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connieruff

Not invited to Parties

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Hi all,

Just thought I would get others thoughts on this - and let off steam!

I have often invited all of my 7 year old sons class to a party, just so no-one would be left out.

But time and again my son is not invited to parties, I think only 3 parents invite my son to their party every year.

Today I had to stand and listen to the parents at the schoolgate discuss times and directions today, within earshot of my son.

To be honest he used to get upset, but now I have an idea the teacher just hides the invites in the school bags so the two special needs boys don't get upset.

What annoys me is that two or three 'normal' children are really rude and swear, but they get invited because they are 'normal' my son is quite well behaved in comparison. And its not that I dont get on with the other parents - I do, so are they just ignorant?

How do other people cope?

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chris54   

My son has only ever been invited to about half a dozen parties in total.

 

We have given up on inviting children from school, the last time was 3 years ago when he was 6. We booked a party at one of these farm places. Had a minimum number required. Sent out about 20 invites. Got repletes from about 12 that said they would be there, on the day 5 turned up. Well there was plenty of party food to go round.

 

I know what you mean, the parent or kids give out the party invites and there is never one for your child. :crying:

 

Now we only ever have family parties.

 

My son said to me not long ago, probably as a result of yet another non invite, "We don't have big parties do we".

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We were lucky that very early on (about 8 yrs) our son decided that parties were 'boring' and he didn't want either to attend them or give them. Instead we had (and have) a special treat of equivalent cost to a party on or near his birthday.

 

My own recollection of parties (and I had experiences akin to your son's) is that when I did get an invitation, I used to spend most parties in the kitchen helping the birthday boy's mother prepare the sandwiches, etc. I loved making party food (still do) but I hated party games with a passion you would not believe. If anyone can tell me precisely what the fun is in pinning a tail on a donkey, please let me know, because I could never see it. I mean, it's not even a live donkey.

 

 

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I hardly ever got invited to parties. In fact outside of family parties I think I can count the amount of parties I got invited to on my own 2 hands. I only ever had 1 birthday party and only 1 person turned up :unsure:

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Pippin   

Another family in the same boat here!!! 15 boys in his class and 1 invite in the last 2 years. It's especially bad when said boys invite his twin SISTER but not him!!

I got so fed up last year that, when the local paper advertised their Christmas bash for sick, disabled or disadvantaged kids that I put him forward for it. Not only did the whole family gst to go and had a great time, but the local rag ran the story....including the lack of invites!!. I just hope some of his classmates parents saw it and, just maybe, felt a little guilty.

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baddad   

I can't speak for 'why' but can say that this is pretty much the usual scenario...

 

If your son has a couple of good friends, and it can work that he gets invited to their and they get invited to his it might mean less parties, but you can then make the emphasis quality rather than quantity!

Also, lots of after school stuff/sleepovers etc, and the onus will almost always be on you to do it all (which is grossly unfair) but it does make a huge difference...

 

My littlun didn't really have any friends until year five, and he only really has a couple now - but he sees them all the time and i think they'd move in with us if i offered... those are the ones that matter.

The years before that were really hard, and terribly hurtful for him and me. Funny thing is, I look at most eleven year olds and they're not the type of kids I'd want him playing with - so god knows what sort of criteria most parents work too when they're nervous about a kid as wonderful as mine, but are quite happy to let them roam in packs with kids who collect asbo's like pokemon cards :wacko:

 

L&P

 

BD

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madme   

God it hurts doesnt it? WE have done the same with our son. Parties for the whole class return invites never Can remember one incident when we dropped by his childminders as it was her son's birthday her son was in my sons class and he had been invited to the few parties that DS had. When we arrived at the door the lights went out and the music was turned off-it was so obvious. Just wanted to give him his present- never forgave her.I didnt have it in me to say anything the next morning when i dropped off my son for school at her house and just handed over the present. My son was always so forgiving when he didnt get an invite.

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Same here, DS hasn't been invited to a party for years now, but I know they all still have them in his class and sleepovers. Doesnt seem to bother him, it used to bother me but doesnt really anymore as I am so used to it and know he would end up getting in a flap about it anyway.

