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mumble_rocks

Do I have a personailty?

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I need some help, I am being subjected to bullying by a collegue at work, this has been noted by others including my boss and is being delt with.

 

One thing that he has said has made me think- 'youve got so many disabilities you dont have a personailty'

 

It made me think that weather this statment is true!? Does a disability make a personaility and vice verser?

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Hi

 

Clearly this was a nasty and vindictive person that said that to you who has no understanding of ASDs. My son has AS and it's amazing how despite the more undesirable traits/characteristics (ie meltdowns when he's not coping), I can clearly see a lovely boy who is quite a character. He can be witty and really charming. So, in short, yes whilst some traits or characteristics associated with having an ASD might be obvious at times, it's also possible for your personality to shine through! Please don't believe what this person said.

 

I really hope the bullying stops and is dealt with to your satisfaction.

 

Caroline.

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One thing that he has said has made me think- 'youve got so many disabilities you dont have a personailty'

 

That's an absolute oxymoron! if you had so many disabilities you had no personality you would have the personality of someone with multiple disabilities!

I suspect what he means is that you don't have a personality that he can identify with, but as his personailty appears to be that of a ******* idiot I wouldn't worry about it too much. What does seem apparant from your post is that others (including your boss) see him as the problem, not you, so whatever he thinks is 'wrong' with your personality there are others who have even bigger concerns about his...

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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I WOULD HAVE TO SAY OF COURSE YOU HAVE A PERSONALITY!! EVERYBODY HAS .

I THINK IT WAS VERY WRONG OF YOUR BOSS TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO YOU.

I WOULD BE VERY UPSET IT SOMETHING SIMULAR WAS SAID TO MY SON :angry:

 

YOUR BOSS MAY NOT THINK YOU FIT HIS IDEA OF PERSONALITY, BUT I HAVE TO SAY WHAT SORT OF PERSONALITY HAS HE GOT SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT TO YOU

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How dare he! Don't let this nasty bully undermine you. He is probably the one who has as much personality as a cucumber. Don't let him walk over you, keep a diary (I was bullied at work years ago when I was pregnant and I used it when I went to Personnel with it) and don't take it personally. He is the one with the problem.

AAAAAh that it the type of stuff that riles me :wallbash: and I feel for you!

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What a ridiculous thing for him to say! My son with AS has an amazing personality, the students I have worked with in the past also all had individual personalities!

FWIW I havent been on these boards for long, but Id say you had a personality!

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Bullying does not stop when you leave school and it can happen in factories or blue chip companies where they employ professional people. I have been bullied by my manager and by people who worked for me. It can be devastating. The one thing I have learnt from this is: Keep a diary, of everything people say and do, and how it made you feel at the time. It can be ignoring you - excluding you, or spiteful remarks, or even raising eyebrows over your head.

Whatever - your human rights are being breached.

Telephone ACAS and/or see a soliciter at the Citizens Advice, (long wait at the CAB though I'm afraid) if you have a good doctor see him or her as well. Look up on the internet 'bullying in the workplace'. You say your boss is dealing with it, well it sounds as if he is adding to it by saying something like that. In a workplace there are all kinds of different personalities, quiet ones, loud ones, spiteful ones, etc etc. Most people are a mix; how boring if everyone was the same.

 

People who bully are the lowest of the low in my opinion.

Good luck - let us know how you get on.

 

CXXXXXX

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Hi

 

I'm glad the bullying is being dealt with - hope it gets sorted quickly.

 

The comment your boss made reminded me of a comment that a counsellor once made after speaking with my husband (AS) for a couple of hours... she said that she found it difficult to get a sense of 'him', even after 2 hours of discussion.

My husband has also said that when he is in the company of other people he feels like he looses his identity and sense of self. He finds it difficult to voice thoughts, opinions etc. and actively participate in conversations. He soon withdraws. This means that when in his company, people do not get a strong sense of 'him', hardly any sense of him, what his opinions are etc. etc.

