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Thompsons

Deep Emotional Difficulties?

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As I've mentioned before, I'm awaiting my assessment for Asperger's Syndrome and Dyspraxia at the Bethlem Royal Hospital in September. Today I went to see my psychologist, who has been attempting to help me with my OCD. At the end of our session, she decided to tell me that she didn't think I had Asperger's.. I asked why, and she said because I have a sense of humour (apparently Aspies don't get jokes) and I like to do my hair and make up (she said Aspies don't care about their appearance).. Is this right? She then proceeded to tell me that she thought I had deep emotional difficulties. Keep in mind she did say that she's not qualified to diagnose me with an ASD.

 

I mean, I don't get it, I tick every other box, but because I'm girly and enjoy humour I can't possibly have it? If I don't then, I don't.. It's not a huge deal, I guess. I just thought I'd finally found other people who were just like me - it was surreal how well I thought it fitted. My little brother has Aspergers and he has a sense of humour - so is his diagnosis wrong too? He's exactly like me as a child. There's the physical issues I have, I have terrible co ordination and balance and I suffer with incontinence, but my doctor can't find a cause. What's more, I've had behavioural issues from age 2 upwards - why would a two year old have emotional issues? I thought that's something that you kinda get with age and experiences.

 

Sorry for ranting.. I just feel so confused :crying: I'm not sure why it's bothered me so much..

 

Thanks for reading x

Edited by Thompsons

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As I've mentioned before, I'm awaiting my assessment for Asperger's Syndrome and Dyspraxia at the Bethlem Royal Hospital in September. Today I went to see my psychologist, who has been attempting to help me with my OCD. At the end of our session, she decided to tell me that she didn't think I had Asperger's.. I asked why, and she said because I have a sense of humour (apparently Aspies don't get jokes) and I like to do my hair and make up (she said Aspies don't care about their appearance).. Is this right? She then proceeded to tell me that she thought I had deep emotional difficulties. Keep in mind she did say that she's not qualified to diagnose me with an ASD.

 

I have met a few Aspies with a sense of humour, my DS being one of them at the same time he often does not get jokes or sarcasam. He understands jokes because we have taught him to. He takes care of his appearance because he wants to look the same as someone else and above all fit in. I have met girls who are on the spectrum who take a great deal of care with how they look and also use humour.

 

I do not think it is right to say Aspies do not have a sense of humour they do. I think it is more difficult for Aspies to keep up in a group situation as reading one persons body language and processing conversation is far easier than when many peole are communicating.

 

Despite my DS ability to understand humour he still struggles badly in social situations if you can him into one.

 

I am not sure this helps you or that I have explained myself very well.

 

Sorry if I have caused confusion. I knew what I meant :lol:

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What a load of old wotnots, Thompsons!! :shame:

 

I have a formal dx of AS, from Simon Baron-Cohen's specialist clinic for adult dx.

 

And guess what...I have a sense of hunour (in fact only last night a colleague told me I possess exceptional wit :o;)) AND I love clothes, get my highlights done, love sparklies, nail varnish, make up, etc, etc. In fact it was noted during my appointment with my local mental health team that I was 'clinically well-dressed'!! :lol: :lol: :P

 

So, don't take any notice and wait until you see the specialist.

 

Bid :)

Edited by bid

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People who are not qualified to do so should not be offering their opinions to you about what they 'think' as opposed are qualified to state. Well not at this moment in time they should not be. I know several females with autism and the majority of them bother about their appearance. I saw Wendy Lawson a few weeks ago and her hair was as up to date as it could possibly be. I am no psychologist but I also know one young lady with AS who has OCD and her OCD makes her totally obsessive about her appearance - how would your psychologist explain that one?

 

I have two sons with autism and while it could be said that they sometimes have problems getting a joke it is something that has gotten much better for both of them as they have gotten older. Both of my sons have a wonderful sense of humour and the elder of the two is now king of sarcasm. And while the eldest really could not care less about his appearance my youngest is just the opposite. He cares very much about the way he looks and he is a boy for goodness sakes.