 

I had a party every year for him without fail up until and including 10th birthday but he never got invites back. On his tenth party he went outside to pace up and down as he couldn't cope. For his eleventh we just had a family tea and went to resturant with my sister and her children. He always gets excited about choosing cakes though, whoever's birthday it is.

 

He told the clinical pschologist that he wouldnt be having a big party for his 11th b'day as he thought he was too old and it would just be a family tea. This is from the boy who watches Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank whenever he can.

 

Its made me a bit sad actually thinking it if you know what I mean.

 

 

 

 

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When I read the first post, I thought I could have written this using exactly the same words. I absolutely sympathise ! >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

I used to invite a lot of boys and often their behaviour was absolutely abysmal. My son is now in year 5 and basically I talk to hardly any parent anymore. It is by choice as I find that under their airs and stuff they are actually very nasty and selfish human beings and it used to really depress me (many tears shed on my husband's shoulder). It was not the children who were nasty but their parents. I remember one mother in particular who positionned herself in middle of the playground and overlooked the children/parents to pick who was a suitable playfriend for her child (I call them mafia mothers :wallbash::wallbash: ). So when her child's birthday came she invited all the 'suitable' boys in the class and discussed the details of the party within earshot as if I were deaf. Then she came and shook a packet of sweets in front of my son's face. I could not help but tell her where to put her sweets :tearful: !!!! In the summer I could hear them organising playtimes and stuff. Or they would invite my NT daughter but not my son.

I would never dream of treating their children that way but all these people seem to think that their children are more important than yours. 'After all your child is not with it', I was told, 'so he won't mind'! (all this said with a lovely smile)

I have a reputation as a difficult person at school. Fair enough....I gave up quickly with them and told my son not to worry and that we would do more exciting stuff. He used to pick up on my reactions as well so the fact that I don't worry anymore means he does not worry either! He has now his own little circle of friends (3/4), most of them with special needs as well and basically they go to each other's parties and that's that. Usually it consists of watching a DVD and eating a pizza.

Things got better when I stopped wanting my son to fit in. He won't and that's fine really...

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Kathryn   
'After all your child is not with it', I was told, 'so he won't mind'! (all this said with a lovely smile)

 

This is so hurtful. Reminds me of the time my daughter was in year 2 and one child invited the whole class to her party except my child. "I would have given her an invite", said the mum, "but as she doesn't like parties, I didn't see the point". "That's OK", I lied, "we're doing something else on that day anyway". Actually it was true that she didn't like parties - she used to try and get as far away as possible from the balloons - usually hiding in the toilets. But it would have been nice to be asked.

 

The best birthday parties are the first and second ones before the whole friendship thing begins. You can invite your own adult pals who you feel comfortable with, and their babies, and just have a bit of cake and a chat - no pressure!

 

K x

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joanne1   

I know how you all feel. My son is 13 now but he never went to a party either. It is upsetting for us no matter what. But ds was also the only child in primary school who never went on a school trip. He had been put in the behaviour book too many times. You were only allowed 3 times. I think this broke my heart more than being invited to a party. Even now it upsets me that he has been treated by school as he was.

 

 

Joanne

Edited by joanne1

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It is heartbreaking when this happens, and most families with Autistic children have had to deal wiith it at one time or another.

 

It has got better since the boys went to special school as eveyone in their classes is Autistic so they are not left out in the same way.

 

Ironically enough a party consisting almost entirely of Autistic children is much less stressful than a party full of 'normal' children.

 

 

 

Simon

Edited by mossgrove

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sjb   

My DS went to a couple of parties when he was in reception, but he rarely gets any invites these days, altho he isn't worried, because on the very odd occasion that he gets one, he tells them he is busy straight away so doesn't want to go anyway!!!!

 

And i don't "do" major parties for the kids (i have 4 so it would get expensive) but they are allowed a friend round for tea, altho he has yet to invite anyone round on his birthday.

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bikemad   

Another one here cant remember the last party he got invited too n tbh he has got to the point were he has gone past careing now-he used to cry his eyes out but now it washes over him.

