Asperger and ASD UK Online Forum

[lorryw]

Hello Nellie,

Im so sorry to learn of your sad loss.

I miss you these days, you were always the sensible voice of reason (with a wicked sense of humour).

love

Loraine xxx

[Kathryn]

Sorry to hear about your friend Nellie. <'> Hope to see you back again, even if it's only occasionally.

 

K x

[Karen A]

Nellie and Helen. <'>

I do not know either of you so well.When you were around more although I knew a bit about ASD I had no idea at all that I would ever have a personal interest in knowing more.

The Forum has through all of the ups and downs of the last three years been a huge support.

I have used the original information passed from both of you and others so much over the years.I knew very little about education issues when I first joined.Now I am regarded as pretty aware if a bit of a pain in the neck at times .It has all been learned from the Forum and reading things flagged up on the Forum.

Nellie.If I had payed you loyalties for every time I posted the ''passive child pretending to be normal'' thread you would be a wealthy lady.....and I still have to search each time I need it.

It is not often that I know you are around so just wanted to say a huge thankyou . <'> <'> <'> <'> Karen.

[baddad]

Hi nellie - sorry to hear of your sad loss <'>

 

BD

[pearl]

Nice to meet you Nellie - I've heard nothing but good things about you. And sorry to hear about your friend.

 

Like others, I've been wondering whether to post at all, having very nearly left the forum in November & since then, just posting on fluffy insane threads & keeping well away from anything remotely controversial. But I care a lot about some of the peeps on here, have met some of you in RL & have made, I hope, some lifelong friends. I'd really miss this place. Anyhoo, heres a few random thoughts from my addled brain, in no particular order:

 

1. I believe the current modding team are doing a decent job. I've been a mod myself so I know how hard it is.

 

2. I really miss some of the folk who have left, for whatever reason. The forum is a poorer place without them.

 

3. Couldn't put it better than bid:

As with so much in life, it's not really what is said on the forum, it's the way it's said.

As a touch typing northerner I put my foot in it as much as anyone else. Judicious use of emoticons can add "tone" to a post, but even that can go badly wrong. I was accused recently of using in a "dismissive" manner when I had specifically added it to convey, hey I'm not looking for a fight here. So I too have ended up thinking, I'd rather not post at all than be misunderstood.

 

4. I dont have any answers - except - lets try to be kind to each other. We all have tough lives - lets cut each other a little slack every now & then.

 

And with that, I'll dive for cover. *legs it*

[Enid]

Amen to that pearl!!!! I too have only been replying to fluffy posts, Ive discovered the one word association, actually that is not fluffy, It has made me look up words, especially if theNeil has posted but I feel I cant reply to many posts as peope will take it apart line by line word by word, where DO they get the time, so I spend ages typing a reply then just delete, its become a sort of "sport" by a few, very few, people. Last year in January, I came across this site, whilst in sheer absolute desperation one night, when my beloved son had been taken away by the police 3 times in a week, that is the sort of scenario that many of us cope with, not that actual one, but the sheer desparation, we dont want smart alecness, or clever posts by people who have nothing better to do, we just want to hear from others who have been there, done that, and are probably still wearing the teashirt, the posts I received in that awful time from many of you, quite literally, kept me from going insane! to know that others had been through exactly what I had, was unbelievable, and the fact that they took the time to post was soo soo helpful at that time, the posts that helped me most were those that had been there, and were seeing there was an end in sight, the many pms and just the fact that if my son did something awful like lay down in the middle of a main road, I could come to this forum, post, and people would repy with loads of support and advice, NOW, well, I think twice about posting about crisis` as I dont want to take part in the "sport" but I do pm more. anyhow at the mo my lovely son is going through a calm patch, and long may it last!!! thank you to all you lovely people who have supported me this year, I couldnt have done it without you <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Enid

[BusyLizzie100]

Nellie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

 

Amen to that pearl!!!! I too have only been replying to fluffy posts, Ive discovered the one word association, actually that is not fluffy, It has made me look up words, especially if theNeil has posted but I feel I cant reply to many posts as peope will take it apart line by line word by word, where DO they get the time, so I spend ages typing a reply then just delete, its become a sort of "sport" by a few, very few, people. Last year in January, I came across this site, whilst in sheer absolute desperation one night, when my beloved son had been taken away by the police 3 times in a week, that is the sort of scenario that many of us cope with, not that actual one, but the sheer desparation, we dont want smart alecness, or clever posts by people who have nothing better to do, we just want to hear from others who have been there, done that, and are probably still wearing the teashirt, the posts I received in that awful time from many of you, quite literally, kept me from going insane! to know that others had been through exactly what I had, was unbelievable, and the fact that they took the time to post was soo soo helpful at that time, the posts that helped me most were those that had been there, and were seeing there was an end in sight, the many pms and just the fact that if my son did something awful like lay down in the middle of a main road, I could come to this forum, post, and people would repy with loads of support and advice, NOW, well, I think twice about posting about crisis` as I dont want to take part in the "sport" but I do pm more. anyhow at the mo my lovely son is going through a calm patch, and long may it last!!! thank you to all you lovely people who have supported me this year, I couldnt have done it without you <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Enid

 

Enid, I'm so touched by your post.