 

Try not to let this bother you too much. You could always take a long a copy of one of Tony Attwood’s book about Aspergers Syndrome and girls and give it to your psychologist the next time you see them. Will this have any input at all into your assessment when it takes place? If the answer is not I would not spend too much time worrying about what they said to you today.

 

Cat

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I think the point to remember here is that your psychologist is not qualified to make a diagnosis of ASD. His training means that he is looking for psychological causes for everything, although he does appear to be ignoring the evidence. When you are assessed, you will be seen by someone who knows what to look for. I was diagnosed with AS even though I made the psychologist laugh during the assessment. There is nothing in the diagnostic criteria about a sense of humour.

 

There is also nothing in the diagnostic criteria about caring about your appearance. Some people with Asperger's don't care about their appearance, and this can be a sign of not understanding other people's opinions and not recognising that wearing certain clothes might make them fit in. For others, fashion can be a special interest. Or it can be a way of trying to fit in. Or it might just be your personality. It certainly doesn't rule out Asperger's.

 

It can be quite damaging when medical professionals are convinced that emotional difficulties account for symptoms of Asperger's. When you don't respond to treatment, it leads to all kinds of problems. Obviously someone thinks it's possible you have AS, because otherwise you would never have been referred for an assessment - they can be very hard to come by! I think you need to wait until your assessment to find out where you stand. If your psychologist refuses to accept the outcome, then you might need to find a new psychologist.

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Your psychologist seems to have a very simplistic view of things. My son certainly cares for his appearance (he likes nice clothes, he likes to smell nice) and he has a sense of humour. You wonder sometimes where people get their certificates from. Our GP has the letters PSYCH behind his name and he has been abysmal with my son.

Good luck. I think the key to all this is to persevere. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Mel

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I just hate it when any professional does that. It really pulls the rug from under your feet.

If it is a spectrum disorder, doesn't that mean there will be a spectrum of abilities in all areas - DUH!!

My son is autistic, not aspergers. He has a sense of humour. He repeats the funny bits from TV eg. the part from Father Ted about the cows being "near or far away". He also told me yesterday about a programme he was watching about some kids who were looking after a baby and it disappeared in the house 'and wasn't wearing a nappy'. He found the implications of what the baby would do without a nappy hilarious! However, I must say that I have had heard of similar things being said. But my son does have a sense of humour (although he doesn't always get jokes, especially if it involves alot of language processing), he has empathy and some theory of mind.

I would wait until you have seen the professionals who are experienced in diagnosing and have seen lots of people. No two individuals are the same whether they are NT or ASD.

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I was going to direct you to she thatith clinically well dressed, but she got there first... :lol::whistle::devil:

 

I'm not so much into the girlie thing (apart from my tootsies which are sporting the most delightful mixture of shades and sparklies :hypno::lol:), but I do have a sense of humour (hey, I even find it humorous when people are shocked that I have a sense of humour! :shame:).

 

She then proceeded to tell me that she thought I had deep emotional difficulties.

Ah yes, they do like that one for some reason - I know it can be difficult to separate out whats what (I still question myself, am I reacting like that because of my ASD or because of horrid stuff that happened in the past?) - my conclusion is that we'll all a mix of every part of us and can't take one part in isolation. This might come as a real shock, but you can have emotional difficulties and AS - told you it was shocking :o (:oops: - humour - bad Mumble, know your place :ph34r:)

 

I just feel so confused :crying: I'm not sure why it's bothered me so much..