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Emma_74   

i thought it was just my son who this happened to!! :wallbash:

i cant remember him ever being invited a birthday party or even to a friends house to play.

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Kathryn   

Just a point from the opposite perspective, my NT son is quite sociable and all through infants and juniors he would have had the whole class (i.e. boys) to his party if he could. We don't have the room at home for that and anyway he always wanted externally organised indoor play area and laser parties where numbers are restricted to about 10-12. He would give me a long list of names and we had to select - I really hated doing that. It usually came down to who had invited him to theirs earlier that year (the advantage of having a birthday near the end of the school year in June!)

 

Once for his 5th birthday I was giving out invitations in the playground and a child rushed up to me to get his. Telling him that I hadn't got one for him was really hard and I felt so awful to see the disappointed look on his face.

 

Parties - if I become Prime Minister I will ban 'em. :wacko:

 

K x

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sandyn   

I think we all can sympathise with this one. It can be really upsetting.

 

When R has had parties in the past, he usually has had a good turnout - he just doesn't get many invites when its the others turn. He has obviously noticed this. Especially as his NT sister gets quite a lot of invitations.

 

A few years ago, one boy invited the whole class except R and another special needs child, which was really awful.

 

TBH by the time they reach 8/9 the big parties stop. R's small circle of friends (about 4) usually go to each others house for a get together now.

 

 

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i thought it was just my son who this happened to!! :wallbash:

i cant remember him ever being invited a birthday party or even to a friends house to play.

No dear Emma,

it has happened to us as well.greg has never been invited to one party also beavers did not accept him.he has very good begavior.

it is sad very sad but unfortunetely it just happens.

best wishes,

edith

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dana   

Hi,

my ds was invited to the birthday parties only twice. I am dreading his tenths birthday in June because he wants to invite one girl from year 6 who he likes very much and tries hard to befriend but she does not want to play with him although acording what he says (or imagines?) she protecs him from the bullies on the school playground.He also wants to invite a couple of other children who are not bad to him but I dont think any of these chidren(exept maybe one) will come to us since some of their mothers avoid me although I am always trying to be polite with them. I am afraid this will knock down my sons confidence. Anyway he keeps asking why nobody comes to our house exept his half brother(who is 27 ) to play with him.This breaks my heart and makes me feel want to disappear from this many times unfriendly planet! :wallbash::crying: :crying:

I wouldnt mind if he had 2-3 friends who he plays regularly with. I would be the happiest in the world if this ever happen. :pray:

 

danaxxx

Edited by dana

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jlp   

My son is 5 and in Reception and was recently the only child in the whole class not invited to a party which I found very hurtful.

 

I can understand that sometimes only half a class are invited for reasons of cost or room and that's fair enough, but not to invite one child...

 

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Sally44   

Same story i'm afraid. Made me lose faith in 'inclusion' when no-one wants to include you!!

At his previous school the mums with 'SEN' children used to chat in the playground and we'd arrange to meet eachother, go to eachothers parties etc.

My son did get invited to a couple of parties pre-diagnosis!

On his last birthday we invited some kids from his old school and some from his new school. I must say, that all the NT kids we invited were a real handful! All the SEN kids were well behaved. But I did notice a big difference in 'party games'. When he was at his old school we could arrange party games - pass the parcel, musical chairs etc and everyone joined in. The SEN children didn't know how to play these games - or didn't want to play them. That worried me, because my son has been taught these games and enjoys playing them. He sometimes gets upset if he doesn't win, but I think that means they should play these types of games more, not less. So everyone sat down and did some drawings instead - and they did it quietly!!

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vicbee   

What was worse for me is that as my daughter has only just been diagnosed (at 12) she went through all of this from year 2 onwards (reception and year one everyone tends to invite the whole class - usually anyway) but the worst thing is, I never knew why she was never invited to parties or friends houses. To go through all those years just thinking your child is very unpopular is soul destroying. Bless her, she makes me laugh now because she still says every year, 'ooh, think I will have my birthday party here/or there' and I think to myself 'bless ya darling, thats all well and good but you dont have any friends to invite to this wonderful party!'. She doesnt have any friends at all. She breaks my heart when i watch her out in the garden playing with the little 3 year old girl next door 'over the fence' (we have a low fence). She seems happy enough with this but I often wonder what gthe little girl's mother thinks as they have only just moved in. Although i think she will be shocked when she finds out that my daughter is actually 12 - nearly 13 and not 7/8 like she looks and acts.

