Decision making

[Teresa]

Was just wandering how many ppl on here have trouble making decision/choices, if so how does it affect you? and what do you find helpful.

 

Teresa

[ScienceGeek]

I find making decisions really difficult and will avoid it as much as I can. It can be made a bit easier if it is broken up into options, so deciding what to eat for example, hot or cold? meat or vegetarian? pasta or potato based? and so on.

[sadie]

My DD, aged 14, has huge decision making difficulties.

 

She now has to decide what she would like to study for her options at school next year. As I knew she has that difficulty I decided to go alone to the Options Open Evening and state her preferences myself which we had discussed (and I had finally decided upon) over the previous year. Unfortunately the school had somewhat altered the option blocks and we had not been given the amended options prior to the evening. Result....I could not decide what DD would rather study. I made a choice (which ultimately was the same as I had previously decided on) but there was something else that DD might have preferred so I did wish to ask her opinion. Bad move. We had a definite small stamp of the foot (which for my DD is a very big deal) so I suggested she mull it over the weekend and I would then ask her again. Same result: I really have no clue what she wants.

 

I am about to ask her teacher's help to see if she can get any more sense, or if not, at least an indication from the teacher what she thinks the most appropriate choice might be.

 

But I do find it hard to still have to make what are fairly major decisions on DD's behalf .... I only wish to ask her opinion but for my efforts I get a bad tempered and upset daughter.

[Guest featherways]

It's difficult. I can make decisions, but they're often the wrong ones because I can't always evaluate what's safe for me, or what the outcomes are going to be.

Most people have a 'common sense helper' in their brains, a bit that compares all the choices, looks at how those are similar to other situations in the past, and can work out the 'right answer'. Many of us don't have that. We just have filing cabinets full of information in our brains but it's just lists of things.

I find it much easier to use charts, tables, graphs and pictures to work out answers, rather than just think about it, so there may be a different technique that would work better for others too?

[bid]

I can sometimes be absolutely crippled into inaction when I have to make a decision, even about the most mundane things, as I just feel completely overwhelmed. This is definitely worse when I'm tired or anxious: for example, today I am very tired from work and also very upset, so it took me all morning just to write a shopping list for the supermarket. I felt sick through anxiety while I struggled with it, and had to force myself to go

 

Interestingly, I'm OK at making decisions at work, often in emergency situations. I think it's because I work within a clearly defined routine which gives me the security to use my initiative as I'm not worrying about I must do next, if that makes sense. I also have a pretty finite list of options when I have to make quick decisions at work, which also helps I think. I also lead a very tight, close team who all understand my autism and are very supportive, more like family really as we work such long hours together. I think this makes me feel very secure, as I know I can ask any of them to step in if I have a bad autie moment...and that confidence has the knock-on effect of lessening my bad autie moments!

 

I find it helps to break the task/decision into small sections, and only think about one at a time, rather than thinking about the whole, as I find that overwhelms me.

 

Bid

Edited June 16, 2009 by bid

[Teresa]

Thanks for the replys' Yes T needs' new glasses but I can not get her to go to back and choose a new pair, she needs' new shoes but same thing will not come and pick / try on. Some of the things' that need to been done are very important the list is getting longer. I will try breaking down each task/decision into small sections.

 

Teresa

[Goody]

 

Hi,

 

 

Do we fully trust advice that we get on the net? I only collect many variety of informations on the net and I refer those informations and apply to the real life and situation. The only thing that we should pay attention advice like psychological approach. In other words, mind-control-like.

 

The important thing is to have the knowledge of making the right decision communicating here and other websites.

 

It may or may not helpful but please visit my profile if you have a time.

 

 

Goody,

 

 

[NobbyNobbs]

Thanks for the replys' Yes T needs' new glasses but I can not get her to go to back and choose a new pair, she needs' new shoes but same thing will not come and pick / try on. Some of the things' that need to been done are very important the list is getting longer. I will try breaking down each task/decision into small sections.

 

Teresa

for things like that how about a 'what i liked about the old ones/what i didn't like about them' list. that will help narrow down what you're looking for, and then you can look out for something which matches the profile, and see what she thinks. if she says she doesn't know, go through the list of positives and negatives and see if that helps her see that they fit all the things she said. it often comes out at the end that what you really want is what you had before in which case its usually not too challlenging to find something the same or very similar, or you want something completely different (less likely with AS probably)

 

i almost always get a very similar style of glasses, because i have set things that must do/be. they have to be a dark colour, have thin frames, be wider rather than narrower etc.