Because an ASD dx is a huge thing and something about you as a whole and about who you are - in going through the process you are coming to understand more about yourself, your identity, where you fit, and perhaps also seeing issues that you didn't realise were even issues. And then, as you're working on your sense of self and identity and belonging, along comes someone who says, "actually, maybe not" - well where the heck does that leave you - if anything like my experience (I had a similar experience although with different reasons given, I never would get a CWD dx ;)), it leaves you numb and with very little sense of who you are (to some that might seem an over-exaggeration, but going through the full NHS dx process involved massive shifts in identity and self-questioning).

 

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I asked why, and she said because I have a sense of humour (apparently Aspies don't get jokes) and I like to do my hair and make up (she said Aspies don't care about their appearance).. Is this right? She then proceeded to tell me that she thought I had deep emotional difficulties. Keep in mind she did say that she's not qualified to diagnose me with an ASD.

 

I wouldn't write anything off until you've seen someone who can make a qualified decision. As a kid (I'm in my forties), I had a sense of humour that rotated mainly around Spike Milligan and Monty Python. Neither of these are what you'd call subtle humour and although I've been told by so many people I know that Mike Leigh is a comic genius, I will still sit through his films without seeing anything that I find funny. I just don't get it if it isn't clear cut. Personally, I don't care what people think of my appearance and I don't make any effort to match what other people think. I've had cropped hair for 30 years and I like it that way but not everyone with Asperger's has the same set of symptoms and male and female Aspergics are not the same.

 

Seriously, get a proper diagnosis before you start worrying.

 

Good luck.

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Thanks so much to everyone that replied. Every comment is very much appreciated.

 

I am no psychologist but I also know one young lady with AS who has OCD and her OCD makes her totally obsessive about her appearance - how would your psychologist explain that one?

 

Will this have any input at all into your assessment when it takes place?

That make so much sense to me. She knows that my morning OCD routine is centred around my appearance, but I guess she hadn't thought of that. She seems to think that I should have no awareness of other peoples thoughts, so I shouldn't worry what they think of me. I feel that I worry about the way I look because I'd like to fit in. When I was 7, I took to dressing like a boy because my only friend was male, so I copied what he did.. I've heard quite a bit about girls 'imitating' to fit in and I think I probably do that - I'm 18 now and had no help my entire childhood, so I've sorta had to learn for myself how to behave socially. I also happen to be a little obsessive with make-up ;)

 

This won't affect my assessment in anyway, it's not really got anything to do with my psychologist. I'm not finding her very helpful to be honest. She also told me that she didn't think the cognitive behavioural therapy was working because I 'don't seem to want to get rid of my OCD enough' and that maybe I should stop and come back to it when I want it more. That was a little disheartening also. All in all, I feel worse after going to see her, which I really think defeats the object.

 

Also, Mumble, I think you're completely right, I was just starting to understand myself and look at my difficulties in a whole new way and now suddenly I'm back to being unsure again. It's playing on my mind a little bit. I find it hard to push it away and forget about it, so I'm feeling a little frustrated right now! Thanks again x

 

 

 

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Hi Thompsons.

Ben certainly has a sense of humour.He wrote a presentation for all of the CAMHS staff in our area last year about his experience of being a service user.One of the CAMHS psychiatrists who is an expert in diagnosing ASD said it was hilarious and at least one psychologist was laughing. :whistle::whistle: Ben was the only under 18 at the away day.Ben could do stand up commedy one day.He has AS.

We have worked with lots of CAMHS professionals and they have helped us a lot.However some professionals know very little about ASD at all.One Social worker told me she had never come across a client with ASD.So don't worry too much about one professional if they are not involved in diagnosis.

We have a very good relationship with the psychotherapist who supports us.We continue to see him every week.He still does not agree with Ben's AS dx really even though he has to accept it.Ben was dx by a colleague who is a specialist in dx AS. :) Karen.

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Thanks so much to everyone that replied. Every comment is very much appreciated.

