eye contact body language with asperger syndrome

[caz2007]

hi, not been around for sometime, hope everybody well,

 

how do most of you, cope with eye contact with asd?

 

and helpful adive would be great,

 

i allways found eye contact diffcite to cope with,

 

and also someitme tones of voice it was only on tusday night i said to somebody "are you sue" and she almost bit my head off, it made me feel angar, and upset,

 

so what do you and how do you cope?

 

thanks

caroline

[Tally]

I try to look at people's foreheads or noses when I talk to them. People think you are looking into their eyes when you do that.

[ScienceGeek]

I'm not that great at eye contact with people that I don't know. I'm a little better with people that I do know, a quick glance. I never know how long to look for, and it always feels really awkward.

[TheNeil]

I tend to adopt a 'thoughtful' expression, stare off into the middle-distance etc. - that way I can avoid having to look at the person directly for long periods and it reassures them that I'm listening . Glancing at them (almost to show them that I am interested) seems to make them feel more comfortable too.

 

'Voice tone' is something that I get wrong a lot of the time so, for me, I've found that I'll try to spot if someone's getting upset and apologise. Of course people who know me are more than happy to either ignore it, or, better, pick me up on it (so as to help me learn).

[something_different]

i tend to look at a persons mouth, unless its a person who has those white slevvers at the corners of their mouth when they talk, yuk! lol then it can b awkward.

 

i think as long as you are looking at who is talking its ok

[jon79]

i dont do eye contact very well, in interview i turned chair to be sitting side on to the interviewing panel. rather then head to head across table. It really brought an angry response from them. I requested they continue to interview. i was fully alert and ready for action to respond to the questions. The longer i did it more angry they got.

 

 

[flyingladybird]

I had some traumatic time with this (in my early Twenties) with someone who insisted that I wasn't being sincere or honest because I wasn't looking at her eyes.

as a female aspie, I feel women have far more pressure to be caring and providing emotional support to others. in my mid-Forties, I have developed some strategies to avoid people getting upset mainly (so long as it's a fixed, short-time span)

[Sa Skimrande]

Long ago, when I was a kid, ( age 42 now),I was told by a friends dad, that not meeting someone's eyes when they are talking to you, and you to them made you look shifty and dishonest as if you had something to hide, so I adopted a strategy. From that point onwards, I made it a point to look at people's eyes when talking, not quite sure what the point was, but I did'nt want to appear shifty or dishonest. In armed forces, I got the nickname 'psycho', on asking why, I was told it is because of the way I stare at people when they are conversing with me, the description I got was it seemed as if I was staring through them. Ah, ok so my coping strategy to appear 'normal' was a bit too much, it took a few years for that to be found out, so I went onto staring at noses and now have a good observation of peoples noses and it is one of the most recogniseable features I use in recognising faces as someone I know or should know. But since the diagnosis, I have noted myself not looking at faces nor meeting eyes when in conversation and thought I was going backwards, until my psychologist said that was to be expected in new diagnosi due to the relaxation via confirmation and acceptance that my problem had a reason. But, I do know how to unnerve someone if the occaision should demand it.

 

Also, I have noticed when making the conscious effort to look at someone's eyes in full focus, it is as if some people's eyes are frightening in some way, they give the impression that they are not to be messed with, others, whose eyes are met in full focus tend to look away and am wondering, if they feel the same as I feel, or is it my full focus 'stare' is offensive to them. Also as a person fanatical about fine detail, I lose track of the conversation, because I am in effect scutinising their eyes and all the details in them.

 

After a few beers though, I don't notice any problems, neither does any of those I talk to, and my mates are used to me as I am to them, neither of them believe themselves perfect and just accept each other as who we are despite our little quirks.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Sa Skimrande

[sarahob19]

im nooo good when it comes to eye contact especialy people i dont know. i hae it when i got to the job centre to sign on and they staring me out i cant give them eye contact back cos it freaks me out

[Ian Jordan]

Most difficulties with eye contact can be treated - we do it every day and it works immediately.

 

 

The option is available - and every child on the spectrum should be assessed - pity that it is not easily available though - it is best undertaken as early as possible, and can make an enormous difference

 

For opticians with the instrumentation necessary

 

(weblink removed) - sorry if this is advertising - but it is the only site that can guide people to places that can treat this problem

Edited October 14, 2009 by Tally
Yes, of course this is advertising! Please do not post links to commercial websites here.

[Mumble]

Most difficulties with eye contact can be treated - we do it every day and it works immediately.

But what do you do when the 'treatment' simply replaces one problem with another? I've been told not to wear my blue glasses because they stop other people making eye contact with me, make others uncomfortable, and so reduce social interaction.

 

[Ian Jordan]

But what do you do when the 'treatment' simply replaces one problem with another? I've been told not to wear my blue glasses because they stop other people making eye contact with me, make others uncomfortable, and so reduce social interaction.

 

I understand - but that is their problem - how dare they say it is alright for you to have problems with facial recognition to prevent their discomforture in not seeing your eyes. They should have much less difficulty dealing with it - sorry, but I consider their position disgraceful - and in some cases the disability acts would apply.

 

But,

 

We are now finding that over a period of wear - the treatment can become curative - but no promises

 

Contact lenses are possible - but expensive and difficult to get right - so that is an option

 

If it was a crutch would they complain?

 

 

 

 

[pookie170]

Hear, hear, Ian!!

 

I used to work with a little boy who was albino. I believe most people with albinism have visual problems of varying types and severity and this little chap had to wear colour- tinted glasses to help his vision. Would anybody tell him to remove his glasses because it made them uncomfortable/made it harder for others to maintain eye contact with him? No, definitely not. Your visual difficulties may be of a different kind to his, Mumble, but that doesn't make them any less....valid? Worthy?

Besides which, I've never heard so much poppycock!! In what way do coloured lenses make it harder for others to maintain eye contact? I can still see someone's eyes if they have coloured/tinted specs on, I promise you. Perhaps they need their eyes checked too, if it's such a problem for them? Nor do coloured lenses make most people uncomfortable- who on earth told you that? I'm aware that I can't speak for ALL NT type people, but I really don't think most folk would have a problem.

Bottom line, Mumbly- they're prescribed lenses, and were prescribed for you to try and improve a visual problem. Ergo, you need to wear them, like anyone else who is prescribed glasses.

This may well be one of those instances where you simply have to say- 'Well, I'm sorry but I need these glasses, they've been prescribed to deal with my visual problem and I'm going to wear them. Deal with it!'

 

....maybe the last sentence could be seen as slightly inflammatory.....might be best not to add that on, right enough, but don't let such a ridiculous opinion put you off, petal!

[Mumble]

who on earth told you that?

The disability co-ordinator...

 

I'm afraid I've run out of fight and I'm just keeping my head down and playing it their way now. In some ways it's less stressful.

 

[Felicity]

Eye contact is like everything else we find difficult - normal people have the same difficulty but on a different level. Everyone 'thinks' about behaviour and plans it a little.

 

When I' m talking to someone, when I'm not avoiding eye contact, they're avoiding eye contact and strategically looking at me every few seconds, then looking to some point around.

[Vanna]

For me I briefly look at their eyes, but it confuses me and makes me forget. People Im close with its not an issue. But strangers, forget it, I get so confused. I do wear contacts but they are not colored. also, I maintain that I am looking, but at their nose, forehead, mouth, and keep glancing. However when answering a question, I look at wall, floor, what have you. No one has ever called me on it. I think that would be too in your face and people dont want to bother doing that. anyways good luck with where you choose to look. you could just mention the issue, I love quoting the discrimination act 1995 ... lol