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szxmum

Does anyone tend to "shutdown" rather than "meltdown" ?

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szxmum   

It has been put to us that one of the reasons for our ds's late diagnosis (17) was the fact that he never exhibited any loud, agressive, violent or otherwise noticeable "meltdowns". He was always a very quiet, well-behaved, introverted child.

 

In hindsight and looking at his behaviour now, I notice that he is a master of the "shutdown". He withdraws into himself and the shutters come over his eyes - there is "no-one home". He can stay like this for long periods of time.

 

I have asked him about this and he has said that it helps him "zone out" noise or light and he doesn't have to "endure" the anxiety of talking to other people.

 

Is anyone else familiar with this? What forms do your meltdowns or shutdowns take?

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Cat   
It has been put to us that one of the reasons for our ds's late diagnosis (17) was the fact that he never exhibited any loud, agressive, violent or otherwise noticeable "meltdowns". He was always a very quiet, well-behaved, introverted child.

 

In hindsight and looking at his behaviour now, I notice that he is a master of the "shutdown". He withdraws into himself and the shutters come over his eyes - there is "no-one home". He can stay like this for long periods of time.

 

I have asked him about this and he has said that it helps him "zone out" noise or light and he doesn't have to "endure" the anxiety of talking to other people.

 

Is anyone else familiar with this? What forms do your meltdowns or shutdowns take?

 

My 12 year old who used to be explosive is now like this and to be honest with you I find it harder to deal with. My son can often feel and be physically sick when he is like this and needs to lie down on his bed. It can last for several hours. His shutdowns can be triggered by many things include smells. If he is worried about going somewehere or doing something or if there are too many people 'demanding' something of him. He will shutdown. He has a huge sensitivity to smells and can shutdown very quickly if he has smelt something he can not tolerate. I hate watching my son when he does shut down because he looks dreadful.

 

Cat

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bid   
It has been put to us that one of the reasons for our ds's late diagnosis (17) was the fact that he never exhibited any loud, agressive, violent or otherwise noticeable "meltdowns". He was always a very quiet, well-behaved, introverted child.

 

In hindsight and looking at his behaviour now, I notice that he is a master of the "shutdown". He withdraws into himself and the shutters come over his eyes - there is "no-one home". He can stay like this for long periods of time.

 

I have asked him about this and he has said that it helps him "zone out" noise or light and he doesn't have to "endure" the anxiety of talking to other people.

 

Is anyone else familiar with this? What forms do your meltdowns or shutdowns take?

 

Yup, I do this far more than meltdown. I also get to the point where I feel as though I can't speak, as though the words are literally stuck and won't come out.

 

If I am really , really anxious, I close my eyes and can almost 'remove' myself from the situation. One example that comes to mind was when I was having my last baby.

 

Bid :)

 

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Cat   

 

If I am really , really anxious, I close my eyes and can almost 'remove' myself from the situation.

 

Thank you Bid this explains why DS3 closed has closed his eyes throughout his dental treatmeant. I knew that he was being very brave and that it was costing him dearly :tearful: but you just made sense of why no matter how long he was in the chair he had his eyes closed.

 

Cat

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I do this far more than meltdown, I glaze over and go pale and am unable to communicate. Sometimes my hearing shuts down and I can't hear anything or I can't make sense of what is going on around me. I've been known to blackout because of shutting down and even vomiting as well. :unsure:

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szxmum   
If I am really , really anxious, I close my eyes and can almost 'remove' myself from the situation.

 

 

I think ds has mastered this with his eyes open :tearful: . I have seen him in a crowded room or a crowded street - he can walk through it but there really is "no-one behind the eyes". He has somehow removed himself or is somehow closing out the onslaught on his senses.

 

His Nurture Group teacher also noticed this "skill" of withdrawing. He also said that he had mastered his body language so as to become invisible in the group and not draw attention to himself - I suppose it's a protection mechanism and stops overstimulation of his senses - sight, sound, touch and subsequent anxiety.

 

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bid   
I think ds has mastered this with his eyes open :tearful: . I have seen him in a crowded room or a crowded street - he can walk through it but there really is "no-one behind the eyes". He has somehow removed himself or is somehow closing out the onslaught on his senses.

 

His Nurture Group teacher also noticed this "skill" of withdrawing. He also said that he had mastered his body language so as to become invisible in the group and not draw attention to himself - I suppose it's a protection mechanism and stops overstimulation of his senses - sight, sound, touch and subsequent anxiety.