 

 

That make so much sense to me. She knows that my morning OCD routine is centred around my appearance, but I guess she hadn't thought of that. She seems to think that I should have no awareness of other peoples thoughts, so I shouldn't worry what they think of me. I feel that I worry about the way I look because I'd like to fit in. When I was 7, I took to dressing like a boy because my only friend was male, so I copied what he did.. I've heard quite a bit about girls 'imitating' to fit in and I think I probably do that - I'm 18 now and had no help my entire childhood, so I've sorta had to learn for myself how to behave socially. I also happen to be a little obsessive with make-up ;)

 

This won't affect my assessment in anyway, it's not really got anything to do with my psychologist. I'm not finding her very helpful to be honest. She also told me that she didn't think the cognitive behavioural therapy was working because I 'don't seem to want to get rid of my OCD enough' and that maybe I should stop and come back to it when I want it more. That was a little disheartening also. All in all, I feel worse after going to see her, which I really think defeats the object.

 

Hi again.I have been a client in psychotherapy for a long time and have found it very helpful.However I did have a few thoughts reading your post.It is not unknown for professionals who are providing support and who are not making much progress with a client for whatever reason to blame the client.So the psychologist could just be wrong.

Also even with the most experienced professionals a client and professional may just not get along.

If things do not improve I wonder whether it might be worth asking whether there is anyone else that could support you.Talking therapy of any sort depends on a client and professional working sufficiently well together.If things feel so difficult then perhaps the psychologist may be doing more harm than good.

I have decided to add.Although we are still working with the psychotherapists that support us and I have a great deal of personal respect for them we spent three years trawling through the deep emotional difficulties which were behind Ben being Ben....only to find that Ben has AS.Karen.

Edited by Karen A

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I'm not finding her very helpful to be honest. She also told me that she didn't think the cognitive behavioural therapy was working because I 'don't seem to want to get rid of my OCD enough' and that maybe I should stop and come back to it when I want it more. That was a little disheartening also. All in all, I feel worse after going to see her, which I really think defeats the object.

I have had that accusation thrown at me in the past. It's very hurtful.

 

If you have had a few sessions and you're not finding it helpful, it might be best to find a new psychologist. Sometimes you just won't 'click' with a particular person and it's nothing to do with their ability. Also, if you have AS, therapy might need to be adapted to the way you think. Even without a diagnosis, the psychologist should be taking the possibility into account and adapting their techniques accordingly. You might find someone more willing to do this once you have a diagnosis.

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If you have had a few sessions and you're not finding it helpful, it might be best to find a new psychologist. Sometimes you just won't 'click' with a particular person and it's nothing to do with their ability. Also, if you have AS, therapy might need to be adapted to the way you think. Even without a diagnosis, the psychologist should be taking the possibility into account and adapting their techniques accordingly. You might find someone more willing to do this once you have a diagnosis.

I would agree - and I have changed therapists from one who came out with the most hurtful, insulting comments - but they can also change and often need some guidance themselves in working with individuals on the spectrum.

 

The therapist I currently see, I absolutely couldn't stand the first time I saw her. She was talking all non-literally, didn't ask any direct questions, tried to stop my self-calming behaviours -I left having said, erm, nothing :oops: and vowed never to see her again.

 

Several months down the line, we have effectively started again and she's absolutely fantastic and we have both learnt how to work with each other. I was lucky in that my GP knew her and spoke to her about how she communicated with me and we also set up email communication and I was allowed (and it made absolutely clear that it was allowed) to say what was wrong before - and it really helped us to both know were we were coming from and how to help each other. It doesn't mean it's always easy - far from it - but it's 100% better than when I thought no one 'got' me and I refused to see anyone. I now almost look forward to going. :o

 

I suppose what I'm saying is that it's a two-way thing and the therapist may be finding it difficult and may need guidance as much as you find it difficult. It can serve as a learning curve together which is no bad thing because then you really get an individualised approach.

 

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I now almost look forward to going. :o

 

.

