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Diane

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My DS will not leave the house. I used to get him to come to the supermarket with me but he will not do this now. If I manage to get him in the car he will not get out.

 

I am worried because as he has got older the more rigid he has become about going out. The only time he is out of the house is when he is at school.

 

We have regressed hugely with his socialising. Is it because he is a teenager or is it his AS? Could it be both.

 

He is very difficult to motivate and cannot be bribed. He would rather go without than have to leave the house.

 

Anyone out there have a similiar experience?

 

I am exhausted with all of this and do not want the fight anymore. I need some time out but cannot have it due to our home circumstances.

 

I will just keep never minding. I do not know what else I can do just now. :tearful:

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>:D<<'> My lad is getting more and more like this as time goes on he is still only 9 so a bit more open to bribery atm but its getting less n less....he would hibernate in his room 24/7 given the chance. >:D<<'>

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Hi bikemad

 

Does this behavoiur worry you at all?

 

I do not know if I am over reacting. It is just eating away at me.

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My son hates going outside the house also - only last night we had a major meltdown because he didn't want to get into the car.

He makes any excuse he can think of not to go out of the house, this first started at xmas when we were in a famous "toy" shop,

the poor checkout operator was running out of till roll she appologised to us , she had rang customer services a few times to get a new one while we were in her queue, as i work in a supermarket myself i know how things can get at times so i said to my son who has asd would you like to go over there and ask that lady for a new till for for her please ( i say things like this to him sometimes in the hope that it might help him).

 

he went quite willingly and asked her but her reply was to be very nasty and abrupt to him - this really has set him back big time , since then he had developed agrophobia and has panic attacks, as i have suffered from both agrophobia and panic attacks my self and just finished councelling for them i have a few skills now to be able to help him cope, some times im sucessful others im not - last night i clearly wasn't !

 

It worries me alot, he wont go outside to play with his brothers, if someone actually calls at the door for him he wont go out with them and he hates having to go to school - i rang his psycologist straight away to get her advice and she increased his medication saying that he meds he is on helps with this sort of thing.

 

I'm now going to call her again after last night as clearly something needs to be done to help him and i dont know what to try next.

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Hi bikemad

 

Does this behavior worry you at all?

 

I do not know if I am over reacting. It is just eating away at me.

 

Yes it does very much so tbh....I try to make him at the least come on one dog walk with me so at least he leaves the house if that makes sense but other than school and Sunday school which in reality is indoors lol thats it...its bedroom or den.

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Hi

 

Just want to say my Daughter T is just the same she's 18 like's her room hate's shopping etc.. although, she does have a very good group of friend's, they phone or text her and then i remind her that she should text or phone back, i do this because it's something she doesn't think about or forget's, she goes over to their houses and they come to our's for gaming nite's etc.. today she went into the city with two friend's and then i picked her up from her friends house it was only for 3 hour's but at least she was out getting some fresh air. Also i will encourage her to either go to a friend's on saturday or for her friend to come over, they are both very much into art, so have a common interest, if i didn't keep reminding and encouraging to go out etc.. she would be quite happy doing her own thing in her room, must say she keeps intouch via the net as well with her friends. She has been lucky to find friend's that understand her as some have different needs themselves, and the one's that don't she has explained AS to them, and they are understanding and give her space or help.

It is frustrating and worrying Diane, but you can only do your best, i refuse to just let her sit in her room day in day out

the above works for me it may not work for anyone else, sometime's i feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall

and i know i'm not the only one. Take care Teresa :)

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My son would also live in the house all the time if allowed.

When he was younger I found that Irlen glasses and a pair of DIY ear defenders got him out the house, and he would manage for the duration of the trip. Previously he would ask to return home after about 15 mins. Now he is 8 I still use the Irlen lenses and I take the ear defenders just incase we need them. If we went to the cinema he would want to wear them.

I've also got him involved in a couple of clubs that he likes. One is foil fencing (he looks so cute all dressed up and ready to fight!). And the other club is for children with ASDs, their siblings and friends. This is in a school gym and has all the gym equpment, trampoline and bouncy castle out. He really likes it there.

He has also improved since moving school, and having alot more input from the SALT with social interaction. For example they send him with a message everyday to give to someone. It might be something simple like, go to the school office and ask Mrs XXXX what day it is. He is also learning the names of the children in his class (previously he never remembered or used names).

And of course play dates at other childrens houses.

He doesn't do alot of stuff. He only goes out of the house (apart from school), once or twice a week. But I keep that up because otherwise we would become housebound.

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try and find out why he won't leave house. Unstable vision / hearing or other sensory processing issues are often causative - and can be addressed.

Prosopagnosia is a common finding in agoraphobia

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My son now 15 hates leaving the house also unless its for something specific ie he likes xbox and loves to go buy games or visit the gameing shop other than that its like pulling teeth.