 

Maybe your boss is experiencing something similar with you and his comment was meant as an observation rather than a criticism? He could have perhaps worded it better and less... accusatory?....but maybe he lacks the vocabulary to explain his feeling?

 

So, to answer your question, I don't think a disability in general makes a personality, but am aware that, for my husband, the level of anxiety he feels when in company certainly masks his personality. This might make others feel that he has no personality.

 

Hope this makes some sense!

 

Best wishes

 

Delyth

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Am I correct in thinking it was the bully who said that to you,not your boss?

 

Anyway whomever it was is talking rubbish and just being cruel and horrid. X >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

They are the one with the problem, and I hope the bullying is sorted ASAP this should not happen.

 

Hop it was not your boss, no one with these sorts of opinions who say such horrid things should be managing others

 

(the comment says a whole lot about their personality doesnt it?? :angry: )

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Thanks for the replys!

 

It was one of my collugues and its my boss who's dealing with it, thankfully its become apperent that this individal has been slagging me off and acsahally calling me a retard in ear shot of others. So, my boss is coming down on it all, and seeing as he is already on a verbal warning, he might just get a written!

 

 

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Thanks for the replys!

 

It was one of my collugues and its my boss who's dealing with it, thankfully its become apperent that this individal has been slagging me off and acsahally calling me a retard in ear shot of others. So, my boss is coming down on it all, and seeing as he is already on a verbal warning, he might just get a written!

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> That is totally unacceptable language to use towards anyone.I hope your boss makes it very clear that he is in seious trouble.Karen.

 

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Thanks for the replys!

 

It was one of my collugues and its my boss who's dealing with it, thankfully its become apperent that this individal has been slagging me off and acsahally calling me a retard in ear shot of others. So, my boss is coming down on it all, and seeing as he is already on a verbal warning, he might just get a written!

 

Just because someone insults you does not make it true. Try to avoid this person and talk to and socialise with the other people at work who you know would never agree with this man. Would you feel able to reply to any of the things he says to you. Or does he only do it behind your back and not to your face. If so, not only is he a bully, but a coward as well. And he is obviously the one with the personality problem if he is already on a verbal and heading towards a written warning. There are good people about, so just try to stick in their circle.

What has your boss suggested as the way you deal with this?

If it is not resolved in the near future then I would consider the advice to get an outside agency involved. Due to your diagnosis you may be classed as disabled (whether you feel that way or not!), and there are laws protecting you in the workplace and organisations that would help support you if needed.

Let us know how it goes.

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hi again :thumbs:

 

I'm glad that your boss is taking the matter seriously that must alone give you some confidence back >:D<<'>

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Hi everyone, first post here, so please go easy on me! :D

 

I can relate to what mumble says, totally. I have been bullied at the workplace too, though this happened around 10 years ago. I’m 28 now and have AS. I used to work at a small family owned factory where I had my own station. I always felt as if I didn’t fit in, not just in life in general but also and especially so at this workplace. Anyway, my closest counterpart at work was the manager’s son who was quite a bit older than me and more or less straight away picked up on some of my little idiosyncrasies and rituals I would perform every day.

 

For example, I would prepare my workstation so that everything had it’s place and most mornings I would arrive early at work to do this. However, this person would move things around deliberately, leading me to meltdown, more or less. My first meltdown at this place was less than a month in which lead to me huddled underneath my workstation and crying for an hour.

 

It was after this that the name calling began. It was mainly to do with the fact that I was apparently ‘weird’. This escalated over time and try as I might to communicate this, to the staff, which was his family, I felt that I was pretty much alone.

 

It lead to me having my worst meltdown in a long time as he began to not only call me a ‘homosexual spastic’ but also announce it to the entire staff. One day, he even telephoned my then girlfriend, and offered her sex, then telling the staff after that he was ‘going to meet her and show her a real man’. I left shortly after this due to a mix of embarrassment and just fatigue really. This went on for 3 years and I was at breaking point, thinking I no longer had an identidy. In hindsight, I really should’ve taken this further once I left, but I never did, though I couldn’t help but smile slightly when I’d heard that the company had recently gone bust. :)

 

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