 

Are you still taking medication Mumble......much as I think highly of both my individual therapist and our CAMHS therapist I am still waiting to look forward to going......after nine years. :whistle::whistle::whistle::shame::shame::lol:

 

Dread yes,worry about,think about something else,debate how long I can stay in the car....yes.

Look forward to.....no not really.

I think that the day I look forward to seeing my therapist will be the day I don't need her any more. :lol: Karen.

 

 

 

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It might be worth asking your psychologist about the nature of your deep emotional difficulties and how she intends to help you work through them. You never know, it might make some sense.

 

I've just finished a series of CBT sessions with a therapist I found really good. She has made me feel it is worthwhile seeking therapy in the future because there are some good ones out there, which I previously doubted. She had previously worked with autistic children through her job with CAMHS. I was initially nervous that she might have some stereotyped views of AS, especially as I am not really a typical aspie myself. But she didn't. She actually said sometimes that my reactions were typical of someone with AS, which surprised me because pre-diagnosis I got told a lot that I do not appear to have AS.

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Are you still taking medication Mumble......much as I think highly of both my individual therapist and our CAMHS therapist I am still waiting to look forward to going......after nine years. :whistle::whistle::whistle::shame::shame::lol:

 

Dread yes,worry about,think about something else,debate how long I can stay in the car....yes.

Look forward to.....no not really.

I think that the day I look forward to seeing my therapist will be the day I don't need her any more. :lol: Karen.

:lol: :lol: I said almost...

 

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It might be worth asking your psychologist about the nature of your deep emotional difficulties and how she intends to help you work through them. You never know, it might make some sense.

 

I've just finished a series of CBT sessions with a therapist I found really good. She has made me feel it is worthwhile seeking therapy in the future because there are some good ones out there, which I previously doubted. She had previously worked with autistic children through her job with CAMHS. I was initially nervous that she might have some stereotyped views of AS, especially as I am not really a typical aspie myself. But she didn't. She actually said sometimes that my reactions were typical of someone with AS, which surprised me because pre-diagnosis I got told a lot that I do not appear to have AS.

 

Hi.Tally.

I remember your posts debating about finding a therapist last year.It is great to find there are some ASD friendly professionals around. :thumbs::thumbs: Karen.

 

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Thank again for all the replies!! It's given me a lot to think about and I'm in a much better mood now.. It all felt so jumbled up in my head I didn't know where to start. If that makes sense :wacko:

 

I'm not entirely comfortable with seeing her again. She makes me a little paranoid. I go home and analyze what she's said and wonder if there's a hidden meaning behind any of it. I guess because she just doesn't seem to 'get' me.

 

I have an appointment with my Social Support Worker tomorrow, I may mention it to her. She's very supportive. She's taking me into the community and getting me used to a variety of social situations. Plus I get on with her. She lets me work at my pace.. When I was doing the CBT before and was given tasks to do, ect. it just felt like too much at once. My skin picking got worse to kinda compensate for trying cut down on my counting/routines. It's not that I don't want it. It just honestly doesn't seem to work. I was even given the highest dose of medication I was allowed for it and still nothing :blink:

 

I was talking to my Mum about it earlier and she also reminded me that they do get things wrong, i.e. when my psychologist at CAMHS told my Mum she thought I was delusional and had the early stages of schizophrenia. It didn't develop into anything (no voices or hallucinations which is kinda the key part to it) and she couldn't work out what was wrong. She said she was a little stumped and said I had an 'unknown psychosis'. Then when I moved to adult services they said that they could find no pyschotic symptoms. At the same time my little brother was having problems and his school referred him and he was diagnosed with Aspergers. My Mum of course, researched it and found that it fitted me perfectly too. She mentioned it to the adult services and they said they thought there was a good possibility, especially as they couldn't seem to put a name to my problems. So they referred me. Bethlem Hospital accepted. And here I am now. But with a psychologist (I haven't been seeing her long) who just dismisses it. It's so frustrating!! Everyone seems to have a different opinion. Perhaps that's why having a diagnosis is important to me. I finally want some peace of mind.