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sonj186   

I will always remember Cams last year at nursery he went to a very posh one as it was the only one that would deal with nappies!

It was christmas time and they were all looking forward to the party, well the day before the teacher took me to one side and said they would rather cam didnt attend as they felt he wouldnt cope and they didnt have the staff to deal with his issues! i sort off mumbled ok and fled before i burst into tears! well i managed to hold it together all the way to work but when i got there my boss in her usual cheery was asked if i was ok! well the flood gates opened! i just felt so bad for cam! he really wanted to go and i just didnr know what to do! well my boss gave me a good talking to for not speaking up to the teacher so when i picked him up i made it clear that he would be going to the party and that i would be going with him to support him! we do have issues with other children from school not inviting him though, but fortunatley he is not yet aware this is happening. im sad to say i think its just something we are going to have to get used to.

 

sonj

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Sally44   
I will always remember Cams last year at nursery he went to a very posh one as it was the only one that would deal with nappies!

It was christmas time and they were all looking forward to the party, well the day before the teacher took me to one side and said they would rather cam didnt attend as they felt he wouldnt cope and they didnt have the staff to deal with his issues! i sort off mumbled ok and fled before i burst into tears! well i managed to hold it together all the way to work but when i got there my boss in her usual cheery was asked if i was ok! well the flood gates opened! i just felt so bad for cam! he really wanted to go and i just didnr know what to do! well my boss gave me a good talking to for not speaking up to the teacher so when i picked him up i made it clear that he would be going to the party and that i would be going with him to support him! we do have issues with other children from school not inviting him though, but fortunatley he is not yet aware this is happening. im sad to say i think its just something we are going to have to get used to.

 

sonj

 

I don't know all the ins and outs of situations like this eg. my son was also refused staying overnight on a school trip last year, so I had to go early and collect him. And he did have a huge meltdown and attempted to hit the teachers, but that was because they wouldn't let him stay and he had wanted to so much. So they actually caused the behaviour they were trying to avoid! He could have stayed if he had been supported. Anyway, there is something about these issues on the IPSEA website. I think in some circumstances (or maybe all?) it is classed as discrimination. If a child is in a wheelchair, all premises now have to have wheelchair access. Our children have different disabilities that need supporting in different ways. But if they are not supported and are refused access to things that is discrimination. Not sure how far any parent would want to pursue this. But it maybe worth finding out what your son's rights actually are in these circumstances. I too always had to go to support my son at after school clubs etc.

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sonj186   

i think it is covered in the disabillity discrimination act, im a bit more clued up than i was! apparently within an educational enviroment it is also classed as an exclusion!

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Im 26 now and it reminds me of me, wheras most people growing up and even now were either going to parties, arranging parties or going clubbing Id sit at home and be depressed and lonely then go out but feel just as bad but in different ways, to me I hate being alone, but I like being alone around others.

 

My soul has been destroyed in many ways, I remember going to 1 party when I was around 5 before my dad lost his job and we had to move to a council estate, and if anything the parents were fine with me in fact liked me as I was sweet and kind but the kids fell out with me thinking I was now benefit scum(not in those words as we were pre teens but the same meaning)

 

Even now when I know other students who go out clubbing or to parties and I havent been to 1 in my life and when I do I feel dizzy and horrible its annoying. wish there was a easy way out.

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Im 26 now and it reminds me of me, wheras most people growing up and even now were either going to parties, arranging parties or going clubbing Id sit at home and be depressed and lonely then go out but feel just as bad but in different ways, to me I hate being alone, but I like being alone around others.

