anxiety

[jacquelineh1468]

can anybody help me,my son aged 10 who is dx with adhd,a severe anxiety disorder and asd is having lots of problems around anxiety and school.At home is is really anxious,cant sleep and is very tearful and is saying he cant cope with school yet at school he wont say to the teachers how he is feeling so they presume he is okay and when i say something to them they give me the impression that they think i am lying in fact school has just rang we have to go and pick him up as he has headache.Can somebody please advise me,i feel like i am banging my head against a brick wall

[smiley1590]

i can relate to your son personally with experiences as me and school brought anxieties , tearfulness and had headache so know how hard tough and stressful it is putting youself through this day in day out is nightmare for everyone can he be home tutored by LEA fund it? can a different timetable be set up so he has day off or time out from school structure? meetings with yourself and school? sounds like more help and support is needed what bout getting practical advice from NAS? council? have u been told what service you can get as family and for your son to help improve this situation is he on meds for his anx disorder? does he see anyone for his anx disorder? do you talk to anyone about how can be helped and supported better? what about pyschlogist,GP,social worker,family support worker,MH OT?

 

good luck

take care

XKLX

[Sally44]

What kind of school is it - I presume mainstream?

Is an Autism Outreach Teacher involved? They usually understand this scenario well and could explain it to school.

Any stess or anxiety behaviour at home can be discussed with your GP and they can send a letter into school about it.

My own son suffers from abdominal migraines, headache migraines, and often vomits. School kept sending him home for 48 hours saying he was ill. My GP sent in a letter saying he was not ill and that it is probably down to stress and anxiety and that they need to look into that.

Can you identify what it is that is causing the anxiety. For my own son transitions in general are hard. He loves being home, so having to leave to go to school every day is difficult.

Does he have enough support in the classroom and playground/dinner hall?

Does he have any other difficulties that could be causing added stress eg. sensory issues that have not been assessed by an OT? If so ask for a referal. They can take up to two years, but it is worth getting on the list.

Does he get extra breaks throughout the day. Does he get rewards for working such as choose time. Could school put together a daily picture diary to show how he is enjoying things at school. Then he can look at that and remember he did enjoy it rather than just feel the anxiety and stress of the thought of going into school.

Does he have a nominated TA, or is the school frequently changing the TA on a daily basis.

Are his social skills being worked on so that he is becoming more successful with social interaction?

If he feels he is not succeeding with things in school that will heighten his anxiety. There are lots of things they can do around this eg. work on him learning the names of children in his class. Attending a Social Skills Group. Letting him take two toys in so that he can play with someone at playtime. Much more structure during playtime ie. choosing what he will play and with whom before breaktime. Sending him to the school office to ask a specific question eg. to ask the secretary what her favourite food is and to come back and tell the TA the answer.

[Mandapanda]

Hi jacqueline

 

In my personal experience with my youngest son, schools do not do enough soon enough to avoid this problem escalating.

 

You need to push for the school to put him in a small group, or allow him to work in the library or pupil support unit, to take the pressure off. It can be very difficult for a child like this to explain exactly what things are causing problems for them, but certainly with my son I believe it was the large number of other children, with constant possibility of being embarrased, made fun of, being criticised etc, and I think he also was uncomfortable eating in front of others due to these reasons as well.

 

When we got down to the point where he was only attending science classes (being at home and refusing to go the rest of the week), they started doing reproduction which finished him off!!

 

We also had incident where the art teacher told him he hadn't done his picture properly, told him what to do to improve it - which made it smudge and look much worse! - and then criticised him again for smudging it. A heated situation developed, she called in another teacher who held on to his work and wouldn't give it back and in grabbing for his work he 'hit' this other teacher. This from a child who was a model pupil who wouldn't say boo to a goose, but he was put under immense pressure (really for no reason, as he had done his best, and in my opinion art is about creativity and interpretation, not copying slavishly, and the head eventually backed down when I put this argument to him). My son did not face another punishment for this incident, other than an 'internal exclusion' for the rest of the day, but it was the beginning of the end, and he now hasn't been to school for just over a year. I never thought we would be in this position I am not trying to frighten you, just confirm that you really do need to get action on this situation to make sure your son is reassured and supported at school, not having his self-esteem trampled into the ground because it takes a lot longer to get that back than it does for them to destroy it.

 

In my personal opnion schools seem unable or unwilling to deal supportively with the problem of anxiety. They are quick to imply we mums are causing the child's anxiety, especially if the child is quiet at school. Other people assume bullying must be the problem, but I believe the social situations involved 'bully' the child, not individuals (although this can happen as well of course).

 

Another point, my son's teacher was very supportive and tried to be helpful, signing him off as sick, which I was very grateful for at the time. However, in hindsight it would have been better if she hadn't done this as Education Welfare would have been involved sooner and could have advised the school to put in procedures to help him when it was still a saveable situation. They were the ones who suggested him going to Pupil Support to work so he didn't have to go into a class full of children Unfortunately by the time they were only involved I could still get him into school for a meeting with her, but couldn't get him into school even to sit in pupil support to do some science with a friend of his. We had a lovely EWO. I had been dreading their involvement as the school and doctor and especially CAMHS said they would 'take a very hard line' over the matter and expect me to force him to go to school. Our EWO wasn't like that at all. She had a son with Asperger's and was very understanding.

 

Please, please push for help for your son now. If there is an advocacy service local to you, they may be able to help liaise with the school.

 

Thinking of you <'> <'> <'>