 

When he was younger it caused real problems because id to get on with stuff and force him to come hed kick of and be a pain to put it mildly the alternative was staying in all day every day the six weeks school holidays were hell on earth with me tearing me haire out trapped at home with him.

 

Im lucky he can be left home alone hooked up to the tv or xbox with a pile of sanwiches and a drink to hand and the telephone by his side so i can phone him and check all is ok...............yes i know bad mum.............lol............hes happy enough though it works for us everyones happy we get out he does what he does and says hes glad to be shut of us he enjoys the solitude................

 

He willingly came to the supermarket with me today to so call help..............somedays i wish hed bloomeing stay home..........he did me nut in.

 

 

 

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Thank you everyone. I am glad it is not just my son. I will not give up trying. It always helps when you know others are going through the same issues and so therefore understand.

 

Thank you Ian. You have talked to me about this before. I think I nee to look into this more.

 

Still worried but feeling a little better.

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I have the same problem as well. My daughter is 16 and hasn't been too school since last September (we have had no assistance either from anyone on this point). In thel ast 3 months I think she has been out about 3 times. She has fallen out with most of her friends and the only socialisation she does is on the computer. Every now and then she will arrange to meet some friends and then she will cancel at the last minute. I am really concerned as there is no chance of her getting any GCSE's and when we try and discuss her options with her, it just ends up in a screaming argument and she shuts down. Her only refuse seems to be music - she is constantly plugged into her iPod, her bedroom looks like a slum and everytime it is cleaned it is messy within hours! She seems to be getting more and more reclusive - we can't even get her to the shops and when I suggest shopping for clothes and makeup, things she likes, as a bribe to get her out, there is always an excuse. You are not alone in this and I am hoping that once this teenage thing is over she may be more receptive to suggestions, accept the fact that she has AS (as she is in denial that there is a problem), which was only diagnosed last year. I am wondering whether this is all part of her anxiety, which seems to have got worse.

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My ds 17 is also a virtual recluse, he will often not come out of his room for days on end and yes, it is so worrying :(

 

The positives are that he will come out of his room to eat :lol: ; he will come out of his room to watch a dvd with the family - it has to be something that he will watch though like X Files, Lost, Dr Who or Red Dwarf :hypno: He will venture into town if it is "worth it" eg there is an Xbox or PS game to be bought :wallbash: He has one friend, another AS lad who tries desperately to maintain contact with ds. Ds son is not particularly interested because he likes driving type games not Sonic, Final Fantasy or Metal Gear Solid :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: AS friend phones ds, it is never reciprocated :wallbash:

 

We are hanging onto school by the skin of our teeth, he has dropped out of 6th form but he will go into the Nurture group a couple of times a week for an hour or so. School want to reintegrate him into mainstream 6th form next year - much as I would love this, I don't think they've got a hope in hell. Even if I pushed for 1:1 teaching in the Nurture group and we got it, I don't think ds would attend. He is a master at quiet, discrete non-attendance or slipping out of situations he is not comfortable in.

 

Like others, my main worry is that his bedroom will become ds's world.

 

I would love to hear adults with AS experiences. Can you relate to this? Was this you? How did you come through retreating from the world or has your bedroom / home become your world? Please share as I so want to help my son.

 

Thx xx

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Bill doesn't like going out at all. He never wants to leave the house if he can avoid it. He does go out when he's at school (resi special school), to sainsburys and to the park and various other trips. This definately appears to be linked to being a teenager. Pre puberty he was quite happy to go anywhere! Now he'd rather sit in his room playing WoW or other games and talking to his friends (about the games) on the phone or MSN. I've decided not to worry too much about this. I know he CAN go out and I know that eventually he will grow out of this awful hormornal phase.

 

There is quite a bit of literature around which outlines how difficult the teenage development years are for kids with AS. Obviously they'll all respond differently to this.

 

It's a good idea to get them slowly but surely back into the habit of going out to avoid developing entrenched phobias, but I do strongly believe that either way, providing there are no mental health problems going on, that they do grow out of it eventually.

 

Flora :D

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Bill doesn't like going out at all. He never wants to leave the house if he can avoid it. He does go out when he's at school (resi special school), to sainsburys and to the park and various other trips. This definately appears to be linked to being a teenager. Pre puberty he was quite happy to go anywhere! Now he'd rather sit in his room playing WoW or other games and talking to his friends (about the games) on the phone or MSN. I've decided not to worry too much about this. I know he CAN go out and I know that eventually he will grow out of this awful hormornal phase.

 

There is quite a bit of literature around which outlines how difficult the teenage development years are for kids with AS. Obviously they'll all respond differently to this.

 

It's a good idea to get them slowly but surely back into the habit of going out to avoid developing entrenched phobias, but I do strongly believe that either way, providing there are no mental health problems going on, that they do grow out of it eventually.

