will probably seem small tata's to him.

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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Aaawww your not a failure you just a mum struggling to cope n everyone snaps at some point...we wouldnt be human otherwise. In fact the very same thing happened here only last week n I ended up loosing it n slapped ds on the hand n felt bad for days after it n cried over it. >:D<<'>

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Please don't feel bad I also lost it yesterday after DS ruined a brand new outfit I tried on him. Some days I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle

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More hugs from me >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

You're definitley NOT a failure - most of us have felt like this from time to time.

 

>:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> hey don't be so hard on yourself, you're not a failure, sometimes we all lose it and feel the guilt after, I know I have with my own son and there are times when I wished I had more patience, but I also don't think it hurst sometimes for the child to see that others have feelings too and if you can manage this in a really constructive way it's better but we're human and sometimes it's just too hard, our own emotions take over.

 

I found a web site the other day (not sure if I am allowed to post the link) but it had some feelings charts on it which I think are really good way of showing the child how you may be feeling and they too can show you how they are feeling. With my won son he often doesn't realise that we have feelings too and by using these charts he is really begining to understand that we all have feelings.

 

If I am allowed to post link I will as I think it may help a few families.

 

Hope you're feeling a bit better now you describe my son too when you say can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds. Hope you start to get some support soon >:D<<'>

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>:D<<'> hey don't be so hard on yourself, you're not a failure, sometimes we all lose it and feel the guilt after, I know I have with my own son and there are times when I wished I had more patience, but I also don't think it hurst sometimes for the child to see that others have feelings too and if you can manage this in a really constructive way it's better but we're human and sometimes it's just too hard, our own emotions take over.

 

I found a web site the other day (not sure if I am allowed to post the link) but it had some feelings charts on it which I think are really good way of showing the child how you may be feeling and they too can show you how they are feeling. With my won son he often doesn't realise that we have feelings too and by using these charts he is really begining to understand that we all have feelings.

 

If I am allowed to post link I will as I think it may help a few families.

 

Hope you're feeling a bit better now you describe my son too when you say can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds. Hope you start to get some support soon >:D<<'>

 

I'd love the website link can you PM it to me if you can't post it

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Hi cmuir -

 

can totally identify with that 'I'm supposed to be the adult' feeling, and, as everyone's already said, we've all been there, done it, bought the T shirt (I went for the bomber jacket last time 'cos i already have a draw full of the t shirts in all colours!), so don't beat yourself up over it...

 

L&P

 

BD :D

 

 

Hi

 

Baddad, you made me laugh for the frst time in days!

 

Thanks very much for everyone's words of comfort/support. Seems like I'm not alone.

 

Things are really very difficult right now. R is having a really tough time, so I've arranged to visit an ASD unit tomorrow, have school review meeting on Monday and CAMHS appointment on Thursday. It's all happening now. Trouble is with regards to school I'm petrified of moving him from his comfort zone and from his so-called friends. Things aren't good, but it's always come in peaks and troughs - just don't know whether issues at school are a passing phase of whether this is how it's going to be (R realises he's different, likewise other kids notice and aren't letting R play - partly because of his behaviour (which I understand)). Difficult because if we do move schools, then I think R will take it badly intially, but I know we have to look much further ahead. Real pity that there's no middle ground ie he could stay in mainstream where he is part-time and go elsewhere part-time for specialist support. Anyone have any comments about ASD units?

 

Thanks again everyone - still feeling very tearful, but managing.

 

Caroline

 

 

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Caroline, your son has always sound very similar to my ds#1 (now 9) who is very bright and very, very challenging.

 

We tried as long as possible to keep him in mainstream, got him a statement and full time support and then realised that will all the one to one help in the world, he was still not coping in a noisy complicated classroom with 30 other children and no-one with any real experience of ASD. Just when the teacher got used to him it was time to break up for the summer and we were back to square one. We changed school when he was in Y1 (6) and the new school tried their best but it just wasn't enough.

 

During this time we went to view an ASD unit but didn't ask for a place as the children seemed to be further on the ASD spectrum and we were worried about ds#1 socially, he's always had friends. By the middle of Y3 we realised that he just wasn't coping - they'd been times when he hurt himself slamming doors or chucking things and regualr daily flip outs.

 

So we went with the unit. Justifying that even if he is a bit lonely, then he'll be less stressed. I worried a lot about the academic side as while it is a unit for children aged 7-11, a lot of the children were working at a much lower level, however we decided that so be it if he was happier.

 

Six months later he's settled in. Things aren't perfect but the knowledge of the staff is such a relief - not having to explain every little thing or chase them up for visual timetables or home school books. They know their stuff and use appropriate strategies, it's not just talk at a review meeting once a year! The teacher has been working with ASD children for 30 years and really knows her stuff, she's adaptable - for example if they're getting a bit hyper then they'll go and have a run round the yard for 10 mins, if two children are rubbing each other up the wrong way then they'll try get them doing separate activites away from each other.