 

My soul has been destroyed in many ways, I remember going to 1 party when I was around 5 before my dad lost his job and we had to move to a council estate, and if anything the parents were fine with me in fact liked me as I was sweet and kind but the kids fell out with me thinking I was now benefit scum(not in those words as we were pre teens but the same meaning)

 

Even now when I know other students who go out clubbing or to parties and I havent been to 1 in my life and when I do I feel dizzy and horrible its annoying. wish there was a easy way out.

 

I know how you feel. I'm in my 40s and have only been invited to 4 parties in my entire life and have been clubbing once. Missing out on clubbing doesn't bother me though and the only reason I went was because it was a works outing that was kind of compulsory. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I can't dance, which may have something to do with being overly self conscious and anxious, the music was too loud for me and there were quite a few tunes that included beats made from reversed chunks of other tunes. The only way I can described these is that kind of Voooop Voooop noise you get when reversing sound. The volume of these sounds is irrelevant and I can't describe the feeling they cause in my head. Uncomfortable doesn't do justice to the pain.

 

The party thing is very hurtful though. At school I got a lot of rejection (and kickings) and just gave up trying to fit in in the end. After school, I had real trouble socialising, especially going to pubs as I found it too scary going into a room full of drunk people. I just couldn't judge the "atmosphere" and would freak out with the same being true of going to a new area, particularly at night.

 

I'm sounding very negative here but I don't think there's an "easy" way out. I've concentrated on learning to judge body language and behaviour and now when I go into a crowded pub I don't get an instinctive feeling of the place, but I can usually make a reasoned judgement of whether it, or I feel safe or not. If I'm with a group of people, I'll also also sit back and let them start a conversation. Then I only get involved if they look at me and ask me a question or hand the thing to me, a sort of invitation to participate. I've also learned to occasionally break eye contact while talking although if I get going on a subject that I'm passionate about, I can end up fixing my eyes on them. After a period of time has elapsed, I see their expression change and realise that I'm staring (possibly through their very soul) and break contact again. It may sound like I'm being dishonest to myself by acting like someone I'm not but sometimes it just makes things easier despite the fact that it takes a lot of effort keeping it up.

On the whole though, I rarely go into pubs and spend a possibly unhealthy amount of time either on my laptop doing geeky things or playing online with Xbox live. I find it easier to communicate with people through IM as they don't tend to over elaborate as it means more typing and the use of smilies makes it easier for me to get the context. Removing yourself from the real world altogether would be more damaging than the loneliness but having an online life as well as the real world can open the door to acceptance purely through unity of purpose or interests. When I was playing Call of Duty 3, I had about 20 people that I would regularly play with. I also ended up with invites to stay with people in America, Canada and all over the UK if I was ever in the area or felt like it. The only downside is that many gamers hurl insults at each other and these are sometimes a bit personal but it's par for the course and I've got used to ignoring them.

 

Don't lose hope though. Things do get easier with time and the people I've met that are worth knowing have accepted me regardless of the quirks and some I suspect, because of them.

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we have similar although matthew only started in september there has been 10+ birthdays which seems everyone but matthew has been invited, it dont help that alot of the parents help out in class so obv see what hes like and dont want him at there party. he says he has no friends, all he plays with is his sister at play time and im worried as september she goes to the juniors so wont see her.

it is sad but peoples ignorance is terrible would like to see how easy they find to look after a child with ASD etc

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All the kids in M's class are autistic, which makes life a bit easier! The school is in the next town but about half the kids live near us and we have got friendly with their parents. We invite their whole families to our kids' parties and vice versa. We each tend to privately hire out an indoor play area and there are about 12 kids there, half ASD, half NT.

 

We went to a boy's party last Saturday night and M and her class mates all stayed out playing whilst their NT siblings sat and ate jelly and ice cream in the food room. Everyone loved the disco and bubble machine, especially M who sat on my shoulders throughout. It was a superb night.

 

When we get invited to other parties we often just take D, our youngest child (NT) and leave M with a sitter. We have got a christening coming up and we aren't taking M. I do get pangs of guilt about it but she will absolutely hate having to sit still for the church service and won't like being around all the chattering adults in the reception. She would probably like the buffet but that is all she is missing out on and will be spoiled rotten by her grandparents. I think we have made the right decision. Any comments?

