Clarypuff Report post Posted February 23, 2009 I'm so sick of fighting. SS and CAMHS had a child in need meeting without us last week. Apparently letter was 'lost in post'. Had CAMHS appointment 2day, new suggestion is to put my son into care because I'm not coping Another meeting we're allowed to attend is scheduled for this Wed. I'm terrified. I can't imagine how ds would react if he were just taken away like that. I was told by a wise friend that he uses me as the whipping boy cos he's secure in the knowledge I won't leave. Is an in joke now, 'hows ds?' Secure! All I want is some help for him, he's so obviously struggling, school, home and everywhere. I'm out of my depth. Does anyone know how this works? Seems to be a direct result of complaint I put in about SS worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JenRose Report post Posted February 23, 2009 im so sorry you are going through this clarypuff. i dont know much about child in need meetings but didnt want your post to go unanswered jen xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted February 23, 2009 When Ive not been able to attend a meeting with any SS/Mental health/educational services the meeting is cancelled, do you have responisbility of your child, if so then nothing can go ahead with out your concent, they can not put him into care just because you are not coping, they can provide provisions and ensure that you have the right support. I urge you to get further advice before the meeting for next week a great place for more advice is Contact a Family. National Autistic Society also may know more also, it may be a good idea to look at legal support too, so further law support for this there is community legaL Service. www.clsdirect.org.uk What support would you like, what type of school is he in, do you feel he gets enough support at school. Also if there was a meeting you have a legal right to see the minuets, though concerned that the meeting went ahead without you if it was a child in need meeting. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted February 23, 2009 It is your right to put in a complaint to the ss if you where disatisfied of their service, I would hope that the treamtment your now recieving is not down to the complaint, if so just repeat the complaint. You can take the complaint further if you feel the service has not dealt with it properly and an independant service will investigate your complaint. Another place I went to when the services were not supporting me was my MP so do look into emailing him/her also. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted February 23, 2009 they can't take him into care based on a meeting. they will have to go to court unless it is an emergency ie his life is in danger. you should be entitled to minutes from the meeting that was held without you, as well the fact that you should complain again. if you did not attend they should have called to find out why (standard policy). SS are used to complaints so i doubt the meeting was motivated by that. it may well just be an option they are looking into - and it doesn't meant you'll never see your son again! we have done multiple care placements where a set term is decided to give the parents a break. while the child is in care they are worked with intensively to bring any challenging behaviours under control, while alongside this the foster carers would also be relaying this information to the parents so that the successful strategies are transferred to home, making it easier when the child is returned to the parents, for both parties (usually in around 6 months). the parents retain parental control, either through the placement being classed as voluntary, or through an interim care order. that means that nothing can be done without the parents consent, right down to cutting the childs fingernails! foster children have access to a lot of services that other children do not normally get near, so intensive work can be done by specialists. the move to the foster home would also be 'planned' which means that it would be done over a number of days (or more likely weeks) to ensure the child has a better transition and understands what is going on. i dont know if that is what you wanted to know how it works. sorry if it is not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted February 24, 2009 Js mum, will 'contact a family' first thing 2moro. Have noticed u sing their praises quite a bit on other posts so definitely worth a try. Ds is in mainstream school, not statemented, not entirely happy but from what I've heard he would have left by the time it came thru! He desperately needs help with his anger, social skills, organisational skills, sleeping, self care, the whole gamut really. I have been given lots of advice on strategies but things are far beyond what I can deal with. He takes no notice of me whatsoever. No-one takes the time to talk to him, that bothers me a lot. Nobbynobs, an insider! V useful to hear from the other side so to speak! Its not only what it would do to ds that bothers me, but to me as well. Already feel I've failed as a mother, that would pretty much confirm it. All I want is a bit of support for him, then I can manage. Anyway, I will request minutes, and try to be professional at Weds meeting! Thank u all x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted February 24, 2009 Just to mention that as far as the law is concerned, giving parents respite from care overnight has exactly the same status as children 'being in care'. Social services are sometimes poor at recognising that how they communicate can have a negative impact on families. From where I'm sitting you are a family with exceptionally challenging circumstances who needs professional help, which is why SS are there in the first place. I know I know nothing of the history, but if you can see this as a hand being offered (even though the language they may be using is grating with you) it might help. This is the way that you get people to talk to him, which is what you're asking for, after all. Strongly recommend getting someone to go with you to the meeting. It really helps. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted February 25, 2009 Big meeting 2day. Waste of time. Couldn't get anyone to go with me, too short notice. Had my mum and boyfriend with me for support tho. Made notes of everything I wanted to say. No minutes of previous meeting, apparently they cancelled when I didn't show but I know they were talking cos of things CAMHS said on Mon. Oooh, that sounded sooo paranoid! I feel completely railroaded, they tell me that all the specialist in the country wouldn't make a difference, so what? We give up? And CAMHS have yet again stated that they will under no circumstances prescribe melatonin, even tho ds sleeps for 2/3 hrs a night. Don't feel I came away any further on than i was before I'm not giving up. Ds is definitely worth fighting for. Have workmen coming 2moro to fix holes in the wall (guess who!), so have to stay in all day. My mission is to hassle everyone I can think of. Don't see what else I can do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted February 27, 2009 No joy yesterday. Contact a family not in my area, only charity I could find didn't even bother to reply to my e mail sent on Mon. Am getting desperate. School called today, we're being referred to EWO cos of ds lack of attendance. Its not fair, I've been trying so hard for so long, asked for help since he began secondary school, all they want to do is work with me, not ds. Also forgot to say in post about Weds meeting, social services want ds to have complete health check including blood tests from GP, anyone had this? GP won't do until SS send letter outlining what it is they're looking for. I'm so down. Burst into tears outside supermarket today, man collecting for cerebral palsy children, all I could think was if my child had any other disability they wouldn't be blaming me. I wish we didn't have to prove our parenting skills over and over before we can begin to fight for what our children need Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CWP Report post Posted February 27, 2009 Oh my goodness. I can't believe anyone has left you in such a state of fear. They can't take him into care. I don't know enought yet about the ins and outs as I'm new to this but please know the support is there.x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted February 28, 2009 We made our own support group as in my area there wasn't anything either. Not something that happens just like that. It took us a few years before we were able to get the resources together to respond to every email and phone call, sadly. It's going to be a big meeting where they tell you what you're not doing. You need to try not to get too upset by that but ask what help is being offered. Your Local authority should have a Child in Need Policy. Even brothers and sisters of disabled children are considered Children in Need. They should be offering an assessment. Some info here: What is a child in Need? Information for Parents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted March 2, 2009 Thanks jaded. It was actually a child in need meeting. I have requested another assesment by the disabled child team as I don't feel the specialist adolescent team are taking ds AS seriously, copied it to director of childrens services too. It usually takes me a day or so to re-group before I can continue the fight, just wish they would listen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted March 2, 2009 (edited) That sounds like a good move. You could start copying the Councillor who has the lead for Children's Services or maybe the Chair of the Scrutiny Panel. You should be able to find out who they are from your Council's website under something like 'councillors and meetings'. Edited March 2, 2009 by call me jaded Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted March 6, 2009 And it has hit the fan again. Good idea about councillor etc. but after disturbing episode last night that i won't go into have e mailed requesting appointmant with mp. I really wish I had something positive to post on here, feel like such a miserable cow. I gotta cheer up Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