 

The academic stuff hasn't been a problem at all, if anything ds is working better in the quieter atmosphere - he started doing very easy work while he settled and is now working at an age appropriate level. There's 6 boys and 3 members of staff so differentiating the work isn't a problem.

 

They go for a walk every Friday afternoon - which the staff find is a good chance to chat the the children and acts as an incentive. They are constantly talking though incidents and working on the social side of things. They are entitled to join in the mainstream activities if they can - ds#1 could have gone swimming with the Y4 class this year but wouldn't as he didn't want to undress in a communal room, he did attend the out of school computer club with the mainstream Y3 and Y4 children and when he settles in further, if possible he will spend time in his mainstream year group.

 

Downsides have been that ds#1 has went from having friends to only having one boy in the unit. He's also found it hard to cope with other ASD children. In mainstream he was the only one and other children made allowances for him. He also can't understand that other children's ASD behaviour (such as repeating the same thing or calling him by his first and second name) is because they have ASD like him - he thinks it's all a ploy to wind him up! He's taken a dislike to another boy and this has become a bit of an obsession. We're working on this though.

 

I think they're the only two downsides. The main upside has been having staff who know ASD extremely well and have loads of experience, and who are very supportive to us. Not having to run the gauntlet of other disproving parents is good too (although now I have this with ds#2!), I don't really see much of the children in the unit's parents as they're taxied in, apart from my ds who I drive but there is a general acceptance and understanding there.

 

I hope our experience helps you with your thoughts a bit. TBH we were dreading moving him and expecting major kick offs (we had a full year of screaming and crying to go back to his old school when we moved him at 6) but he has settled remarkably well. I think he's in the best place.

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Hi

 

Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

Jlp - thanks for sharing your experience. I'm going to look at an ASD unit today. In honesty, my mind is now made up that he'd be much better off in a unit (I've been in turmoil trying to make that decision). I asked R if he likes his school and how he'd feel about moving to another - perhaps a bad move (I was trying to test the water). Apparently yesterday he announced to the HT, teacher and classmates that he's had enough and is going to another school! We've tried the mainstream route and it worked to a point, but things have reached crisis point. I just prey that once of the two units I'm going to look at will be suitable and he'll get a place.

 

Went to my GP this morning and sobbed uncontrollably (poor man!). Thankfully I recorded a couple of particularly challenging episodes (one where Robert was going to hit me in the face with a frying pan and another where he was sobbing and pleading with me to give him a sharp knife ...). He was very understanding and shocked at the lack of support. Have to go and see him again next week, where hopefully I'll be a bit more composed.

 

Thanks.

 

Caroline.

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Hi

 

Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

Jlp - thanks for sharing your experience. I'm going to look at an ASD unit today. In honesty, my mind is now made up that he'd be much better off in a unit (I've been in turmoil trying to make that decision). I asked R if he likes his school and how he'd feel about moving to another - perhaps a bad move (I was trying to test the water). Apparently yesterday he announced to the HT, teacher and classmates that he's had enough and is going to another school! We've tried the mainstream route and it worked to a point, but things have reached crisis point. I just prey that once of the two units I'm going to look at will be suitable and he'll get a place.

 

Went to my GP this morning and sobbed uncontrollably (poor man!). Thankfully I recorded a couple of particularly challenging episodes (one where Robert was going to hit me in the face with a frying pan and another where he was sobbing and pleading with me to give him a sharp knife ...). He was very understanding and shocked at the lack of support. Have to go and see him again next week, where hopefully I'll be a bit more composed.

 

Thanks.

 

Caroline.

 

 

 

Hi Im pleased your Doctor was understanding and listened, it is not a bad thing crying, sometimes letting it all out and having a good cry really helps us as were not keeping it all squashed in tight, Im glad you let go, at first its overwhelming because its hard to stop but it goes to show your under a lot of strain and presure, I went to Js GP almost on a weekly basis and shared with him Js challenging behaviour, his GP was very sympathetic and was very supportive as he wrote letters to get us help, It is good you are sharing with your GP about his challenging behaviour as it will remain in his records and be used as evidence that he needs more support.

 

Hope the next few days settle down,

 

Good Luck.

 

JsMum

 

 

 

 

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How did the visit go Caroline?

 

 

Hi

 

Disappointing! Despite the unit having an open day, I was told there it's very unlikely that R would get a place as there's a child in the unit already seeking the only available place (there's 2 classes: 6 places for p1 - p3 and 6 places for p4 - p7). That aside, I didn't get the 'gut feeling' that I so hoped I'd get. I think they've a good little setup, but had some reservations. For a start, the HT was 20 minutes late and seemed completely disinterested. It's 7 miles across town and there are two other units a bit closer. I'll just have to wait and see.