 

Flora :D

 

Hi.I don't know about the AS bit as Ben is not there yet.However I wonder if it is a slightly more extreme version of the norm in teenagers.A lot of what you describe sounds like my NT 13 year old.So much revolves round x box,wii,texting and MSN.I have just about managed to get my two lads out of the house with promises of lunch during the Easter holiday. :) Karen.

 

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my dd who is 4 next weekend will try anything not to go out, she will not eat her breakfast, not get dressed refuse to wear her shoes. she even hangs onto the chairs we have to force her out side. when out she is not to bad but just gos on and on about when she can go home. her phrase is "i had enough now i go home" she is so young and im worried about getting her to school soon.

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My daughter is 13 now and she hates going out. I did think I was fortunate with having three older siblings that if I needed to go out there was always someone who would stay home with her.

She does regularly kick off if we do have to go out, and yes, she will go if it's to get a new book or game, so I have bribed her by saying we will get new shoes (worst nightmare) after we've bought the new book and it seems to be ok.

Funnily enough she has refused to get into her Dad's car but will go in mine. In the end I lost my temper and yelled at her about being so flaming difficult! I have to work, I can't always revolve my life round her! Surpringly, once she's over the doorstep she will go.

 

i do actually relate to this myself as I would rather stay at home too! Unfortunately I have to work, shop etc and I tell myself not to be so stupid when I'm stalling as I know I am fine when I get out. It's the anxiety about going from one thing to another. I'm hoping she will eventually realise like me that you sometimes just have to grit your teeth and do things you'd really rather not!

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Hi Diane

 

My 15-year-old has no problems going out, he just rarely has any need or wish to. Occasionally he has taken himself off for a walk in the forest on his own (nervewracking for me!). He never goes to shops or the library on his own or with friends. He chats to friends on MSN but rarely meets up with them. They all have their own socialising problems, which is why they get on with each other. He has rarely done after/out of school activities and when he has he has always given up after a while. He is starting at College in September and made a comment the other week that although he may not need to be at college full-time he might not be home till late due to attending the after college activities! It's like everything is in a box. Going to school is a very isolated experience, but college is different and more sociable in his mind. He appears to have no intention of getting a job until he finishes college and gets his 'proper' job - you're in education OR you're at work, no matter what we say!!

 

My 12-year-old is another matter. He suffers severe anxiety and depression and got so bad he hasn't been to school for almost a year. He has NEVER left the house on his own. He is too anxious to go to friends' houses and recently had been too anxious to have friends round, but in the easter holiday he had a friend round he hadn't seen for nearly a year. He also came for a walk with us in the forest - the first time for about 3 years! Basically he was very depressed, and now his mood has lifted plus he's getting older, he is thinking about things and is starting to want to change his life (not quick enough for the education authority unfortunately, who may be about to prosecute us). He is a very sensitive and creative child and a very deep thinker, this means he is emotionally affected by things more, so suffers more when life is stressful, which it inevitably is with his difficulties. But we can see a glimmer of hope.

 

Basically, if you're child is happy as he is, encourage him to be more sociable but don't worry too much.

If you're child is not happy as he is, maybe there is more going on than you realise. We didn't realise our youngest was so depressed and anxious until he stopped going to school - we thought it was just that he didn't like school. When it is quiet and your child is in a calm mood, talk to them generally about life and stuff, you may be suprised with what comes out. It may be sensory issues, worrying what others think, thinking everyone's looking at them, not being sure how to behave, or just feelling safe at home. The level of their difficulties as well as their inherent personality will affect an issue like this.

 

Good luck.

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Hi Everyone,

 

All of you posts have been interesting to read. I need to consider the affect that being hormonal is having on our DS. Also if there are any other underlying issues.

 

If this is such a huge problem as it appears to be does anyone out there know of any research that has been done of teenagers with ASD and socialising. It would i feel make for an interesting study especially if they were followed through adolence and beyond to see what percentage of them make social contact again or if they continue to live life in thier own rooms.

 

Any takers for this!?

 

 

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has social anxiety disorder been mentioned to you this is common in people with AS can be closely linked up! and also maybe depression so MH side of things souns like they playing up for him! is he on meds ? and seeing anyone to help with anything whatsoever?!

 

take care

good luck

XKLX

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I have difficulties leaving the house and cannot leave my small town unless accompanied. Ihave symptoms of social anxiety disorder, but it is because I can't process information in conversation to respond accurately and it developed because I was always being taken advantage of having to do things that I felt stressed to do and couldn't communicate verbally accurately

 

My son also had bouts like that but they were usually when there was a stress of some kind that he was unable to communicate. For example on one occasion when he was 12 it was because he was being bullied and beaten up but was unable to communicate accurately what was happening to him. I just knew something was wrong from his terror and withdrawal and aggression and took him out of school and problem went away. He is fine now, but it may occur again. There may be all sorts of reasons,but possibly general overload

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has social anxiety disorder been mentioned to you this is common in people with AS can be closely linked up! and also maybe depression so MH side of things souns like they playing up for him! is he on meds ? and seeing anyone to help with anything whatsoever?!

