Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
lisa35

is it us???

Recommended Posts

ok, son changed school in october, is settling ok now, but has been tricky as he missed old school, as we know kids with aspergers do change badly! But he had to go to a school with as d unit attached

he had one friend at old school, who every time hes rung has been busy,etc, anyway he rang yesterday and the lad came over

Our son wanted him to sleep, so we said yes, friends dad dropped his bedding off last nigh tand didnt even come in to say night to him, or to speak to him, is this "normal" for parents of 13 year old, I dont know because our lives are so very very different?

Also today , he stayed with us til 1700 (from 1400 yesterday) , would nt you think parents wouldve rung to say to us are you sure hes ok to sleep, to stay so long ,etc?!

Anyway, because our son was so hyper as friend was here we have gone on at him, nagged constantly, and feel like we ve had a rotten weekend cos we ve had to be at him all the time

to top it off today, he spilt lemnade on laptop(its 3 months old, ) and did same to last one, but we claimed on our house insurance

We flipped,as we ve told him so many times about drinks near it, and all this was in front of his friend, our son had total meltdown ,swearing, said he wished we were dead, etc

so now its sunday night, all calm now, but just feel like its been a acrappy weekend, and we shouldve intervened and not had his friend for so long, as he cant cope, even though he loves him being here.

in fact , since october, he hasnt seen other kids at all at a wekend, and now I feel guilty, for everythinG!

Sorry

sometimes it feels overwhelming, x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No,no guilt trip young lady, do you hear me!!?? :shame:>:D<<'>

 

You tried your best to give him his wish and to support him through it. It hasn't went as smoothly as you'd hoped, but you tried, that's the thing. And it gives you more of an idea of what he can cope with, of what you might do to try and keep things calm next time, maybe evn try different activities that might help your son cope better?

 

Is you son like mine, in that, once the stress and meltdown has passed, and he's feeling happier, he can look back (or have a discussion so that he realises) which bits went well and that it wasn't all doom and gloom?

When things go wrong for Cal, all he can see are the negatives, multiplied by his feeling wretched, and for him, at that point, the whole day has been horrendous, nothing ever goes right , or will go right and he expresses similar sentiments...

'I wish I was dead!!' 'I'm going to kill myself!!' 'You all hate me!!!'

Sometimes he comes out of this relatively quickly, at other times the negativity persists for a while. It's awful for all involved, but mostly for him, as everything is 'black and squiggly' inside.....

I can truly sympathise, but I think you guys should sit down and talk through what went well, discuss strategies for next time, one of which probably should be a time limit. That way, your son knows exactly when his friend will leave, and the unexpected won't throw a new spin on things.......

Again, I don't think my son copes well with the unexpected, even when its a nice surprise. His Aunt surprised us with a visit a month or so ago, and Hyperhyperhyper boy came out to play, and stayed for nearly 12 hours after she left!

Talk about drained!!! (Me and Phil, the boys seemed fine after!!!)

As for the other lad's Dad seeming unbothered by his son's impromptu night away....I think that it probably is normal, I recall springing surprise overnighters on my Mum, or asking to sleep over elsewhere in a very off-the-cuff manner, and there was no fuss......pretty much a business as usual attitude, because that's exactly what it was. My folks, my mates folks, we were all accustomed to this occurrence. (Having said that, I think they'd have stopped in to say goodnight!!)

Now, if it were Cal, I'd be stressing mightily-will he cope? What if he goes hyper/has a meltdown? Will the parents cope? What if he gets confused/scared and can't make himself ask to use the phone? What will he eat? We're just not at that stage at this point in time,but I think it would be normal for many parents of tweeny-beasts! ;)

 

Try to find some positives from this weekend, I bet there are loads but whenit all goes pear shaped, it's hard to see past it. (Got the t-shirt, fridge magnet, novelty pen....and, interestingly, an amusing mug where when you pour hot liquid in, the hunk's speedos.....ahem. :wub: ....)

 

For what its worth, I think its fab that you all gave it a go, and I hope that next time, its a wee bitty smoother for you all.

 

Esther x

Edited by pookie170

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thanks x made me smile x

he has stayed before, a while ago, just need to not allow our hearts to over ride our heads!

some times, i forget that we are so different

x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
--- friends dad dropped his bedding off last nigh tand didnt even come in to say night to him, or to speak to him, is this "normal" for parents of 13 year old, I dont know because our lives are so very very different?

Also today , he stayed with us til 1700 (from 1400 yesterday) , would nt you think parents wouldve rung to say to us are you sure hes ok to sleep, to stay so long ,etc?!

 

In my experience this would not be at all uncommon. I think we are so use to being protective off our children that we don't realise how how it is for other. A case of if they don't hear anything then they assume all is well.

 

I can remember oldest 2 having friend over to stay and just wishing they would go away so we could have some peace.

 

Youngest son, we just wish he had some friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi lisa its nice he has a friend , perhaps you could arrange another sleepover , but next time have pre-arranged times, ie you,ll pick him up at 4.00pm and drop him off at 11.00 am the next day, anda new rule all drinks from now on are in a sports bottle or no more lap top ever again :devil: .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sports bottle is a brill idea!

Just thinking about it, for the same sort of reasons, we never allow drinks anywhere apart from the kitchen or sat at the dinning room table (and food come to that). We done that for so long that I had forgotten that its not what everyone else does, if you know what I mean.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...