 

I phoned our ex social worker (whom I'm still in touch with - she was brilliant) and she thinks ASD unit is best route, likewise, so did Rs GP. Yet my mum, HT, and Ed Psych are saying he's better off where he is. Really confused about it and suspicious of motives/hidden agendas.

 

I'll go and see other one today and see how that goes.

 

Caroline.

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Hi

 

Disappointing! Despite the unit having an open day, I was told there it's very unlikely that R would get a place as there's a child in the unit already seeking the only available place (there's 2 classes: 6 places for p1 - p3 and 6 places for p4 - p7). That aside, I didn't get the 'gut feeling' that I so hoped I'd get. I think they've a good little setup, but had some reservations. For a start, the HT was 20 minutes late and seemed completely disinterested. It's 7 miles across town and there are two other units a bit closer. I'll just have to wait and see.

 

I phoned our ex social worker (whom I'm still in touch with - she was brilliant) and she thinks ASD unit is best route, likewise, so did Rs GP. Yet my mum, HT, and Ed Psych are saying he's better off where he is. Really confused about it and suspicious of motives/hidden agendas.

 

I'll go and see other one today and see how that goes.

 

Caroline.

 

That's a shame! Seems pointless letting you look and potentially get your hopes up if it's not even likely R will get a place.

 

You can only go by your feelings - however just to balance things a wee bit, I must say I wasn't 100% convinced by our unit, even after we visited and G had his visits - we were motivated by feeling that we could simply go no further in mainstream. Even now I wouldn't say everything is perfect, but that the percentage is quite a bit higher than I would have awarded his mainstream placement if that makes sense.

 

It's very hard, all the books seem to imply that you view somewhere and just 'know' and I didn't find that.

 

In my ds#1's unit the unit is quite separate from the school in a way that is hard to explain. The children do go to mainstream classes when possible - a child who left just before ds#1 started had progressed gradually from half time in Y5, full time mainstream in Y6 (with checking in time at the unit) and went on to a mainstream comprehensive. However I think the school defer to the experience of the teacher in the unit with regard to the children there.

 

My Dad was doubtful about ds#1 going into a unit, it was hard to admit ds was affected enough to need one I think, my Mam was same as us - sad in a way but hopeful it would be for the best.

 

Over the years I have found liasing with all the various professionals very confusing - I always thought it would be a straightforward case of them saying 'a' would be the right thing, but when there are conflicting opinions it's very confusing and all you can do is go with your own gut instinct.

 

How did today's visit go?

 

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Hi

 

Visit at second ASD unit school went very well. I was impressed by what the staff had to say, got a good feeling about the place, etc etc. Problem is that I had a discussion with Rs HT and told her what I was thinking. She, like my mum, are saying that they think he's better off where he is. I'm back to square one - I'm mighty confused! I think the only difference if R were in a unit would be that he'd be in a smaller class and receive more specialist help. Having said that, I've been arranging lots of specialist support in his current school with Social Communication Skills course, etc on the horizon. Rs current school is very small - only has 130 pupils/unit has 300 pupils. I'm thinking of putting in the placing request regardless and seeing what happens. R may or may not even get offered a place. Either way, R requires a higher level of support than he's currently getting. If he stays where he is, I want to know what mechanisms they're going to put in place for Rs transition from P3 to P4 (moving from P2 to P3 seems to have been what's triggered everything).

 

I'm not wondering if his deteriorating behaviour is to do with him maturing - difficult to explain, but without doubt, I think he needs medication (his consultant suggested it to me a while ago). Things have become so bad that I'm almost at the stage whereby I don't want to be around him anymore. I'm so worn down by him dictating, ordering me around, shouting and screaming and threatening me. I've simply had enough and am incredibly frustrated by the lack of assistance from CAMHS in the past. So it'll be interesting to see what comes out of next week's appointment on Thursday. I know that medication isn't a miracle cure (and can have side effects), but I can't go on having a life that's an existence and not a life!

 

Caroline

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I am speaking as a personal experience so may not be the problem with other parents here, but all the help in the world was not going to support J because the problem was the enviroement, it was too distracting for him, he became anxious and tence and couldnt cope with the size of the school, the busy corridors, different teaching staff, and if the school timetable changed.

 

J was also resisting education all together, he got to the point were he was disengaging, withdrawing, detatching and closing down, he was not coping and he was shutting down, the support was good, understsanding HT and his statement was not even toutching the edges because he was so emotionally removed from learning in an enviorment that distressed him.

 

In the end we had no choice but to look at external factors and that is when we realised he needed a specialist school that took into account all these triggers, his classroom is excellent now, calming, free from distractions, as his workstation has side panels and he has support from both teacher and LSA and classroom LSA there is also five children, so he gets much more attention, his work is hands on and practical and of interest to him.