 

take care

good luck

XKLX

 

My DS is not on meds. I have recently asked his psychologist about this. I have very mixed feelings as I do not see how meds for anxiety will change his thinking patterns which he has because of his ASD.

 

I am not sure about my reasons for putting him on meds because at the moment I feel quite down about the fact that my friends are celebrating real success with there children. You know the meaing part of a team, scoring the winning goal, being in the school drama production, doing well in an exam. I get to celebrate that my son has managed to go in a taxi to school or has understood that the extra feeling you get at Christmas is excitement. I do not know if my son will ever live and independent life or with me for ever. At the moment I am his life in all respects.

 

Ok, I am feeling sorry for myself. I would just like to be able to have the same recognition for my sons achivements as other parents of NT children have from friends and family, not the response of oh! well he will get there.

 

So you see I think I only want him on meds to feel that wow factor in the way other parents do.

 

On the other hand he would I know like to do what others do. If he was on meds and it enabled him to be more confident it would not mean he would go out and do those things as he has no friends. He thinks he has but sadly this is not the case.

 

You have all guest it I am feeling :wallbash::wacko::tearful::wacko::crying::wallbash:

 

Normally I am so very proud of every small step he takes and just now I want what I cannot have.

 

 

 

 

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This sort of issue has been causing problems for my partner and I, even more so recently. I'm starting to withdraw within myself again and would rather speak to my computer than an actual person.

 

Thing is, I have been invited to a wedding which is taking place this weekend. It is friends of my partner and she's adamant that I should go, but I'm really not feeling that I can. The more I think about it, the more I just want to run away and hide somewhere. She just see's it that i'm being an '######' but this really bothers me.

 

Any ideas on how I can avoid? My head is at imploding point!

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Hi Diane

 

My son wouldn't take meds even if offered them. I am not sure they would bring about any major changes, but I don't know.

 

I sympathise with your feelings about your friends' children and recognition. My son has never even had a picture on the wall at school. He used to get certificates for things like 'trying to finish a piece of work'. This meant nothing to him as, to him, you either finish it or you don't and he knew he hadn't finished it! I used to sit in assemblies with my eyes filled with tears as other children sat still, read things out, acted etc, and my son sat there fidgeting and waving at me (bless him! :lol: ). But, you know what, now he's 15 I am far more proud of him than those parents probably were then. He has achieved so much and grown up so much. :clap:

 

Having a child with 'straightforward' Asperger's and one with anxiety and depression, I personally would choose Asperger's any day! Anxiety and depression on top of an ASD is extremely difficult to live with.

 

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heya i have both depression,anxiety and AS and know how hard it is fighting all three together can be so tiring at times and where you want to give in! my family keep me going thank god! as services need to be 'stepped up'!

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This sort of issue has been causing problems for my partner and I, even more so recently. I'm starting to withdraw within myself again and would rather speak to my computer than an actual person.

 

Thing is, I have been invited to a wedding which is taking place this weekend. It is friends of my partner and she's adamant that I should go, but I'm really not feeling that I can. The more I think about it, the more I just want to run away and hide somewhere. She just see's it that i'm being an '######' but this really bothers me.

 

Any ideas on how I can avoid? My head is at imploding point!

 

I would ask your partner which part/aspect of the wedding is most important to her ...

Does she want to be seen to have a partner for some part of it?

Some parts may well be less stressful for you than others - I'm guessing hugely on the basis on my undiagnosed Apsergers like father ....

.... but sitting in the church in his suit as 'part of the family unit' wouldn't be a problem - he'd just let his mind wander and think his own thoughts - but the social chit chat over reception drinks or the meal would kill him ....

 

Are you driving? Can you take her to the church, sit through the service, then drop her off at the reception and go off to 'an appointment/something you need to do' and then collect her after the social part of the wedding?

 

Something like that would ensure that you were seen to be 'with' her, and to be supportive of an important event in her, and her friends', life - but without subjecting yourself to the most stressful parts of the wedding party.

 

By finding some kind of compromise you can show that you respect what is important to her, whilst demanding that she respect what is most difficult for you ...

Good Luck,

Helen

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hi my son is age 10 and he is the same to the point where he wouldent even go into school,it has taken a year of councelling to get him back into school and he is now doing 3 full days as for his life outside of school he is still like a recluse.My son suffers from anxiety and depression he is also dx hypotonia,adhd and asd

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