 

Lizzie xxx

 

 

[Flora]

Wasn't going to come on or even come back but really wanted to say.... To anyone and everyone who I have upset by anything I've said ever, I am trully sorry for that. I don't set out with the intention of upsetting or hurting anyone but as the saying goes... the road to hell is paved with intention. I won't defend myself, but I will concede that I'm a very reactive person and don't always acknowledge when it's time to shut up. Again, trully sorry.

 

Flora

 

 

[zaman]

Wasn't going to come on or even come back but really wanted to say.... To anyone and everyone who I have upset by anything I've said ever, I am trully sorry for that. I don't set out with the intention of upsetting or hurting anyone but as the saying goes... the road to hell is paved with intention. I won't defend myself, but I will concede that I'm a very reactive person and don't always acknowledge when it's time to shut up. Again, trully sorry.

 

Flora

From what I have seen and read, you have nothing to apologise for. Don't beat yourself up, as there is no need. You make a valuable contributio to this forum, don't let yourself think otherwise.

[Suze]

Knowing you quite well Flora and as a friend I,m pretty damn sure if you have? or did? hurt or offend anyone then it was very much unintentional , your not the type of person to want to cause hurt to anyone.I don,t want to say too much more other than best wishes and hugs....and as I,ve found lately there is more to life than this forum , but it still is a good place to get help and share stories.

[bid]

Wasn't going to come on or even come back but really wanted to say.... To anyone and everyone who I have upset by anything I've said ever, I am trully sorry for that. I don't set out with the intention of upsetting or hurting anyone but as the saying goes... the road to hell is paved with intention. I won't defend myself, but I will concede that I'm a very reactive person and don't always acknowledge when it's time to shut up. Again, trully sorry.

 

Flora

 

Thank you for the apology.

 

Bid

Edited January 14, 2009 by bid

[Suze]

..............................................I doubt flora will be back on the live forum again, Bid , perhaps you could pm her ?

[nellie]

Flora,

 

If you have caused offence, I am pretty sure it was not intentional. I think you will be missed it you leave, not just for the sterling job you do giving advice and support, but for your friendship.

 

Thank you very much for your contribution to this thread.

 

Nellie xx <'>

 

edited because I can't spell!!

Edited January 14, 2009 by nellie

[nellie]

Thank you so much for all those that contributed to this topic.

 

A big hello to all members who I haven't had the privilege of 'meeting' and a big hello to those I haven't spoken to for years.

 

Thank you also for the messages of sympathy and condolence. A sad time.

 

I shall try and pop in more often.

 

Nellie xx

 

[baddad]

Hi nellie -

 

Yes, thank you for starting this thread. i've learned lots too - partcularly that things i thought weren't allowed/condoned/acceptable on the forum actually are, as long as you pick the right targets. That saddens me.

 

On the upside, it has been very reassuring to see a number of posts highlighting similar concerns to myself about issues like polarisation, extremism, patronisation and blaming, and the general feeling that seems to exist about lack of support given to the mods ( ). I think the most important thing with the latter is an acceptance and understanding that that kind of support should still be forthcoming even if it is yourself (or a friend) being moderated.

 

I think the forum should be a place where all perspectives are given consideration, regardless of how popular or unpopular the views might be and providing the posts remain within forum rules.

 

Additionally, often views seem to be judged not by what is said, but by who is saying them - to the point that the entire content of a post can be overlooked to 'gainsay' on the basis of a single phrase or comment. I don't think those sort of value judgements based on 'style' rather than 'content' are helpful anywhere, but least of all on a forum dedicated to the rights of autistic people. Somebody said earlier in this thread that 'it's not what is being said but how it is being said'... it also needs to be equally considered that 'it is not who or how it is being said, but the content', and often content is ignored on the basis of assumption and prejudice.

 

One additional observation: some people speak very directly. Speaking directly is not necessarily speaking 'aggressively'. Passive aggression isn't always immediately obvious, but if anything it is more powerful and more persuasive than overt aggression, particularly when practised on a range of levels and when 'group' dynamics rather than individual dynamics come into play.