 

i'm awful at shopping, i have to be in the right mood, and it all has to go exactly right. if the shop doesn't have my size/colour/theres too much noise/its too busy then i just walk out and thats it, shopping trip over. it could be months before i'm in the right mood again, so i tend to bulk-buy things now!

[Goody]

 

Hi,

 

Yeah, I agree with that.

 

 

 

Goody,

 

[MrB]

Yes, shopping, gosh I know what you mean. I have a routine, or rather, will find myself falling into a routine even if I purposefully make a change. If I get a notion for something then for weeks on end I'll buy that. So I will have the same things for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (It's good if I get a notion for healthy stuff I guess) but I know now how odd it must seem to others. But as I never eat in company, it doesn't bother me.

 

Same with clothes, I have VERY fixed ideas about clothing, these days most clothes look positively disgusting too me, some articles are so repulsive I feel sick looking at them. So a clothing decision is hell for me in one way but easier in others.

 

My decision making skills outwith my obsessive likes and dislikes though are hellish. I get in a real quandry where there is no clear distinction. For example I like tea and coffee. I've seen me explode at myself trying to decide what to have. Funny really.

[LordGorse]

Arrrrgghhh! Choices! Why so many? I don't go shopping for anything now, but when I used to I'd often end up coming home with nothing. Books and DVDs were utter hell: I could spend quite literally up to two/three hours staring at the products on the shelves, picking one up, wandering along the aisle a bit, putting it back, etc., etc. A couple of times they even had to ask me to leave because they were shutting the shop . I got around the problem of choosing what to wear each day by setting up a clothes rota, so I don't even have to think about it, I just check what day it is and grab that days clothing

[smiley1590]

this i defentely struggle difficult a daily challenge for me uphill battle with "what shall i wear today??" i don't like going clothes shopping because so many choices and decisions involved also social situations overwhelms and suffocates me literally! i fnd deciding what clothes for what weather! it weighting up situations altogether and balancing what i should do the best for the right?? puts me 'on edge' uncomfortable uneasy upsets me and when people like parents try hurry me up to make some kind choice and decisions it can be so frustrating and annoying as doesn't come that quick and easy! it irrates and winds me up! angers me! i can't remember there's so many i find hard in reality's practice i don't know if come easier i hope it does!!! *fingers crossed*! i get so confused and lost mixed up! i feel under pressure to make them quick! it isn't asimple and tekes more time effort and energy!

 

XKLX

[Teresa]

Horray at last T as picked new glasses today getting two pair's with different frames, so she can have a change and also have a spare pair, thought they were bogof offer but had to pay extra because of her high percription, £294 broke now but worth it. It's only taken two month's to pick and this was our 3rd visit got there in the end.

 

Teresa

[joose]

Arrrrgghhh! Choices! Why so many? I don't go shopping for anything now, but when I used to I'd often end up coming home with nothing. Books and DVDs were utter hell: I could spend quite literally up to two/three hours staring at the products on the shelves, picking one up, wandering along the aisle a bit, putting it back, etc., etc. A couple of times they even had to ask me to leave because they were shutting the shop . I got around the problem of choosing what to wear each day by setting up a clothes rota, so I don't even have to think about it, I just check what day it is and grab that days clothing

 

The way I've solved this problem (which can be a struggle when I see something I want in a sale) is to list everything I want (depending on what it is like DVD's, CD's etc) and put aside £10 per month for them. I then select my most wanted item and wait until my funds have built up enough to buy it. This way I don't feel I'm missing out, but I no longer have to think about my choices until one of my items can be bought. Otherwise, I try and remove choices from my life i.e. when I have to buy a card for somebody, the first card I like I buy. I won't look at anything else. It's the same when I brought my glasses.

 

I also have lists for everything else, i.e. all the jobs I need to do at home, for each room. At work I use Outlook to organise everything by a flag system. I look at a job and give it a priority, then just work through them. It's a struggle though and I always feel overwhealmed at work because I can't control everthing.

 

[Zen Dragon]

[quote name='joose' date='Aug 3 2009, 11:13 PM' post='266070'

I also have lists for everything else, i.e. all the jobs I need to do at home, for each room. At work I use Outlook to organise everything by a flag system. I look at a job and give it a priority, then just work through them. It's a struggle though and I always feel overwhealmed at work because I can't control everthing.

Yeah too much info everywhere. I cant make too many lists cos that would get to me also. I just know after a while there are some important things I've been avoiding then i make a list and try and work thru it. I always feel better once its done. Its like getting stuck and then being able to move on.

Mind you, i have too much clutter in our house and even too many plants in the garden at the moment! can't seem to get motivated. Having a new baby doesnt help...noo time.

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