 

 

 

 

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aliwoo   

my son has been invited to 2 partys since he started school. he also had a party that year and 10 kids came along to it...but most of the parents buggered off lol. he was fine at these parties..bit excitable but not badly behaved. i have seen other kids get invted to parties and kyle tells me that 'so and so' is having a party and asks if he can go..but has no invite. so i feel your pain.

 

this year we just took him to a safari park lol. apart from the weather it was very nice and calm too :)

Edited by aliwoo

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aliwoo   

thinking about it i never went to many parties when i was younger :tearful: and the few parties i had were low on numbers (who were not family) :blink:

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alexmum2   

I know how you all feel my son too was never invited to parties perhaps the odd one or two but not many. I would have parties for him and most of the kids he chose came but very few invited him to their parties.

I remember reading somewhere that to help your child get friends it was a good idea to invite kids from your childs class back to your house for tea or on outings to interesting places so that your child would be popular which i did ( like a Fool) my son would invite some one to go to the cinema or seaside or adventure parks ect and we would end up paying for them; after a while when our son never got invited back to their house or for outings we stopped, I felt we were just being used as child minders. It's very hurtfull to see these kids handing out invites and your child not receiving one especially when you invited them to your childs party.

I remember one party he was invited to was a swimming party at our local sports centre; I decieded to wait as it was a long way to got home and back; (most mums went and came back later for their kids) I watched my son on his own in the pool not one child came up to him and asked him to play even though he knew them all, it was heart breaking after that I never made him go to another party again.

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i think it is covered in the disabillity discrimination act, im a bit more clued up than i was! apparently within an educational enviroment it is also classed as an exclusion!

 

huh.. i didnt know that.. when my son was at mainstream he to was not allowed at school parties/trips due to health an safety.. i went on one trip and yes he ran but im fast.. but after that even if i was attending he was not allowed..

 

when he was like 2-3 any party we went to he would blow the candles out... bit embarrasing that.. oh and attack the clown.

 

he blows any candles i light out too.. but at least he asks now :thumbs:

 

luckily now there are only 6 in his class and only one who has a party.. who he does get invite from.. just have to keep them calm..any wrestling turns to war..

 

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sonj186   

Hi Jordansmum, the school hass to carry out a risk assesment to prove that your child is enough of a risk (either to themselves of other pupils etc) if they decide they are they can exclude pupils from certain acctivities, however you can take advice and ask to see the evidence. in my case they didnt want to provide extra staff for cam, even though there was a very small chance he wouldnt be able to cope with the noise/lights etc.

if i wave worded this wrong or have confused my facts im sure someone will be along to let me know :unsure:

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Mum of 3   
If a child is in a wheelchair, all premises now have to have wheelchair access. Our children have different disabilities that need supporting in different ways. But if they are not supported and are refused access to things that is discrimination. Not sure how far any parent would want to pursue this. But it maybe worth finding out what your son's rights actually are in these circumstances. I too always had to go to support my son at after school clubs etc.

Sorry to go :offtopic: but I have to say my friend's little girl uses a wheelchair and she has to fight for inclusion all the time.

 

For ages, they refused to let her attend after-school club because it's in a portacabin, and although that has a slope up to it, the slope is too steep for them to push her up it (!). My friend fought , got the LA involved, who told school they had to accommodate her...and now her DD has after school club in the PE store room :o .

 

My friend has to accompany her DD on all the trips, even though there is a full time 1-1. She even had to go on the residential trip from school, and, when Brownies went camping, she had to spend her Saturday night sleeping on a pile of newspapers in a Scout hut! What fun!!! :rolleyes:

 

Our current battle is over the new playground equipment, which my friend, who is on the PTFA, has spent 3 years fundraising for. It was installed just before Easter and all the children were really excited. There is not ONE thing that is accessible, not even one of those static boards that you trace your finger round. Nothing. :wallbash: So, my friend has now begun fundraising for 'Phase 2', where they will include accessible things! I'm afraid I couldn't be so patient, seeing my daughter come home from school in tears of frustration, screeming that she wants to be able-bodied. :tearful:

 

This little girl was also excluded from the other girl's parties, after-school teas, etc. My friend made friends with one or two mothers, and invited their girls, making it clear why she was doing it. This honest approach is paying off, although she still hasn't been asked to sleepover (only at my house with my 3 hyper boys! :thumbs: .

