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Stella63

Had to bust AJ yet again!!!

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Well, for those of you who have followed the saga of our eldest son, we have once again been suspicious of his activities - he had assured us he was not dealing or using and not bringing anything into the house - and we have been doing daily searches and not finding anything. But he has still been stealing - took OJ's spare Xbox controller.

 

Anyway, decided a lateral approach to his bedroom and decided to look under mattress!!! Bingo, tin with a bag of pot - we left it there to monitor and saw three different amounts go in and out within a 24 hour period - last wednesday there was a large bag of pot in the tin so decided to call police. Police took it away and we then had to tell him what we had done, he went off on one, we called 999 and he decided to calm down which is better than the previous behaviours we have seen!! AJ spent saturday at the police station and has been bailed, he has been quite contrite since but telling us that he is not dealing he has a drug problem and it was all for him - which I don't believe - he has spoken to his drugs misuse councellor who he has to see through Youth Justice and I don't think he is convincing her either!

 

He has also breached his Supervision Order by refusing to attend anger management sessions and is back in court on wednesday to face further charges for that so things are not going well in his world and hopefully with this arrest he may begin to realise that he can't continue in this little bubble he has created. He knows that we will not tolerate the drugs and we have made it very black and white what will happen and continue to happen. SS have not even bothered to phone me after I left a message advising what had happened - so no change there then!!!

 

I'm actually feeling in control over what is happening although it is having a really negative effect on OJ (will write that in another thread) - the Youth Justice are brilliant and feel that the longer he is under their jurisdiction the more chance they have of getting him sorted before he hits 18 and falls under the adult system.

 

Please tell me I am doing the right thing.....

 

 

Stella xx

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You have done exactly the right thing, you have given him chance after chance, you are working hard to keep him out of the adult system. >:D<<'>

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Hi

 

I really feel for you. Without doubt, I think you've done the right thing. You've given your son a very clear message that stealing and involvement with drugs is not on. I'm glad that the police/etc seem to be understanding and helpful given the circumstances. Not surprised to hear SS have done nothing.

 

Keep strong. You're in a horrendously difficult situation and doing your best for your son and your family.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

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Hi stella..........just wondered how supportive the police have been through this, obviously you are trying to do the right thing , have they discussed any stratergies with you.Are there any youth offending programmes they could get your son on?........I was just wondering if he needs some hard shock tactics and needs to visit a young offenders institution and realise where he could finish up, iyswim..

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Stella, I've got nothing but admiration for you and the way you're dealing with all this. I hope some way can be found to get through to your son and impress on him the consequences of his behaviour.

 

>:D<<'>

 

K x

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Hi stella..........just wondered how supportive the police have been through this, obviously you are trying to do the right thing , have they discussed any stratergies with you.Are there any youth offending programmes they could get your son on?........I was just wondering if he needs some hard shock tactics and needs to visit a young offenders institution and realise where he could finish up, iyswim..

 

 

I agree, he needs to see what an young offenders institute is like, may be a visit with the YOT may set this up, sad thing is though that even in prisons and YOI there is still pot, he needs to look into why he wants to use drugs in the first place, maybe a drug rehabilitation could be considered next time, that way he would have access to more apropriate therapy and councilling services including anger management, maybe a residential rehabilitation may give him the consistancy he needs and away from the drugs that isnt always garanteed, he needs to get to a stage where he knows he can get drugs but actually doesnt need it.

 

His lack of insight to what road he is leading down is very difficult to get him to realise what he is doing.

 

I think your amazing and doing a lot more than some parents, some parents turn a blind eye to thier childrens behaviour and dont respond apropriatly so yes your doing the right thing.

 

I really dont know what Id do in your circumstances if it was J and it does worry me that with his vunrablity and lack of social skills he could be intreaged enough to do drugs, it really must be very difficult, there is 11-12 yrs old boys and even girls already smoking pot in our neck of the woods and its a real problem because its relitively cheap, sad thing is pot can lead to other drug issues like dealing ect...

 

I really do think your doing all the right things.