 

Thanks again!!

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i have sense of humour with AS i have MH probs and AS so it common for MH probs to come out first it did with me after being referred to CAMHS assessed and diagnosed with AS! it good you got positive experience of support and help of social worker that understanding and sympathic towards you im pleased and glad for you! bet your glad your sister was diagnosed with AS as your mum may not noticed anything otherwise! so lucky that she picked on signs AS and OCD are very closely overlap at times with obsessional behaviours with objects and need to routine.

 

it good your social worker trying to get used to different social situations in community is positive step towards get familiar with different environments and surroundings can only be a good point! i get understand all what you said makes sense i know can be very mixed up confusing frustrating but you doing your best and glad you got meeting with social worker to help you move forward productively with your conditions so you feel at ease and comfortable with your life! hope you find the answers and help you so need from professionals out there hope they open their ears and listen carefully as this important factor in being understood and feeling belong and fitting in with society as a whole!

 

good luck with everything! hope goes well for you!

take care

XKLX

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Thanks Smiley :)

 

I'm not so bothered anymore. After looking into Asperger's and girls, I've found quite a few women who have said that they were told the same thing! So I'm not going to pay too much attention to my psychologist with regards to that :shame:

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My DD has a dx of AS and she gets jokes, loves her hair straighteners, is into fashion and makeup. She is very clean herself but her room is a slum, her clothes are all over the floor, her stuff is all over her dresser (from tissues to spilt makeup). The problem is that not everyone ticks all the boxes and whilst she ticked most of them she didn't tick all of them either and in the end because no-one listened we saw someone privately (affiliated to CAMHS) who after a year DXed her. It may also be that some your OCD traits are masking the AS ones. Sometimes I don't feel they look at the whole picture if the ticklist is not complete.

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It may also be that some your OCD traits are masking the AS ones. Sometimes I don't feel they look at the whole picture if the ticklist is not complete.

 

This is so true- and this is something I've struggled to get across to many people over the years since my sons' diagnosis. One child that I worked with had an AS dx, but the professionals around him were seriously questioning the validity of his DX. Trying to explain to them ("I have been on a course about this, you know!") that kids on the spectrum are still just kids- they may share a DX but they're all different....well, it was like :wallbash: ! I think, tentatively, that sharing some of our experiences with them at least gave them something to chew over, they genuinely didn't seem to realise that not every DX'd child ticks all the same boxes.

 

The other thing was that my son also has a dx of ADHD, and after many difficult years we put him on meds to try and help him cope. It was a good decision, thank heavens, but wow, talk about masking effects of co-morbids! All of a sudden, all these AS traits were glaring like neon at us, we just hadn't been able to see it before due to the amount of energy directed at trying to stop him climbing walls or tearing a room apart!

 

BTW, is there are good way to find a reputable CBT therapist, privately? I'm a bit clueless about the private sector!!

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The British Association of Counsellors and Psychologists should be able to give you a list of local CBT therapists. They have a code of practice which people have to abide by to be members, so it's good to choose someone who is a member.

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The British Association of Counsellors and Psychologists should be able to give you a list of local CBT therapists. They have a code of practice which people have to abide by to be members, so it's good to choose someone who is a member.

 

Hi Tally.

Do you mean the BACP [british Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists ] ?

If so the web site has a search facility for members of the public to see what is availablein their area.It does include details of the sort of counselling or psychotherapy offered and areas of work offered by the professional. :) Karen.

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Yes Karen, that is the one I meant :)

 

I knew it was something beginning with a P . . .

Edited by Tally

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Yes Karen, that is the one I meant :)

 

I knew it was something beginning with a P . . .

 

Ah well I have been known to call the psychotherapists that we work with various things starting with p much as I love them. :devil::oops::lol::lol::lol:

 

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