 

Back on topic, I attended a birthday party with G over Easter. He really didn't want to go, I made him, and stayed with him. He spent the whole time on my knee, hiding his face and wimpering. One boy came up to talk to him, but G wouldn't talk back. The rest just ignored him. A couple of the gossips, I mean Mums :whistle: , came to ask 'What's wrong with Gabriel? He's always like this isn't he? Has he got something wrong with him?'. I decided I had to be very honest with them, and try to appeal to their better nature (!), so I told them that he finds social situations very stresssful, he has difficulties making friends and playing with other children, but that he wants to be able to, and that we have to give him lots of understanding and support from home.

 

Last week, my mum was dropping him off at school and saw a little girl giving out invites. G didn't get one, and the little girl confidently informed everyone in earshot that 'I'm not inviting G, there's no point because he doesn't like parties anyway.'

 

And so it begins...:tearful:

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martyn   
Sorry to go :off topic: but I have to say my friend's little girl uses a wheelchair and she has to fight for inclusion all the time.

 

For ages, they refused to let her attend after-school club because it's in a portacabin, and although that has a slope up to it, the slope is too steep for them to push her up it (!). My friend fought , got the LA involved, who told school they had to accommodate her...and now her DD has after school club in the PE store room :o .

 

My friend has to accompany her DD on all the trips, even though there is a full time 1-1. She even had to go on the residential trip from school, and, when Brownies went camping, she had to spend her Saturday night sleeping on a pile of newspapers in a Scout hut! What fun!!! :roll eyes:

 

Our current battle is over the new playground equipment, which my friend, who is on the PTFA, has spent 3 years fund raising for. It was installed just before Easter and all the children were really excited. There is not ONE thing that is accessible, not even one of those static boards that you trace your finger round. Nothing. :wall bash: So, my friend has now begun fund raising for 'Phase 2', where they will include accessible things! I'm afraid I couldn't be so patient, seeing my daughter come home from school in tears of frustration, screaming that she wants to be able-bodied. :tearful:

 

This little girl was also excluded from the other girl's parties, after-school teas, etc. My friend made friends with one or two mothers, and invited their girls, making it clear why she was doing it. This honest approach is paying off, although she still hasn't been asked to sleepover (only at my house with my 3 hyper boys! :thumbs: .

 

Back on topic, I attended a birthday party with G over Easter. He really didn't want to go, I made him, and stayed with him. He spent the whole time on my knee, hiding his face and whimpering. One boy came up to talk to him, but G wouldn't talk back. The rest just ignored him. A couple of the gossips, I mean Mums :whistle: , came to ask 'What's wrong with Gabriel? He's always like this isn't he? Has he got something wrong with him?'. I decided I had to be very honest with them, and try to appeal to their better nature (!), so I told them that he finds social situations very stressful, he has difficulties making friends and playing with other children, but that he wants to be able to, and that we have to give him lots of understanding and support from home.

 

Last week, my mum was dropping him off at school and saw a little girl giving out invites. G didn't get one, and the little girl confidently informed everyone in earshot that 'I'm not inviting G, there's no point because he doesn't like parties anyway.'

 

And so it begins...:tearful:

Its their loss, you've got such a special life in your care. There are upsets, stresses and strains in all our lives. But I count myself very lucky to have a wonderful daughter in my life. Shes enriched it beyond belief. SOD HUM. Thats my daily therapy. I fling the curtains open, and yell it at the big neuro typical world. Has your child grows up you'll realize that your child isn't missing out on much mixing with these types of people.

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My NT girl went to a party today. There were about 9 girls there and for some reasons things degenerated quickly and my daughter found herself isolated and bullied by the others. If you had seen the look on her face when I came to collect her RELIEF. Then she has cried herself to sleep with stress. She is a perfectly normal, social girl, so it can happen to anyone.

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