 

He has a very structured day and ridgid routines and an enviorment that helps him keep calm and so he has space to learn.

 

Js behaviour deriates when he is not coping, it may be that he needs a combination of medication and a spersific enviorment.

 

I am confused with the numbers you gave though, 130 in a primary school, and 300 in the ASD school, is this right.

 

JsMum

 

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Hi

 

Confession. Last night I lost control of a situation. Hubby and I took our son to the cinema and had a lovely time. Got home and suddenly my son has become dictatorial, demanding, aggressive and cheeky towards me and was warned twice that a toy of his would be put away as a consequence. He continued and it was put away. He lost the plot completely, started shouting and swearing at me, was trying to hit me, throwing things, etc over a period of time. I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to hurt me and he'd completely lost control. He wouldn't allow me to distance myself from him - he followed me and kicked doors. I ended up shouting at him and told him he was nasty and I smacked him on the bottom once (not excessively hard, but all the same I think inexcusable). R got the fright of his life because this is so out of character for me to react like that (for the record, I cannot recall last time I lifted my hand). Immediately, I burst into tears because I realised I'd lost my temper and felt I shouldn't have. Thankfully, R calmed down after a short time apart and we were able to talk. I feel incredibly guilty about the incident - I'm the adult, he's the child, and I should have remained in control.

 

I'm at my wits end and don't know how much more of the aggression and rapid changing mood swings I can take. He's been like this for as long as I can remember, but is becoming worse. Couple of weeks ago, R was going to hit me in the face with a frying pan. He's become very aggressive and controlling, etc. I just feel so sad for him. I believe part of the reason for this is school. He's in mainstream, and since the summer R hasn't settled very well (I'm going to look at a couple of ASD units this coming week). They've found him to be very unpredictable. He's been unpredictable for years and CAMHS have repeatedly ignored this and the self harming. Seems to have come to a point whereby it can't be ignored any longer - got HT's support and she's written two character statements. Just feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time. R can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds (as written by social worker in recent section 23 assessment). Feel like R has regressed 4 years. I'm awaiting CAMHS appointment on 2 Jan and have photocopied relevant reports along with covering letter in advance of appointment. I've also said that I feel the time has come (tried to put it off) whereby we need to consider medication (HT and LA have said the same). I feel like a wreck just now and feeling like a complete and utter failure. Feel like I'm going to crack - finally seem to have ran out of steam after years of this.

 

Just sounding off really and feeling sorry for myself and kiddo (whom I love dearly).

 

Caroline.

Do not feel guilty but be careful to say to social worker!!!

Wacht the supernanny programs /it has helped me a lot/ and I just do not know.

I think a smack /not really heavy/ happens to most of us with autistic kids.

How old is he?

Best

Edith

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>:D<<'> hey don't be so hard on yourself, you're not a failure, sometimes we all lose it and feel the guilt after, I know I have with my own son and there are times when I wished I had more patience, but I also don't think it hurst sometimes for the child to see that others have feelings too and if you can manage this in a really constructive way it's better but we're human and sometimes it's just too hard, our own emotions take over.

 

I found a web site the other day (not sure if I am allowed to post the link) but it had some feelings charts on it which I think are really good way of showing the child how you may be feeling and they too can show you how they are feeling. With my won son he often doesn't realise that we have feelings too and by using these charts he is really begining to understand that we all have feelings.

 

If I am allowed to post link I will as I think it may help a few families.

 

Hope you're feeling a bit better now you describe my son too when you say can be so lovely and sweet natured, but can go from calm to furious within seconds. Hope you start to get some support soon >:D<<'>

Could you ,please help where to find this chart??

It could be veru useful here too.

Thanks

Edith

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Hi

 

Disappointing! Despite the unit having an open day, I was told there it's very unlikely that R would get a place as there's a child in the unit already seeking the only available place (there's 2 classes: 6 places for p1 - p3 and 6 places for p4 - p7). That aside, I didn't get the 'gut feeling' that I so hoped I'd get. I think they've a good little setup, but had some reservations. For a start, the HT was 20 minutes late and seemed completely disinterested. It's 7 miles across town and there are two other units a bit closer. I'll just have to wait and see.

 

I phoned our ex social worker (whom I'm still in touch with - she was brilliant) and she thinks ASD unit is best route, likewise, so did Rs GP. Yet my mum, HT, and Ed Psych are saying he's better off where he is. Really confused about it and suspicious of motives/hidden agendas.

 

I'll go and see other one today and see how that goes.

 

Caroline.

How good that some brilliant social workers are still keeping in touch with us!!!!!

My son /22/ so we had a handful of good and 4 handful of really bad social workers.

I hope you will get what is the best now.

Edith

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