 

The only way I can describe it is to say that I sort of go 'inside' my head.

 

Bid :)

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lynne   

 

 

My 11 year old rolls into a fetus position and blocks out noise light etc as a way of controlling the situation. If this does not work than he starts head banging. Yet again he is hitting himself to numb out the painful responses. He is unable to talk, listen or respond in an appropriate way

 

 

 

 

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yup. i do this (late dx last year at 23). it drives my parents mad. they dont understand how i can just shutdown. they talk to me, shout at me... but nothing, i'm not there. i dont do it to be rude, but often they think that is my intention.

 

i suspect its more common in girls (perhaps because they are 'naturally' more passive), which is why girls are far less likely to get a dx.

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Diane   

I can identify with a lot of what you have to say with my DS.

 

The explosive behaviur was in away easier to deal with when he did this but have not seen this for a few years now. He just completely shuts down and hides nor only in himself but behind the furniture etc, etc,

 

Thank you for starting this post szxmum and also cat and bid.

 

I too hate watching my son do this as he will also stop eating and he is already one of lifes stick insects so for him not to eat has dire consequences quite quickly.

 

I have been on this sight a while now but it still amazes me how good it feels to know that I am not alone with my worries and concerns.

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szxmum   
I have been on this sight a while now but it still amazes me how good it feels to know that I am not alone with my worries and concerns.

 

 

I don't know what I'd do without this site - I look at some of the posts I've made and think friends and neighbours would think I'm making this stuff up - that I've finally lost the plot, gone barking mad :wacko:

 

But on here....

 

People just nod their heads sagely and say been there, done that; they are not afraid to share their experiences which makes you feel you are not alone in this amazing, worrying world that you find yourself in; they spend hours of their time giving hugs, advice and support. I find myself humbled in that I've learnt whatever I am going through there are people out there going through a lot worse than me.

 

So.....

 

Keep up the good work guys - you are stars the lot of you :notworthy::clap::notworthy:

Edited by szxmum

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Lisa40   

My dd (16 now) used to shutdown at school. She hasn't been in school since last September and hasn't taken her gcse's and is very reclusive. She was dxed only last year but when things used to get too much at school she would shutdown completely or freeze and not move. All I got from the school was that they had never seen behaviour like this before and assumed that it was a problem at home.

 

Since she has been at home we have meltdowns. I must admit that sometimes I do lose it as sometimes I get so frustrated by the tunnel vision when she can't see the bigger picture even though I know that she can't help it. She still switches off and goes into what I call a daydream mode but not as much and we get more explosions instead.

Edited by Lisa40

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My lad is going through the "I don't want to communicate to anyone.." stage at present. Like others I find this harder to deal with than outbursts, since you don't know where it is coming from, or when it change, there seems a common thing with teenage doesn't there ?

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My lad is going through the "I don't want to communicate to anyone.." stage at present. Like others I find this harder to deal with than outbursts, since you don't know where it is coming from, or when it might change, or what to ! there seems a common thing with teenage doesn't there ?

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Guest featherways   
Guest featherways

Yup, I shut down rather than having a meltdown. It's something quite 'painful' and scary when it happens, because I know that I can't communicate, and I have to find a way to get the communications bit of my brain to switch back on again. Spent the first 23 yrs of my life not saying much to anyone as I couldn't figure out enough language to hold a conversation anyway unless it was on a very specialised set of topics.

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Flora   

Bill frequently stops talking for hours and days at a time. Melt-downs are horrible but the lack of talking is in some ways worse. He's done this for the past few years (since he hit puberty)... I'm just hoping that he doesn't do it for everyand finally grows out of it when he's finished these hormornal years. I too tend to shut down, although I don't not speak I find my voice very strained at times and prefer not to have to talk to people.

 

Flo'

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Bill frequently stops talking for hours and days at a time. Melt-downs are horrible but the lack of talking is in some ways worse. He's done this for the past few years (since he hit puberty)... I'm just hoping that he doesn't do it for everyand finally grows out of it when he's finished these hormornal years. I too tend to shut down, although I don't not speak I find my voice very strained at times and prefer not to have to talk to people.

 

Flo'

 

I recently realised his Mum used to do that when I first met her, she'd be faced with some situation or other and would withdraw all communication, sometimes for an hour or two sometimes for a few days. It unsettled me at first, I put it down to a traumatic marriage she had and a nasty divorce (Not over me !), afterwards.

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