 

JsMum

 

 

 

 

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Stella, you are doing the right thing.

 

You have told AJ what the bounderies are and you are sticking to them even when it makes your life hard.

 

I am so proud of you for doing your best to parent AJ even though he kicks so hard.

 

 

 

 

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Hi,

 

Thanks everyone for your support - again - It really does help me feel I'm not dealing with this alone!!

 

Suze, the police have been very supportive and we have a really good relationship with the local police - but a bit like SS, they promised last November that they would arrange a day at a local prison and also a Outward Bound type weekend activity for AJ but nothing has happened and I know a lot of it is down to resources etc but just a phone call would be good to say sorry it can't be done! I have left several messages for the local PC to phone, or one of the PCSO's who patrol the locality because I want to discuss who AJ is hanging around with and we had agreed in the Autumn to work together to plug the drugs problem and I feel that they are letting us down.

 

Oh and I discovered he stole my credit card sometime in the last week, had somehow seen me put my pin number in somewhere and withdrew �140. He came clean when I explained the Fraud squad would know which ATM it was, what time and would then look at CCTV. But other than saying sorry, no remorse, said he chucked the card away - thankfully no more transactions as had a huge amount of credit on it.

 

Stella xx

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Stella, I have so much admiration for you.

You're absolutely doing the right thing and dealing with it amazingly well.

 

take care >:D<<'>

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Stella >:D<<'>

 

This is only a tentative suggestion, and I don't want to offend you...but have you thought about some kind of residential placement for AJ?

 

Bid :)

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Hi stella, I hope that all the things the services have promised and then not followed throw gets shared with the courts, dont they understand that for some children all it will take is a shock tactic, no wonder prisons are too full, a bit of organising and they could easily show young people the consequences, but no, they act when its too late and there litrately squeezed in the overflow of the systems inadequacies.

 

Have you changed your pin number since as well?

 

I would be so upset if that happened to me, so understand your upset too.

 

JsMum

 

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Hi,

 

Bid, don't worry, nothing will offend me!! The answer is yes, we have considered it but because he is 16 it seems to become more difficult as no one wants to take on the responsibility! Maybe on the positive side we have a new Social Worker, just found out that ours had gone on long term sick leave (again) and thats why nothing has been done. Meeting with new one tomorrow and she has already arranged to take AJ to one of their worst hostels to try and give him a shock!

 

Jsmum, no I don't think anything got mentioned like that in court but I leave the courts and police station things up to my DH to deal with - I feel that I deal with every other aspect of both the boys needs but I really don't want to do that - so AJ was in court today for breach of his supervision order and was given a new one for 1 month - I don't see that he is being taught anything from that but DH was concerned that he will be back in court shortly for the second possession offence and felt that it was ok. Not so sure myself but we have to present a united front and there are a few cracks at the moment.

 

And in answer to your other question, I had my credit card stopped and am waiting for replacement but discovered today that he took my debit card last night and took out �120. I guard my purse all the time so he was extremely calculating and devious to have managed to take it. He reckons he has now paid back all his debts and is going to now look at changing his life. Mmmmm like I really believe that!! Not sure yet how to deal with it as I feel so low and kicked in the teeth by him. I hate him for what he is doing to us but he is my son and I love him.

 

and to top it all, went out with my fellow LSA's last night, had far too much vodka, cried all evening and have the hangover from hell today!! Ouch!!

 

 

Stella xx

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stella i think you are doing so well,must be so hard for you,ive no answers but just wanted to give you my support xxxx

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wow it must be so hard, but think you are doing all the right things. You sound like a really good parent. Hope the hangover has cleared. X

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I don't know the story being a newbie to this site, but I think you are doing a great job, going by your thread above and just wanted to show support.

 

I don't think I would cope as well as you seem to be doing in the same situation.

 

>:D<<'>

MCL

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Stella, keep strong you are doing great, have been away for half-term so have only just seen this, my own 19 yr old (very very similar!!) moved out last week to live in a sort of supported housing set up, dont know how long it will last, can pm details if you want, much love and support. Enid

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