sensay Report post Posted February 25, 2009 Hi. My name is Jay but i prefer to be called by my screenname. I was 'diagnosed' with AS about a year and a half ago though i have known ive had it since i was about 13 (im 23 now). My mum has some mental health training and recognized the signs of a possible autistic syndrome even earlier than that but when the possibility was mentioned to me, (and i was given a choice) i didnt want to find out. I had a hard enough time at school anyway i didnt want another label to match the many others i already had; fat, poor etc etc Your probably wondering why i wrote diagnosis in quotation marks. I dont feel i have a proper diagnosis at all. The specialist i saw simply wrote down 'Mr xxxx does have AS, this will not disable him from gaining employment' Thats it. The evil cow obviously thought i only wanted a diagnosis so i could sit on my backside and claim benefits! I went through a period of mentoring a couple of years ago but i never really felt it helped me out. It just felt like more i HAD to do, and obligations. I regret that decision immenseley as i know how much it could have helped. I also suffer from undiagnosed depression which can range in severity. The worst period of which resulted in an OD attempt. Sometimes its not there at all and i feel fantastic and this can last for months but it always comes back in the end. I have triggers related to the AS i suppose, in that failings on the social front can leave me tearing myself to shreds. during my down periods i completely isolate myself from the world arround me. This makes gaining employment so hard for me because i cant explain to an employer what happens to me or when its going to happen. Im also about to be a father. This i think is what brought me too the forums, im not ready for it. I dont know how to be a fully functioning being myself half the time, how can i possibly be of any use to a child? I also fear that he (we know hes a boy) will have a bad life because of me. I think of how my AS affected my childhood and i think if my boy develops AS too (or something similar) and has to endure a even a tenth of what i did then thats really unfair. I dont want anybody to feel like i do but with me as a father i feel its inevitable. What if he doesnt have AS? How will i relate to him if he turns out to be a NT? Well, this turned out longer than i expected.. I have lurked a bit and you all seem very friendly, i look forward to communicating with you. Sensay Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joanne1 Report post Posted February 25, 2009 Hi and welcome. I can't give you any advice i am afraidbut wanted to say hi. My son 13 and we are in process of getting dx. I am sure you will get some good advice on here and you will get something out of joining this forum. I am glad that i found it as it has helped me alot. Joanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted February 25, 2009 (edited) Hi sensay What a lucky child you are going to have! Your child will have you to give them understanding and guidance and insight (even if they do not have the same difficulties). Life can be particularly difficult if you are going along trying to cope and not understanding why you can't. You can give your child information before they get to that stage. Life has changed a lot since you were a child (really, even though it may not seem long ago). If you 'lurk' on here for long you'll probably think it's all still one big battle out there, but let's face it when you were a young child AS probably wasn't really on anyone's mind including the professionals. The fact we have departments and people to do battle with shows how things have changed. I think you are being extremely hard on yourself. You have had a very difficult time. The way I see it AS is a description of a personality. It is not an illness or disability. Maybe you need to stop criticising yourself and try and see what your good points are, cos I bet you have some, and I also bet you have some BECAUSE of your AS. I know my boys do. AS is a gift and if you can learn to be just a little bit more positive about the AS (as seperate from your depression) then you'll be taking a step towards being in a great position to help your son. Also, if your child has AS you will probably get on with them just fine (mostly)! I personally find AS people on the whole very easy to get on with. There aren't all the complicated social things going on and social expectations. So you may well find your child is totally 'normal' to you. If you're child is NT you will be normal to them because that's how you are. Let's face it, all parents can be embarrassing at times, they don't need to have AS for that! Your mental wrangling about this says to me you are a caring person who wants to do a good job as a dad, so give yourself a break and give yourself a chance. There are many REALLY AWFUL parents out there, you don't sound like you'll be one of them. Good luck Edited February 25, 2009 by Mandapanda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muppet Report post Posted February 25, 2009 Hi Sensay, I've got to say MandaPanda is absolutely spot on, especially about AS being a personality type - NOT a disability - I wish I was as articulate and as eloquent I'm a single Dad - with or with out AS depending upon who you talk to , my 7 year old son has AS. We have an amazing bond and I intuitively know what makes him tick and understand his logic in ways that most people cannot. Many education proffesionals have disagreed with me and belittled and patronised me and my understanding of my son. They labelled him as a spoilt, naughty boy as a result of me being an overbearing, over protective and over anxious parent but in the last few months the boy has proved those same proffesionals wrong and now they are having to eat their words . I guess what I'm trying to say is follow your instincts and believe in what you are doing, you will do the right thing with out even realising it - it wont be easy but it will give you so much, bringing up my son has given me a better insight into myself and the world around me, together we will both grow into it. Look out world cus Muppet and Shifty are coming <'> Woo Hoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
something_different Report post Posted February 27, 2009 hi and welcome congratulations too Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted February 27, 2009 Hiya and Welcome, Some very good comments above, I hope feel you better about the situation as the pregnancy progresses, think being a parent for the first time is pretty scarey for anyone. Clare Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CWP Report post Posted February 27, 2009 Hi there and welcome. My son is 5 and 1/2 and being assessed for suspected Aspergers. Can I just say how much I relate to your post and I hope I can help. I have no such diagnosis but I never felt I fitted in and had major social issues. I have made tow OD attmpts prior to having my sons who are 5 and 2. I assure you that because of who you are you will only ever be the most understanding parent ever and your child will be blessed to have you. If your child has an ASD then think how nuch you will relate. I find this so amazing with my oldest. And you know that you can achieve so you will only be the best rolemodel to have him. If he is NT as my youngest is then your relationship will blossom from what you can teach each other. Have faith. I understand you are worried but this will be the maiking of you as it was me. x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flibs Report post Posted February 28, 2009 Hi Sensay, I've got to say MandaPanda is absolutely spot on, especially about AS being a personality type - NOT a disability - While I agree with you i just wanted to point out that under the Mental health act that those with a diagnosis of A.S.D. have a mental disorder according to the act Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flibs Report post Posted February 28, 2009 While I agree with you i just wanted to point out that under the Mental health act that those with a diagnosis of A.S.D. have a mental disorder according to the act opps sorry forgot to day hello and welcome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
