bluefish Report post Posted May 16, 2009 hi i keep bursting into tears for no reason! all is good and since i moved ds to a new school everything is going great. but now the battle for statement is over and everything going ok i suddenly feel broken. my son is autistic...... i never gave myself time to except it i never took a moment to think about it. it has been one long battle with school and the la that i understand now has keept me from having to beleive my little boy has a dx of autisum. does that sound crazy? I am delighted things are going good for us with school but having nothing to fight and focas on has made me face the fact that this is for life and i can not make it better.... i must sound silly...... my beautiful son is autitic and i dont want him to be.....I am scared about his future I can not beleive it has taken over a year for these fellings to emerge i feel heart broken. please tell me this is normal ??????!!!! i must sound selfish Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted May 16, 2009 please tell me this is normal ??????!!!! i must sound selfish Sounds perfectly normal from what I've heard other parents say, and it's definitely normal in terms of how I feel about my own diagnosis. Sometimes, seemingly without reason, I feel really cross and angry about my diagnosis and the fact it is never going to go away - and when I think about these times, they are often when I'm not fighting for adjustments and I can stop and think about 'me'. You are not being selfish. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted May 16, 2009 <'> <'> <'> It sounds perfectly normal to me.Ive been there and done it and come through the other side. Its awfull thinking about the future worrying and wondering whats going to happen and i wish someone had told me what im going to telly you. You dont know what the future will bring so try not to look too far ahead imagineing what might never be ie the worse case scenarios.I was told when my son was 5 that hed never be able to read or write or do mathmatics that i had to face facts hed never fit in.You know what they were all wrong because he can do all these things.Hes completly exceaded all expectations and hes doing great.Hes 15.....hes happy,he has a lovely if stubborn persoanlity,hes well liked by freinds and neighboures he can use a bus on his own,he knows the money system,he goes from strenth to strenth.I wish when hed been 5 i could have seen what hed be like at 15 it would have saved me a lot of heartache and worry. Take each day as it comes and like i say never say never. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted May 16, 2009 Your worries are understandable and also you have just been through something that has kept you completely focused for so long so maybe you feel a little empty now that you have in some ways reached your goal: finding a suitable educational setting for your child. Maybe you need to look after yourself a little because I think parents forget themselves completely in situations like these. You need to get back to being a full person again and develop a life for yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted May 16, 2009 Bluefish ~ lots of hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Yes I know this is very normal, well it happened to me, once all the fighting for statements, DLA, school placement was over I felt very low and very scared for the future. Like you say maybe its because of all the fighting we did not have chance to actually grieve for the dx. These feelings and emotions do pass as you move on to the next stages or even start enjoying the results of all that fighting. Give yourself time and some TLC. Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted May 16, 2009 it natural part of being a parent craving a 'normal perfect' baby /child and you have to allow time and space for you to grieve over child you lost you feel sense of anger,hurt,frustration sounds like at the moment in depression stage but all emotions and feelings you have are normal part of parent's fears and worries when child officially diagnosed!maybe talking -counselling, or local parent ASD support group where share everything with others if want to! i know with parents you feel desperate to take the autism part away as with systems of battling and fighting make you mentally/emotionally tired and drained! maybe write in diary how you feel and your emotions may clear your head!? i know scary all this but remember you in this don't forget you! you are important part too not just child with ASD your affected and suffering loss pain too aswell! will good friend listen if talked to them? would that help? are you struggling to cope and deal with that fact of ASD and what this mean for both of you? maybe speak to NAS ring them and tell them how bad your feeling they have website and parent line where speak to another parent with child has ASD too so they personally get what you on about! may feel lost,confused isolated too this again 'normal' reaction! everyone feels same shock and disbelief why me? why my child have this ASD? leave you with questions NAS can help find solutions that individual to you both! no-one has all answers as can't all found yet and probably never will! but hope in small way helped knowing this! good luck take care XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted May 16, 2009 it can take ages for emotions and feelings to arise up in you but allow you to feel them as they part of you and your son! you both need take your time in accepting official diagnosis! that's why need help and support in place ready to prepare for future ahead best way to be have plan structure can always be changed if needs do! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted May 16, 2009 Totally and utterly normal - I think The whole process made me feel like I had bi-polar. