Beccy03 Report post Posted March 28, 2009 get me somethiing! you ****ing fat B**** get me some breakfast NOW *screams loudly* oh for ****s sake get it now, oh you cant be bothered can you you ****ing idiot (this went on for about 30 seconds or so) i reply "just be patient let me get something for you but dont shout at me like that or you wont get anything" She replies F*** OFF!!!!!! wallops me and returns to bed. i then crawl out of bed and contemplate the type of day it looks like we are going to have. anybody else start their weekend like this? shes not that horrible all the time but its kind of 50-50 when she wakes up what we are gonna get. dont worry this is a ligt hearted post im used to her out bursts just looking for someone else whos going to get a headache today Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted March 28, 2009 Yup, there was a row in our house this morning although I wasn't directly involved. I also woke up thinking, Oh great....! Hope the rest of the weekend turns out better - it can only improve can't it! <'> K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted March 28, 2009 Yup another here....never know what to expect depends on what frame of mind he wakes in....today has been strop after strop. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted March 28, 2009 Oh Becky!!! When your child is calm, have you tried sitting them down and asking if they like it when someone calls them stupid, fat, etc? And when they reply 'no', tell them that they are saying those same bad words to you. I had this conversation with my son (and frequent reminders), and he has improved alot. He still goes over the edge, but as soon as the insults start, I tell him that language is not acceptable and he has to go to his room to calm down. I don't use his bedroom as a punishment, but as a timeout strategy. It seems to be working. If he does use bad language in the heat of the moment he is so apologetic afterwards and is really upset with himself. I tell him I understand that you are angry/mad/sad about X,Y or Z, but you must not say bad words. Can't wait for puberty! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beccy03 Report post Posted March 28, 2009 i do try to talk about these things when she is calm but unfortunately it gets forgotten in the heat of the moment! she actually went back to sleep for a bit and woke up calmer but quite depressed. she has refused to dress or leave the house today so i havent even been able to walk the dogs. its days like these that remind me to fill in the dla forms! she just had her favourite salmon for tea and is smling now so thats good at least. she is SO having an epsom salts bath tonight! LOL sally44- its quite reassuring to hear that your son considers his actions and is remorseful after saying hurtful things. i hope we can get to that stage too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted March 28, 2009 Hi Could have written your post word-for-word myself! We get exactly the same. Unfortunately on Friday night he trashed his room and hurled insults at me, calling me a fat f****r and telling me to f*** o** over and over again. I really hate hearing R talk to me like that - it's not the kind of language he's been brought up to use. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flibs Report post Posted March 29, 2009 Too be honest I would not get too het up by the swearing they are only words and when life is difficult enought to understand and communicate effectively in sometimes it seems the only way to get a point across. This I understand totally Becky "she has refused to dress or leave the house today so i havent even been able to walk the dogs. " well part from the fact I have no dogs but you are the adult and although initially it is easy to give in in the long term I don't think it is wise to allow her to be in charge ..........good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted March 29, 2009 I found Ross Greene's 'Explosive Child' a very good read, many years ago. I loved his used of the phrase "chronically inflexible" child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beccy03 Report post Posted March 29, 2009 yes shes a control freak but its part of her OCD i think! she had the worst breakdown ever this morning as i was late for something important and she wouldnt leave the house. we got her out in the end and she had a couple of pretty bad panics in the car but also kept saying how i 'got my own way'.....ermmmm yes...im the parent!! she was fine after an hour or so , but getting to the stage where she comes around is never easy. we often dont get there at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aliwoo Report post Posted March 29, 2009 my son strangly doesn't swear (at home anyway lol) but he does say alot of rude/nasty hurtful things, though usually not when he firsts wakes up lol, most he'll say then is that we are lazy. today he was pretty hurtful with the things he said but we just have to try and not let it get to us, if i did i'd have a breakdown by now lol. was his birthday yesterday so tonight (after a packed and spoilt weekend) we feel he like he is being ungrateful but ofc we know he isn't. think he was just tired and so grumpy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa40 Report post Posted March 30, 2009 Beccy You could be described my 16 year old to a T. The abusive language that comes out her mouth is to be believed (I didn't know such words existed!). I am also called a fat F*****G B***H, my husband is called an F***ing W***er and it goes on and on and then escalates to all kinds of accusations against family accusing them of dreadful things. Once she is calm and you try to discuss this with her, she is in total denial that she said anything of the kind and we explain about how would she like to be called all those things and she is in total agreement it is unacceptable - until the next time!!. She also is a control freak, very judgemental and it is her way or no way. We have found the best thing to do is when she is behaving like this to ignore her, we usually leave her alone or send her to her room and after about 10 minutes of screaming she comes down to us totally contrite and usually quite tired. I went to an interesting seminar a few weeks ago called Managing Anger in Young People with Aspergers run by the NAS in Birmingham. It was helpful in explaining the lead up to a meltdown and how young people feel after they have had the meltdown, usually tired and quite contrite. In my daughter it is like dealing with a 10 year old after one of her anger moments. Sitting with other parents, I was told that it does get better. I am not sure how old your daughter is, but the difficulty we have is what is AS and what is adolescence, as we realise that part of her moodienss and bad temper is adolescence kicking in but the problem she has is that she is not aware of when boundaries have been crossed, which apparently is common in AS teenagers. It was a helpful course and this board has been my saviour as, whilst it is difficult going through the meltdowns, and there are times when I have been at my wits end, it is helpful to know that there are others who understand what is happening at home. The strange thing is that she is so well mannered when we do get her out which is not that often. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beccy03 Report post Posted March 30, 2009 thanks for that reply. my daugter is only 10 and a half but looks and acts (in some ways) much the same as my 14 year old. we are not big swearers in this house and i think its the POWER of the language that she likes. i am also frequently called a child abuser etc. she is physically just starting puberty and i know that wont help but its pretty bad when she kicks off. we had to do a charity thing yesterday and although adamant she wouldnt come with me, once we were there she was really good and quite sociable too. then people cant understand what i mean when i say i have struggled today , yet again, she has refused school and im just about to risk life and limb by initiating some structured learning...wish me luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa40 Report post Posted March 30, 2009 I do wish you good luck. My daughter has not been in school since September and this is her GCSE year. We had not been supplied with home tuition, until last week, which she has refused as she has said what good will it do. We are also in the situation that she won't accept she has a problem and is in denial about AS. Unfortunately, they pick up language that they hear either on TV or at school and I think everything is said in order to shock. She has accused her grandfather, who died in 2005 of being a paedophile and who she hardly saw as he lived in America and we are also child abusers. I think in the heat of the moment when she is having a meltdown anything goes and she is not aware of what she is saying, it just all pours out of her. Again, afterwards she is very contrite but doesn't realise how bad she is being. We have tried to video her during a meltdown to play back to her but that hasn't worked as she just grabbed the camera and we don't know where she put it. She denies (again) that she has done anything to it. Whilst it is not pleasant to go through this, it does help to know that you are not alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