 

 

L&P

 

BD

[bid]

I've just deleted my post...seems we've come full circle in this thread

 

Bid

Edited January 14, 2009 by bid

[zaman]

I've just deleted my post...seems we've come full circle in this thread

 

Bid

I don't really understand what posts like this are supposed to contribute to an already quite fragile thread? I personally don't find it helpful.

[bid]

Sorry, short of just leaving my name I wasn't sure what else to write.

 

But I felt too anxious about my post, so I deleted it...which is exactly what others were talking about at the beginning

 

I'll leave the thread, it's probably easier and best

 

But now this is probably seen as 'passive aggressive' or something...I give up, I'm gone

 

Bid

[Karen A]

Thank you so much for all those that contributed to this topic.

 

A big hello to all members who I haven't had the privilege of 'meeting' and a big hello to those I haven't spoken to for years.

 

Thank you also for the messages of sympathy and condolence. A sad time.

 

I shall try and pop in more often.

 

Nellie xx

 

I will be really pleased to see you around and am sure others will too. <'> <'> <'> Karen.

 

[hev]

Wasn't going to come on or even come back but really wanted to say.... To anyone and everyone who I have upset by anything I've said ever, I am trully sorry for that. I don't set out with the intention of upsetting or hurting anyone but as the saying goes... the road to hell is paved with intention. I won't defend myself, but I will concede that I'm a very reactive person and don't always acknowledge when it's time to shut up. Again, trully sorry.

 

Flora

flo <'> <'> i havent written in this thread till i saw you was going dont go,youve never upset me and from what i see in your posts you would never intentionally upset anyone,hope you change your mind and stay,you make me laugh and i like reading your posts so if thats not a good enough reason i dont know what is!!!!

 

nellie,lovely to see you on here again <'>

[Karen A]

Hev. <'> <'> <'> it is good to see you around here too.

I missed you .Karen.

[hev]

Sorry, I didn't mean to be flippant but I do sometimes use 'humour' (well Mumble humour - most people say I'm not funny) when I'm finding a situation difficult to understand/cope with. I hope I'm not the reason some people think the tone here has changed

i looked for the little cross in the corner mumble i thought you were being serious i think you are funny mumble

[hev]

ive got one last thing to say on the subject of this forum,ITS ALL BIGHEADS FAULT

[baddad]

ive got one last thing to say on the subject of this forum,ITS ALL BIGHEADS FAULT

 

Don't you start!

[Karen A]

i looked for the little cross in the corner mumble i thought you were being serious i think you are funny mumble

 

Not just me then.....I wondered what the special cross was that others had and I didn't.

 

[Karen A]

ive got one last thing to say on the subject of this forum,ITS ALL BIGHEADS FAULT

 

Please don't encourage him.......he was dreadful while you were away despite all efforts to keep in in order.

 

[nellie]

Hev <'>

 

It's good to see you back, it's not quite the same without you.

 

 

Hope you stick around. Can you run after Flo and bring her back.

 

Nellie xx

 

[Mumble]

Not just me then.....I wondered what the special cross was that others had and I didn't.

It's Here!!!

 

[pearl]

Mine's purple

[Mumble]

Mine's purple

Sorry, I didn't realise they came in different colours as all the ones I've come across are like mine (which strictly speaking is actually white on a red background rather than red).

 

[Lucas]

I've read through the thread and still have absolutely no understanding of what is going on.

 

If ignorance is bliss, Autistic 1 : Neurotypical 0

 

 

[nellie]

Hi Lucas

 

I'm not sure I know.

 

Nellie xx

 

 

[chris54]

I've read through the thread and still have absolutely no understanding of what is going on.

Do what I do, listen to the tune and make up your own words.

[pearl]

Sorry, I didn't realise they came in different colours as all the ones I've come across are like mine (which strictly speaking is actually white on a red background rather than red).

 

I was meaning my hair

[Mumble]

I was meaning my hair

But your hair isn't purple, not unless you've dyed it since the last meetup

 

[pearl]

It was just a joke (not one of my better ones, I'll admit)

[hev]

thats what ive missed,the way we can turn a serious topic into drivel

[Mumble]

thats what ive missed,the way we can turn a serious topic into drivel

I blame Pearl - she somehow always manages to be around when things go ever so slightly (although I'm lost as to what the topic was here )

 

And anyway, I prefer blue hair.

 

[pearl]

Its a gift

Or maybe a curse

[pearl]

And anyway, I prefer blue hair

 

So do I

Edited January 16, 2009 by pearl