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma_74 Report post Posted May 17, 2009 Hi Blue fish, You sound totally normal to me! As everything has come to an end and your not fighting for anything any more you've just realised everything you have been through. Emma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diane Report post Posted May 17, 2009 lots of <'> >< <'> hugs! We all know what you are going through. I think it a circle of grief and it hits when you least expect it to. Thinking of you. x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mum of 3 Report post Posted May 17, 2009 I just wanted to send you lots of <'>. I've been feeling like this ever since I went to G's parent's evening in March and the teacher started listing all the things he can't do. I'd been expecting it and on one level I was pleased he had a teacher who is so good that she's noticed and wants to help him in all his difficulties. On the other hand, it made it more real that he has difficulties...before this, it was all just me noticing things and asking others what they thought. Now, it's like it's more official. He really does have problems, and it's not something he's going to grow out of. I agree with others that you go through a 'grieving' process, although, for myself, I don't think I'm grieving for the 'perfect ' child I'll never have, more the future that he'll have to face... I do hope you start to feel better soon, Bluefish. What you're feeling is perfectly natural with all you've been through. <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynne Report post Posted May 17, 2009 The body is amazing its keeps all your energy levels going while you are in battle with the LEA. teacher, school etc what ever it is causing a major problem with your child. Than when it is partly sorted or fully sorted there is a let down of adrenaline, the emotions come out the sadness, confusion, etc. If you do not acknowledge these feelings than this could lead to depression. This is NORMAL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A and A Report post Posted May 18, 2009 hi i keep bursting into tears for no reason! all is good and since i moved ds to a new school everything is going great. but now the battle for statement is over and everything going ok i suddenly feel broken. my son is autistic...... i never gave myself time to except it i never took a moment to think about it. it has been one long battle with school and the la that i understand now has keept me from having to beleive my little boy has a dx of autisum. does that sound crazy? I am delighted things are going good for us with school but having nothing to fight and focas on has made me face the fact that this is for life and i can not make it better.... i must sound silly...... my beautiful son is autitic and i dont want him to be.....I am scared about his future I can not beleive it has taken over a year for these fellings to emerge i feel heart broken. please tell me this is normal ??????!!!! i must sound selfish Hi there I know exactly how u feel about being sad, we are currently waiting for a appointment for our ds who is 2, we are just at the beginning of along journey as this has all happened in the last 2 weeks, so my feelings are all over the place and so are Anthony's Liams dad and just something as simple as a song can upset me. I feel the same way with Liam our son is showing all the signs of a autistic child and its not what we want for Liam as all parents feel like that I guess. Hope all goes well for you and your family just take one day at a time. A and A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted May 18, 2009 This is a poem that was sent to me by a stranger in a forum about a year ago. It did say how I felt at the time. WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mac4 Report post Posted May 24, 2009 Hi Findng out your child has autism is major! And it makes all of us look at the future with fear and we all grieve for the what may have been, so you are completely normal!!! Give your self time to grieve, do you have a good friend who can offer a listening ear. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sonj186 Report post Posted May 24, 2009 Hi Bluefish, i think you reactions are completly normal its not the slightest bit selfish to feel the way you do! it is a huge thing finding out your child had ASD and it takes time to come to terms with it even when you know it is still a huge shock when you get a dx! we got cams dx over 2 years ago now and i still get upset even though we knew from about age 2 there were issues, when there is a deffinate name put to these difficulties it takes a while to get your head round it! i tend to get upset and tearfull when i think about the future! thats the difficult one for me! but at the mo i just have to try and make the most of my gorgeous wee boy and just try to put my worries to one side, ready to face them when they need dealing with. so here is a huge hug for you <'> <'> <'> and just enjoy your beautiful wee boy.. sonj xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dana Report post Posted May 24, 2009 Hi Bluefish, we are just at the beginning of the dx process and my son has been just receantly seen by EP at school. I feel the same like you . I feel like a baloon full of tears ready to burst at a slightest touch. I am not even 100% sure that I want my son to be dx but I was told that without that he wouldn't get any help. I know how you are feeling. Take a good care of yourself and give yourself plenty of hugs. It is perfectly normal that you feel the way you feel even if you got what you wanted for your child (which is fantastic!). Your body is telling you that now is time you can relax and feel all these feelings which you had to suppres during fights for the school,dx etc. <'> >< <'> Danaxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 25, 2009 hi Bluefish My son was dx in late 2002 and it was only very recently that I went through the grim reality phase. I spent most of the years struggling with him through the education system. He is now in the best possible environment (for him) to receive an education and it was only earlier this year that I went through what you have described in your post. I'm still struggling with it now. The fear that comes with that is immense isn't it? Flora XX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites